Proposal Etiquette and the Sexes

The girl might want the man in the case to propose, according to the etiquette of the day she cannot suggest it without fearing to be called forward. In such an instance these two persons, through mutual timidity, fail to arrive at a successful marriage.

Why Shouldn't Women Propose?

 WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT IT?

Since the dim ages of antiquity women have had it bred into them that they must sit with folded hands until the “right man” comes along. For years it was considered a disgrace to be a spinster.. The woman who was fastidious enough to wait for the man she really could love and who never met that, man was popularly supposed to be a woman whom all men had refused. Consequently thousands upon thousands of women accepted the first man who. proposed, for fear of being called “old maids.” “Hobson's Choice,” the delightful character comedy which comes, to the Cort Theater next Monday evening, deals with the leap year idea of women proposing. The heroine “gets” the man of her choice, and the result is both happiness and prosperity for both of them.

The coming of “Hobson's Choice,” the discussions that it is sure to bring about, coupled with the fact that 1916 is Leap Year, have suggested to. The Call the idea of finding out just what its readers think about the propriety of “lassie asking lad.”Accordingly it solicits short essays on the subject, such articles not to be over 200 words in length. And it has purchased a box as first prize, a loge as second prize and, twenty pairs of choice orchestra seats to “Hobson's Choice” at the Cort Theater, which will be given to those who, in the judgment of The Call, have sent in the best and cleverest answers to the question, “Why shouldn't women propose?”

The answers should be sent immediately, for some of the best of them will be printed in The Call. The contest will close next Thursday at 12 o'clock noon, and articles received after that time cannot be entered in the contest. Viola Roach, the noted English actress, who is the leading woman of “Hobson's Choice,” and who does the proposing in the play, has some convictions of her own on the subject.

“There is no reason why men should have a monopoly on proposing,” says she. “Many men are as timid as women in, matters of the heart, especially in these days of the advanced woman. A man may meet an attractive girl, well poised, self-possessed, earning her own living, independent in every way, and while she may show a preference. for him he may fear to risk a valued friendship if he received a negative answer when he popped the question. And while the girl in the case might want the man in the case to propose, according to the etiquette of the day she cannot suggest it without fearing to be called forward. In such an instance these two persons, through mutual timidity, fail to arrive at a successful marriage.

“Women should feel thankful that tradition is being overthrown in the matter of proposals. A woman should be advanced enough in these days to propose, or rather suggest, a possible marriage to a man when she feels that in marriage lies the happiness of both of them. I think there would be fewer failures if the job of proposing were left in woman's hands. “Right now is the time to start, You won't have Leap Year for some time, so make hay while the sun shines, girls.”– San Francisco Call, 1916

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette and Leap Year Proposals

Could this “The Gilded Age” proposal have been any more romantic? Etiquipedia thinks not, especially if Peggy Scott had done the proposing! Besides, 1883 was not a Leap Year.
 – “Considered in the abstract we do not see why a woman should not express her natural preferences as freely as a man in regard to the opposite sex. Indeed, she seems to be free to do so in every other respect but that of love and marriage.”

A Leap Year Proposition

As leap year is upon us the momentous question, Shall women propose? confronts us in various newspaper columns, with its usual four yearly regularity. Conservative people will of course pooh-pooh the idea, and the more frivolous laugh at the same. Some of our radical, would-be social innovators will be advocates, and others will fulminate their varied denunciations.

Considered in the abstract we do not see why a woman should not express her natural preferences as freely as a man in regard to the opposite sex. Indeed, she seems to be free to do so in every other respect but that of love and marriage. And yet is not this the most important of all earthly relations to the human race as society is at present organized?

Mere reasoning aside, however, other considerations enter into our estimates of propriety. Here we have sentiment, which so largely makes up the sum of womanly opinions on most subjects outside of bread and breathing.

As the majority of people think now, and as they will probably continue to think for many years to come, there are certain moral and social questions wherein old time precedent will doubtless continue to rule! The realm of courtship and marriage still lies fully within these prescribed limits.

In this affair it has from time immemorial been her inalienable and altogether charming privilege to be the one who should be sought, wooed and won. Whether this be abstractly right or wrong it is so ingrained in the very nature of society at large that the isolated kicks which are here and there made have so far produced little or no effect. Yankee Blade, 1893

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Leap Year Husband Hunting

The “Leap Year Etiquette” post card line was witty, humorous and popular with young men and women alike.. The early part of the 1900’s was a turning point for many young women, as they had fewer restrictions than in the late 1800’s. The growing use of the bicycle and automobile, better pay, better working conditions and less restrictive fashions for women, pushed them to want even more. Within just a dozen years, women got the vote and “the flapper” style was all the rage. Numerous original examples of this early 20th c. funny ephemera are available for sale online.

Flossy Mush Discusses Leap Year

Oh, girls! This year is Leap Year. Ladies' Choice-just think of it! If "he" has been too shy to propound the all-important interrogative, the time is near at hand when you can force him into corner and bring him out of his trance.

Flossie Mush, who holds the degree of Bachelor Maid of Spoon-osophy and who, maybe, is the head of the Department of Goo-ology at the George Washington University, in her new book, "The Big Trick, and How to Take It," which has just come hot from the griddle, sagely says: "Take it easy."

You shouldn't be in a rush, observes this wise student, "especially a college rush or a free lunch or bargain counter rush; for there's still plenty of poultry in cold storage, despite the holiday trading, and you shouldn't make hasty selections. You might get a tainted bird.

"I believe in drawing the matrimonial fowl," Miss Mush goes on, "because a man in the hand is worth two in the Maybe-So, and it is well to hold a hand you can draw to." The erudite philosopher, as the result of her investigations as to 1908 affairs, bluntly gives some sharp points concerning ‘what to expect.’

"We shall find professional women forsaking the professions for the science of husbandry," she says, "thereby providing many ‘crying necessities.’

"Many of the more hardened bachelor maids, craving excitement, intend to revive the gentle craft of highwaymanry. By cutting across lots they will take their unsuspecting victims on the bias, but it is presumed that they will treat them on the square. They propose a campaign of hands up and show down. In other words, they will Robin Hood-wink the men. 

"As it has been eight long years since the maidens have had an in- ning of their own at Cupid's shop, it is presumed that they will find the remnant counters piled high. Remnant offerings are never to be taken save after careful inspection for soils and flaws. Nevertheless, one often finds a very satisfactory bargain here, if one does not object to a little shop-and-shelf-wear.

"Goods taken from original pieces should be watched carefully, in order to prevent them from bolting. "It is to be expected, as usual, that we will find some of the older maids cottoning to calico kids. "As for spring styles in marriageable men, they will be cut high on speed and low on finances. "The 'blues' are predominating in colors just as present; but gayer colors doubtless will be seen as the season wears on.

"All matrimonial goods faced with the Cuddlin’ ‘fringes’ should be eschewed, as they are apt to be the hiding place of the kissing bug or moth.” ‘fringes’should be eschewed, as they are apt to be the hiding place of the kissing bug or moth."

We have no doubt that Flossie Mush's suggestions will prove valuable to many maidens in Oskaloosa, Oklahoma and Colorado Springs; but it is our impression that Humboldt maids, characteristically original and independent, will make their selections in such charming, naive and unconventional manners as may appeal to them.

However, should any further information be desired under this head, we would refer the inquisitively inclined directly to Miss Mush, care of Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Hoboken. – February 1908

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Proposal Etiquette

“By the rules of etiquette, the proposal itself had to come from the young Queen, whose maidenly modesty was somewhat embarrassed at the prospect.” — An illustration from 1840 titled “Leap Year'” shows Queen Victoria proposing to Prince Albert at Windsor Castle in 1839. “Some say that this custom originated in fifth-century Ireland, where St. Patrick allowed women to take the initiative every four years after St. Brigid complained to him that they were having to wait too long for husbands. Others credit a Scottish law enacted in 1288 under the unmarried Queen Margaret, which allowed a maiden “liberty to bespeak ye man she likes” during leap year. The knave who refused to marry her and could not prove his engagement to another was assessed a fine.”
- From “Speak Up: It's Leap Year!”

The courtship of Queen Victoria brings us into a pleasant atmosphere. On Prince Albert's first visit to England, she liked and appreciated him at once, and his tastes agreed with hers. “Every grace had been showered by nature on this charming boy,” says Baron Stockman of him at this time. The Baron judged him critically, calmly and impartially until he finally became his most attached and devoted friend and adviser. Queen Victoria and her cousin, met at first unconscious of the object of their acquaintance, and when the desired impression had been produced, the young Prince, like a second Sir Galahad, was sent away to travel and fit himself by study and careful education for his great position. 

On his return to England the Queen writes: “Albert's beauty is most striking, and he is most amiable and unaffected — in short, fascinating.” The young couple were genuinely in love, and the Queen informed Lord Melbourne that the conquest of her heart was complete. So serious, so dignified, so studious and so excellent a young man would infuse an element of poetry and deep feeling into his love making; but by the rules of etiquette, the proposal itself had to come from the young Queen, whose maidenly modesty was somewhat embarrassed at the prospect. She summoned him to her boudoir, where he found her alone. After some desultory talk due to her shyness, she suddenly said: “Could you forsake your country for me?” The Prince answered by clasping her in his arms in such simple fashion did a young Sovereign, woo and win the husband of her choice. — Los Angeles Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia