Etiquette and Decor Advice 1940

Like your prayers, their locale should be your sanctum sanctorum - your boudoir, bedroom or private den to which also confine photographs and other portraits of your family. 

Good Taste

The picture on its walls will either make or mar your living room. If its general motif is to be gay or modern, do not adorn it with religious pictures. Like your prayers, their locale should be your sanctum sanctorum - your boudoir, bedroom or private den to which also confine photographs and other portraits of your family. 

For modernistic rooms, select modernistic pictures. For pictures with simple subjects - farm landscapes, peasants, etc… - select only simple frames. Court scenes or pictures of royalty in regal regalia look best in elaborate frames.

Where walls are light, pictures should be light and vice versa. Tall, narrow pictures and wide horizontal spaces require broad pictures. Hang the picture dominating your room so that its center of interest is at the level of your eye, if you are of average height.

Readers’ Questions Answered

Dear Miss Markel: As a recent bride, I am wondering how I should sign “thank you” notes and other letters John and Mary Smith or Mary and John Smith; also how should I sign my name- Mrs. Mary Smith or Mrs. John Smith?-M. S.


Answer- “Thank you” notes for wedding gifts should be signed by the bride, but in the body of the letter some reference should be made to the groom, thus: “John and I are simply thrilled with the lovely candlesticks you sent us.” When you sign your joint signatures, “Mary and John” is better. Your signature should be Mary Smith, omitting “Mrs.” You should, however, be addressed “Mrs. John Smith” and not “Mrs. Mary.”– Francine Markel, 1940

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Manners Q. & A. on “Thank You”

There are those that we need to thank in business. Those people we are obligated to thank, if we want to start or continue a good business relationship. 

A Reader’s Query on the Importance of “Thanks” 

Question from Anonymous: My wife is angry with me because I asked complete strangers to contact with me any helpful information they could give me, in an unnamed situation that happened in the past. This was over social media. Several people responded. It’s been 3 weeks, and I appreciate it all the information that was sent to me, but my wife is angry with me because I never responded with a thank you to these people who sent information. But I have been busy with other things. Am I in the wrong or she is wrong? I’m planning on thanking these people soon. She knows I’m always prompt in thanking people in business situations.

Answer: There are those that we need to thank in business. Those people we are obligated to thank, if we want to start or continue a good business relationship.

Then there are personal notes of thanks that are needed for complete strangers who have gone out of their way to help you. There is nothing in their job description that requires them to help you. Because you are a complete stranger, they are helping you out of the kindness of their hearts.

A note of thanks is needed in both cases. In both cases it is good manners to say, "thank you." But for the people who have gone out of their way, out of the goodness of their hearts, deserve extra prompt notes of thanks from you. They were under no obligation to be kind to you. — Site Editor Maura J. Graber

 
Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Bread and Butter” Letter Etiquette

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list.

Men and women who find themselves suddenly thrust into unexpected circles – sometimes men and women who find themselves, through some unexpected circumstance, well on the road toward social leadership – make little blunders that condemn them in the eyes of their new acquaintances and lose for them the very opportunity they had found. Among these is the unusual, but very possible, blunder of neglecting to send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter after having been entertained at a house party at her home.

The bread-and-butter letter is simply a form of courtesy one of the special letters which social intercourse demands. It is simply a short, cordial note of appreciation sent to the hostess upon return from a week-end or house party, expressing appreciation of the hospitality received, and informing her of safe arrival.

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list. – From Lillian Eichler’s “Etiquette Problems in Pictures,” 1922

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Bridal Etiquette –‘Thank You’s

“The stemware is truly beautiful. Though we're tempted to hold it back for state occasions, we do use it nightly.”

Be Speedy In Saying Thanks

When it comes to thank you notes, there's a very simple rule of etiquette. It doesn't matter so much how you phrase your note: It's the speed with which you send it off that shows your good manners, as well as your gratitude. If writing the letters looms as a huge task, plan to do just a few at a time. 

Keep your list of gifts and your writing supplies out on the desk, or a bridge table, and use those odd times to do a few notes. Your thanks should be simple and sincere, never pretentious. Try to have the giver feel he can see his gift in your first home. You can use phrases like these: “The bud vases you sent us look lovely on our fireplace mantel.” “We christened the casserole you gave us last night, and the budget beef stew tasted delicious.” “The stemware is truly beautiful. Though we're tempted to hold it back for state occasions, we do use it nightly.” 

These notes may be written on informal notepaper, possibly with your monogram or name engraved on the top sheet. Or simple notepaper of good quality may be used. Keep away from too highly decorated notepaper. It's fine for casual writing, but not for bridal thank yous. – San Bernardino Sun, 1970

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mid-20th C. Wedding Etiquette

Statistics show you’re more likely to be bride, groom or wedding guest in June... the “month of marriages” than at any other time in the year. But how much do you know about wedding manners? 

Test your knowledge on the wedding etiquette questions below...

1. You arrive at the church after the mother of the bride has been seated. You should 

• a) slip silently into the nearest pew. 
• b) wait in the church vestibule until after the ceremony. 
• c) take any free seat. 

2. As the usher escorts you to your seat, it is proper for you to 

• a) maintain a dignified silence.
• b) talk in a normal voice about anything that occurs to you.
• c) exchange polite remarks with the usher in a low voice.

3. On the receiving line you pass by the bride. If you do not know her personally, you 

• a) mumble “How do you do?” and move along quickly. 
• b) wish her good luck and tell her she made a lovely bride. 
• c) congratulate her. 

4. The two most popular pieces of music for weddings were originally 

• a) a bridal chorus for a medieval knight and a wedding march for a fairy queen.
• b) a church hymn and a march for an emperor’s procession. 
• c) tunes composed especially for church weddings. 

5. Right after marriage, the bride is faced with a stack of thank-you notes to write. The proper thing is to 

• a) write out each note, mentioning the gift and commenting on it. 
• b) have thank-you notes engraved and simply mail them out. 
• c) thank the giver in person or by phone. 

6. A family relative plans to photograph the ceremony. He should 

• a) consult the bride's mother. 
• b) go ahead on his own. 
• c) ask the clergyman's permission. 

7. Your husband is an usher at the wedding, but you're not invited to sit at the bride's table. You should 

• a) graciously be seated at a guest's table.
• b) insist on sitting with your husband.
• c) stalk out. 

8. The father of the bride feels he will look silly in a cutaway and refuses to join the groom in wearing one. The bride must 

• a) humor Daddy, who, after all, pays for the wedding.
• b) get him to compromise on a dark gray suit.
• c) persuade him at all costs to wear the cutaway. 

9. The bride's parents must 

• a) pay for both the bridesmaids’ and the maid of honor’s dresses.
• b) pay only for the maid of honor's dress. 
• c) let bridesmaids and maid of honor buy their own. 

10. Aunt Alice is invited to the wedding reception but will be unable to attend. She is 

• a) obliged to send a gift. 
• b) allowed to send one, but not obligated.
• c) definitely not supposed to send one.

Answers

1. b). No one should be seated after the bride’s mother has begun to walk down the aisle. This would detract from her entrance, at the moment when she should be the focus of all attention. 

2. c). Although it looks stiff and unnatural to walk down the aisle like a statue, it is not seemly to begin a lively conversation in church. Your wisest course is to talk quietly about a general subject until you are seated. 

3. b). Even though you don't know the bride, you must say something more than “How do you do?” to her. But never congratulate her, since this implies that she has managed to win her husband when it should be the other way around. Etiquette says that only the groom may be congratulated. It's proper to wish the bride happiness. 

4. a). The traditional “Here Comes the Bride” originally was a bridal chorus in Wagner's opera, Lohengrin. The wedding march customarily used as a recessional is the “Fairy Queen's Wedding March” from Mendelssohn's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

5. a). It is considered impolite to send out engraved thank-you notes, and downright rude not to send any at all. People who go to the trouble of selecting a gift deserve to know that the bride has noticed it. 

6. c). Although the wishes of the bride and her mother should be respected, the clergyman’s wishes are “the court of last resort.” 

7. a). The bridal table is officially only for the bridal party and does not even include the parents of bride and groom. 

8. c). When the groom is dressed formally, the fathers of both bride and groom must follow suit. Daddy would look much sillier wearing any other suit than he will in his cutaway. 

9. c). If the bride’s parents are well-fixed, she may elect to pay for her attendants’ gowns but she is under no obligation to do so in any case. 

10. b). A guest who has been invited to the reception is expected to send a gift if he accepts the invitation. If he does not accept, he may send one or not, as he chooses. A guest who has been asked only to the church ceremony also may send a gift or not, at his own discretion. 

Scoring:

Eight or more right answers means that, so far as etiquette is concerned, you're well briefed for anybody's wedding even your own. 

Five to seven is just getting by. 

Less than five means you'd better hold back on wedding bells until you've consulted a good book of etiquette. 

– Parade Magazine, June 8, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Monograms

A dainty, antique sterling strawberry fork, with the letter “B” monogram.

Many antique utensils have been monogrammed. The monograms were put on the flatware not just as decoration, but also as a way of identifying the flatware’s owner and to stop pilferage by unscrupulous guests.  Throughout the 18th century, silver eating utensils and serving pieces were popular in Europe and America for only those who could afford them. Silverware was identified with women of the moneyed classes. 

At that time, women could not legally own land or other property, so their lives were limited to, and revolved around, the home and family. For this reason, silverware was significant as a woman's contribution to the financial part of a marriage, and it was often purchased for her one piece at a time and kept in what was called a "hope kchest," along with other household goods such as linens and quilts. 

Because silver flatware was bought with a woman's taste in mind, until the latter part of the 19th century, most patterns were designed for women. The silver flatware, along with other household goods, was traditionally monogrammed with the bride's initials, by the mid-20th century. Often times, one will see utensils with monograms on the back. The flatware is turned upside-down at place settings. This is considered a “French fashion,” however, it was seen by the 17th and 18th centuries on many fine British tables, as well. 

And other monograms?

Traditionally, monogramming is done in the following manners:

• Nicknames are rarely used in monogramming personal items, unless they are done for a child’s “thank you” note cards or personal items.
• For items belonging to the unmarried woman, a monogram using all three names is done in this order – First, last, middle initials, with the center initial larger than the two flanking initials.
• For items belonging to the married woman, a monogram using all three names is done in the same order – First, last name, middle initials, with the center initial larger than the two flanking initials.
• Traditionally, an engaged couple doesn’t use the same last name before their wedding ceremony. Instead, they may wish to use a duo-gram, which incorporates the couple’s first-name initials. Once they are married, they may use their full combined initials.
• If you do want to use a duo-gram, the old custom is followed with “ladies first,” by monogramming the wife’s first initial, the couple’s married last name in the center, and the husband’s first initial last.
• For items belonging to the single or married man, a monogram using all three names is done in this order – First, middle, last name initial, with all of the initials being the same size.
• Monograms for those unmarried, are most times the single first-name initial. This allows for the addition of a surname’s initial at a later date.
• It is incorrect to have one’s monogram engraved on the envelope of social stationery. The monogram should appear only on the note paper.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Relaxing Standards of Etiquette

Not only could you free up valuable minutes by using preprinted cards, but you could also save the trouble of sending someone to deliver the preprinted card. You could now just hand your card to the mailman to deliver!

When previously handwritten notes of thanks were suddenly cheapened, in an effort to free up one’s time and ease social obligations.

The cards styled “thank” cards, are neatly printed with blanks to be written in ink: “Mrs. ______________ returns thanks for kind inquiries.” Etiquette permits them to be sent by mail. — Sacramento Daily Union, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Pepper Spray Etiquette

My husband Cliff wanted us to both be safe, so he bought us each pepper spray. I wanted us both to be safe, so I never took mine out of the package.

If you have never experienced pepper spray, or are thinking about carrying some pepper spray for safety, or simply trying some out just to see what it's like, the following are a few etiquette rules one should follow:


 

1. If you feel you must have pepper spray with you, put it in a safe place where it cannot accidentally be sprayed. A safe place would be any place a child cannot find it, or in a special spot. One example would be your glove compartment in your car, not a pocket full of other things like your keys, along with your cell phone, and other assorted items.

Dawn helps save wildlife. It also helped save my husband.

2. If you accidentally spray your pepper spray on yourself after having it in an overly-filled pant pocket, immediately, and extremely politely, ask a spouse, loved one or friend, to please go out and buy you copious amounts of Dawn dish washing liquid. Pepper spray is an oily substance, and as Dawn is used to clean sea life that have been victims of oil spills, it will help you tremendously.

 

3. Thank your loved one (or friend) profusely. Then, when the pain has subsided, send a handwritten thank you note along with chocolates, flowers, or possibly a bottle of wine. This is a nice touch, especially if your loved one had just returned from 5 long hours of Christmas shopping, and had to run right out again to buy you gallons of Dawn dish detergent.

Maybe you should keep this in your pants pocket instead.

4. Do not use, for example, your spouse's shower to wash the pepper spray off. Surprisingly, this can be construed as very impolite. Those soapy bubbles float all over the place, and when your spouse then goes to take a shower, he or she may find they are sporting a face that is bright red and burning, as the bubbles taking the pepper spray off of you, floated onto the facial cleanser, shampoo and conditioner bottles, and basically the entire shower! Check into a hotel to shower or bathe. Or shower outside with a garden hose if need be. Whatever you do, do not attempt to clean yourself in your spouse's shower or bathtub.


Seriously... the stuff burns!

5. If your spouse's shower or bath are your only options, hire a professional cleaning crew in hazmat suits, to come in afterward and clean said shower or bathtub, as another apology and act of graciousness. You then should always be welcome to use the shower or bath anytime after that.


This stuff works really well, if slathered all over your spouse's face a dozen times throughout the afternoon and evening, even if it is Christmas Eve and he or she is entertaining the family. At least it works well until a new package of supplies arrives from your spouse's favorite beauty or skincare consultant.

6. If your spouse has just purchased shampoo, conditioner, their favorite Kiehl's facial cleanser, and other assorted items that are in the shower with you, politely explain that you will need to throw them all out, but you will purchase all new items to replace them. Make sure you follow through with purchasing new items as soon as possible, and throw in a couple of extra skin care goodies as an added act of goodwill.

Please give your dry cleaner a warning.

7. If you take your pepper sprayed clothing to be professionally laundered, kindly warn the establishment that the clothing has pepper spray on it. If they launder it with anyone else's clothes, they may find themselves named in an unwanted lawsuit.


These won't persuade anyone.

8. If you are goofy enough to take your spouse's unopened package of pepper spray and attach it to your new key ring and keys, simply because you now, "know what to do if it happens again." please laugh it off when your spouse's friends, hairdresser and relatives think you are nuts. You can show them you have those handy wipes you bought off of the internet as proof that you are prepared for yet another pepper spray disaster.



As for me? I am sticking with this pet safe stuff. Evidently it doesn't burn.
 

*Special Note for Physicians: If you are a physician, and your spouse has been given pepper spray by a friend, please don't spritz it into a toilet to see what happens. Moments later, something will happen all the way back down the hall, into your office. You will experience a burning face and burning eyes. Just try to keep in mind, you were smart enough to get through medical school, and take relief in the fact that you were wise enough to not try this during office hours when patients were in the waiting room, right next to that restroom. Politely tell your spouse not to carry the pepper spray. It's up to you whether or not you want to tell your loved one why.

Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, for over a quarter of a century, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mid-20th C. Etiquette Advice

Question... Due to the fact that I was working during the day and very busy at night getting our new home in order, I was unable to acknowledge all of our wedding gifts. Is it all right to write "thank you” notes now, six months after the wedding? 

Mid-20th Century “Modern Etiquette”

By Advice Columnist, Roberta Lee

From 1941

Q. When a bride is to be married in a traveling suit, what should the bridegroom wear?
A: A business suit.

Q. What is the best way to ask a girl for a dance?
A. "May I have the next dance?"

Q: May one use a lead pencil for writing a social or business letter
A. Not unless one is ill and writing the letter in bed.

From 1951

Q. Is it considered good manners to supply a word which seems to elude another person who is speaking? 

A. It is perhaps a friendly service if the speaker is a foreigner—but it most certainly should never be done with a countryman. 

Q. When a woman has been introduced to you as “Alice Young,” how do you know whether to address her as Mrs. Young or Miss Young? 

A. The only thing to do is to ask her, unless there is someone else nearby whom you can ask.

From 1953

Q. Is it all right for a hostess to mail invitations to a cocktail party on her calling cards? 

A. Yes; on the lower lefthand side, opposite the address may be written: "Saturday, July eighteenth, Cocktails at five o’clock." 

Q. Is it bad manners to eat candy or popcorn in a theater? 

A. Society used to frown upon this practice. However, today’s motion picture theater is just about as much in the popcorn and candy business as in its presentation of films, and the practice is now condoned. Eat as noiselessly and unobtrusively as possible. 

Q. When one is to have a small wedding in the minister's home, is it all right to send out wedding announcements? 
A. Yes.

From 1955

Q. Should the hostess lead the way to the table at a luncheon, or usher her guests into the room and then follow them? 

A. The hostess should lead the way, and then designate the proper seating arrangement. 

Q. Is it proper to write an anonymous letter of protest or criticism to a newspaper or to a columnist. 

A. This is not only considered ill-bred, but it is a cowardly thing to do. One should always have enough courage in one’s convictions to sign the letter. 

Q. Is it proper for a married woman to send a gift in her name only to a bride? A. No; she should always include her husband’s name. 

Q. What kind of decoration should be used for the breakfast party table? 

A. A bowl of fruit is customary, although flowers may be used too. 

Q. Is it now considered good manners to use a toothpick at the table? Lately I have seen this done by people of apparent refinement. 

A. The rules remain unchanged. Toothpicks should never be seen in use, at the table or anywhere else. 

Q. In what manner should friends be invited to a christening? 

A. By telephone or informal note.

From 1956

Q. Where do the relatives of the deceased sit during the funeral service at the church? 

A. The relatives occupy the front pews on the right of the center aisle. 

Q. When one’s partner has unwittingly given information about his hand during the progress of a bridge game, what should one do? 
A. Disregard it. Under no circumstances should one take advantage of such information, as this would not onty be bad manners, but poor sportsmanship. 

Q. Due to the fact that I was working during the day and very busy at night getting our new home in order, I was unable to acknowledge all of our wedding gifts. Is it all right to write "thank you” notes now, six months after the wedding? 

A. Thanks at this time are better than no thanks at all. And it would be nice to state the reason for the delay. —From The Madera Tribune

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Bridal Showers

The Novel Bridal Shower of 1907

Vintage 1960s Bridal Shower gift wrap

An Astonishing "Paper Bridal Shower" 

By the late 1940s, 1950s and 1960s, pre-printed paper shower items and gifts were seen more and more at bridal showers. In 1907, however, they were not. Paper items for a shower was novel and fun for the woman of 1907. As talk of china and silver were left out of this article, it is probably a good guess that the paper items were only gifts. There is no mention of paper plates, nor napkins.

The writer begins "astonished" to receive an invitation to her first "paper" bridal shower. She then goes into great detail about the decor and gifts for the bride to be. All of the curiosities made from paper. It is fun article to read, all the way down to the serving of the "salad and dainties." Below the article is some simple bridal shower etiquette to keep in mind. 

By the tone of the article, the women at the shower in 1907 could give Martha Stewart a run for her money in the craft department.

Bridal Shower Etiquette

The Etiquette Then:

1.The bestowal of engagement presents has taken on a wholesale aspect. Instead of the occasional receipt of a present from one or another of her friends and relatives, the bride-elect is often now the guest of honor at one or more "showers," and the recipient of numerous gifts which are literally showered upon her. There are many kinds of "showers," as many as the ingenuity and financial resources of friends may admit of. When, however, any one bride is to be made the object of a series of such attentions, it is well for the girl's friends who have the matter in hand to see to it that no one person is invited to more than one shower, or, if so invited, that it be at her own request and because she wishes to make several gifts to her friend.

2.Effort should be made not to have the articles given at a "shower" duplicate each other. They should be some simple, useful gifts, which will be of immediate service, and need not be either expensive or especially durable, unless the giver so desires. A "shower" is usually given when a wedding is in prospect, and the necessity of stocking up the new home confronts the young home-makers. The aim is to take a kindly interest in the new home and help to fit it out, more in the way of suggestion than in any extravagant way, which would make the recipients feel embarrassed or indebted, or overload them with semi-desirable gifts.

3.The "shower" is usually in the afternoon, and is joined in almost exclusively by the girl friends of the bride-elect, with perhaps a few of her older women friends and relatives. If, however, it comes in the evening, the men of the bridal party are usually also invited. The refreshments are simple and the style of entertainment informal. The invitations to a "shower" are usually given by the hostess verbally, or she sends her cards by post with the words "Linen shower for Miss Hanley on Wednesday at four."

4.There is a wide range of possible kinds of "showers," but the only rational way is to choose for a donation party of this sort only such objects as will be needed in quantity and variety, and in the choice of which one has not too strong and distinctive taste, as, for instance, the following: Linen, towels, glass, books, fancy china, silver, spoons, aprons, etc. Of course, the furnishings of some one room, as the bath-room, laundry, or kitchen, might be the subject of a "shower," but usually a housewife would prefer to have what she wanted and nothing else for use in these places.

The Etiquette Now:

1. The old etiquette was that bridal showers are not held for 2nd time brides, or even 3rd time brides. Etiquette changes with society, and "serial-marriages" are with us to stay. It is wise for the bride-to-be to make sure anyone throwing a shower for her keeps it tastefully small and with just intimate family and friends invited. Anything over-the-top appears tacky.

2. The old etiquette was that the shower was held only for the bride, her family and friends. Today, more participation of men has given rise to "couple showers" that honor both the bride-to-be and groom-to-be. Men enjoy being feted, just as much as ladies do.

3. The old etiquette of handwritten thank you notes for the shower gifts, being sent out prior to the wedding, is still the correct etiquette now. If the bride and groom do not get notes of thanks sent out quickly, they will find the task much more difficult as the wedding nears. And no... you may not email the notes of thanks! It is poor manners to email a note of thanks to someone who took the time to bring you a gift. Unless a gift was emailed to you, an emailed "note of thanks" is rude.

Compiled by contributor blog Gero-Dynamics© 

   🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Etiquette Ferry Tale

A few trips between here and Oakland will perhaps open your eyes to the fact that there is room for original interpretation as to what constitutes manners.

The old adage about one half of the world not knowing how the other half gets away with it, does not apply to commuters. Settle down in almost any part, of any ferry boat going in any direction and before the gentleman from Denmark or thereabouts says: "All ashore," you can get first hand ideas on many points of view on many subjects.  

Take etiquette, for instance. From the fact that its rules have been codified, as it were, one might think that etiquette was in the nature of an exact science. A few trips between here and Oakland will perhaps open your eyes to the fact that there is room for original interpretation as to what constitutes manners. 

It was on one of the morning boats from Sausallto. She sat on the after deck and told a girl friend the story of her life from a date in the past, when, it appeared from the conversation, their paths had separated. "No, I ain't seen May sines I was married. She'n me had an awful fallin' out. You see 'twas this way: May sent me a wedding present. I'd acknowledged all my engagement presents, but didn't think it would be etiquette to acknowledge weddin' presents till I was married. I had all my acknowledgments written and was goin to mail them the minute I was married. The day before the weddin May rings me up. 

"Oh, you ain't dead?' she says, sarcastic, when I answers the 'phone. '"Why. the idear. May! What's the matter?' says I." 'Nothln'!' she says with a sneer. 'But if my present aint worth acknowledging you'd best send it back.' '''You mis'rable contemptuous cat." I says. 'If I had you here,' I says, I'd scratch your eyes out. Don't you dare to tell me nothln' about etiquette!' 

"I slams down the 'phone. I returned her present, but she come to the weddin' all right an' enjoyed herself makin' sneerin' remarks about the furniture. No, May an' I ain't been friends since."— From the San Francisco Call, July 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

"Bread and Butter" Letter Etiquette

The letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases, or it may be only a brief note...

THE "BREAD-AND-BUTTER" LETTER

From constant usage, the term "bread-and-butter" letter has become custom. Now, upon return from a week-end or house party, it is considered necessary and, indeed, it would be a gross neglect to fail in so obvious a duty, to write a cordial note to the hostess, expressing appreciation of the “hospitality received, and informing her of your safe arrival.

The letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases, or it may be only a brief note such as the following:

Terrace Revain,June 23, 19—

Dear Mrs. Bevans:
This is to tell you again how very much I enjoyed the week-end at Pine Rock. We got into the city at five and Morgan brought me out home in a taxi. Mother is giving a small bridge this afternoon and so I found everyone busy, for while there is not a great deal to do it is impossible to get anyone to help do it.

Tell Mr. Bevans that I am arranging for three or four tennis games next week, so that when I come again, if I don't win, I shall at least not be beaten quite so shamefully.

Let me know when you come to town on your next shopping trip. Perhaps we can arrange for lunch together somewhere.

Very sincerely yours,
Helen R. Janis.

    From Lillian Eichler's 1924, “Book of Etiquette / Volume I” 

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