Gilded Age Etiquette, Gender and Smoking

Some may not agree with me, as I am of the old school of manners and custom, when it was considered very ill bred to smoke in ladies’ company or in a room that was not for that purpose. It does appear that all such ideas are laid aside. – George Russell lights a cigar in “The Gilded Age” on HBO

Whither are We Drifting?

EDITOR FLAG: I saw in the San Francisco Chronicle a few days ago an article headed “Where are we Drifting” in regard to politics. Now I ask where are we drifting in manners and etiquette? The first thing I will take notice of is a place where almost every person has to go, both ladies and gentlemen. Is there any place that should be more respected than the Post Office? 

Now what I want to know is, are we always to have smoking in the post office? From five to six cigars and pipes not to mention cigarettes, can be seen there almost every night. I saw five young and one old gentlemen smoking, all at the same time. I took note of one young man smoking a cigar about as large as himself, and he was in conversation with two young ladies, The young man appeared to be trying to see how much smoke to give them the benefit second handed and in as short a time as possible, and I thought I could detect a scorn on the young lady’s faces as much as to say, “I don't like smoking even if it is second handed!” 

I have heard men remark that they have to go out on the sidewalk to get fresh air, the smoke inside being so disagreeable to them. Now if men are annoyed, how is it with ladies that never smell tobacco at home? There certainly is some law in regard to how a Post Office should be kept in regard to the room where people have to go to get their mail. If not, there should be, and it should be enforced without regard to persons. Some may not agree with me, as I am of the old school of manners and custom, when it was considered very ill bred to smoke in ladies’ company or in a room that was not for that purpose. It does appear that all such ideas are laid aside. – H. B., Russian River Flag, 1886

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia