Gilded Age Etiquette Christian-Based

22. Leave your plate with the knife and fork lying parallel, the handles pointing to the right. – 
“The 12 o'clock and 6 o'clock or 5 and 11 are the official ‘Finished’ positions for one's knife and fork for American-style dining, but this Continental-style position seems to be universally recognized as the ‘Finished’ position for one's utensils. I recommend placing these as far to the right as possible on a plate. That way, when the server or waiter removes your plate, he or she can grasp the handles of the flatware at the same time as grasping the plate, and remove the three noiselessly from your right side. If sitting in a booth, and the only way that your plates can be removed is from your left side, a courtesy is to place the utensils together toward the left hand side of your plate. Etiquette rules can be flexible, especially when it comes to the consideration of others.” – Photo and text from the book, What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond... by Etiquipedia Site Editor, Maura J. Graber

 RULES FOR TABLE ETIQUETTE

True politeness has its origin in Christian charity and kindness, and all standard rules of etiquette were founded for the greater convenience and happiness of all the members of society. Although the reasons may not be obvious at first sight, they exist, and will be apparent on a careful consideration.

1. Do not keep others waiting for you, either at the beginning or at the close of the meal.

2. Do not sip soup from the tip, but from the side of the spoon.

3. Be careful not to drop nor spill anything on the table cloth.

4. Keep your plate neat; do not heap all sorts of food on it at once.

5. In passing your plate to be re- helped, retain the knife and fork.

6. When asked for a dish, do not shove but hand it.

7. While drinking do not look around.

8. Instruct the servant to hand the cup at the left side, so that it may be received by the right hand.

9. Do not drink your tea or coffee without first removing the teaspoon from the cup to the saucer.

10. Use the knife for cutting only; never put it to the lips nor in the mouth.

11. Break your bread into small pieces and rest there on your plate while spreading.

12. Do not eat too fast. Besides giving one the appearance of greed, it is not healthy.

13. If you find anything disagreeable in your food put it aside as quietly as possible, without drawing the attention of any one to it.

14. Do not open the lips nor make any unnecessary noise in chewing.

15. Do not touch the head.

16. Do not rest the elbow on the table.

17. Do not speak with the mouth full.

18. Brush the table neatly before bringing on the dessert.

19. Be thoughtful and attentive to the wants of those about you.

20. Converse on pleasant subjects with those sitting near you.

21. Do not say anything not intended for all present to hear.

22. Leave your plate with the knife and fork lying parallel, the handles pointing to the right.

23. Never leave the table before others without asking the lady or gentleman who presides to excuse you. 

– Russian River Flag, 1871

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Gilded Age Advice: Strive for Elegance

“Some people eat instinctively with great elegance; some never achieve elegance in these minor matters, but all should strive for it. There is no more repulsive object than a person who eats noisily, grossly, inelegantly.” – One form of inelegant dining at the table was achieved by those gilded age, young women who refused to remove their mousquetaire gloves at the table. Yes, the gloves could be simply unbuttoned and one could shove the glove’s “fingers” under the gloves, pushing them out of the way… avoiding the need to remove them completely, as any elegant women at the table had done. But this custom was never considered proper at the table. Removing one’s gloves completely at the table was the required etiquette, as it still is today.

GOOD AND BAD TABLE MANNERS

Some people eat instinctively with great elegance; some never achieve elegance in these minor matters, but all should strive for it. There is no more repulsive object than a person who eats noisily, grossly, inelegantly. Dr. Johnson is remembered for his brutal way of eating almost as much as for his great learning and genius. With him it was selfish preoccupation.

Fish and fruit are eaten with silver knives and forks; or, if silver fish-knives are not provided, a piece of bread can be held in the left hand. Fish corrodes a steel knife. Never tilt a soup-plate for the last drop, or ostentatiously scrape your plate clean.

A part of table manners should be the conversation. By mutual consent, everyone should bring only the best that is in him to the table. There should be the greatest care taken in the family circle to talk of only agreeable topics at meals. The mutual forbearance which prompts the neat dress, the respectful bearing, the delicate habit of eating, the attention to table etiquette, should also make the mind put on its best dress, and the effort of any one at a meal should be to make himself as agreeable as possible.

No one should show any haste in being helped, or any displeasure at being left until the last. It is always proper at an informal meal to ask for a second cut, to say that rare or underdone beef is more to your taste than the more cooked portions. But one never asks twice for soup or fish; one is rarely helped twice at dessert. These dishes, also salad, are supposed to admit of but one helping– Tuolumne Independent, 1883

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Gilded Age Table Etiquette

“A good rule is to use the fork almost constantly, and put only a little upon it at a time. In this way the food is conveyed to the mouth– never with the knife–although in some countries the knife is still used, even amongst royalty.”

A Few of the Things Every Self-Respecting Person Should Know

Table etiquette is almost a science nowadays, and it is necessary to conform to its laws. A good rule is to use the fork almost constantly, and put only a little upon it at a time. In this way the food is conveyed to the mouth– never with the knife–although in some countries the knife is still used, even amongst royalty. If you have strawberries and cream, soup, melons, stewed fruit, preserved fruit, preserves and jellies, eat them with a spoon. These things, because of their juiciness, can not be eaten with a fork. 

Fish should be eaten with a knife and fork, and every well-regulated house, when it serves oysters on the half shell, will place a small, silver fork beside each guest’s plate. When the hostess serves strawberries with the green stems, then they are invariably to be taken up in the fingers (by the stem) and eaten one at a time. Fruit like pears and apples is first peeled, then quartered, and then taken up in the fingers and eaten. 

With salads, the knife and fork are used, if the salad has not been cut up before being served. No hostess who understands table etiquette, nor a waiter who has been well trained, will ever think of offering you more than a ladleful of soup, and if you are at a private or fashionable dinner (anywhere except hotel), and the dinner is too hot, or you do not happen to like a certain dish after it has been served, pretend to eat it, and this consideration on your part will make you the everlasting friend of the host and hostess. 

Don’t stop short and sit back in your chair. That is the most embarrassing kind of embarrassment for both yourself, your host and your associates. These are a few of the things every body should know.- By Farm and Fireside, 1889

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Do’s, Dont’s, and the Sexes

 

“Don't forget to adorn your table with pretty finger bowls; they are a commodity that cannot be readily dispensed with.” “Don't use finger bowls; they are out of sight this year-laid upon the shelf.”

In a Wilderness of “Don’ts,”

Now and Then a “Do” 

One cannot pick up a paper or magazine without that ominous word “Don’t” confronting them. Some one will say “Why, I never found it so.” Well, perhaps not in just so many letters, but in some guise or other it will surely be found. My favorite house hold journal comes out and says one can’t keep the skin clear and pure without the aid of soap and water, and plenty of it. 

“As you value your precious hide, do not touch soap and water,” says some one else. “Rub the skin vigorously,” says one. “Massage the face very, very gently,” says another, “you are not supposed to be scouring a buffalo hide, and you will ruin the delicate cuticle.”

“Take a cold water bath before breakfast,” says one. “Take a tepid bath,” “take a scalding hot bath”; then after we have thought seriously about trying them all at once, some one throws us into fits by telling us not to bathe at all; dry rubbing is all-sufficient.

“To avoid corns wear a loose shoe.” “To avoid corns wear a tight shoe; not too tight, but just tight enough.” “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” is an old saw. “Never show yourself a coward by flying into a temper and beating a helpless child; rule by love.”

“Don't tell your old friends, though, particularly if they are of the opposite sex, that you love them and that your heartaches for their sorrows and disappointments, and that their happiness is your happiness; don’t, for mercies’ sake, do anything as horribly unconventional as that; just offer them two reluctant fingers and either study their patent leather shoes or the ceiling with profound interest; they will think then that you are au fait with the usages of good society and quite recherche.”

“Don't have little globules of grease floating on your soup; ‘tis a gastronomic indiscretion that would turn a well-regulated Frenchman green with horror.” “Do make your soup rich; boarding-house soup is an abomination in the sight of man.”

“Don't forget to adorn your table with pretty finger bowls; they are a commodity that cannot be readily dispensed with.” “Don't use finger bowls; they are out of sight this year-laid upon the shelf.”

With the can’ts and don’ts and shan’ts and musts and cans, what is a poor woman with just an ordinary everyday sort of brain going to do? Everybody knows that most every one of the sterner sex can easily shave one side of his face, but what woman ever rushed to write a long article suggesting that if he stand on his head he could easily accomplish the other half? Who ever worries about whether a man puts water on his head or not? It is generally supposed that he knew enough to go to his barber when necessary.

The truth is every other man in journalism thinks he has a special call to print a woman's magazine, and the fact is he don't know much about us; more than likely he is a crabbed old bachelor, and still he insists upon telling us how to dress, bathe, walk, smirk, spank the children and make soup.

Suppose every other woman was positive that she was elected to preach to the other sex through the columns of the finest magazines ever edited, for the benefit of poor, misguided man; well, they just wouldn’t be geese enough to read them, and who will blame them? – Virginia Bryant, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia