More Etiquette from Emily Post

One of the better known writers on manners, with her first book of etiquette published in 1922, is Emily Post. Though she died in 1960, her extended family (most notably her late-granddaughter in-law, Elizabeth Post) has successfully continued on with her legacy of  nearly a century of etiquette books, news columns and social media contributions. – Above, “Emily Post” by Miguel Covarrubias for Vanity Fair, December 1933 
– Image source, Pinterest 

Dear Mrs. Post: May a young woman who is going out with a young man for the evening, wear a corsage sent to her by some one else? 

Answer: I think a man who has very little money and who had wanted to send her flowers and was not able to afford it, might feel not only embarrassed but distressed. A so-called “gilded youth,” meaning one whose purse is more man usually deep, would not be likely to notice the flowers. If he does, he'll probably say, “Oh, I'm sorry,” and remember to send her some at another time.

Dear Mrs, Post: Mr. and Mrs. Graham are both medical doctors and both practising. How shall I introduce them socially and how can I let strangers know that they are man and wife? To say Dr. Mary Graham and Dr. John Graham might give the impression to some that they are brother and sister. 

Answer: Introduce them as Dr. Graham and his wife, Dr. Mary Graham. In this particular case it is best that the wife be introduced second rather than first, because to say Dr. Mary Graham and her husband, Dr. John Graham, does not sound as well as the other way about.

Dear Mrs. Post: Would it be sliding over one's obligations to give a dessert bridge in return for the other people's lunch party invitations? I am indebted to so many people and I cannot afford to give a real lunch party but that I might have a dessert bridge instead, if that could be considered a fair return. 

Answer: It is not necessary to repay hospitality in kind, but a fraction of a lunch in return for many complete luncheons would be a less happy choice than another type of party altogether. Therefore, I would rather suggest a buffet meal, either lunch or supper, and not just the last course of a luncheon. However, if a buffet meal is too much of an undertaking, it would be entirely proper to give a bridge party and serve afternoon tea with little sandwiches and cakes. According to best form, nothing more than this should be served at a bridge party, ever.

Dear Mrs. Post: At a dinner for 200, to celebrate a silver wedding anniversary, would the guests be seated with place cards at the small tables? 

Answer; I think most people find themselves more at ease if they have a definite place to go to, but it would not be easy to seat as many as 200. In other words, It is entirely correct to seat all the tables and on the other hand all right just to seat your own table, which includes yourself and the original bridal party and any others whom you would like especially to have with you. —Emily Post, 1939

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Gents and Flowers

A girl under five feet five might prefer a small arrangement to be worn on her back décolletage, rather than one to be crushed at the waist or on the shoulder during dancing or a tiny nosegay to pin to her gloves or bag. Tall girls can stand the big impressive corsages men love to buy, but little girls often abhor them. 

Men... In the sending of flowers, confused, they buy something expensive and therefore, they believe, impressive, but it may be quite unsuitable to the occasion or to the costume the girl is wearing. A corsage of purple orchids looks foolish at a football game, whereas a shaggy chrysanthemum, a bunch of violets, or orange calendula, or even a charmingly arranged spray of bittersweet would be in tune with her sport coat, lap rug, and stadium boots. A woman is much more impressed when her escort makes an effort to find out what kind of flowers she would prefer to wear than if he just leaves it up to the florist. 

If a man can't determine for himself whether a girl is the orchid or gardenia type and can't bring himself to ask her what she plans to wear, he is safe in sending white flowers — lilies of the valley, gardenias, chrysanthemums (for daytime wear), rosebuds (but they are perishable for an evening of dancing), carnations in a tight little round bouquet. But he should be careful not to have so many flowers in the corsage that a delicate gown will be pulled out of place by the weight of it. And for a short girl, never, under any circumstances, should a corsage of more than one or two orchids be sent. A girl with taste and a taste for orchids would prefer one little green, yellow, or white spray orchid to half a dozen ostentatious purple ones. But, orchids or cornflowers, corsages should be free of ribbon trimming, and rose corsages should not have any greenery but their own as background. 

Flowers are worn various ways with evening clothes. (If they are to be worn on the shoulder for dancing, the right shoulder keeps them fresh longer. ) A girl with braids or a chignon might prefer a red or pink camellia or a single gardenia for her hair rather than a corsage. A girl under five feet five might prefer a small arrangement to be worn on her back décolletage, rather than one to be crushed at the waist or on the shoulder during dancing or a tiny nosegay to pin to her gloves or bag. Tall girls can stand the big impressive corsages men love to buy, but little girls often abhor them. 

Flowers should be arranged in corsages so that they will be worn the way they grow, with the heads up. They should be sent with several florist's pins so they can be anchored firmly in place. Bouquets of flowers should always be sent with some thought of where and how they will be arranged. Several dozen towering dahlias, chrysanthemums, or gladiolus, sans container, will not always be welcome in a hotel room, in the compartment of a train, or aboard ship, in anything less than a suite. A potted plant is impractical for a transient. 

Flowers corsages or arm bouquets sent to trains and planes are usually just a burden to the recipient. It is a very nice thing, however, to send flowers for decoration to a girl who is giving a party. I once knew a charming gentleman with imagination enough to do that. He filled my apartment with flowers the afternoon I was giving a large cocktail party and sent along his Filipino butler, too, to help out. 

A man who is laying siege to a girl's heart does well not to systematize his flower-sending. I knew one man who could be counted on to send two dozen long-stemmed red roses every Saturday, rain or shine. And another who might send a gay, red geranium in a simple clay pot or turn up with a single gardenia in a twist of green waxed paper or a new recording or some fresh catnip for the kitten one never knew. Any woman could tell in a minute which was the more interesting man. — The Courier-Journal from Louisville, Kentucky, 1953

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia