“He knew a ‘No Smoking’ sign when he saw one, and if he did not see one, he knew the no-smoking places libraries, museums, concert halls, courts, streetcars, day coaches, airfields, most large department stores, etc. It was ridiculous, Bogart knew, to get arrested for smoking in these places when you can get nabbed for something big…”

Bogie the Model Smoker

When the late Humphrey Bogart smoked a cigarette, it was pure art. All the little acts involved lighting up, inhaling, exhaling were handled with devastating ease. But it wasn't put on. The cigarette was part of Humphrey, and ashes never toppled on his vest and smoke never got in anyone's eyes. For years, whenever kids took a fling at smoking, they had a mental picture Humphrey Bogart. Many of them, no doubt, found they couldn't copy Bogie's' technique, so they dropped the habit out of shame. Thus, the man was not a total bad influence. Today there are other movie heroes to imitate, but if a man MUST smoke, he still can't beat Bogie for a model. 

Here are some things he did not do: 

• HE didn't take chances. He knew a "No Smoking" sign when he saw one, and if he did not see one, he knew the no-smoking places libraries, museums, concert halls, courts, streetcars, day coaches, airfields, most large department stores, etc. It was ridiculous, Bogart knew, to get arrested for smoking in these places when you can get nabbed for something big, like shooting Sidney Greenstreet, for example. 
• He seldom danced, being a sedentary drinking type, but when he did, he left his cigarette behind. 
• Neither did he spend a conspicuous amount of time in church. Still, he knew better than to smoke in one. 
• For that matter, you shouldn't smoke at any religious or ceremonial function, such as a wedding or christening, but the chances of Bogie attending the latter were remote, indeed. 

WHEN he chose to wipe out somebody, he generally used his rod and not his cigarette. He didn't asphyxiate his victim, that is, with clouds of smoke. Polished mobster that he was, he even watched where the , fumes drifted when his weed was at rest. And when he finally extinguished the thing, he did a thorough job, agreeing with Emily Post that nothing induces "nicotine nausea" like a smoldering cigarette. He knew, too, that ashes are for ashtrays. 

If his hostess (or prop man) hadn't provided one, why, Humphrey just didn't smoke. There is no record on celluloid of his putting ashes in his pant cuffs, either. Or in lamp bases. Or in flowerpots. (Okay, so maybe ashes ARE good for flowers, or even rugs. Does this justify flicking ashes on same? Not in Humphrey's book.) He didn't lay his cigarette on the edge of a table or other piece of furniture. His reasoning probably went this way: If the table burns, so will its owner. And if the owner burns, he may rat on me to the cops (not about the table, but about plugging Louie). Then I’ll burn! Even men without this particular concern should be careful where they put their cigarettes. 

Q & A on P's & Q's 

(Q) "Neighbors had my husband and me for dinner recently and when we went to the table my husband took his cigar with him. Between courses he would light it up and take a few drags. I think maybe he had too many Martinis before dinner, but this was no excuse, was it?" Mrs. T. S., Philadelphia.

 

(A) Certainly not. If cigars are smoked at the dinner table at all, it should be after the meal is over. Watch those Martinis, by the way.

By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1958

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10 Etiquette Tips of 1940

To help children acquire poise and ease of manner at the table, they should be given a reasonable amount of attention. They should be encouraged to join in the general conversation and not rudely interrupted, or how can they learn to listen attentively and politely to others? 

 Hints on Etiquette from 1940

1. Ice cream served à la mode (on pie) is eaten with a fork. 
2. The bride rides to church in the car with her father, not with the bridesmaid or with her husband-to-be. 
3. To help children acquire poise and ease of manner at the table, they should be given a reasonable amount of attention. They should be encouraged to join in the general conversation and not rudely interrupted, or how can they learn to listen attentively and politely to others? 
4. It is the woman's place to proffer her hand to a man if she wishes to shake hands with him. However, if the man is used to shaking hands at meeting, and holds out his hand, she should shake hands with him even if she didn't intend to. 
5. You can train yourself to be a good mixer if you make a habit of always being interested in other people and showing it by your speech and actions.
6. Talk of one's personal problems and woes in public places, and in a tone of voice which easily carries to those within range, is never good taste. 
7. When you have finished your soup, if it is served in a regular soup bowl, wide and shallow, put the spoon in the bowl itself when you have finished. When eating soup out of a bouillon cup, however, put the spoon in the saucer or plate in which the cup stands.
8. It is good manners as well as good morals to suppress any unpleasant thing you may have heard of a person and tell those which are pleasant and to their credit. 
9. It is not considered good manners to smoke while dancing.
10. Ushers at a church wedding should be at the church about an hour before the time set for the ceremony. 

From the “Grab Bag” feature in the Imperial Valley Press, 1940

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Retro Etiquette for Female Smokers

Etiquette rules for the woman smoker are the same as those for men, except for the fact that she can't smoke on the street and look ladylike. Even today, this gives her a Sadie Thompson or beatnik or washerwoman effect, depending on her age and build.

When should a man light a woman's cigarette? According to 1953's The New Esquire Etiquette: A Guide to Business, Sports & Social Conduct, on secretaries who smoke, "If she's sitting within reach of a lighter and if she's not crippled, nobody expects you to walk a mile with a match." but "Light her cigarettes, be you ever so far across the room whenever she is apparently lightless." 

Two errors in etiquette are still committed occasionally by the woman smoker. One is never having cigarettes or matches, only the habit. Most men consider this fairly charmless. (And these lassies learn quickly, of course, that they can't get away with it at all, with other women.) The second error is expecting her cigarettes to be lit for her even though matches are on the table beside her. I know a camellia blossom who will sit endlessly with cigarette poised, waiting for some man to quit whatever he's doing and light it. This is bad manners, for it makes other people uncomfortable, and it is not the action of a lady, but of a blob of glup.

Which brings up the question: When should a man light a woman's cigarette? Most women would answer, not when he must cross the room to do so.** If a man lunges with a lighter from 15 feet away every time she fumbles, a woman will presently get the uneasy feeling that she's smoking too much. And he shouldn't butt in if she has her own cigarette lighter already to flick. After all, she didn't bring that cute little gadget along for a paperweight. She likes to use it and show off its pretty monogram. Also, lighting her own cigarette gives her a small feeling of accomplishment, which, in this push-button age, isn't to be sneezed at.

One more tobacco crumb: Formerly, when two smokers were lighting up, it was de rigueur to light one's own cigarette first. But that was in the days of sulfur matches, when the first cigarette lit was apt to taste of the fumes of hell. Today, courtesy dictates that the lighter light his own last. — From Peg Bracken’s, “I Try to Behave Myself”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Contagious Diseases

They are kind of cute! — “Why don’t the contagious among us stay home or wear those cute little paper nose and mouth covers or at least feel bad about putting the rest of us at risk of sharing their misery? More people died in the post-World War I influenza epidemic than died in the war. Garden variety flu germs can be life-threatening to the elderly or those with vulnerable respiratory systems.”
— Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

In 1998, the State of California banned indoor smoking in many public places, much to the delight of non-smokers and those suffering from respiratory problems. A law professor from UC Berkley wrote the following article, which appeared in the Los Angeles Times. The importance of respiratory etiquette that the professor outlined is timely, considering the world continues to deal with Covid-19 and our normal “cold and flu season” is nearly upon us.

Thank You for Not Sneezing

California’s assault on secondhand smoke reached its historic high this New Year’s, when even indoor areas in bars and casinos became smoke-free by force of law. The rules on smoke exposure have taken a 180-degree turn in less than a generation. In the United States of my youth, every citizen was hostage to other people’s cigarettes in airplanes, in offices and in almost every other public space. Now the indoor areas of public life are all nonsmoking zones— an inconvenience for the 25% of adults who smoke, but a benefit of large proportions to the respiratory systems of the 75% who do not.

But even smoke-free California is not a safe place to take your lungs to the office, on a bus or anywhere else in public. In this the season of cold and flu, the greatest hazard of appearing in public is not tobacco smoke, but rather contagious disease. And strangers who would not dream of blowing smoke in your face seem happy enough about coughing and sneezing whenever they see you coming.

Isn’t there a double standard here, when the same folks prohibited from smoking in my office building can sneeze me home for a week of hell with the reigning bacterium of the season? Why don’t the contagious among us stay home or wear those cute little paper nose and mouth covers or at least feel bad about putting the rest of us at risk of sharing their misery?

Could it be that the analogy between secondhand smoke and free-flying germs is farfetched because tobacco is deadly while colds are merely inconvenient? Nonsense. More people died in the post-World War I influenza epidemic than died in the war. Garden variety flu germs can be life-threatening to the elderly or those with vulnerable respiratory systems, a much quicker and much clearer threat than the statistical associations and 30-year time lags that constitute the case against environmental tobacco smoke. And anyone who thinks that this year’s killer colds are merely inconvenient does not have one. The only larger harm a stranger can inflict requires a deadly weapon.

Is the difference between environmental smoke and environmental germs the fact that there is no way to protect against disease contagion that is as simple as not smoking? But what if sick people stay home or cover their mouths? I am sure it is a burden to take such precautions, but isn’t the whole point of our smoking restrictions to impose the inconvenience on those who would otherwise cause harm?

Perhaps the difference is that potential victims can defend themselves more easily from public germs than from secondhand smoke. There are, after all, flu shots to be had every fall. But not all flu bugs respond to the shots available. And if anybody ever finds a vaccine that protects against colds, the financial rewards will make Bill Gates seem middle class. The only way to avoid the urban germ highway is to live alone and stay home all winter.

I’m not advocating passing a law that requires germ-free public spaces. But two smaller lessons do come from the contrasting treatment of germs and cigarettes. The first lesson is that what we tolerate in public is much more a matter of particular social expectation than scientific studies. The French read scientific journals just as assiduously as do Americans, yet the average French café contains more smoke than a forest fire. You are more likely to encounter a face full of tobacco smoke if you go to Japan this year than you would in Los Angeles. But you will also notice hundreds of people on the subway in Japan who wear paper masks to avoid spreading contagious disease that they carry. Which culture is more considerate depends on the particular subject of the inquiry. The standard for what is polite in public varies tremendously from one social setting to another.

Now for the optimistic lesson. If the social customs concerning secondhand smoke can change over time, maybe there is hope for some controls on germs as well. What we need is not a law, but an etiquette of contagious disease. Perhaps the near future can bring us to a standard where we expect more effort from ourselves and one another to avoid multiplying the bacterial miseries of our winters. — Franklin E. Zimring, U.C. Berkley, 1998

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Emily Post on Candles and Smokers

One of the better known writers on manners, with her first book of etiquette published in 1922, is Emily Post. Though she died in 1960, her extended family (most notably her late-granddaughter in-law, Elizabeth Post) has successfully continued on with her legacy of  nearly a century of etiquette books, news columns and social media contributions. – Above, “Emily Post” by Miguel Covarrubias for Vanity Fair, December 1933 
– Image source, Pinterest 

From “Good Taste Today” 

Dear Mrs. Post: Will you please tell me, first if it is proper to use unlighted candles (in candelabra) on the buffet merely as decoration? Second, if it is proper to use them then, should the candles be new or should they be lighted and snuffed out, leaving chaired ends?  

Answer: If by a buffet you mean a sideboard, candelabra are suitable decoration. There is no rule about burning off the candles, but if you did this the candelabra would at least look as though they were sometimes used on the dining table and merely stood on the sideboard between while. Candles are, of course, always put on an evening buffet table and lighted beforehand unless in summer when the evening meal begins in daylight.  

Dear Mrs. Post: How can I be courteous about letting visitors in my house know that I do not like cigaret smoke? Any one using strong perfume is supposed to be showing very bad taste, and yet cigaret smoke smells equally strong, to say nothing of smoke-drenched clothes worn by the inveterate smokers. When I have to spend a day or evening with smokers, I am completely seasick. 

Answer: If people you care very little about are the smokers, the solution is simple enough since you need not continue inviting them to your house. If, however, all the people you like best smoke, you will, I am afraid, have to accustom yourself to smoke or resign yourself to loneliness. On the other hand, I think it only fair to mention that your friends should in their turn show reasonable consideration for you. 

Every smoker should realize that smoking at a dining table, which has not been furnished with ash trays and cigarets, is a breach of etiquette. After the meal, of course, the question of courtesy goes into reverse and those who dislike smoke are unhappily for themselves expected to tolerate it. One thing that might help you, if you have not already discovered it, is to remove the dead ends constantly from the ash trays or better still, get especial ash receivers with water compartments beneath trap tops which prevent that stale smell, which is more than likely the cause of your feeling of seasickness. —Emily Post, 1939

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1930's Smoking Etiquette

If people you care very little about are the smokers, the solution is simple enough, since you need not continue inviting them to your house. — Emily Post

Dear Mrs. Post: How can I be courteous about letting visitors in my house know that I do not like cigarette smoke? Any one using strong perfume is supposed to be showing very bad taste, and yet cigarette smoke smells equally strong, to say nothing of smoke-drenched clothes worn by the inveterate smokers. When I have to spend a day or evening with smokers, I am completely seasick.


Answer: If people you care very little about are the smokers, the solution is simple enough since you need not continue inviting them to your house. If, however, all the people you like best smoke, you will, I am afraid, have to accustom yourself to smoke or resign yourself to loneliness. On the other hand, I think it only fair to mention that your friends should in their turn, show reasonable consideration for you. Every smoker should realize that smoking at a dining table, which has not been furnished with ash trays and cigarettes, is a breach of etiquette. After the meal, of course, the question of courtesy goes into reverse and those who dislike smoke are unhappily for themselves expected to tolerate it. One thing that might help you if you have not already discovered it, is to remove the dead ends constantly from the ash trays or better still, get especial ash receivers with water compartments beneath trap tops which prevent that stale smell which is more than likely the cause of your feeling of seasickness. – San Bernardino Sun, 1939

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Gilded Age Tobacco Etiquette

The demoiselles of the Moulin Rouge and the Casino are not permitted to smoke in those temples of light amusement, and the girls of the boulevard do not smoke in the cafés.

Etiquette in Public

With regard to etiquette in the use of tobacco in public places there is not much to say, as smoke is as free as air. This is in accordance with the universal European custom. Men smoke in restaurants, cafés and at most of the hotel tables. Women do not smoke publicly. Whether or not they smoke in private is a matter for each man's experience.

I have never seen a French lady smoke. Once, in Dresden, I saw a married lady puff a cigarette after dinner in a fashionable restaurant; and once I saw two English girls, seemingly of the upper middle class, smoking cigarettes in a railroad carriage, where they were alone. Here my knowledge ends.

The demoiselles of the Moulin Rouge and the Casino are not permitted to smoke in those temples of light amusement, and the girls of the boulevard do not smoke in the cafés. At the Café Anglais, which is still nearly as chic as ever, smoking is not permitted until after eight p.m. But rules like these are resented and scarcely ever enforced. —Paris Correspondent, The Washington Star, 1892

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1960's Travel Etiquette

Do you on planes hang assorted cameras, coats or other accessories including flight bags in your area so that they overlap and create a hazard anyway discomfort for the person behind or in front of you?

How Are Your Travel Manners? Check Yourself

By Gay Pauley UPI Women’s Editor

NEW YORK (UPI)— A tourist is judged by his travel manners and the better they are the better the impression made on strangers at home and abroad. The better also you will enjoy your trip if you exercise the rules of courtesy. 

Good manners add to good service you get too, from the motels, hotels, roadside eating places, airlines, trains and buses. Those catering to the vacationer, if pinned down could give you a list of gripes that long for correction. They are tolerant, because they are seeking the tourist dollar. But, from talking to various persons in the travel industry, we have compiled... 

 Pauley's Easy Guide for Testing Your Vacation Etiquette:

—Do you hog two seats in the bus, train or plane by deliberately placing your coat, purse or other paraphernalia on the second seat, hoping thereby to seal it off? 

—Do you on planes hang assorted cameras, coats or other accessories including flight bags in your area so that they overlap and create a hazard anyway discomfort for the person behind or in front of you? 

—Do you light a cigarette, pipe or cigar without asking whether smoking bothers the person sitting next to you? 

—Do you use the ash tray nearest you or prefer to lean over and use one of your neighbor, dusting ashes as you go? 

—Do you march up to the reception desk of hotel or motel and elbow others aside who are in line ahead of you to register? If you've pushed your way past others a little more patient during a busy tourist season, you’ve just won a top award for crudeness. 

—Do you adapt, if the conditions are not as perfect as promised? Some of the overseas countries are just getting into the swing of seeking you as guest for a holiday and the shower may not always work, the soap supply not be ample. But point out politely that flaw in the service. Creating a scene does not create a favorable impression of Americans. 

—In motor travel, especially in the United States, do you litter the roadside picnic areas as if litter did not hurt? Multiply your left-behind paper plates and cups, soft drink bottles, etc., by the hundreds who will use that picnic area in a given week and you see why some areas of the United States look like one big garbage heap. Crews eventually will pick up after you, but you’re not thinking of the others who want to enjoy the outdoors nor of the multi-million dollars of taxpayers’ money spent on cleanup alone. 

—Do your driving manners show in reverse? Tail-gating, nudging out of your lane at a stop light for a quick getaway when the light turns green... these invite disaster. 

—Do you remember to say, "thank you!" to the filling station attendant, the policeman or anyone else who acts as a free guide? There are a dozen times a day the tourist has a chance to say, "thank you!" and make traveling a treat instead of a trauma. — Madera Tribune, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Women Smokers

The Russian, Sobranie cigarette brand is one of the oldest luxury tobacco brands in the world. Sobranie of London was established in 1879 when smoking cigarettes became fashionable in Europe. Blended from a secret formula, the original cigarettes were handmade in the Russian tradition. Sobranie was the supplier of the Imperial Court of Russia, and of royal courts of Great Britain, Spain, Romania, and Greece. 

Women Smokers in Paris... This May Be Seen in All the Smart Hotels, Cafés and Restaurants

In these days when the congeniality of women and the cigarette is being so heatedly discussed on this side of the water, it is interesting to read this pen picture by the Paris correspondent of Vogue in regard to the prevalence of the habit on the Riviera; 

The habit prevails everywhere. In all the smart hotels, cafés and restaurants I have entered, and they are many. I have seen at tea time, after dinner, and after supper late at night, correct-appearing women of all ages, with equally correct men, sit calmly lighting with growing gestures, their tiny Russian cigarettes. 

Other women, women one counts out, do the same thing differently. Their gestures are more pronounced, their attitude more coquettlsh — their pretty feet are perhaps crossed, revealing dainty embroidered lingerie skirts and lace stockings to match their gowns. They make much of the pretty poses taken in the frequent lighting of their gold-tipped cigarettes from the wax taper held by an obsequious attendant. 

It is a living picture, and an interesting one — like a page from a French novel. When first I saw women of conventional manners smoke in a public room it was at the beginning of my stay here. I was sitting alone over my tea in the palm-shaded, flower-decked, tearoom of a great hotel, idly listening to sweet music from a hidden band. 

Just opposite me sat two women, unmistakably English, and, after the manner of many traveling English-women, rather dowdy in dress. A puff of smoke caught my eye; one had lighted a cigarette, the other was carefully selecting one from a carved sliver cigarette case. I looked about with interest, wondering what was going to happen. 

At the next table, I saw as I turned my head, a beautiful dark-browed woman, splendidly gowned in embroidered white cloth and wearing draped gracefully over her ams, a long, straight ermlne-llned velvet scarf. She lifted her hand with a slight gesture which brought a waiter to her side with a tiny tray of cigarettes. Daintily she selected one, lighted it, then leaned back luxuriously into the soft depths of the big easy chair to watch serenely the wreaths of smoke float above her head. — Lompoc Journal, 1908

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More Retro Etiquette Advice

"Make sure you don't miss a spot dear. Have I told you how handsome you look in that apron?"

More Mid-20th Century 

"Modern Etiquette"

By Advice Columnist, Roberta Lee

From 1952

Q. Is it proper for the bride-groom's family to send announcements of the marriage to their own friends when the bride's family is not sending any? 
A. The bridegroom's family may properly notify their own friends by telephoning the society editors of the newspapers, as well as by writing personal letters to their relatives. But it would be questionable taste should they mail out engraved announcements. 

Q. Is it considered good manners for a man to examine the items on his check when dining with a girl in a restaurant? 
A. This is perfectly all right. But he should do so in a casual and unobtrusive manner. 

Q. When calling on a friend who is ill and one is not permitted to see him, is it proper to write a short message on one’s card? 
A. Yes. This is a very nice thing to do.


From 1962

Q. Is it considered good manners to enter someone’s home with a lighted cigarette in one's hand? 
A. No. 

Q. When a wedding gift is given to a bridegroom by his fellow workers in an office, should he thank them, or should his bride (who does not know them) thank them? 
A. He should thank them. 

Q. Will you please comment on the art of correct handshaking in general? 
A. In addition to the much-frowned-upon limp, flabby handshake, try to avoid the bone-crushing type, which is painful if the other person is wearing a ring; the pump-handle technique; and the refusal-to-let-go technique, which is usually reserved for women and is supposed to indicate great ardor. A good handshake is at elbow level, and is firm but brief.

From 1963

Q. Is the black-bordered type of mourning stationery still in good use? 
A. This has not been in “popular” usage for many years. If, however, you still feel that you'd like to use it, your paper should be white with a narrow black border ranging from 1\4 to 1/32 of an inch in width. 

Q. When attending a buffet dinner, is it permissible for a guest to revisit the serving table for a second helping? 
A. This is perfectly proper and expected. The big rule to remember is never to take more than you are sure you can eat. It would be very poor manners to heap your plate with food, and then leave half of it uneaten. 

From 1965

Q. Is it possible to correct someone's grammar without being impolite ? 
A. No one likes to be corrected in group conversation, and efforts at improvement of grammar and diction had better be reserved for members of one's family or friends who you are SURE will consider them as favors, and not insults.

Q. Is it all right to eat bananas with the fingers when at the table? 
A. No; they should be skinned on the dessert plate, then cut and eaten with the fork. —From The Madera Tribune

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Victorian Etiquette of Tobacco Use

You have the same right to smoke, take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people by their exhibition in society. 

Victorian Etiquette Advice on Tobacco

If you use tobacco, in any forth, allow us to whisper a useful hint or two in your ear...

Smoking, snuff-taking, and especially chewing, are bad habits at best, and in their coarser forms highly disgusting to pure and refined people, and especially to ladies. You have the same right to smoke, take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people by their exhibition in society. 

Smoke if you will, chew, take snuff (against our earnest advice, however), make yourself generally and particularly disagreeable, but you must suffer the consequences — the social outlawry which must result.

Shall we convert our parlors into tobacco shops, risk the ruin of our carpets and furniture from the random shots of your disgusting saliva, and fill the whole atmosphere of our house with a pungent stench, to the discomfort and disgust of everybody else, merely for the pleasure of your company? We have rights as well as you, one of which is to exclude from our circle all persons whose manners or habits are distasteful to us. You talk of rights. You can not blame others for exercising theirs.

There are degrees here as everywhere else. One may chew a little, smoke an occasional cigar, and take a pinch of snuff now and then, and if he never indulges in these habits in the presence of others, and is very careful to purify his person before going into company, he may confine the bad effects, which he can not escape, mostly to his own person. But he must not smoke in any parlor, or sitting-room, or dining room, or sleeping chamber, or in the street, and particularly not in the presence of ladies, anywhere. – From 1887's "How to Behave"

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Retro Etiquette for Smokers (and Nonsmokers, Too)

In all fairness, it must be admitted that smokers annoy nonsmokers.

On the Genial Vice of Smoking

Now, most etiquette books seem to contain more gravy than meatballs. They tend to shut their eyes to life as it is lived. But not every boat you get into is the good ship Lollipop. Not every story has a jolly ending, or every situation a perfect solution. Bearing these things in mind, then, let us consider the existing cold war between the smoker and the nonsmoker.

Smokers and nonsmokers will never see eye to eye. The nonsmoker can't comprehend that good raw clutch at the bronchials and the resultant feeling of dim placidity which the smoker feels with his first drag on a fresh cigarette. The smoker can't understand what the nonsmoker does with his time. The best the two can hope for is an armed truce.

 

A place setting from a Lyndon Johnson White House State Dinner, with cigarettes and ashtrays for the guests at the table.  It wasn't until the Clinton administration that smoking was banned in the White House at the dining tables.

In all fairness it must be admitted that smokers annoy nonsmokers. I know of no smokers who ever got sick from watching a nonsmoker not smoking. But I do know some people who turn pea green at one sniff of the smoke from a cigarette or a pipe or cigar.

Furthermore, the smoker's sins against etiquette outnumber the nonsmokers, five to one. Still, the nonsmoker can usually comfort himself, as he digs the butts out of the dirt around his philodendron, by reflecting on the latest lung-disease statistics. And the smoker can always assuage his hurt feelings--caused by that lady's icy stare on the bus--by lighting another cigarette.

Let's remember, too, that smokers annoy other smokers. One complicating factor is the international butting order: The pipe smoker looks down on the cigarette smoker, and they both look down upon the cigar smoker.

So let us consider the basic rules each group should abide by, in order to live in moderate comfort together.

“Excuse me, but I believe your nose is lit.”

Good Manners for the Nonsmoker

He really ought to provide some decent ash trays* in his quarters, at least one ash tray per room.  This will cut down on the number of butts in the potted plants.  And if you will keep some sand-filled flower pots outdoors, on the patio or the lawn, smokers won't be so apt to grind out their cigarettes on the tile or flip them onto the grass to ugly themselves away.

He shouldn't expect to be asked, by a cigarette smoker, if he objects to smoking, unless he is over 90 or unless this ill-matched pair should find itself in a small closed compartment, like a telephone booth.  Asking permission is expected today only of pipe and cigar smokers.

He mustn't whisk an ash tray away the minute it holds an ash, for the smoker doesn't really notice these things until this ash tray runneth over.  The big danger here is that the nonsmoker will whisk away an ash tray holding the true shank of the smoke: A cigarette which has burned down to its -- for the smoker -- precisely perfect length and feeling of lived-with comfort. (With some smokers this is 1 5/8 inches, with others, 1 1/2 inches.)

And the nonsmoker must use a pleasant Approach Direct, instead of a pained look, when the wind wafts smoke in his face.  He must ask the smoker to please move his cigarette or the ash tray. (Smokers are often absent-minded and unperceptive, although they don't mean to annoy people. But pained looks annoy them, and they tend answer with a good puff.)

"Some people say I was hard on smoking in my new book on etiquette. Actually, I was hard on smokers--some smokers.  I do not like ash droppers. I dislike cigarette butts on my hearth, in my potted plants and ground out on my best china. I do not like to see people smoking throughout their meals. I like considerate smokers. I like to see a man light his woman companion's cigarette. I like to know my escort is thoughtful enough to carry my brand, which, not so incidentally, is Lucky Strike." Amy Vanderbilt, on "The Etiquette of Smoking" in 1950's magazine advertisement for cigarettes

Good Manners for the Smoker

He mustn't smoke in elevators. Cigarette smokers are especially prone to palm their cigarettes for the short ride down to 5, which is against most building regulations and burns holes in people's clothes.

He mustn't smoke where there are No Smoking signs, for these usually mean business. It is bad form to explode a plane load of people or blow a hospital sky high. He must use whatever self-control he can scrape together on long bus rides, especially in bad weather when the windows are closed.

Pipe smokers have long been considered the nobility of the smoking fraternity, for reasons that are not immediately clear... 

He mustn't go smoking to the table when he is a dinner guest in someone's house. Perhaps it holds no ash trays; the hostess may have planned to set them forth later. If she does not, by the end of the meal, the smoker may correctly ask for one. Using his saucer or plate is Pigsville. (So is dropping a cigarette butt into the toilet without flushing it promptly.)

Pipe smokers have long been considered the nobility of the smoking fraternity, for reasons that are not immediately clear, and the longer you think about them, the fuzzier they become. The pipe smoker's ash tray, full of decayed yellow pipe cleaners garnished with dottle, is actually pretty disgusting, no matter how virile the pipe smoker may look biting his briar. Pipe smokers should clean up after themselves and quickly.

Also, remembering some people dislike pipes just on general principles, from the pipe smoke itself to the sucking noises pipe smokers so often make while playing with their pipes, the pipe smokers should, in most indoor situations, ask permission. Then, when he gets it, he should pay particular attention to the audience reaction. The all-pervasive aroma of some of the sweet rum-fudge-and-butterscotch mixtures would gag a goat.

The cigar smoker must be careful, too, about invading feminine quarters with stogie in hand.

Cigar smokers must always ask permission anywhere. And they must leave those big, fat, chewed, soggy cigar butts in ash trays. They can bury them or flush them or swallow them -- no matter, but they must do something.

The cigar smoker must be careful, too, about invading feminine quarters with stogie in hand. A cigar smoking man, picking up his wife at the hairdresser's, can quickly have the shop smelling like the City Hall. This is unkind to go to the ladies and to Mr. Tony.

Women Who Smoke

Etiquette rules for the woman smoker are the same as those for men, except for the fact that she can't smoke on the street and look ladylike. Even today, this gives her a Sadie Thompson or beatnik or washerwoman effect, depending on her age and build.

When should a man light a woman's cigarette?  According to 1953's The New Esquire Etiquette: A Guide to Business, Sports & Social Conduct, on secretaries who smoke, "If she's sitting within reach of a lighter and if she's not crippled, nobody expects you to walk a mile with a match." but  "Light her cigarettes, be you ever so far across the room whenever she is apparently lightless." 

Two errors in etiquette are still committed occasionally by the woman smoker. One is never having cigarettes or matches, only the habit. Most men consider this fairly charmless. (And these lassies learn quickly, of course, that they can't get away with it at all, with other women.)  The second error is expecting her cigarettes to be lit for her even though matches are on the table beside her. I know a camellia blossom who will sit endlessly with cigarette poised, waiting for some man to quit whatever he's doing and light it. This is bad manners, for it makes other people uncomfortable, and it is not the action of a lady, but of a blob of glup.

Which brings up the question: When should a man light a woman's cigarette? Most women would answer, not when he must cross the room to do so.**  If a man lunges with a lighter from 15 feet away every time she fumbles, a woman will presently get the uneasy feeling that she's smoking too much.  And he shouldn't butt in if she has her own cigarette lighter already to flick.  After all, she didn't bring that cute little gadget along for a paperweight.  She likes to use it and show off its pretty monogram.  Also, lighting her own cigarette gives her a small feeling of accomplishment, which, in this push-button age, isn't to be sneezed at.

One more tobacco crumb: Formerly, when two smokers were lighting up, it was de rigueur to light one's own cigarette first. But that was in the days of sulfur matches, when the first cigarette lit was apt to taste of the fumes of hell. Today, courtesy dictates that the lighter light his own last.

*Smaller than a breadbox, bigger than a tangerine, and grooved for the specific purpose of keeping cigarettes from a) burning themselves out and b) slipping off on the table top.  No porcelain pin trays; no lalique shells.

**Although if she is using and unobtrusive matchbook imprinted HYMIE'S GAS STATION, he might as well.

Main text from “I Try  to Behave Myself” Peg Bracken's Etiquette Book, 1959

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Guest “Jetiquette”

Whether chartering your own flight or guesting on someone else's plane, there are unwritten rules for the friendly skies.

Etiquette 101 For Guest Jetters

Arrive Early: People fly private so they don't have to wait. Get there before your host does.

Give A Gift, But Don’t Show Up With One: Sure, you want to show your appreciation with something special. But don't let your present be a drag on your host's luggage or — even in a G5 — relatively tight space. “If you are bringing a gift on a plane, you are just asking your host to carry it himself. It's lovely to send something like a case of wine the day before or the day after,” says etiquette expert Alex Hitz.

Hanky-Panky Is Hard to Hide: In particular, hookers need to use their real names on board, just as anyone else would have to be listed on the passenger manifest. Sorry, it's an FAA regulation, bud. “I've had guys ask me, ‘Do these names have to show up on the itinerary?’ The answer is yes,” says a broker. But another one claims a jet crew “that's flown with you a long time” will sometimes look the other way.

Avoid the "Master Seat": The power player who chartered the flight is known as the principal. He or she always gets first dibs on a preferred chair, which typically is the first on the right side upon entrance and has most of the lighting and AV controls. “Let whomever the jet is for sit down first,” advises Irena Medavoy, wife of producer Mike Medavoy.

Don't Smoke Anything: You theoretically could smuggle your stash onto the plane because bags don't go through security, but think of whom that secondhand smoke affects — the ones flying the plane. One charter broker recalls a prominent rapper lighting up: “The pilots couldn't have drugs in their system, so they put on their oxygen masks for the rest of the flight.”

Just Hold It: “Don't go No. 2 — ever,” says a veteran guest in good standing, noting the relatively cramped quarters on even midsize equipment.

Originally printed in The Hollywood Reporter

Submitted by Follower “Sophie.”  —Thank you, Sophie!

🛩Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia