Edwardian Era Table Etiquette

“Do not fill pauses in the conversation by trifling with the silver or clinking the glasses unless you are willing to be considered ill bred.” – In HBO’s, “The Gilded Age” the Duke fiddled with his nut pick, but he probably could have jumped onto the table and danced a jig… Bertha still wouldn’t have considered him ill-bred. He was, after all, a Duke!

Manners for the Table

• Assume an erect position while eating at the table. Do not lounge in the chair or do not lean forward to meet your lifted fork.

• A gentleman always remains standing until every lady at the table is seated.

• Place the chair so that the waist or chest is about eight inches from the table. Closer seating throws out the elbows, and a chair farther removed makes its occupant crook the back in a most awkward fashion.

• Do not fill pauses in the conversation by trifling with the silver or clinking the glasses unless you are willing to be considered ill-bred.

• Remember that a reposeful bearing at table invariably marks the man or woman of refinement.

• Be careful to introduce into your conversation only such subjects as shall prove harmonious and shall in no wise embarrass or offend any one at the table. – Imperial Valley Press, 1909

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Slouching Young Women Critiqued

To rest a cheek in the palm of a hand supported by a dining table is not only one of the etiquette laxities peculiar to the present decade, but it is a long stride toward habitual lounging.

PRACTICAL TALKS BY THE APRIL GRANDMOTHER

“YOUR American young girls either pose or lounge whenever conscious that the gaze of the public is upon them.” That was Lady Critique-cliffe's comment as she directed her lorgnette across the diamond horseshoe the evening she sat in my opera box, and I bad to admit the justice of her criticism. “Self-conscious débutantes,” continued the April Grandmother, “are apt to sit up like little ramrods throughout an entire act or -and it is infinitely more undignified to half recline in a chair, leaning sidewise against an arm or resting one hand on the box rail. The girls who lounge in this manner are the most hopeless, as, unlike those of the ramrod type, they do not realize that neither at school nor at home have they been taught to sit correctly.”

While at school the average girl is permitted to sit on the edge of her chair and almost bend double as she curves her back above her desk when writing. Usually she rests her unoccupied hand on the paper, thus raising the left shoulder into an unnatural position and further rounding the back. Whereas, when not actually in use, the left hand should lie in the lap, and the practice of so placing it - palm upward - will help to keep the back straight. Meanwhile the head should be bent directly forward, instead of being slightly inclined to left or to right, and the chin held well away from the throat.

The kittenish pose of curling up on a sofa which so many young girls adopt when reading will do an immense amount of injury to the back as well as to the eyes. If a girl is really fatigued she should lie at full length, with lids closed, until thoroughly rested; but if she is inclined to stoutness she should be particularly wary about lounging, and as one means of remaining slender is to keep the spinal column erect, it is obvious that the back should be held straightly whenever its owner is in a sitting posture. 

An excellent way in which to acquire this vertical line is to practice balancing a small book on the crown of the head. This will force one to hold the head erectly and the spine will involuntarily imitate the good example. Another method of learning to sit correctly is to hold the stomach in and carry the head thrown backward, while an attitude that may conveniently be exercised three times daily is that of keeping the elbows as far as possible from the top of the table while at meals. To rest a cheek in the palm of a hand supported by a dining table is not only one of the etiquette laxities peculiar to the present decade, but it is a long stride toward habitual lounging.

To sit correctly the soles of both feet should rest firmly upon the floor, the elbows should nearly touch the hips and the hands should lie on the lap. The shoulders will then assume their natural slope, and if the base of the spine nearly couches the rear of the chair seat it will be easy to lean backward in a restful and graceful posture. But the moment a girl sways against one side of her chair, grasps its arms with her hands, throws one arm across its back or props her chin on her knee-braced elbow she is in a fair way to contract the lounging habit which my English guest criticized.

The remark of an old fashioned beau of antebellum days anent the inherent vulgarity of the feminine person who crosses her knees is quite as worthy of consideration to-day as when it was first uttered. Yet the number of refined young girls who habitually sit with crossed knees and with well developed feet plainly in evidence is astounding, particularly to those gentlewomen of an elder day who, living in fear of exhibiting even their insteps, invariably sit with knees meeting and toe tips drawn beneath the skirt.– The Los Angeles Herald, 1908

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dont’s When Making Persoal Calls

People can judge others within a matter of just a few seconds. One’s posture and bodily behavior when making personal calls to the homes or businesses of others, will reveal more about a person than many realize. – “… if you will persist in little frills like polishing your nails on the tea cloth you are very apt to be called ‘peculiar,’ and that word, by the way, covers a multitude of sins and a variety of meanings. Just because you are going elsewhere and want your nails to retain their gloss does not excuse you from converting your hostess’ drawing-room or dining-room into a manicure shop... Crossing the feet or knees is tolerated these days, but she is a wise lassie who does not assume this position too frequently. In the first place, like all habits, soon grows on one and develops side issues. The next thing the hands are clasped over the knees and before you realize it you are rocking away and displaying an amazing amount of ankle and fluff-fluff that is anything but the acme of modesty.”

 

BOWING the knee of Madame Conventionality may be a bit trying at times, but it most certainly is a paying investment in the long run. For, while one is loth to acknowledge it, effects are what every last one of us live for, and just as long as we are able to impress favorably we are pleased with ourselves, and the world in general is pleased with us.

Occasionally you hear someone solemnly declare, with a wise wag of the head and a knowing smile, that first impressions are all important, in fact, everything. No one would deny for a minute that they are lasting, but the length of their duration depends largely upon circumstances. The wise old philosopher hit the nail squarely on the head when she told her son that “it makes a big difference whether you see the light hair fluffin’ ‘round her face when you’re settin’ beside her on a moonlight night or in a mornin’ from across the breakfast table.” She realized that circumstances alter cases, and that what could be done with perfect propriety one day could also be an outrageous breach the next.

The age of pinafores is obviously the one where “do’s” and “don’t’s” flourish and even run riot, but somehow or other long after this stage has been successfully passed, new conditions bob up serenely and one is forced to admit that just about everything under the shining sun, no matter how simple, needs explicit and definite instructions or else one is up in the air to the amusement of kind and sympathetic friends and the everlasting chagrin of one's self.

If you would be popular, Miladi, let me tell you a few plain truths. Never let yourself be caught laughing at the embarrassments of others. In the first place it is beastly rude and you’re cutting a sorry figure in the eyes of every well bred person that chances to be about, and in the second place, it is worse than bad policy. There is bound to be a ripple of amusement and at such a time a kindly understanding nod will soothe and smooth away a myriad of woes and in a twinkling you will have gained a friend who will be ready to swear by you for ever more. 

These days so much liberty is given one that it is more or less difficult to know just where to draw the manners line. For years it has been considered a breach of etiquette to put an elbow on the table, but to put both up and calmly survey the territory was just about the limit and showed a distressing lack of training and discipline.

Such is not the case nowadays, although, to be sure, it is not considered the pink of perfection for formal occasions. But at teas and even at cafes and restaurants it fails to rouse the faintest interest and no one gives it even a passing thought. Unless, perhaps, the attitude is very confidential, and suggests an animated flirtation.

Just why people see the faults of their neighbors so plainly and remain in blissful ignorance of their own is a mystery that has never been fathomed. Miss Knocker confides to a favored few that her best friend is a charming girl, only she feels rather sorry for her because she has some peculiar mannerisms. For instance, she slides down so far in her chair and assumes such a slouchy attitude. 

Ten to one Miss Knocker is complacently sipping tea with her own feet extended half way across the room, tripping everyone who passes by, but she would be indignation personified if any one dared call her crude or even suggested that her feet were not being properly trained in the way they should go.

And that reminds me, don't take the trouble to say disagreeable things about your friends and earn the name of “knocker.” Life really is too short, and besides, your delightfully attentive audience is skillfully drawing you out and making you say twice as much as you intended or really mean, and some fine day it will come back to you tenfold. In short, in all probability you will be taxed with maliciously spreading a story and when it is retold you'll have strenuous difficulty in recognizing even the shreds of the original.

Of course, if you will persist in little frills like polishing your nails on the tea cloth you are very apt to be called “peculiar,” and that word, by the way, covers a multitude of sins and a variety of meanings. Just because you are going elsewhere and want your nails to retain their gloss does not excuse you from converting your hostess’ drawing-room or dining-room into a manicure shop. If you feel that a wee rub is absolutely essential to your happiness do it as quickly and as quietly as you can and without attracting any more attention than is positively necessary, for grooming one's self in public is strictly forbidden in polite society.

While you want to be simple in your manner there is such a thing as being overtrained in this very simplicity. Crossing the feet or knees is tolerated these days, but she is a wise lassie who does not assume this position too frequently. In the first place, like all habits, soon grows on one and develops side issues. The next thing the hands are clasped over the knees and before you realize it you are rocking away and displaying an amazing amount of ankle and fluff-fluff that is anything but the acme of modesty.

And after all it's so easy to avoid Blunderville. Just stop and think twice and during that time pay strict attention to your neighbors, for it’s always safe when in Rome to do as the Romans do. If they are slow to act gain time by some hook or crook, and lo and behold, your problem will be successfully solved and no one but yourself need ever be the wiser.

So if you're in doubt at any time remember one simple, almost childish rule. Keep your eyes and your ears wide open and your mouth discreetly closed, and as sure as fate you’ll come out on top of the pile and land high and dry.– San Francisco Call, 1904

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Timeless Etiquette Advice from 1914

The bearing should be erect, dignified but retiring, free from all boisterous actions. Never do anything to attract attention.

By Way of Reminder

1. The really attractive girl has become so by a process of thoughtful self-culture.

2. The dressing of the hair shows character. Let it be neat and becoming, whatever the style.

3. The clothes should be tidy and appropriate to time and place, with a touch of style which is never extreme.

4. The bearing should be erect, dignified but retiring, free from all boisterous actions. Never do anything to attract attention.

5. A mild tone of voice bespeaks culture. Loud talking, laughing, shouting, screaming or calling across streets are unladylike.

6. The choicest forms of language are none too good for the womanly girl.

7. Silently rebuke all unkind or unchaste conversation by withdrawing your presence.

8. The well-bred girl never makes a jest of the failings, misfortunes or mistakes of others.

9. Read a beautiful poem or look at a beautiful picture every day.

10. Wrong thoughts mar the face, while pure and loving thoughts give it beautiful lines.

11. An even disposition is an enviable virtue. Our kindliness of manner should triumph over our ill moods.

12. Reserve caresses for the privacy of the home. They are but the froth of affection and are in bad taste in public places.

13. Hold your standard high and seek the company of people who can help you raise it.

14. To treat all with courtesy and consideration is a mark of good breeding.

15. Do some kind act every day, you will pass this way but once. – Girls' Literary Club, 1914

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia