Etiquette for Addressing a Widow

Maureen Eleva Reardon’s columns and advice were called “The new etiquette” back in the mid 1970’s…

Q. When a person's husband is deceased, is it proper to use the name “Mrs. John Smith?” Mrs. F. W., Fort Smith? Wayne, Ind.

A. That's the customary way of doing it. The main alternate would be for Mrs. Smith to call herself “Mrs. Mary Smith.” It's not a good alternative since that combination has generally come to mean that a woman is divorced. The woman could also call herself “Ms. Mary Smith” if she preferred. I like “Mrs. John Smith” better.

When to use the term "Mrs. John Smith" is another question. It's sensible for a woman to identify herself as “Mary Smith” in social conversation, since her name is, after all, “Mary” and not “John.” She might add “My husband was the late John Smith” if the explanation is necessary.

Business dealings are another matter. If all of the family's accounts have been in her husband's name, for instance, she may find that she must identify herself as “Mrs. John Smith” to avoid the wrath of the computers.- By Maureen Eleva Reardon, 1974

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

New Etiquette for Brides of 1958

This pickle fork bears the name Ursula Edson, giving this Victorian fork character

Monograms can dress up plain flatware patterns with simple, yet elegant lettering in numerous styles. Or, one can have a birth or other special occasion memorialized along with monogrammed initials or complete names.Antique monogrammed silver has a charm that many newer items do not.

Monograms — Years ago, etiquette demanded that the bride-to-be should have all her linen - and silver marked with her maiden initials only. Nowadays, it is more usual, and less confusing, to use her future initials —those of her first name, maiden name and husband’s surname.

Widow’s Marriage — When a widow marries she does not wear a bridal veil or orange blossom wreath. She does not have bridesmaids, but she may have a maid or matron of honor. The customary procedure dictates that a widow write personal notes of invitation to her wedding. — San Bernardino Sun Telegram, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Widow and Widower Etiquette

If a widower marries a young girl, the etiquette is the same as that of a first marriage.

It is not usual to invite guests to the marriage of a widow. If a widower marries a young girl, the etiquette is the same as that of a first marriage. A widow must marry in the morning early, without show, and has only her witnesses and those of her intended. Her dress must be plain, of quiet color; black, however, is not admissible.

On leaving church the bride invites to breakfast the witnesses who have formed the party, but no other guests are invited to this repast. On the fifteenth day after the marriage, cards are sent bearing the new address of the married pair. A widow never makes wedding calls after remarrying. Those who receive tlie cards do the visiting there is a month allowed for the return of the cards and the visits.  — Demorest's Monthly, 1877

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia