Finger Bowl Etiquette

“They became ridiculously polite by carving bread with knife and fork, but the climax came when I set two bowls of rosewater before them as finger glasses...” – The finger bowls at Buckingham Palace, fom the book, “Dining at the Palace” 

Staggered by Finger Bowls

A very amusing scene occurred once while I was serving a lady and gentleman of the unmistakable upstart type. They were grossly ignorant of the most elementary rules of table etiquette, shoveling the food into their mouths with their knives, which were constantly loaded half-way up to the handles. They managed to struggle through their dinner, sometimes casting aside knives and forks and attacking game and poultry by cutting them in halves and eating from their hands, holding the leg. Sometimes, too, they became ridiculously polite by carving bread with knife and fork, but the climax came when I set two bowls of rosewater before them as finger glasses.  

They looked at each other, and then cautiously around the room, trying to find some solution of the mysterious dish before them, not having the sense to ignore it altogether. Whispered consultations took place, which presently grew into a suppressed quarrel, the lady reproaching her lord for his ignorance. Suddenly she was seen to shake the water around and around, and finally, with a look of contempt and superior wisdom, she raised the bowl to her lips and drank all the contents. Needless to say, that the hearty laughter of the other diners made them feel the mistake, and they beat a hasty retreat. —London TitBits, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Finger Bowls

Ready for royalty — Buckingham Palace finger bowls (originally wine glass rinsers) on dessert plates with dessert flatware. 

The Rise and Progress of the Fingerbowl... 

With a Bit About Napkins

“Pray tender some information,” writes A.H., in regard to finger-bowls after dinner. The history of the dinner-table etiquette, as far as the cleansing of the finger goes, has caused a great deal of discussion. In “Notes and Queries” some information was asked about it a number of years ago, but not any very satisfactory responses were received.

Table manners and table equipage have been derived from the French. Strange as it may seem, a great many dinner amenities owe their origin to the East. Bibliophile Jacob says somewhere that the napkins during a repast were possibly brought into use in Europe after the Crusades.

Oriental habits at dinner, where the Turk of the old school to-day, having no knife or fork, plunges his fingers in the pilau, is but a continuation of customs of the time of Saladin. The Oriental is excessively clean in his habits, and between the fingerings of the viands and some of the manipulations of a cook with his dishes, really the difference is only this that the Turk who picks out a peculiar nice titbit to offer to his guest does it in view of everyone, while the cook’s prior actions are not seen.

As fountains were over spurting and gurgling, Harun al Raschid’s banqueting halls, opportunities to cleanse one’s fingers in the flowing waters must have been over at hand. Oriental people retain the habit of hand or finger washing after a dinner.

The method is not, perhaps, adapted to our customs, yet is a very sensible one. A servant, after the repost, makes the round of the table, (the guests are seated on low cushions on the floor) holding a copper vessel, provided with a very long but narrow spout. In the other hand he carries a wide deep copper basin. A tiny stream of water is poured over the fingers of the guests into the basin, while another servant follows with a towel.


 The finger bowl usually arrives with a doily and the dessert plate beneath it. When using the finger bowl, dip only the fingertips of the hands into the bowl. Wipe your fingertips dry with your napkin (never the doily) while your napkin remains on your lap. Carefully lift the finger bowl and doily and place them to your upper left of your place setting.

The first portion of the performance is proper enough; but as one towel usually serves or all guests, a kind of universal sack towel, delicate-minded Europeans rather dislike the custom. It is not necessary to go further back, and refer to the Biblical habits before and after partaking of food.

As to the more modern custom, Brillat Saravin, whose book on the Physiologie du goût (The Physiology of Taste) was written in the early part of this century, inveighs against the fingerbowls. “It was about 40 years ago that some people in good society – they were most always women – commenced to wash out their mouths (rincer la buche) after their meals." Brillat Saravin deprecates the custom, and calls it useless, indecent, and disgusting, rather directing, however, his criticism against the mouth-rinsing than the finger-dipping. It is useless, he writes, “because the mouth is in excellent condition at the end of a repast, when fruit has been partaken of, or a last glass of wine or water has been imbibed”.

Say what one may the cleaning of the mouth after dinner is a disgusting habit, and no screening of this operation, by placing the hand before the mouth, can conceal, its objectionable features. If an after-dinner ablution has to be performed, especially when fruit is eaten, it should be restricted to the use of the finger-bowl alone.

The smaller goblet then introduced in the fingerbowl should be discarded, unless in order to add completeness, a tooth-brush were added to the paraphernalia. No attempt to lay down the laws of etiquette can be attempted in this column, yet if A.H. may have observed the behavior of nay number of well-bred guests at a table, an inquirer must have noticed that not one person in ten to-day makes use of the objectionable mouth-glass. To drive it entirely out of use, it would be only necessary for someone to follow quietly, yet not too markedly, the actions of a pretty woman in the act of cleansing her mouth.

Where she a great lady, armed with a triple cuirass of aplomb, she could not stand even the semblance of a few inquiring looks in which some mute astonishment was mingled. Now, can there be any action at a dinner-table among well-bred people which, when observed, should cause inconvenience? Fingerbowls, then, are not objectionable, but goblets in the fingerbowls for other usages are certainly, as Savarin called them, "Inutile, indecente, et dédégoûtante" or "Useless, indecent and disgusting." –New York Times, 1873

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©. Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Dinner Etiquette "Extras"

Fruit-knives are required, and ice-spoons, orange spoons, and other unique conceits in silver utensils may be provided with the dessert, if one happens to own them...

Miscellaneous Points of the Gilded Age Dinner

Extra knives and forks are brought in with any course that requires them. The preliminary lay-out is usually meant to provide all that the scheme of the dinner will call for; but one must have a goodly supply of silver and cutlery to avoid altogether the necessity for having some of it washed and returned to the table during the progress of the dinner. It is very desirable to be amply equipped, as it facilitates the prompt and orderly serving of the courses.

Fruit-knives are required, and ice-spoons, orange spoons, and other unique conceits in silver utensils may be provided with the dessert, if one happens to own them; otherwise, plain forks and spoons do duty as required. The fork bears the chief burden of responsibility, being used for everything solid or semi-solid, leaving the spoon to the limited realm of soft custards and fruits that are so juicy as to elude the tines of the fork.

The knife is held in hand as little as possible, being used only when cutting is actually necessary, the fork easily separating most vegetables, etc. In the fish course, however, the knife is used to assist in removing the troublesome small bones.

In holding the knife the fingers should not touch the blade, except that the forefinger rests upon the upper edge not far below the shank when the cutting requires some firmness of pressure. The dinner knife should be sharp enough to perform its office without too much muscular effort, or the possible accident of a duck's wing flying unexpectedly " from cover" under the ill-directed stress of a despairing carver's hand. I have seen the component parts of a fricasseed chicken leave the table, not untouched— oh! no; every one had been sawing at it for a half an hour—but uneaten it certainly was, for obvious reasons. The cutlery was pretty, but practically unequal to even spring chicken.                               

The fork bears the chief burden of responsibility, being used for everything solid or semi-solid, leaving the spoon to the limited realm of soft custards and fruits that are so juicy as to elude the tines of the fork.

The fork is held with the tines curving downward, that position giving greater security to the morsel, and is raised laterally, the points being turned, as it reaches the mouth, just enough to deposit the morsel between the slightly-parted lips. During this easy movement the elbow scarcely moves from its position at the side, a fact gratefully appreciated by one's next neighbor. What is more awkward than the arm projected, holding the fork pointing backward at a right angle to the lips, the mouth opening wide like an automatic railway gate to an approaching locomotive—the labored and ostentatious way in which food is sometimes transported to its destination? Nor, once in the mouth, is it lost to sight forever. Other people, seated opposite, are compelled to witness it in successive stages of the grinding process, as exhibited by the constant opening and shutting of the mouth during mastication, or laughing and talking with the mouth full—faults of heedless people of energetic but not refined manners.

Liquids are sipped from the side of the spoon, without noise or suction. In serving vegetables the tablespoon is inserted laterally, not " point first."

Celery is held in the fingers, asparagus also, unless the stalks are too tender. Green corn may be eaten from the cob, a good set of natural teeth being the prime requisite. It may be a perfectly graceful performance if daintily managed.

The management of fruits in the dessert is another test of dainty skill. Oranges may be eaten in different ways; they may be cut in half across the sections, and the cells scooped out with a spoon; or they may be peeled and separated. The pegs of a large Florida orange can be skinned with the point of a sharp fruit-knife, and the seeds removed, leaving only the juicy pulp to be conveyed to the mouth. Practice enables one easily to "make way with" an orange. Bananas are peeled and held in the fingers, or, if very mealy, they may be cut into "bites" and eaten with a fork. Juicy pears and peaches may be managed in the same way, at discretion, the rule being that the fingers should touch as little as possible fruits that are decidedly mushy.

The finger-bowl stands ready to repair all damages of the nature suggested. The fingers are dipped in the water and gently rinsed, and then passed lightly over the lips, and both mouth and fingers are wiped upon the napkin.

At a signal from the hostess, the ladies rise and return to the drawing-room. The gentlemen follow immediately, or remain a short time for another glass of wine, when such is the provision of the host. – From "Etiquette: An Answer to the Riddle When? Where? How??" By Agnes H. Morton

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia