Etiquette for Hostess Gifts

In visiting friends for several days, should one upon one’s return, send a gift to the hostess? 

Filed Under “Standard Rules of Etiquette” 

Question: In visiting friends for several days, should one upon one’s return, send a gift to the hostess? 

Answer: While it is not necessary to send a gift to one's hostess, it is a gracious thing to do and is always appreciated. If one is a close friend of hostess, a gift may be taken when one goes on the visit, otherwise it is sent upon one's return. 

In any event, the house guest should send a “bread and butter” letter of gratitude and appreciation for his visit immediately upon his return from a house party. The letter itself may be very short but it must never be ignored nor must it be put off. Prompt acknowledgement of a visit is one of the essentials of etiquette. – Imperial Valley Press, 1931

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Bread and Butter” Letter Etiquette

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list.

Men and women who find themselves suddenly thrust into unexpected circles – sometimes men and women who find themselves, through some unexpected circumstance, well on the road toward social leadership – make little blunders that condemn them in the eyes of their new acquaintances and lose for them the very opportunity they had found. Among these is the unusual, but very possible, blunder of neglecting to send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter after having been entertained at a house party at her home.

The bread-and-butter letter is simply a form of courtesy one of the special letters which social intercourse demands. It is simply a short, cordial note of appreciation sent to the hostess upon return from a week-end or house party, expressing appreciation of the hospitality received, and informing her of safe arrival.

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list. – From Lillian Eichler’s “Etiquette Problems in Pictures,” 1922

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia