Gilded Age Life and the Costs Involved

The sums listed below were the costs in 1886. 

$1 in 1886, is worth $34.20 today, according to in2013dollars.com, making the 5,000. allowance in 1886 for the 17 year old Miss Nellie’s clothing per year, equal to an approximately staggering $170,992.02 in purchasing power today.– Above, public domain image of the American Gilded Age financier, Jay Gould

How Jay Gould Lives

Mr. Jay Gould’s mansion on the northeast corner of Fifth avenue and Forty-Seventh street is a plain-looking double brown-stone house, the interior of which is literally palatial. There are half a million of dollars’ worth of paintings on the walls, and the furnishing and decorations are of the costliest description. 

The suite on the second floor, occupied by the heads of the family, consists of bed-room, boudoir, dressing room and bathroom, decorated chiefly in pale blue and silver. Across the hall, Miss Nellie, the only daughter, has a similar suite in pink and white. On the third floor there is a study and a large nursery for the three small boys, Edward, Frank and Harold, whose tutors are paid $2,000, $4,000 and $1,800 a year respectively. 

George Gould’s apartments are on the same floor, while the servants occupy the floor above. The butler receives $1,000; butler’s assistant, $400; Mr. Gould’s valet, $600; head cook and assistant, $1,500, and two housekeepers, $1,000 a year. Two laundresses, two chambermaids, a parlor maid, waiting maids, two lady’s maids, and two kitchen girls, are paid from $15 to $20 per month each. The food in the servants’ hall is entirely different from the family table. 

Mrs. Gould spends two hours a day with her younger boys, and they read only what has been inspected by her. Since she joined the Forty-Second street Presbyterian Church several years ago, she has been liberal in religious benefactions. Miss Nellie, a graduate of Mme. Reed’s famous school, is perfecting herself in music at a cost of $20 per lesson. She has an allowance of $5,000 a year for her wardrobe. 

The Gould stable, of Forty-Fourth street, is a handsome building of brick, with brown-stone trimmings and plate glass windows. Six horses are kept in it during the Winter, and a closed carriage, a landau and two coupes. The staff consists of a coachman, two footmen, two grooms and two stablemen, and their wages range from $45 a month down. The expense of keeping up the stable is $6,000 a year. 

Mr. Gould’s country seat at Irvington was considered by its original owner, George Dawson Merritt, the most elegant, attractive and thoroughly equipped Summer residence in the country. Mr. Gould paid $200,000 for the property in 1880, and it is now worth $1,000,000 at a low estimate. The house is Gothic in style and is 3,000 feet from the Hudson river, commanding a magnificent view. It has twenty rooms above the basement. On the second floor is a fine art gallery, extending the entire depth of the house. 

Mangold, the steward at Irvington, has been in Mr. Gould’s employ over twenty years, and receives a salary of $2,000. The lawn in front of the house is ninety five acres in extent and the macadamized road leading to the entrance is a quarter of a mile long. There are in the estate 510 acres, 200 of which is woodland. The live stock consists of twenty horses, as many cows, a drove of Southdown sheep and a lot of blooded fowls. Eighteen men are on the place constantly and in Summer the number is nearly a hundred. The hot houses and conservatory cover a space of 900 feet long and 450 feet wide, and with their contents are valued al $250,000. At a fair estimate it costs Mr. Gould $550 a day to keep up his Irvington place. The taxes on it amount to $220 a month. 

Mr. Gould paid $100,000 for his steam yacht Atlanta, and io run the same costs him $750 a month for wages, $250 a month for coal, repairs, etc..., and $800 a month for general expenses when he is aboard with his family. Besides the fifteen sailors and live officers, forming the crew, there are four cooks and a baker at $40 a month each, with two waits, a valet, a lady’s maid and a parlor maid. There are separate dining rooms in the yacht for the family, the officers and the servants and sailors Breakfast is served from 6 to 11, luncheon at 2, tea and ices at 4 and dinner at 8. George Gould’s allowance before he attained the dignity of partnership with his father was $10,000 a year. His young brothers have $5 a week apiece for pocket money. – Ventura Weekly Democrat, 1886

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A Literary Gilded Age Fad

Each guest was asked to indicate about her toilet in some way, the title of one of the bard’s plays. One woman wore on her corsage, two small pictures, each of a man, and beneath a bit of ribbon with a large a surmounted with the letters “V.E.R.” to be translated “Two Gentleman of Verona.”

A Shakespeare Luncheon is something of a novelty. At one recently, on the menu cards each dish was appropriately garnished with a quotation from the “immortal William,” and the favors were pretty sketches, executed by the young hostess, of various well-known views about Stratford-on-Avon.

In addition, each guest was asked to indicate about her toilet in some way, the title of one of the bard’s plays. One woman wore on her corsage, two small pictures, each of a man, and beneath a bit of ribbon with a large a surmounted with the letters “V.E.R.” to be translated “Two Gentleman of Verona.” Another, quickly guessed, had a full page periodical illustration of a tempest neatly fitted as a girdle across the front of her waist and belt. 

A third guest created much merriment with a little pen and ink sketch, which was attached to a chatelaine. It represented a dog and cat enjoying a meal of bones with great satisfaction. Beneath pussy was the legend “This is Julia,” which was all the clue the wearer would give. A clever girl finally shouted, “Romeo and Julia eat” and the mystery was solved.- NYTimes, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Fashionable 400’s Fortune Tellers

“She has taught all fashionable New York that to dream you see a poet is a sign you will lose money. It is supposed that this will widen the gap between Bohemia and McAllisterville. A girl who was going abroad for the London season, dreamed a Duke was in love with her and very much cast down on learning; that she would be apt to marry a needy and shiftless fellow.” — “Thanks to the meteoric increase in millionaires in New York due to the Civil War and the Industrial Revolution, many of whose fortunes rivaled or even surpassed the oldest of families, Mrs. Astor and Ward McAllister had a whole new challenge in deciding who of the nouveau riche was acceptable. This led to the creation of the famous List of 400 — the Four Hundred people who were New York’s high society.” —from MCNY.org

— Photo of old postcard from the Etiquipedia photo library

Fortunes in Tea Cups

A “Fortune Teller to the 400”

It wouldn’t be a bad sign, and really there is a woman who might also lay claim to the distinction, for in the revolutions of fads and fashions in their orbits, that which is oldest comes round again.  Of course, not a one of them would own to being superstitious but to put on one's “swagger” spring suit and pay a swagger price for a visit to a dark-eyed woman with a red turban marked with Egyptian characters about her head lends a wild flavor of interest to an afternoon. The woman is clever, for she really keeps an owl. It's a great mistake for a sorceress to grudge little additions like that to her paraphernalia. She wears broad heavy bracelets on her wrists and wraps something red about her shoulders. Otherwise her environment is prosaic, and, she being for a moment in luck, quite un-mysteriously and inartistically comfortable. 

She has taught all fashionable New York that to dream you see a poet is a sign you will lose money. It is supposed that this will widen the gap between Bohemia and Mc Allisterville. A girl who was going abroad for the London season, dreamed a Duke was in love with her and very much cast down on learning; that she would be apt to marry a needy and shiftless fellow. We all dread nowadays to dream of stockings, unless the are cotton ones, or of broken parasols. The dream we long for is of pots of jelly, or long life and good fortune, or of picking violets, for happiness in love.— San Francisco Call, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia © Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Tale of One Society Belle of 1878

Bridal costumes and dress of the era. — “She rarely breakfasted away from her apartments, but unless dining out she always came to the 6 o’clock dinner. I well remember the sensation which attended her entrance to the dining room. She was always dressed most richly, but never showily. A handsome horse is best displayed in a simple harness. Being a horsewoman, she followed the motto in her own trappings. As I recall it, I do not remember ever to have seen a finer form than Mrs. Hicks’. She was unusually tall and straight—a beautiful neck and a well poised head. At this time she wore little jewelry—occasionally a necklace of diamonds and emeralds, and occasionally solitaire earrings as big as her thumb nail. Her dresses were singularly plain, but the fitting of them was a work of art. She was very graceful and self-possessed; her manners were not haughty in the least, but they possessed that quiet reserve and self consciousness that kept all at a distance.” 

Mrs. Hicks is remembered in Washington

The marriage of Mrs. Hicks in New York a few days ago is generally spoken of here, where she was well known, as very eccentric, to say the least. It recalls to the minds of those who were living at the Arlington Hotel, in this city, in the winter of 1872, the star boarder of that fashionable house. Mrs. Hicks came to Washington in regal style. She had the best rooms in the hotel. She was accompanied by Mrs. Hills, an old lady of white hair and aristocratic bearing, who was unable, as was noticed, to be out much at night. She came in the capacity of friend and companion to Mrs. Hicks. She had her separate suite of rooms, as well as Mrs. Hicks. They each had their private servant, and Mrs. Hicks had a maid besides and her coachman and footman. Her rooms were the same which Secretary and Mrs. Hamilton Fish occupied one winter, and the same which King Kalakaua and suite were assigned during his stay in Washington. These consisted of sleeping chambers, bath rooms, breakfast rooms, two parlors, and servants’ quarters. For these Mrs. Hicks paid $50 a day. 

She rarely breakfasted away from her apartments, but unless dining out she always came to the 6 o’clock dinner. I well remember the sensation which attended her entrance to the dining room. She was always dressed most richly, but never showily. A handsome horse is best displayed in a simple harness. Being a horsewoman, she followed the motto in her own trappings. As I recall it, I do not remember ever to have seen a finer form than Mrs. Hicks’. She was unusually tall and straight—a beautiful neck and a well poised head. At this time she wore little jewelry—occasionally a necklace of diamonds and emeralds, and occasionally solitaire earrings as big as her thumb nail. Her dresses were singularly plain, but the fitting of them was a work of art. She was very graceful and self-possessed; her manners were not haughty in the least, but they possessed that quiet reserve and self consciousness that kept all at a distance. Side by side with her walked her chaperone, Mrs. Hills, both in immaculate white kids—a new pair (as a friend of hers told me) every day. 

Before the ladies strutted their major domo, who never left their side at the table. Other waiters might bring Mrs. Hicks her food, but only their own servant might place it before her. Her dinner over, the whitest of hands were dipped in the finger-bowl, dried on the softest of napkins and drawn again into the whitest of kids, and, Mrs. Hicks and her companion marched out of the dining room, preceded by her servant and followed by the eyes of the common mortals. She had little company, but it was of the best. None of the common herd ever dried their fleece at her fire. She went out a good deal in her own carriages—driving a big team of banged steppers to a fine coupe and Victoria. She also find her saddle horse, and when she trotted along the avenue or through the park, followed by her groom in mulberry coat, cocked hat, striped waistcoat, and knee breeches, she was the personification of grace and beauty. 

She was, if I remember rightly, on intimate terms at the house of George Bancroft, the historian, and with the families of several of the foreign Ministers. Gen. Banks was frequently in her company, and also Gen. Butler. There was, I believe, a report current at one time that she and Gen. Butler were to be married. This is not extraordinary, as her name has been connected with a good many desirable widowers, including Gen. Schenck and the brother of the Duke of Richmond. Her departure from Washington  regretted by her landlord, at least.—Philadelphia Times, 1878

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Mourning

“To go to the opera, or a dinner, or a party, before six months have elapsed, is considered heartless and disrespectful. If one chooses, as some do, to wear no mourning, then he can go, unchallenged, to any place of amusement, but if he put on mourning he must respect its etiquette.” — Above is an antique mourning brooch.

– Photo source Etiquipedia private library

The death of Mrs. August Belmont, Sr. had been so long anticipated, that it did not cause any shock, but brought with it no less a feeling of sadness to the members of New-York society. Mrs. Belmont ruled the New-York society at a time when it was much smaller than at present, with a gentle hand, and all who knew her regret her death. The families of Cornelius Vanderbilt, Astor, and Belmont are now withdrawn from the gates of the season, all being in mourning, and this will of itself somewhat affect the season. — The New York Times, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Gilded Age Elevation of Sandwiches

“At a recent formal luncheon, when ten courses made the repast seem more of a dinner than a light meal, several different kinds of sandwiches were served. Oysters were accompanied by tiny squares of thin brown bread. Broth had cracker sandwiches, fish had triangles of white bread, chops had white bread spread with anchovy paste, birds were served with jelly sandwiches, entrées with crackers so thin, and held together with a pickle paste, that they were almost broken in one's fingers, and salad was accompanied by a mayonnaise sandwich.” 1895 — Just about anything edible is made more delicious perched atop or slathered between slices of bread.

—Photo source Etiquipedia private library

How the Rise of the Sandwich Affects the Bread-and-Butter Plate

It sounds quite absurd to hear about the fashions in bread and butter, but it is true that they exist. No sooner had we adopted the delightfully tidy and convenient bread-and-butter plates and our maids had become trained to their use, then it was announced that they had gone out of fashion. There was no reason given for this change, and we wondered in what lay the wisdom of it. How could we ever do without the little piece of china serving as a crumb holder, and doing away with that vulgar practice of sweeping off the crumbs, which generally fell into one's lap while the servant’s elbow intruded upon one's head or shoulder?

The small boy discovered why the bread-and-butter plate was put aside. His beloved sandwich had been enthroned, and he now revels in his very heart's desire. Sandwiches are the fashion. Whether it be pure love a variety or a sudden spasm of dietetic good sense that has made this very sensible and wholesome edible the proper thing, makes no difference. The real value is attached to their elevation, and while we shall not give up the pretty little plate for breakfast rolls and muffins, we heartily hail the sandwich, prepared in the kitchen, and served to us in ways galore.

At a recent formal luncheon, when ten courses made the repast seem more of a dinner than a light meal, several different kinds of sandwiches were served. Oysters were accompanied by tiny squares of thin brown bread. Broth had cracker sandwiches, fish had triangles of white bread, chops had white bread spread with anchovy paste, birds were served with jelly sandwiches, entrées with crackers so thin, and held together with a pickle paste, that they were almost broken in one's fingers, and salad was accompanied by a mayonnaise sandwich.

Of course, under such service, the bread-and-butter plate has no place. Each plate of sandwiches was so daintily prepared that one marveled at the cook's skill. Each kind exactly fitted the special course in flavor and taste, and simplified the serving, as well as the menu. It is no longer “good form” to overserve your guests. The lavish display, and waste of food generally accompanying a formal meal is considered vulgar, and there should now be no more than a guest can comfortably consume. The sandwich fills a want, for its simplifies and yet adds a flavor, or, rather, a condiment, otherwise impossible to introduce. What goes between the bread or cracker is the vital point. Everything from ham to jam, a condiment or pickle sauce or paste, is used, suiting the kind to the course.

For children's lunches and dinners they are invaluable, because it is possible to get them to eat in this way what they would not touch if spread upon a plate. A sandwich invariably appeals to a child's taste, and from a dietetic point it is as good a way to serve a meal to a child as can be found. Whole wheat bread, brown bread, and a graham bread can be made so appetizing by being cut thin and spread with honey or jam or chopped tongue or ham or any other palatable mince that almost any child can be coaxed in this way to eat this nutritious and actual staff of life. — The New York Times, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Fads and Beauty Trends

Ouch! Creating scented blood? Sewing eyelashes on? Throughout time, men and women alike have gone to extremes for the sake of keeping up with the latest, so-called ‘beauty trends.’ The gilded age was no different.

It was the Parisian women who were so credited two or three years ago with the objectionable practice of injecting perfume under the skin, by which the very blood became aromatic, and now to them is ascribed another process, less objectionable, perhaps, but still very questionable. It is a method by which false eyelashes may be made. A fine needle, threaded with dark hair, is drawn through the skin of the eyelid, forming long loops, and after the operation is over— it is said it is painless — there remains a beautiful fringe to veil the wearer's eyes. — The New York Times, June 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette Humor

The Gilded Age was the golden age of dining at its finest, which brought about new table etiquette for newly designed utensils, for everything edible and expensive, from turtle soup to nuts.

Table Etiquette 

A correspondent, who is somewhat of a philanthropist in his way, sends up the following hints  on Table Etiquette, for the benefit of the members of the club. We believe they will be superfluous to most of our readers, but as our correspondent begs us not to lose the opportunity of improving the present occasion we append them: 

1. Do not commence eating before your host gets through with his grace. I have known some men to bite a biscuit as large as a blacking-box into a half-moon, and have to hold it between his teeth, under a suspension of the rules during a blessing. This is disgraceful.
2. Do not sup soup with a fork. Your soup will always have you at a disadvantage with such odds. Besides, it is “souperfluous.”
3. In passing your plate to be helped, retain your knife and fork in your vest pocket.
4. When asked for a dish, do not propel it across the surface of the table after the manner or game of shovel-board ; always pitch it gracefully, after the manner of quoits. This will be "quoit" sufficient.
5. Never try to eat fish with a salt-cellar.
6. While drinking, be careful not to empty hot coffee or anything of that sort into your neighbor's paper collar.
7. Do not eat too fast. You will not “get left,” if you make up in heroic doses for that time.
8. If you find anything auspicious in your hash, don't eat any more hash ; And if there is anything wrong in your butter, propose a toast or tell an anecdote.
9. When you burn your mouth with a cold potato, don't whistle or make faces at the company, but shed tears in silence.
10. Never leave the table without asking the lady of the house to be excused ; but if you happen to be at a barbecue or a free lunch, don't leave as long as there is a bone or a crumb in sight.
11. Should you put too much pepper in your soup, and the tears come to your eyes in consequence, do not wipe your eyes and blow your nose in your napkin.
12. As usual, when resting your elbows on the table that your neighbor's little preserve plate is not within reach, not that you need mind upsetting it, for that would only serve him right, but you may get your left sleeve jellied through his carelessness in not giving you room enough.
13. Do not pick your teeth with your fork, or wipe it on the table-cloth after you have just extracted a long piece of sinew from a hollow in one of your double grinders.
14. If you happen to partake of some dish with which you are unacquainted, don't spit it out on your plate with a splutter, as if you had been poisoned, because it might be supposed you had been accustomed to move in society. Simply rap on tbe table with your fork for the servant, and tell him, or her, to fetch a spittoon. By this time, all eyes will be upon you, and as the servant brings the spittoon you can eject the disagreeable mouthful with a proper air of disgust, remarking that you always hated French “kickshaws,” and preferred something the real origin of which you could guess at. By this proceeding you will let the people at the table see you know a thing or two, and are not to be easily taken in. –From the New York Dispatch, 1871

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Gilded Age Party Etiquette

And Etiquette for Today's Parties, As Well

Thank your hostess before you do anything else at a party! - Part of the Gilded Age 400 — The Vanderbilts at a Gilded Age, fancy dress, costume ball in the late 1800s. The Vanderbilts were one of the richest American families at the time.

When you enter a drawing-room where there is a party, you salute the lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your most intimate friends are enveloped in an opake (sic) atmosphere until you have made your bow to your entertainer. 

You then mix with the company, salute your acquaintances, and join in the conversation. You may converse freely with any person you meet on such an occasion, without the formality of an introduction.— From “The Laws of Etiquette,” by A Gentleman

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette for Dress Color

Two of these frocks are difficult to successfully “pull off” – We at Etiquipedia© are not sure quite when garish color combinations were advised by writers of etiquette, as attainments of “excellence.”

Says Sir Joshua Reynolds, “Color is the last attainment of excellence in every school of painting.” The same may be said in regard to the art of colors in dress. Nevertheless, it is the first thing in dress to which we should give our attention and study.

We put bright colors upon our little children, we dress our young girls in light and delicate shades, the blooming matron is justified in adopting the rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf, while black and neutral tints are appropriate to the old. This forms the basis upon which to build our structure of color.

Having decided what colors may be worn, it is important to know how they may be worn. One color should predominate in the dress; and if another is adopted, it should be limited in quantity, and only by way of contrast or harmony. Certain colors should never, under any circumstances, be worn together, since they produce positive discord to the eye. If the dress be blue, red should not be introduced by way of trimming, or vice versa. Red and yellow, red and blue, blue and yellow and scarlet and crimson should not be united in the same costume. If the dress is red, green may be introduced in a limited quantity; if green, crimson; if blue, orange. Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, killing each other whenever they meet.

Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, should not be used in equal quantities in a dress, as they are both so positive in tone that they divide and distract the attention. When two colors are worn in any quantity, one must approach a neutral tint, such as drab or gray. Black may be worn with any color, though it looks best with the lighter shades of the different colors. White may also be worn with any color, though it looks best with the darker tones. Thus white and any color, though it looks best with the darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect than though the black were united with the crimson and the white with the pink. Drab, being a shade of no color between black and white, may be worn with the same effect with all.

A person of very fair, delicate complexion should always wear the most delicate of tints, such as light blue, pea-green and mauve. A brunette requires bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring out the brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid face and auburn hair require blue.

There are many shades of complexions which we cannot take time to describe here, the peculiar colors to suit which can only be discovered by actual experiment; and if the persons with these various complexions are not able to judge for themselves, they must seek the opinion of some acquaintance with an artistically trained eye.
Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its beauty is also increased by the addition of pearls or white flowers.
If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale, yellowish green will by reflection produce the lacking warm tint.
Light-brown hair requires blue, which sets off to advantage the golden tint.
Dark-brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue in a lesser quantity.
Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet to tone it down. If of a golden red, blue green, purple or black will bring out the richness of its tints.
Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by scarlet, orange or white, and will bear diamonds, pearls or lustreless gold.
Flaxen hair requires blue.

From John A. Ruth's,
"Decorum ... A Practical Treatise on Etiquette and Dress," 1877

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and "Yankee Vulgarity"?

            “The social sphere and those who make it are shallow —so shallow. And vulgar!" —Madame Guyot   "Thanks to the meteoric increase in millionaires in New York due to the Civil War and the Industrial Revolution, many of whose fortunes rivaled or even surpassed the oldest of families, Mrs. Astor and Ward McAllister had a whole new challenge in deciding who of the nouveau riche was acceptable. This led to the creation of the famous List of 400 — the Four Hundred people who were New York’s high society." —from MCNY.org

American Wives Bought, says Parisian —French Woman 

Declares That Yankee Society Is Vulgar and Its Talk Petty

The American wife and American society in general were given a "roast” by Madame Alexandrine Guyot of the old D’Arnaud family of France today in an interview at the Hotel Westminster, where she is staying. 

That American wives are bought and paid for is the substance of the gray-haired French woman’s remarks and that the majority of them are selfish and do not care for their husbands, she states openly. "American marriages fail! Why do they fall?” she exclaimed. “Because American wives don’t marry particularly for love, but for hats and dresses and plenty to eat. If the next man that comes along can supply prettier hats and more expensive dresses and give better dinners. many wives are willing to go with him.” 

ROASTS THE “400” 

Madame Guyot then in a delicious French accent told more of her opinions of Matrimonial Americana. “It’s a sham, generally considered,” she said, “and the only way it can be remedied is to educate the women of tomorrow. Marriages abroad, where the husband is recognized as the master of the house, are rarely unsuccessful, and the women of tomorrow in the United States must be the women who will recognize the domination of the husband in the affairs of the home and obey and respect him.” Madame Guyot then turned her attention to society and the “400” of various cities. 

ALL VERY VULGAR

"Society women talk about nothing but petty affairs and do nothing but petty things,” she said. “The social sphere and those who make it are shallow —so shallow. And vulgar!" “Surely not vulgar,” ventured a visitor. “Yes, vulgar," returned Madame Guyot. “Why, some society women laugh so loudly that they may be heard clear out of doors! Abroad this would be considered a breach of etiquette, even in a servant!” — Los Angeles Herald, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Gilded Age Dance Parties

A man gives the first and last dances to his partner of the evening.

In selecting a company for a dancing party the hostess will naturally choose only those who dance, and she should see, as far as possible, that all the women are provided with partners.

It is better to dance first with one acquaintance and then with another, rather than to make one’s self conspicuous by giving a great number of dances to one man.

A man gives the first and last dances to his partner of the evening.

No man should invite a young woman to attend a dress affair without providing a carriage for her. When the party is small and informal, it is allowable to go on the street-cars.

At the end of the dance, the man should offer his arm to his partner, and take at least one turn around the room before consigning her to her seat.

A man who can dance, and will not, ought to remain away from a ball.

If for any reason a girl should refuse to dance with one man, she should not accept another invitation for the same dance.

An invitation to a ball may be asked for a friend who is a stranger in town, and has had no opportunity of making the acquaintance of the one who gives the ball.

A man should not ask a girl, to whom he has been introduced for the purpose of dancing with her, for more than two dances the same evening.– From Cora C. Klein's, "Practical Etiquette," 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Wedding Etiquette Critique

American Weddings... “Rita” doesn’t approve! 

Rita Gives Her Opinion of  New York Society and Social Functions– Her American Friends Fume!

WINTER is the New York season. By May, the Fifth Avenue mansions and the various suites and apartments rented by the social dignitaries of the city are shut up and deserted. I arrived in April — just catching the “tail-end” of a few last functions, such as receptions, luncheons, and weddings. Among the latter was the Drexel-Gould marriage. It is worth mention.

I had read and heard much on this side the herring-pond of the way a fashionable American wedding is conducted, and the excitement it creates. Fresh in my memory lay the reports of the Roxburgh marriage and its scenes. I wondered if the Drexel-Gould affair would be a repetition. It was. It possibly exceeded in extravagant display and public interest its famous predecessor.

The reporters, male and female, had a “lovely time.” They rioted in descriptions of the church, the trousseau, the presents, and the ceremony both before and after the marriage had taken place. The scene in Fifth Avenue on the eventful afternoon was something never to be forgotten. Thousands of crazy, hysterical women, and helpless men, squads of mounted and disregarded police, all seething, struggling, fighting, shrieking, under the pouring rain, and crowding the muddy street in order to see — what? A commonplace young man and young woman get in and out of a motor-car — for that was all they could see.

To me, as a stranger to New York ways and customs, it was quite immaterial that Miss Margery Gould possessed a huge fortune, or that Mr. Anthony Drexel was not an impecunious English peer, but I was surprised to see a church turned into a floral theatre, and to find that the seats reserved for millionaires and their wives represented the social grade of their respective incomes!

Mrs. Desmond Humphreys, aka “Rita” –
My American friends were annoyed at my criticism of this wedding and its methods. As usual they said “You must not judge of us by this.” – Etiquipedia is amazed you retained any American friends, by the way you wrote about them. Perhaps they were what we now call “frenemies”?

The behaviour of the senseless crowd, and the extraordinary antagonism it displayed to anything like order, decency, or police intervention, was an amazing spectacle. Women fought with their umbrellas like wild cats. Some of them had made their way into the church through an adjoining chapel on pretence of attending a funeral service that, strange to say, preceded the wedding function.

Once in the building, they proceeded to strip off flowers and ribbons as souvenirs in a manner befitting the genus Hooligan. They had to be turned out by police, and even then were not content till they had “stormed” the bride's motor. How I pitied that unfortunate bride and bridegroom! Why did they not get married privately, and then send a dressmaker's show figure and a tailor's dummy to go through the public ceremony ? This is a suggestion offered for future American marriages.

My American friends were annoyed at my criticism of this wedding and its methods. As usual they said “You must not judge of us by this.” But I was getting used to that formula. If I did not judge of an American crowd by a crowd, or an American millionairess's wedding by a representative millionairess and her family — how in the name of wonder was I to judge of such things?? After all, what I said — or say — as an onlooker is mild enough compared to the criticisms and comments of the reporters, and the " Yellow Press."

There are only two ways of conducting a marriage ceremony. It is something sacred and exclusive, or it is a theatrical show designed for public edification. Society seems to prefer the latter, and therefore delicacy and restraint are banished from the programme. The affair becomes a ceremony, a function, and the people I pity with my whole heart are the unfortunate principals in the business ; no matter whether they are of blood royal, or merely millionaires!

Another wedding I attended in New York was less pretentious than the Drexel-Gould affair. Still it gave me the impression of a "show-piece" on the stage. The solemn-faced ushers giving an arm to the lady guests, and conducting them from the church door to their seats; the lavish floral decorations ; the well-drilled, formal wedding " procession/' all care- fully rehearsed beforehand, made up a curious spectacular effect in no way concerned with the binding obligations there represented.

Then followed the ordeal of the reception, where the tired, flushed bride and bored and wearied groom had to stand for hours under a canopy of palms, or a huge bell of flowers, and shake hundreds of hands and give and receive kisses and congratulations, and then be subjected to the tricks and devices of the ingenious ushers in order to delay departure, or prevent confidences ! Truly, a strange people," I said to myself. – From 1910's, "America, Though English Eyes," by "Rita, " the Judgmental British Matron

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Gilded Age Fads

The Nose-Veil Fad

Another of the latest fads adopted by America's most fashionable women, the nose veil. Resembling the oft-described veils of Turkey's harem beauties, a la the creation of Mrs. ... on streets of Newport with terrific force, burning everything not under cover.
–The Spokesman Review, July 1913 

The Harem Veil is Fad in Newport!

And before long, we had the newest fad in clothing styles... “harem pants”

Mrs. C. A. Mason, a Chicago society woman, is given the credit for having introduced the harem veil fad in Newport. The veil is much like the covering which many high caste Turkish women still wear over the lower part of their faces when they appear in the streets in public. It allows only their eyes to be seen. –Chicago, July 21, 1912

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of Gilded Age Breakfasts

Fruit at breakfast does not necessarily demand a waitress. In may be served at each cover before the guests and family seat themselves. It does call for a finger bowl, however. Only when berries or sliced fruits are served can the finger bowl be omitted.

Breakfast is the first meal of the American day. It should be daintily and deftly served. Fruit, cereal and some main dish (bacon, fish, eggs) together with toast, hot rolls or muffins, coffee, tea or cocoa, are its main essentials. The bare, doilied table is popular for breakfast use.

BREAKFAST FRUIT

Fresh pears, plums, peaches, apricots, nectarines, mandarins and apples are all served in the same manner—on a plate about six inches across, with a silver fruit knife for quartering and peeling. If a waitress serves, fruit knife and plate are placed first, and then the dish containing the fruit is passed.

Berries—raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, as also baked apples, stewed fruits (peaches, prunes and apricots) and all cooked fruits, are offered in little fruit dishes on service plates, together with powdered (or fine granulated) sugar and cream. Strawberries are sometimes left unhulled, when of “exhibition” size. They then should be served in apple bowls or plates, with powdered sugar on the side.

In serving grapes, the waitress, after supplying fruit plates, passes a compote containing the grapes and offers fruit shears, so that each guest may cut what he or she desire. Cherries are served in the same manner, with the addition of a finger bowl.

When grapefruit is served, it is usually as a half, the core removed and sugar added, on a fruit plate or in a grapefruit bowl, together with an orange spoon.

Oranges may be served from a compote, whole, and may be eaten cut crosswise in halves, with the orange spoon; or peeled and eaten in sections. If oranges are served peeled and sliced on a fruit plate they may be eaten with a fork. Sugar should always be passed when they are eaten in this way. Orange juice is the extracted juice served in small glasses two-thirds full.                  

Oranges may be served from a compote, whole, and may be eaten cut crosswise in halves, with the orange spoon; or peeled and eaten in sections.

Cantaloupe (filled with cracked ice) and honeydew melon (it is smart to accompany the latter with a slice of lemon) are served in halves or quarters, on fruit plates (or special melon dishes) and eaten with a fruit spoon. Sugar, salt and pepper should be offered with these by the waitress. Watermelon is usually cut in wedges or circles. It should always be served very cold, on a large fruit plate, and with fruit knife and fork. If half-melons are served, with the rind, the host cuts egg-shaped pieces from the fruit, and places it on individual plates for passing by the waitress.

Bananas may be served “in the skin” at breakfast, or peeled and sliced, with sugar and cream, or sprinkled with sugar and lemon juice.

Shredded pineapple, sprinkled with sugar, or sliced pineapple (slices an inch thick) may be served from a large dish by the waitress.

Fruit at breakfast does not necessarily demand a waitress. In may be served at each cover before the guests and family seat themselves. It does call for a finger bowl, however. Only when berries or sliced fruits are served can the finger bowl be omitted.

Bananas may be served “in the skin” at breakfast, or peeled and sliced, with sugar and cream, or sprinkled with sugar and lemon juice.

CEREALS

Cereals are a matter of personal taste. Cooked cereals, such as oatmeal, rolled oats, hominy, corn-meal mush and cracked wheat should come on the table hot, and be served in bowls with sugar (brown sugar, if preferred) and cream. Again, the host may serve the cereal from a large porringer, the waitress bringing him the individual bowls, and taking them to the guests when filled. Dry cereals are served in the same way. Puffed grains or flakes gain crispness and flavor when reheated, not browned, before serving.

TOAST

The best breakfast toast is that made at the table over an electric toaster. Be sure, if you have French toast, hot cakes or waffles served, that they come from the kitchen hot. A perforated silver cover should cover the plate containing them to prevent their cooling. Never use a soup plate or bowl for the purpose! The steam cannot escape and the toast grows soggy. Do not forget syrup when waffles, hot cakes or French toast are served. Some prefer cinnamon and sugar to syrup with hot cakes, and they should also be on hand.

BACON

Bacon is the ideal breakfast meat. The rasher of bacon should be served piping hot on a hot silver platter, in crisp, curling slices. Incidentally, it should be just as crisp when it appears with a favorite companion, as “bacon and eggs.”

EGGS

Cooked in the shell (medium or soft-boiled) eggs should be served in an egg cup or egg glass, on a plate, and under cup or glass. Each egg thus served should be accompanied by a silver egg cutter and (unless there is plenty of silver at the cover) a silver spoon.

A vegetable dish or a small plate will do for the hard-boiled egg.

Poached eggs appear in individual shirred egg dishes, to the left of each cover, on small plates with service spoon.

Scrambled eggs are served in individual portions, as above; or distributed by the host from a large platter, and passed by the waitress.

Omelet should be served on a large platter with hot individual service plates before the host. The waitress may pass the individual portions or—it is customary with scrambled eggs—they may be passed from host to guest around the table.     

Coffee is the favorite and logical breakfast drink, though some prefer tea, cocoa and milk. When tea is the breakfast beverage the samovar takes the place of the percolator.

COFFEE

Coffee is the favorite and logical breakfast drink, though some prefer tea, cocoa and milk. The breakfast coffee service should be placed before the hostess. In its most attractive form it comprises a large silver tray, which holds coffee (or percolator), the hot-water pot, creamer, sugar bowl with tongs, and cups and saucers. (There may also be a bowl for the water used to heat the cups.) When tea is the breakfast beverage the samovar takes the place of the percolator.

The large silver service platter may be dispensed with, if desired, in favor of a tile to hold the coffee urn, the other components of the service being grouped about it. There is a charming touch of intimacy about coffee made at the table with an electric percolator, poured by the hostess and passed at the table (or by a waitress). When the hostess pours she should at the same time ask the guest’s preferences (those of members of the family are supposed to be known) as regards cream and sugar. Cream and sugar always enter the cup first! The true coffee-drinker at once notices a difference in flavor if the coffee first be poured, and the cream and sugar added.

FOR THE CHILDREN
 
If the children eat breakfast with the family, a regular child’s service, with attractive little knives and spoons should be provided, and his whole service, preferably, should be arranged on a tray near the table’s edge. Every child likes to have his own porridge bowl, his mug and little milk pitcher, and having his own table tools teaches him to be neat and self-reliant. –From Lillian B. Lansdown

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and a "Woman Problem"

Was this a "Woman Problem" or in reality, a "Man Problem?"  In the 1890s, British women were more quiet and reserved in their etiquette and mannerisms, compared to their American counterparts, throughout all levels of society. Between the 1870s and the outbreak of World War One, more than 200 daughters of America's wealthiest families, went to Great Britain and Europe to exchange cash for a place in the British aristocracy and Europe's royal families. Finding many eligible young men who were the heirs to cash-strapped, large estates and titles, these marriages were rarely "love-matches," but America's young women with affluence, ingenuity, and a different set of manners, brought permanent changes to the English aristocracy and ruling classes of the day.

"The Woman Problem in England"

A superior and well educated class of young women in England, daughters of officers and clergymon, of professional men as well, are seeking employment in the London shops, where hours are shorter and wages are better than in the more genteel occupations of nursery governess and schoolteacher. 

One of these independent young women says she infinitely prefers the business work to the hopeless monotony of the village home life and the painfully patronizing attention of the squires. And indeed if titled ladies open tearooms and millinery establishments in town, why is the shop life dishonorable for those of lower rank? 

The problem of what to do with the daughters of Great Britain is hopelessly involved by the great excess of women over men in the population, by the tendency of the English bachelor to-wed with American beauty and gold and the petty conventionality which prescribes certain phases of work as unbecoming the dignity and rank of the daughters of impoverished country squires or clergymen in poor livings, professional men of small means and large families. 

— From the New York Sun, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor, for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Etiquette and Eccentricities

Astor Reception in London 

William Waldorf Astor ~ The Astors were one of the wealthiest families of the Gilded Age

Notables Gather at Carlton House Terrace — Grand Duke Michael, Prince Alexander of Teck, Ambassador Hay Among the Guests

William Waldorf Astoria gave his second reception at his home in Carlton House Terrace this evening. It was preceded by a dinner party, at which 40 guests were present, including Prince Alexander of Teck, Ambassador Hay, Mrs. Hay, and Miss Hay. 

The mansion, which even before it became Mr. Astor's residence, was counted  among the most elegant private mansions in England, has been entirely renovated. The rooms have been exquisitely paneled and enriched with fine carving. The grand staircase has been lavishly gilded and adorned with beautiful frescoes. The dining room is a remarkable specimen of the decorator's art and is hung with  magnificent tapestries. 

The refurbished diningroom at Carlton House Terrace in the 1930s.

The table is over 40 feet long, probably the largest in the country. The table decorations this evening were massive silver candelabra, while yellow and white orchids and silver bowls containing fruit and champagne and ice were arranged along its entire length. 

The reception was one of the most brilliant given in London in recent years. Among those present were the Grand Duke and Duchess Michael of Russia, Earl Cadogan, the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, and a host of English dukes, earls, and counts, with their duchesses and countesses, Lord Mayor Faudel Phillips and the Lady Mayoress,  and scores of members of the Diplomatic Corps. 

Among the most striking toilets were those worn by the Countess of Essex, Lady William V. Harcourt, Mrs. Ronalds, Mrs. Bradley-Martin, and Miss Leiter. 

The display of jewels was simply prodigious and the house was a mass of flowers. M. Paderewski, Mme. Melba, M. Plançon, and other famous artists assisted in the musical programme.

~More on William Waldorf Astor ~

William Waldorf Astor's Actions Puzzling Britons—

Officials Are Amused At His
Eccentricities

London Registration Judge Learns That Former American Lives at His Office Instead of at Carlton House Terrace

Special Cable to The Herald

LONDON, Sept. 23,1897

The strange way in which William Waldorf Astor orders his life furnished a puzzle this week to the registration Judge to whom he applied to be placed on the parliamentary voting list for the Holborn division of London. Mr. Astor has 'a palatial house at Carlton House terrace, situated In the Strand division, but he applied to be registered instead for ' the Astor estate office, on the Thames embankment, about a mile away, which Is in the Holborn division. In explanation it was stated that he virtually lived at Cliveden, his Thames-side mansion; that he slept only a couple of times a year at Carlton House terrace, and that when in London he resided at the office of the estate. He has a single bedroom there, with two servants, a chef and an assistant, and spends all his time reading and writing in his study.

When the registration official made inquiries at the estate office all lnformaton was refused, and he was almost hustled out. On going to the office of the Pall Mall Gazette he was informed that they knew nothing about Mr. Astor's movements. The same reply was given at Carlton House Terrace. The judge remarked that If Mr. Astor took the trouble to become a naturalized Englishman he might at least condescend to look after his vote.

The estate office is a beautiful Italian renaissance building, the lower windows of which are covered with massive crossed iron bars. It Is situated close to the Temple station, the most secluded spot on the Thames embankment."


 Originally published in the New York Times, June 10, 1897 and the Herald, September 23, 1897 

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia