Gilded Age Resort Happenings of 1900

The scarcity of men which has been felt everywhere was accentuated this past week by the cruise of the New York Yacht Club. Newport was almost deprived of men for two days. Bar Harbor is contenting itself with very young men at the dances and a multitude of luncheons and entertainments where the fair sex is much in the majority. –Late 19th C. Newport, Rhode Island, as depicted in HBO’s “The Gilded Age”

What the secret of this Summer apathy can be, no one has been able to solve. It has been suggested that Newport is so expensive, what with this new craze for bridge, whist and the fees to the servants, and the clubs a man has to join, that the average New Yorker not a multi-million aire shrinks from attempting even a Friday to Monday visit. 

But men who are very wealthy and who live for this sort of thing seem to be as indifferent as those who have a real reason for avoiding Newport and the other very fashionable resorts. There was James J. Van Alen, who only this week, after ten days passed at Newport, deliberately left the place and went to Canada on a fishing trip. It is unmistakably an off season.

The scarcity of men which has been felt everywhere was accentuated this past week by the cruise of the New York Yacht Club. Newport was almost deprived of men for two days. Bar Harbor is contenting itself with very young men at the dances and a multitude of luncheons and entertainments where the fair sex is much in the majority. 

Southampton, of course, has its coterie and tennis and golf have attracted there quite a masculine element. But the greater number of these only remain from Friday to Monday, and the rest of the week schoolboys and juniors are to be depended upon for the small dances which have been given.

There is to be one ball at Bar Harbor and one ball at Southampton. To change an old proverb and twist it to suit the situation, it might be said that one ball does not make a Summer, and even Newport, with three dances in one week. has grown absolutely exhausted at the prospect, and Mrs. Goelet has been asked to postpone her cotillion until the week after Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish’s dance. This seems very odd, when one recalls the past history of Newport with a much smaller population than at present. – NYT’s, “Some Happenings in Good Society”, 1900

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of “La Danza Mexicana”

“… In the best society of the Mexican capital, girls are not permitted to engage in the dance except with their brothers or nearest of kin, not even with the lovers to whom they are betrothed, and married ladies only with their husbands— very sensible etiquette, by the way, but would be bettered if unmarried folk were prohibited from dancing it at all.”

One Experience Sufficient for a Life-Time

How the Mexican Dance Affected a Dignified New Yorker 

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Bailes de Compadres

Congratulate me— for in the words of the immortal Webster, “I still live,” even after having participated in a Mexican dance! For an unmarried lady of social standing to attend a public ball of this description, though escorted by her father or brothers, is considered rather a daring thing to do yet last night's crowd attested that many do attend them. In the innocence of my heart, actuated by pure journalistic fervor in pursuit of information, I accepted the invitation— and now quite agree with that American who remarked, “A man may danza in the innocence of his heart just once.”

You ask, “What is la danza?” It is some thing impossible to define in cold black and white, to be read at long range amid prosaic surroundings; it could not occur any where but among these poetical passionate races of the tropics, and cannot even be understood by one of northern birth, unless he has lived here long enough to get something of the climate into his blood.

It is the most innocent looking dance in the world— no more harm in it, to merely look at, than in a champagne glass, or in the “unloaded pistol” which goes off at some unwary moment. And maybe murders your grandmother! The music is slow— so very slow that a Northern belle would re-belle at once; the quiet step is simply the balance of the dancing-master's quadrille, with the important addition that this is a “round dance.”

With this lazy step you move backward and forward, or gently turn around when ever the crowd gives you room, until you come face to face with another couple as sleepy as yourselves, with whom you execute that stupid “right hand across to cross over and back”— exactly as in our pinafore-and-pantalette days. Then the gentleman's arm encircles his partner's waist, she leans on his shoulder and gives her right hand to his left and in this little quadrille they balances until it is time to resume the tete-a-tete. This is all there is of it— and what could possibly appear more innocent?

But appearances are sometimes deceitful, and the dance depends altogether upon who dances it. Certainly, “the racquet” in a Northern ballroom (it wouldn't be possible here) looks fully as demoralizing but probably the vast difference lies in the fact that the participants in the dance are as unlike the dudes and debutantes of other climes as the lotus-flower differs from the hollyhock or the warmth of the tropic sun from the half glimmer of an aurora borealis. 

These creatures of impulse are no more to be judged by the same rules which apply to phlegmatic Anglo-Saxons than John Smith or Sarah Jones would enlist our sympathies if they behaved exactly as Romeo or Juliet. Therefore, it is that in the best society of the Mexican capital, girls are not permitted to engage in the dance except with their brothers or nearest of kin, not even with the lovers to whom they are betrothed, and married ladies only with their husbands— very sensible etiquette, by the way, but would be bettered if unmarried folk were prohibited from dancing it at all.—Special Record Union Correspondent, City of Mexico, June 29, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Another Gilded Age Social Arbiter Rises

 

We at Etiquipedia are looking to find some other documentation for a Gilded Age Los Angeles “400” but have had no success to date. We are convinced many cities of the era emulated the New York’s society circle of “400,” —actually only 319 names were on the famous list—  but this is the first time we’ve seen a rival to Ward McAllister’s lofty, self-proclaimed perch, be presented or suggested in a news report.
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“Four hundred might be one of the only numbers that has a place in the dictionary. Its definition reads: ‘The social elite of a community.’ But it wasn’t until the late 1800s that ‘400’ had any real value. Before The Real Housewives of NYC, Mrs. Caroline Schermerhorn Astor dominated Gilded Age New York society, throwing the balls that everyone who was anyone attended. The problem was that her ballroom only held 400 people, and thanks to the Civil War and the Industrial Revolution, there were now many more than 400 high society millionaires in New York City. So she had to narrow down the list of invitees to the absolute most important and elite New Yorkers. She enlisted self-proclaimed society expert Ward McAllister to help her whittle down the numbers, and The Four Hundred was born. Those who made the cut included Roosevelts and Winthrops, among other famously fancy last name.” — Du Jour.com 

The Los Angeles “400” is Impressed!

The promotion of Lieutenant John A. Dapray to the position of paymaster in the army with the rank of major and the salary of $4800. per annum is greeted by the Los Angeles “400” with enthusiastic empressement. Perhaps there is no officer in the army who has won more laurels in leading a german victoriously across the deadly floor or in heading the grand march of a ballroom in its bold reconnoissance at the opening festivities of a soirée dansante. When he was here on the staff of General Miles, he was distinguished as a master of society etiquette, and by his exquisite conventionality in dress and his coolness and bravery in charging the social sideboard or the festive table, he was the cynosure of all eyes. 

He has passed the rubicons of several winters in Washington, and society there has acclaimed him as the conquering hero of its routs and social functions. It is not too much to say recognition of the young lieutenant's transcending merits by promotion to a height which in actual field service on the frontier of forty years rarely attains, will elevate him to the position of a dangerous rival to Ward McAllister. He wears an overcoat all bedizened with frogs and bullion, and that's something in his favor. — Los Angeles Herald, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dancing Party Etiquette

“Either the man or maid servant who opens the front door must remain in the hall, giving clear directions of the way to the dressing-rooms. There should be a capable woman always in attendance in this same apartment for the taking off of wraps, buttoning gloves and adjusting shoes. On the dressing table there should be all the feminine appurtenances of the toilet, such as shoe and glove buttoners, hairpins, large and small toilet perfumery and face powder, the maid remaining during the evening in the room to repair dresses if a stitch gives way daring the dancing hours.” — Shown above, an 1892 patent for cord clasps for ladies dress gloves.

Four Elements  Essential:

Effective Decorations, Illuminations, the Supper and the Music

There are four elements essential to a successful dancing party — effective decorations, brilliant illuminations, a well appointed supper and tbe best of music, as many string pieces as the hostess can afford. Lemonade, tempered with apollinaris water, is appropriately served in a punchbowl at one end of the reception-room. 

Either the man or maid servant who opens the front door must remain in the hall, giving clear directions of the way to the dressing-rooms. There should be a capable woman always in attendance in this same apartment for the taking off of wraps, buttoning gloves and adjusting shoes. 

On the dressing table there should be all the feminine appurtenances of the toilet, such as shoe and glove buttoners, hairpins, large and small toilet perfumery and face powder, the maid remaining during the evening in the room to repair dresses if a stitch gives way daring the dancing hours. If dancing is to take the form of a cotillon, chairs should be provided for the mothers or chaperons ; all other furniture being removed, and breakable objects carefully stored away for that one night. 

Young girls ought to dress in light colors of gauze-like materials or fluffy stuffs, combined with delicate silks. But all costumes should be selected to enhance the youthful appearance, while the elders wear demi-toilets becoming the occasion. The hostess can receive her guests alone, or if she has daughters or young friends, they can assist her. But the eldest son, or some young man friend, should be for that evening the master of ceremonies, making himself generally useful in arranging affairs. 

The hostess stands near the drawing room door, her daughters or young friends a few feet away, yet near enough to receive the guests before the dancing commences. A young lady enters the room first, her chaperon following. If there are ladies without a chaperone coming with their maid, then the eldest should take precedence. But generally the chaperon is on hand. A young married lady, accompanied by her husband naturally takes precedence. But to enter leaning on the arm of her husband is in very bad taste. 

The dancing should be begun by the eldest daughter of the house, the hostess selecting for her partner her nearest kinsman or friend. A basket of flowers sent the same day of the dance to the hostess of the occasion is a graceful attention. And a gentleman can, in good taste, send a box of loose flowers to any young lady whom he knows will be his partner in the cotilion. 

Young ladies after a dance, request their partners to leave them with their chaperones after the german. Young women would do well to remember that new dances appear nearly every season, and to be a success as a dancer it is necessary to acquire the last new ballroom step.

Either the hostess, or one of her family, should be the persons selected when an introduction is desired at a dancing party. All good waltzers are eagerly sought after, but care should be taken that no one gentleman should have this favor extended to him too often.

A young lady refusing one gentleman for a dance and accepting another, is a breach of social etiquette. If a refusal is once given, then she should not dance in that set, whatever it may be. The clever hostess takes care that all guests have partners. The “wallflower” is unknown in the house of a good social leader.

The host leads, with the most distinguished lady present, the way to the supper-room, the hostess being the last person to enter. A young lady can be taken into supper by some gentleman who desires to do this duty for her, and it is to him alone she should expect attention at this time. — San Francisco Call, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette and Acceptance

Though incredibly wealthy, the famous Vanderbilt family had not truly been welcomed into New York’s Gilded Age society, and wouldn’t be welcomed unless they were accepted by the ultimate social “judge and jury” of the day, Mrs. Caroline Astor. The Mrs. Astor of the famous list of “400” socially acceptable people... a number based on the limitations of the Astor’s fabulous New York City ballroom, (which was actually a list of merely 319) But, without Astor’s social support, the Vanderbilts were merely the wealthiest “nobodies” in New York society. Soon after the announcement of a forthcoming Vanderbilt ball, but before the formal invitations had been issued, Miss Carrie Astor, took it for granted that, as leaders of society, the Astors would, of course, be invited. Mrs. Vanderbilt heard of this, and told friends that she could not invite Miss Astor to her ball, as her mother “had never called upon her” socially. This reached Mrs. Astor’s ears, and soon after she called upon Mrs. Vanderbilt. She and her daughter were thus invited to the Vanderbilt ball, “making” the Vanderbilts in the process. 

Ball  “Made” Vanderbilts

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Magnificent Entertainment Gained Family Formal Recognition by Recognized New York “Society.”

The Vanderbilts obtained their first secure foothold in New York’s leading society by a great fancy-dress ball given by Mrs. William K. Vanderbilt In her beautiful Fifth Avenue house on the evening of March 26, 1883. It surpassed in splendor, in beauty, in brilliancy, and in luxurious and lavish expense any scene before witnessed in New York. But two or three of the leaders of New York society, notably Mrs. William Astor, had never called upon any of the ladies of the Vanderbilt family. 

According to the generally accepted story, soon after the announcement of the forthcoming ball, but before the formal invitations had been issued, Miss Carrie Astor, the only unmarried daughter of Mrs. William Astor, organized a fancy dress quadrille to be danced at the ball by several young ladies and gentlemen, it being taken for granted by the Astors that, as leaders of society, they would, of course, be invited. Mrs. Vanderbilt heard of this, and stated in the hearing of some friends that she could not invite Miss Astor to her ball, as her mother had never called upon her. 

This reached Mrs. Astor’s ears, and soon after she called upon Mrs. Vanderbilt. She and her daughter were invited to the Vanderbilt ball. Thus did the ball break the last barrier down and the Vanderbilt family was firmly established among New York’s social leaders. –Healdsburg Enterprise, 1923

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

19th C. Ballroom Etiquette for Gents

Never dance without gloves. This is an imperative rule. It is best to carry two pair, as in the contact with dark dresses, or in handing refreshments, you may soil the pair you wear on entering the room, and will thus be under the necessity of offering your hand covered by a soiled glove, to some fair partner. 

Of all the amusements open for young people, none is more delightful and more popular than dancing. Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says: “Dancing is, in itself, a very trifling and silly thing; but it is one of those established follies to which people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform; and then they should be able to do it well. And, though I would not have you a dancer, yet, when you do dance, I would have you dance well, as I would have you do everything you do well.”

In another letter, he writes: “Do you mind your dancing while your dancing master is with you? As you will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet, I would have you dance it very well. Remember that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of your hand, and the putting off and putting on of your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentleman’s dancing. But the greatest advantage of dancing well is, that it necessarily teaches you to present yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of which are of real importance to a “man of fashion.”

Although the days are over when gentlemen carried their hats into ball rooms and danced minuets, there are useful hints in the quotations given above. Nothing will give ease of manner and a graceful carriage to a gentleman more surely than the knowledge of dancing. He will, in its practice, acquire easy motion, a light step, and learn to use both hands and feet well. What can be more awkward than a man who continually finds his hands and feet in his way, and, by his fussy movements, betrays his trouble?

A good dancer never feels this embarrassment, consequently he never appears aware of the existence of his feet, and carries his hands and arms gracefully. Some people being bashful and afraid of attracting attention in a ball room or evening party, do not take lessons in dancing, overlooking the fact that it is those who do not partake of the amusement on such occasions, not those who do, that attract attention. To all such gentlemen I would say; Learn to dance. You will find it one of the very best plans for correcting bashfulness. Unless you possess the accomplishments that are common in polite society, you can neither give nor receive all the benefits that can be derived from social intercourse.

When you receive an invitation to a ball, answer it immediately.

If you go alone, go from the dressing-room to the ball room, find your host and hostess, and speak first to them; if there are several ladies in the house, take the earliest opportunity of paying your respects to each of them, and invite one of them to dance with you the first dance. If she is already engaged, you should endeavor to engage her for a dance later in the evening, and are then at liberty to seek a partner amongst the guests.

When you have engaged a partner for a dance, you should go to her a few moments before the set for which you have engaged her will be formed, that you may not be hurried in taking your places upon the floor. Enquire whether she prefers the head or side place in the set, and take the position she names.

In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, “Will you honor me with your hand for a quadrille?” or, “Shall I have the honor of dancing this set with you?” are more used now than “Shall I have the pleasure?” or, “Will you give me the pleasure of dancing with you?”

Offer a lady your arm to lead her to the quadrille, and in the pauses between the figures endeavor to make the duty of standing still less tiresome by pleasant conversation. Let the subjects be light, as you will be constantly interrupted by the figures in the dance. There is no occasion upon which a pleasant flow of small talk is more àpropos, and agreeable than in a ball room.

When the dance is over, offer your arm to your partner, and enquire whether she prefers to go immediately to her seat, or wishes to promenade. If she chooses the former, conduct her to her seat, stand near her a few moments, chatting, then bow, and give other gentlemen an opportunity of addressing her. If she prefers to promenade, walk with her until she expresses a wish to sit down. Enquire, before you leave her, whether you can be of any service, and, if the supper-room is open, invite her to go in there with you.

You will pay a delicate compliment and one that will certainly be appreciated, if, when a lady declines your invitation to dance on the plea of fatigue or fear of fatigue, you do not seek another partner, but remain with the lady you have just invited, and thus imply that the pleasure of talking with, and being near, her, is greater than that of dancing with another.

Let your hostess understand that you are at her service for the evening, that she may have a prospect of giving her wall flowers a partner, and, however unattractive these may prove, endeavor to make yourself as agreeable to them as possible.

Your conduct will differ if you escort a lady to a ball. Then your principal attentions must be paid to her. You must call for her punctually at the hour she has appointed, and it is your duty to provide the carriage. You may carry her a bouquet if you will, this is optional. A more elegant way of presenting it is to send it in the afternoon with your card, as, if you wait until evening, she may think you do not mean to present one, and provide one for herself.

When you arrive at your destination, leave the carriage, and assist her in alighting; then escort her to the lady’s dressing-room, leave her at the door, and go to the gentlemen’s dressing-room. As soon as you have arranged your own dress, go again to the door of the lady’s room, and wait until your companion comes out. Give her your left arm and escort her to the ball room; find the hostess and lead your companion to her. When they have exchanged greetings, lead your lady to a seat, and then engage her for the first dance.

Tell her that while you will not deprive others of the pleasure of dancing with her, you are desirous of dancing with her whenever she is not more pleasantly engaged, and before seeking a partner for any other set, see whether your lady is engaged or is ready to dance again with you. You must watch during the evening, and, while you do not force your attentions upon her, or prevent others from paying her attention, you must never allow her to be alone, but join her whenever others are not speaking to her. You must take her in to supper, and be ready to leave the party, whenever she wishes to do so.

If the ball is given in your own house, or at that of a near relative, it becomes your duty to see that every lady, young or old, handsome or ugly, is provided with a partner, though the oldest and ugliest may fall to your own share.

Never stand up to dance unless you are perfect master of the step, figure, and time of that dance. If you make a mistake you not only render yourself ridiculous, but you annoy your partner and the others in the set.

If you have come alone to a ball, do not devote yourself entirely to any one lady. Divide your attentions amongst several, and never dance twice in succession with the same partner.

To affect an air of secrecy or mystery when conversing in a ball-room is a piece of impertinence for which no lady of delicacy will thank you.

When you conduct your partner to her seat, thank her for the pleasure she has conferred upon you, and do not remain too long conversing with her.

Give your partner your whole attention when dancing with her. To let your eyes wander round the room, or to make remarks betraying your interest in others, is not flattering, as she will not be unobservant of your want of taste.

Be very careful not to forget an engagement. It is an unpardonable breach of politeness to ask a lady to dance with you, and neglect to remind her of her promise when the time to redeem it comes.

A dress coat, dress boots, full suit of black, and white or very light kid gloves must be worn in a ball room. A white waistcoat and cravat are sometimes worn, but this is a matter of taste.

Never wait until the music commences before inviting a lady to dance with you.

If one lady refuses you, do not ask another who is seated near her to dance the same set. Do not go immediately to another lady, but chat a few moments with the one whom you first invited, and then join a group or gentlemen friends for a few moments, before seeking another partner.

Never dance without gloves. This is an imperative rule. It is best to carry two pair, as in the contact with dark dresses, or in handing refreshments, you may soil the pair you wear on entering the room, and will thus be under the necessity of offering your hand covered by a soiled glove, to some fair partner. You can slip unperceived from the room, change the soiled for a fresh pair, and then avoid that mortification.

If your partner has a bouquet, handkerchief, or fan in her hand, do not offer to carry them for her. If she finds they embarrass her, she will request you to hold them for her, but etiquette requires you not to notice them, unless she speaks of them first.

Do not be the last to leave the ball room. It is more elegant to leave early, as staying too late gives others the impression that you do not often have an invitation to a ball, and must “make the most of it.”

Some gentlemen linger at a private ball until all the ladies have left, and then congregate in the supper-room, where they remain for hours, totally regardless of the fact that they are keeping the wearied host and his servants from their rest. Never, as you value your reputation as a gentleman of refinement, be among the number of these “hangers on.” –From Cecil B. Hartley's. “The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Gilded Age Dance Parties

A man gives the first and last dances to his partner of the evening.

In selecting a company for a dancing party the hostess will naturally choose only those who dance, and she should see, as far as possible, that all the women are provided with partners.

It is better to dance first with one acquaintance and then with another, rather than to make one’s self conspicuous by giving a great number of dances to one man.

A man gives the first and last dances to his partner of the evening.

No man should invite a young woman to attend a dress affair without providing a carriage for her. When the party is small and informal, it is allowable to go on the street-cars.

At the end of the dance, the man should offer his arm to his partner, and take at least one turn around the room before consigning her to her seat.

A man who can dance, and will not, ought to remain away from a ball.

If for any reason a girl should refuse to dance with one man, she should not accept another invitation for the same dance.

An invitation to a ball may be asked for a friend who is a stranger in town, and has had no opportunity of making the acquaintance of the one who gives the ball.

A man should not ask a girl, to whom he has been introduced for the purpose of dancing with her, for more than two dances the same evening.– From Cora C. Klein's, "Practical Etiquette," 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia