Gilded Age Tabletops and Manners

  

The teaching of table manners cannot be begun too soon. But children should never be allowed to trouble guests. If not old enough to behave well at table, guests should not be invited to the meals at which they are present. It is very trying to parents, guests, and servants.

It is well in all households, if possible, for the children to breakfast and lunch with their parents. The teaching of table manners cannot be begun too soon. But children should never be allowed to trouble guests. If not old enough to behave well at table, guests should not be invited to the meals at which they are present. It is very trying to parents, guests, and servants.

When luncheon is to be an agreeable social repast, which guests are expected to share, then the children should dine elsewhere. No mother succeeds better in the rearing of her children than she who has a nursery dining-room, where, under her own eye, her bantlings are properly fed. It is not so much trouble, either, as one would think– and no matter if it is trouble.

Table mats are no longer used in stylish houses, either at luncheon or at dinner. The waiter should have a coarse towel in the butler’s pantry, and wipe each dish before he puts it on the table. Menu-cards are never used at luncheon. Salt-cellars and small water carafes may be placed up and down the luncheon-table.

In our country, where servants run away and leave their mistress when she is expecting guests, it is well to be able to improvise a dish from such materials as may be at hand. Nothing is better than a cod mayonnaise. A cod boiled in the morning is a friend in the afternoon.– From “Manners and Social Usages,” by Mrs. John Sherwood, 1884

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Formal Lunch Etiquette

If a lady gives a more formal lunch, and has it served à la Russe, the first entrée– let us say chops and green pease– is handed by the waiter, commencing with the lady who sits on the right hand of the master of the house. This is followed by vegetables. Plates having been renewed, a salad and some cold ham can be offered. The waiter fills the glasses with sherry, or offers claret. When champagne is served at lunch, it is immediately after the first dish has been served, and claret and sherry are not then given unless asked for.

If a hot luncheon is served, it is not etiquette to put the vegetables on the table as at dinner; they should be handed by the waiter. The luncheon-table is already full of the articles for dessert, and there is no place for the vegetables. The hot entrées or cold entrées are placed before the master or mistress, and each guest is asked what he prefers. The whole aspect of luncheon is thus made perfectly informal.

If a lady gives a more formal lunch, and has it served à la Russe, the first entrée– let us say chops and green pease– is handed by the waiter, commencing with the lady who sits on the right hand of the master of the house. This is followed by vegetables. Plates having been renewed, a salad and some cold ham can be offered. The waiter fills the glasses with sherry, or offers claret. When champagne is served at lunch, it is immediately after the first dish has been served, and claret and sherry are not then given unless asked for.

After the salad a fresh plate, with a dessert-spoon and small fork upon it, is placed before each person. The ice-cream, pie, or pudding is then placed in front of the hostess, who cuts it, and puts a portion on each plate. After these dainties have been dis- cussed, a glass plate, serviette, and finger-bowl are placed before each guest for fruit. The servant takes the plate from his mistress after she has filled it, and hands it to the lady of first consideration, and so on. When only members of the family are present at luncheon, the mistress of the house is helped first by the servants.

Fruit tarts, pudding, sweet omelette, jellies, blanc- mange, and ice-cream are proper desserts for luncheon; also luncheon cake, or the plainer sorts of loaf-cake.–From “Manners and Social Usages,” by Mrs. John Sherwood, 1884

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Luncheon Etiquette

“If you cannot afford salad and dessert, choose the former by all means. The happiest closing to a real good dinner is a crisp salad well dressed, served with a bit of cheese and bread and butter or toasted cracker.” – Sarah Tyson Rorer, 1898 — Image of Towle lettuce serving fork and a matching Towle lettuce serving spoon, sitting alongside an individual Towle salad fork. All 3 feature gilding on the functional ends. Salad forks did not exist prior to 1885, making them creations of the Gilded Age.

It is well for people living in the country, and with a certain degree of style, to study up the methods of making salads and cold dishes, for these come in so admirably for luncheon that they often save a hostess great mortification. By attention to small details a very humble repast may be most elegant. 

A silver bread-basket for the thin slices of bread, a pretty cheese-dish, a napkin around the cheese, pats of butter in a pretty dish, flowers in vases, fruits neatly served— these things cost little, but they add a zest to the pleasures of the table.—From “Manners and Social Usages,” by Mrs. John Sherwood, 1884

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age American Chivalry

 

Their speech becomes decent, their manners kind and their excesses are restrained if a woman approaches them. It is a splendid national peculiarity.

Americans a Chivalrous Race

The American men are a chivalrous race. They respect women; they are the noblest men in the world. There are, to be sure, American savages. One class who use the bowie knife, who drink like the hippopotamus, play cards, fight duels, are wildly furious, passionate, unsafe and desperate, there is another class who pretend to despise fashion and etiquette, who dress like fiends, wearing conglomerates of frock or coat and white tie in the evening; dress coat in the morning. They neither know nor care for etiquette and they think it is noble to be thus ignorant. But even these two classes have a respect for women. Their speech becomes decent, their manners kind and their excesses are restrained if a woman approaches them. It is a splendid national peculiarity. The London rough has no such soft spot. It is to be feared that the London man of fashion is not sufficiently imbued with it. As for the polite Frenchman, his external politeness toward the “beau sexe” is very marked when he wishes to propitiate them, but his contempt for them is equally marked when he does not his cruelty is enormous.—Mrs. John Sherwood, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette of the Napkin

A silver plated napkin ring, festooned with cherries and commemorative monograms of dates and initials. — “Napkin rings should be abandoned, or relegated to the nursery tea table.”

• A napkin should never be put on the table a second time until it has been rewashed, therefore napkin rings should be abandoned, or relegated to the nursery tea table. 
• At a fashionable meal, the guest does not fold his napkin. 
• At a social tea or breakfast, he may do so if the hostess set the example, but there is no absolute law governing that branch of the subject. 
• Never fasten your napkin around your neck; lay it across your knee, convenient to the hand and lift one corner only to wipe the mouth. 
• Men who wear a mustache are allowed to “saw” the mouth with the napkin, as if it were a bearing rein, but for ladies would look too masculine. 
• Nothing is more unpleasant than a damp napkin. 
• Never allow a napkin to be placed on your table until it has been well aired. - From Mrs. John Sherwood’s, “Manners and Usages,” 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia