Refrigerator Etiquette

One subject that I often hear about from college students is refrigerator etiquette. A reader recently told me his new dorm mate informed him that any box or item not specifically marked as his is up for grabs. Evidently the mate’s household had these “rights” and he assumed that they worked anywhere. I asked the person if he was okay with his roommate’s declaration. He was not. He felt that it was presumptuous and disrespectful.

Comfortably sharing a space – and refrigerator – with someone requires communication, understanding, and a few ground rules.

Refrigerator Rights

According to Urban Rights Dictionary, “‘Refrigerator rights’ defines the depth, closeness, and intimacy of a relationship. Friends with refrigerator rights can help themselves to anything in your refrigerator without asking permission.”

Refrigerator rights are really about the right to act or not act in a common space. When you share a home or office with other people you probably share a refrigerator as well. Does this give you the right to help yourself to anything in said refrigerator? Only if you’ve been granted refrigerator rights.

Common Refrigerator Etiquette

When refrigerator etiquette is observed, as in other etiquette-ful situations, the people sharing the space hardly notice. Because there is nothing to notice, things run smoothly, and household routines are just. . . routine. 

But when expectations and understandings are not met, there is disappointment, aggravation, and resentment. Pet peeves come to light and will only become more annoying unless correction is made.

A recent poll of my family and friends reveals refrigerator pet peeves:

• Empty containers put back in the fridge.
• People drinking out of cartons or bottles which everyone uses.
• Not covering food properly (or at all) which leads to a smelly fridge.
• “Space stealing,” defined as using a shelf that has been previously claimed or assigned to someone else.
• A spill happens and the person who spilled just leaves it there.
• When someone used the last of something such as ketchup or ice cream and didn’t let others know.
• If there are no guidelines and it’s a free for all in the fridge.

Refrigerator etiquette rules are often practices that grow out of personal experience. Pet peeves are acknowledged, and guidelines are created to help keep harmony in the household. Some examples are:

• The person who usually stocks the groceries is commonly in charge of knowing when to toss out food on the verge of spoiling. 
• If the family or group sharing the refrigerator is large, create an organized storage system, including container labeling and shelf “ownership” systems to avoid confusion and irritation.
• Unless you have explicit permission to do so, if you didn’t buy it, you shouldn’t consume it. 
• Make sure that everyone understands and agrees to the system, including a cleaning schedule.

Shared responsibility can help minimize pet peeves and good communication can maintain an etiquette-ful atmosphere in the kitchen.

Just as with any common space, it is important to show respect. My advice to all roommates in question: When anyone is feeling invaded, that person needs to speak up about it.

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at  http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sexual Harassment and Etiquette

With the new code of office etiquette, the stenographers also demand a minimum wage of $10.00 a week and the eliminating of swearing on the part of employers.

Stenographers Put Ban on Kiss
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––– 
Oath from Bosses

BOSTON, May 16.—Kissing is to be taboo in business offices and the gentle caress must be foresworn by employers in the future if the “clean up” campaign launched by the Union of Stenographers, Bookkeepers, Accountants and Office Employes of Greater Boston today has its desired results. 

With the new code of office etiquette, the stenographers also demand a minimum wage of $10.00 a week and the eliminating of swearing on the part of employers. They claim kissing is submitted to frequently, in order to hold positions and that many employers swear at their fair subordinates. – International News Service, 1916

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1960s Women’s Business Etiquette

Though the 1960’s Marlo Thomas’ sitcom, “That Girl” always featured her character impeccably dressed, this particular look wouldn’t make the cut in the Aetna office of 1967. The ‘kicky’ white hosiery and length of the skirt, would rule this look out. Then again, she played a struggling actress, not a secretary. As far as the advice for posture, grooming and courtesy goes, this is still valuable etiquette advice for most office jobs.

Neatness And Courtesy Boon To Girls Starting Job Soon

If you're planning to begin your first full-time job upon graduation this fall, you may be a little frightened at the prospect. Don’t be. The change from classroom to office will be an adventure. You’ll enjoy more money and more independence than you have ever had before. And you’ll have more responsibilities. A good appearance and cooperative attitude will go a long way in smoothing your adjustment to the business world. To help you make the change, here are some suggestions from Aetna Life and Casualty, which employs over 15,000 women nationally: 

• MAKE-UP: Avoid heavy make-up, especially on your eyes. Use a light touch to achieve a natural look. 
• HAIR; Wear it long or short, up or down, whichever way pleases you and compliments your face, but always have it shining clean and neat. 
• POSTURE: Stand tall. Slouching does nothing for the fit of your clothes, your appearance, or the way you feel. And, you won't tire as easily if you sit with your back straight and feet on the floor while typing. 
• CLOTHES: Your business wardrobe need not be expensive. Many of the clothes you already own will adapt nicely to office wear. Simple dresses, of course, are always appropriate. And you can utilize many of your skirts if you wear them with attractive blouses or dress sweaters. Save the button-down collars and shetlands for casual wear. Leave your mini’s at home. They don't adapt very well to sitting at a typewriter or bending over files. Hemlines should fall anywhere from the bottom of your knees to an inch above them, depending on your preference. 
• SHOES: While either high or low heels are acceptable, you’ll probably find the new lower heel styles most comfortable. Loafers and sandals are out. 
• HOSE: A must in the office, winter or summer. But keep them businesslike. Fishnet or textured stockings are “kicky” for fun times but not for work. Naturally, tights and knee socks are taboo. JEWELRY: Keep it simple. Dangling earrings and jangling bracelets are not only inappropriate in the office but present a safety hazard. They can get caught on typewriters and file drawers.
• HANDS: Keep them well groomed at all times. They are in the spotlight when you perform office duties. Nails should be of medium length and evenly tapered. Long nails have a habit of breaking when you type or, worse yet, getting in the way. A coat of clear light polish will make your nails more attractive and give them added strength to help prevent peeling and splitting.
• VOICE: Keep your voice controlled and distinct, especially in telephone conversations.
• PERSONALITY: Be friendly. You'll find that your coworkers will respond favorably. And remember that your boss deserves respect and consideration. 
• OFFICE ETIQUETTE: You will want to be more formal at work than you would be at home. Remember that any rule of etiquette is based on one simple concept making those around you feel comfortable in your presence. If you are polite and courteous, you will quickly feel “at home” in your new job. – Madera Tribume, 1967

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1950's Etiquette for Businessmen

You may have to appoint her chairman of a committee to look into the company's telephone manners, ask her to "get the girls together"...

Memo

To: Men who can't be bothered with "all that etiquette nonsense"

From: the editors

We solemnly swear that this book will not tell you:
1. how things should be done to please delicate ladies tsk-tsk ing over the teacups in their Victorian bowers
(Instead, it tells you how things are done, by practical men who know their way around in these high-pressure days.)

2. how to set a table, manage a wedding, furnish your house or christen a baby
(But it tells you how to handle women who care about such matters - and it might help you sign up a Lady who has an etiquette book of her own.)

3. how to make a million dollars, break 70 on the golf course or marry a beautiful heiress
(But it may keep you from making a fool of yourself while you're trying!)

With the help of experts in every field - experts who form our board of advisory editors - we've ruthlessly cast aside all forms which no longer make sense in the world of today. 

We've been especially rough on those ladylike rules which are not comfortable and natural for a man to follow. In their place, you will find new and current guides on everything from tippling to tipping, from courting to sporting.

We think this book will save you a lot of trouble - and not a few embarrassing moments.

We think it will help put you at ease in what ever strange situation you come up against.

We know it will work ... so we hope you'll put The New Esquire Etiquette to work for you.

We think this book will help put you at ease in what ever strange situation you come up against.

From “Your Secretary”

Your secretary represents you. You're the one who will be marked down if she manages to rub other people the wrong way -- and she can do it in a minute if she has developed the habit of asking "Who's calling?" over the telephone, or if she relays your orders as though they were her own -- so in the end you're the one who will have to tell her how to seem polite and helpful even as she turns away your callers, prods your juniors, lies to your seniors or otherwise looks after your interests.

When she new, it's easy.  You just sit her down, as a sort of confidential partner in your business of getting ahead, and tell her exactly how you want things done. She can't be offended by the orientation approach I'm sure you know this already but... Hand her this book, if you're pressed for time, or buy her a copy of Communications Handbook for Secretaries*, but manage to let her know that you notice and you care how she handles other people for you.

When she has already had time to settle into some of the bad habits discussed below, the job of correcting her is a bit touchy. You may have to appoint her chairman of a committee to look into the company's telephone manners, ask her to "get the girls together" to discuss a general letting-down you've noticed on the subject of businesslike dress in the office, or assign her to collect materials for a memo you want to write the office manager about business etiquette. You can be sure, however, that it will be worth whatever trouble you have to take to bring your secretary's manners up to a par with her stenography. If she is smooth she can be more effective, for you.

Before you start criticizing your secretary's manners, however, perhaps you had better take a look at your own manners toward your secretary.

* By Lucy Graves Mayo, one of our advisory editors

Show wives and kiddies what Daddy does all day…

From “Your Wife and Your Work”

KEEP HER OUT OF IT, if you can.

You are lucky if she knows enough about the ways of the business world to act as a suitable sounding board - or enough about the ways of womanhood to provide needed relief from business pressures. In a company where a certain amount of social mixing is necessary, you're lucky if she is a good hostess endowed with the knack of putting people at ease (a knack which usually includes empathy, the art of small talk and a nice sense of timing in the expression of controversial opinion.) It's nice if she wants what you want in your career; it helps if she understands when you have to work hard and late.
But - note - all these qualities operate AT HOME.

Your wife should stay out of your office, except by infrequent appointment to meet you there or except by invitation to one of those Open House events some companies stage in order to show wives and kiddies what Daddy does all day.

She should stay off your office wire, except on matters which can't await your call or your return home. And even when the mission itself has your approval, she should never deal directly with your employees or fellow-workers.

If she doesn't know these things instinctively, you'll have to risk telling her outright. Explain it in terms of "appearances," a concept women are usually quick to appreciate, and she shouldn't resent the lesson.

For your part, you should avoid dragging her name, activities or opinions into the business day. She's not a skeleton (we hope) to be kept hidden in a closet, but too many men quote their wives too often to hold the interest (and respect) of their associates. It may be true that the road to success is crowded with wives pushing their husbands along - but try not to let it show in your case!

And by the way: when and if you do refer to your wife in a business conversation, do not speak of her as "MrsYourName." Call her "my wife" or, if the person you are speaking to knows her well enough to know her first name, "Mary." The reason is simple; in social usage, a man refers to his wife as "MrsHisname" only in speaking to servants and children. So using that form in business, even though the business rule is not so clear-cut, sounds a note of condescension. – The New Esquire Etiquette 1953

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia