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| Life brings a discipline to all; a discipline which bears directly upon every human being, making it his duty to be acceptable to his fellow-creatures. And unless certain tenets of good behavior are acknowledged and endorsed by society, how is the novice to know when he has trespassed upon good manners? |
A subject which has been handled in many ways, and by many minds, always presents difficulties to one who attempts to set it forth in a new light. And yet the theme of our book is susceptible of many new thoughts, and many changes of old thoughts which are of value to the reader. The etiquette of polite society changes so materially in some phases, and with such marked contrast among different peoples and periods, that it is almost a hopeless task to formulate rules that shall absolutely govern with the same unchangeability that stamped the laws of the Medes and the Persians.
The nearest approach to such a task is to give to the inquirer those usages and forms which prevail in good society, and which, with slight modifications, are adapted to any part of the habitable globe. And while these rules are, in their general contour, applicable to any position in life, the good sense and knowledge of fitness of things, will help to a comprehension of those exceptional occasions, when even the etiquette which obtains everywhere, can be changed in a slight degree, without marring the force of the custom as usually accepted.
The fact that the rules of good behavior are current everywhere, is based on their being the outgrowth of something more substantial than mere forms. They are grounded in that kindness of heart, that unselfish desire to make one'self agreeable and attractive, which must have a place with all, ere they can lay claim to being truly polite.
Life brings a discipline to all; a discipline which bears directly upon every human being, making it his duty to be acceptable to his fellow-creatures. And unless certain tenets of good behavior are acknowledged and endorsed by society, how is the novice to know when he has trespassed upon good manners?
The deepest thinkers all unite in pronouncing human nature essentially selfish. But, by studying the rules laid down by good society for guidance, and practicing them continually, they become second nature, and selfishness is kept in the background. Politeness becomes easy, if habitual, and performs its mission in bringing its followers up from the plane of self-love to a higher moral one, where thoughtless self-gratification is subdued, and time and attention are devoted to looking after the comfort and welfare of others.
Much remains to be said upon the value of good manners. They should be the outgrowth of character; a character built up in youth. Character is more than reputation. The young should learn its value, and early acquire it. The world may misunderstand - it generally does misconstrue human actions. But a clear conscience, a kindly nature, and fine manners, can conquer all things.
But even though certain customs may change, the principles which underlie social laws ever remain the same. Regarding etiquette then, from a higher standpoint than the mere following of certain set forms, we have added to those forms truths that lie deeper than outward observances. Mere politeness, unaccompanied by a desire to make it a nature of daily life, is very empty and unsatisfying. The moral nature must be developed at the same time, and the innate tendency to prefer self, must be kept in abeyance.
The life will then grow beautiful, the expressions of good will to all become spontaneous, and a broader culture, which is an aid to success in the world, will result. Good manners are pivots upon which a man's fortunes may be said to turn. Who is so unwelcome as the person destitute of them? No one likes to transact business with such a one, no pleasure is afforded by his society.
It is the aim of this work to impress upon all the importance of acquiring them; not alone for the pleasure which they afford, but because they are links in the chain which binds human beings to each other, and to a Higher Power.
Indifference to the comfort of others betokens a selfish, coarse nature, and repels those whose sympathies are active, and to whom civility is the natural expression of gentle def- erence, ever seeking to confer pleasure upon others. To all our readers is this volume especially addressed, with the sincere desire that profit and instruction may be gathered from its pages. And we feel certain that it will help the novice or the timid one, to know just what to do under all circumstances, assisting all to avoid those mortifying mistakes which are so distressing to a proud and sensitive nature.
Every line has been penned with the hope that our treatment of the important subject of etiquette will make the duties of social life more clear, and awaken a desire for that culture which raises the soul to a more lofty ideal of the life we live here. –THE AUTHOR.
From Polite Society at Home and Abroad, by Annie Randall White, 1895
