Teen Etiquette Topics, 1956

Q. I have been going with a boy who calls me up every night. He tells me he likes me, but in school he ignores me and flirts with other girls. Should I tell him I'm jealous?

Since dating is so very important to teenagers, here are some questions on that subject.

Q. I am 18 years old. My friends say that I am very pretty but that I am too quiet and never say anything funnyCan you make any suggestions? — M.M., Radom, Ill.

A. Try to cultivate your sense of humor so that you will enjoy the amusing things other people say. Not everyone can create humor. But if you look alive and receptive, your friends will like you and find you good company.

Q. Is it proper for a girl of 13 to play different kinds of ball games with boys several years older? — B.S., Phenix City, Ala.

A. It seems all right if grownups are present.

Q. I have been going with a boy who calls me up every night. He tells me he likes me, but in school he ignores me and flirts with other girls. Should I tell him I'm jealous?— L.P., Chicago, III.

A. Don't tell him you're jealous. If he calls you every night, you probably have the inside track. You'll have to wait until he is ready to acknowledge you as his girl in school. In the meantime, why not see some of the other boys?

Q. I am 16. I compliment girls quite often in school. When I do, they say "Thank you." What should I say?— S.G., New Britain, Conn.

A. Nothing.

Q. I like my girlfriend's boyfriend and he likes me. I want to go out with the boy but I still want Joan as a friend. What should I do?-— B.T., Mineral Ridge, Ohio.

A. It is very important for a girl to be liked by other girls in her school. The kind of boy-snatching that you are contemplating would make girls dislike you. Keep the friendship of your own sex and you'll have a better chance at happiness with boys as well.

Q. I am 14 and go to quite a few parties, but never enjoy them. What do you think I can do to have a good time?— J.L., Stratford, Conn. 

A. Seem to have a good time. This is a great compliment to your hostess and the boy you are with. If you start out to a party feeling that you are going to have a dull time and that you are dull yourself, you usually bring both of these undesired things upon yourself.— By Amy Vanderbilt in Parade Magazine, 1956

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Amy Vanderbilt Teen Etiquette, 1956

Q. At 13, is it all right for me to like a boy shorter than I? Am I too young to go steady?… Amy answers! ~ Group of teen boys at Knott’s Berry Farm in California, circa early 1950’s 

— Photo source, Etiquipedia Family Photos 

A large percentage of my mail comes from the sub-teen group I sincerely sympathize with the young girl who suddenly becomes really interested in her future dating possibilities and gets herself into a state of needless anxiety about her personal appearance. Here are three letters from this age group.

Q. I am a 12-year-old girl with three problems: 1) I am overweight and my mother won't let me go to a doctor. 2) Most of my girl friends have clothes that are bought ready- made; I have none. 3) My father won't let me go to school dances.— CT., Baton Rouge, La.

AIn your own opinion you may be overweight because your friends are thinner than you are, but in the eyes of a doctor you may not be. At your age it is considered wise to be 10 pounds over the normal. If you are a lot more than that, you should make a sincere effort to cut down on sweets and starches as well as fats. You need plenty of bone-building protein and calcium.

If clothes that are bought in a store seem so important to you, find some way of earning extra money to acquire them. However, many girls are very beautifully dressed by mothers who sew well — and you may be one.

Give your father time in the matter of dances. He probably thinks that you seem to be growing up too fast.

Q. I am a 12-year-old girl and my mother thinks I am too young to go out on dates in the afternoon. May we have your opinion? — D.S., St. Petersburg, Fla.

A. What other nice girls in your own group do is usually a fairly good criterion of what your parents can safely let you do. But the decision must rest with the parents; they know the circumstances and can judge the company you keep.

Q. At 13, is it all right for me to like a boy shorter than I? Am I too young to go steady? — L.R., Chicago, Ill.

A. Why shouldn't you like a boy shorter than yourself? Yes. 13-year-olds are much too young to go steady. — By Amy Vanderbilt in Parade Magazine, 1956

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Amy Vanderbilt on 1955 Teen Etiquette

Barbershop poster featuring the latest in haircuts for teen-aged boys and young men from the mid-1950’s– Q. I am a girl almost 14. My parents have reason (they think) to believe that I am turning bad. I like boys, but what girl doesn't? At what age is it proper for girls to go in cars with good boys? At what age is it permissible to smoke?

Teen-Age Topics

Many parents find it difficult to answer their children when they ask about sex either because their own knowledge is faulty or because their own questions to their parents were sloughed off with embarrassed evasions. The best advisers say that children should be told the answers to the specific questions they ask, but should not be given long scientific explanations before they are ready for them. Many of you are writing to me because you have had difficulty discussing this matter with your parents. Here are some of your letters:

Q. I am a 12-year-old girl. I have asked Mother about sex, but she says she will tell me when I am older. I have talked about it with a girl friend, but what she told me just puzzles me. I think if I'm old enough to know the stork didn't bring me I should have an explanation, don't you? S.H., La Junta, Colo.  

A. Girls and boys ask these questions at different ages; perhaps your mother does not remember being interested in the subject so early. Educators know, however, that some children begin to ask such questions as early as the third or fourth year and feel that they should be told what they are able to understand. 

Some time ago I mentioned a booklet put out by the Child Study Association of America. As a result, the Association received many requests for it from readers of this column. It is called When Children Ask About Sex. Call your mother's attention to the booklet; it may help her discuss the subject with you comfortably. 

Q. I am a girl almost 14. My parents have reason (they think) to believe that I am turning bad. I like boys, but what girl doesn't? At what age is it proper for girls to go in cars with good boys? At what age is it permissible to smoke? R.C., Fairfield, Conn.  

A. A child that does not have his parents' complete confidence is often unhappy and defiant. I know that some parents are excessively anxious over their daughters' reputations; however, it is a very difficult age for parents because it is hard indeed to protect children against the very real evils in every community. 

If the relationship between child and parent is such that discussion of problems seems very difficult or embarrassing, the child should have an opportunity to talk to the family doctor, a teacher or other adviser about the things that puzzle him. Parents are usually the best judges of just who is bad company for a child. Let them meet the boys with whom you wish to go in cars, and abide by their rules concerning your returning home. I do not like to see teenagers smoke at all. You must work this out with your parents. 

Q. I am a girl 12 years of age and many people take me for 15 or 16. I don't look a bit my age, except that I don't wear make-up. My parents take me for a baby; I can't wear even a dash of lipstick. S.C., Valley Stream, N.Y.  

A. I think your parents are very sensible. Most girls of 12 like to pretend that they look at least 16. Although in some communities girls of your age wear a little light lipstick, at least to parties, I don't like to see it even then. You have plenty of time in which to grow up. 

Q. You are insulting juveniles' dignity and self-respect by persisting in your column that we let our parents have the final word as to whom we should date, when we should be back home and other matters of etiquette. I know that state laws give our parents the right to control our lives, and no one should be encouraged to try to violate the law, but you could use your influence to correct those laws. Or are you one of those Victorians who believe we are too stupid to run our lives and so should stand helplessly by while our parents ruin them for us? B.L., Salem, Va.  

A. I believe in the protection of minors. The parentless “wild children” of wartime and postwar Europe are pathetic examples of what happens when children must fend for themselves.– Amy Vanderbilt in “Parade Magazine,” 1955

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia