Royal Etiquette Rules in England

It is as well to avoid the too frequent repetition of “Your Majesty.” It gets on the nerves of some royal persons when introduced in almost every sentence.

ETIQUETTE WITH ROYALTY

Presentation to a royal personage is often regarded as a nervous business for the reason that the person presented does not exactly know what is the correct thing to say or do. Whether it be a formal or an informal presentation, the same rule holds good. The King is addressed as "Your Majesty," and the Queen in the same fashion. The ladies and gentlemen about the Court, and those who enjoy the friendship of the royal family say "Sir" or "Madam" when addressing King or Queen. The word "Madam" is usually pronounced "Ma'am" in this case.

It is as well to avoid the too frequent repetition of “Your Majesty.” It gets on the nerves of some royal persons when introduced in almost every sentence. “Your Royal Highness” is the mode of addressing all other members of the Royal Family than the King and Queen. In speaking of one member to another, one does not say "he" or "him," "she" or "her," but always uses the full phrase, “His Majesty,” "Her Majesty," "His Royal Highness," or "Her Royal Highness," as the case may be. —  Every Day Etiquette, by Mrs. Humphrey, 1900

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Arranging Introductions

 

It is more difficult to judge of others who, quiet and reserved, reveal but little of themselves at first. The whole arrangement, in fact, bristles with difficulties and much courage is needed to undertake it. So many good old families are poor nowadays, and millionaires have raised the standard of living to so high and costly a level, that there is no lack of ladies who venture upon the arduous task of chaperonage. – photo source, Pinterest

It is now a very usual thing for ladies of position in British society to receive girls into their houses and introduce them to their friends. It is a commercial transaction, and the terms, as a rule, are high. One lady of rank charges ten guineas a week. Another requires £1000 for the season. All are most particular about the girl being presentable, possessing good credentials, and dressing well. In the first interview a very critical investigation is made. 

Manner, speech, gesture and bearing are all taken into consideration. “Can I introduce her as a friend to my friends?” is the question in the mind of the chaperon. The impossible girl is soon disposed of. It is more difficult to judge of others who, quiet and reserved, reveal but little of themselves at first. The whole arrangement, in fact, bristles with difficulties and much courage is needed to undertake it. So many good old families are poor nowadays, and millionaires have raised the standard of living to so high and costly a level, that there is no lack of ladies who venture upon the arduous task of chaperonage.

Those who are inexperienced in the matter usually make the mistake of not settling all details before the chaperonage begins. Terms and what they include should all be put down in black and white. The question as to who shall pay for carriages, cabs, railway fares, seats at theatres, etc... ought to be preliminarily settled. Otherwise there may be disagreeable differences of opinion, always most carefully to be avoided. Sometimes the chaperon promises more than she afterwards finds she can perform. 

Invitations to dances, for instance, are not easy to get for a strange girl. Then, if the hostess’ daughter receives one and accepts it, the girl-guest may possibly feel aggrieved. A bright, pleasant girl will soon make her way, but there are heavy, uninteresting girls who hang on hand and seem to desire everything to be done for them in the matter of their social success. They expect to receive it without having exerted themselves to earn it. — From Etiquette for Every Day, by Mrs. Humphry, 1902

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Etiquette in Public

Though the fashionable manner inclines to a rather marked decisiveness and the fashionable voice to loudness, even harshness, there is a quiet self-possession about the gentlewoman, whether young or old, that marks her out from women of a lower class, whose manner is florid.

“In the Street”

A gentle-woman is known by her quiet self-possession. Self-effacement in the street is the rule of good manners as imperative in the street as it is in as in Society. One can almost invariably distinguish the well-bred girl at the first glance, whether she is walking, shopping, in an omnibus, descending from a carriage or a cab, or sauntering up or down in the Park. 

Though the fashionable manner inclines to a rather marked decisiveness and the fashionable voice to loudness, even harshness, there is a quiet self-possession about the gentlewoman, whether young or old, that marks her out from women of a lower class, whose manner is florid. This is perhaps the best word to describe the lively gestures, the notice-attracting glance and the self-conscious air of the underbred, who continually appear to wish to impress their personality upon all they meet. 

The well-bred woman goes quietly along, intent on her own business and regardless of the rest of the world, except in so far as to keep from intruding upon their personal rights. This is another test of the well-bred woman. A delicate sense of self-respect keeps her from contact with her neighbour in train or tramcar or omnibus, so for as such contact may be avoidable. The woman of the lower classes may spread her arms, lean up against her neighbour, or in other ways behave with a disagreeable familiarity; the gentlewoman never.

There was a good old rule of manners that forbade a lady to look back after any one in the street, or to turn and stare at any one in church, opera, theatre, or concert room. These good old rules seem fast to be becoming obsolete; or so one might suppose from the frequency with which they are disregarded. — Manners for Women, by Mrs. Humphry, “Madge of Truth”, 1897

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Etiquette and the Curtsey

The lady who favoured our Queen and her family with affable little nods and warmly shook hands with the Sovereign at one famous Drawing-Room is not yet forgotten, and has been the cause of many a hearty laugh. Another, the heel of whose shoe caught in her skirts, and who could not get up after her curtsey, and had to be carried from the Presence Chamber after the fashion of the old game of “Honey pots,” caused etiquette to be forgotten at the strictest Court in the world, a broad smile appearing on the Queen's own face, while the young Princesses tittered irrepressibly, and the Princess of Wales bit her pretty lips.

“The old-fashioned curtsey”

GIRLS are never taught to curtsey now, as they used to be. A real, old-fashioned “courtesy,” as it used to be spelled, is quite an elaborate performance. First, you draw back the right foot, getting it straight behind the other, and down you go, as far as the suppleness of your limbs will permit, coming up to the “recover” with all the weight on the right foot, and the left pointed out most daintily.

A curtsey is about the only thing in the world that is helped out by the high-heeled shoe. The only trace of this old-fashioned and very graceful bit of deportment is the deep reverence made by the ladies at Her Majesty’s Drawing- Rooms. Some of them perform it with practiced aplomb. Others never achieve it. There is a very pretty young Princess who plumps down with an alarming suddenness that always makes the Royal circle covertly smile.

Even when making the ordinary “bob” to Royalty on less ceremonious occasions, this lovely girl strikes her heel against the floor with a bump that seems to have arrived straight from the maddest moment of a merry breakdown. A well-known infinite grace, repeating it before the various members of the Royal circle at Drawing-Rooms, that the Queen's eyes invariably follow her with a glance of pleased approbation. A handsome countess of regal appearance makes a very imposing obeisance, but it is too stiff to be really graceful.

Among the numerous Americans presented, some carry themselves into the presence of Royalty with a truly republican air of equality and fraternity, contenting themselves with bowing to the Queen, as they would to their hostess of an afternoon reception. Others who have studied the matter more deeply, sink low with a willowy grace, just brushing with their lips the plump little white hand extended to them, then rising with a slightly backward movement that seems to accept dismissal and tacitly to disclaim any desire to unnecessary intrusion. “Quite theatrical!” said a very plump dowager of such a performance. Every one else had admired it. But perhaps the consciousness of an over-allowance of adipose tissue and blooming plumptitude, had rendered the dear lady inappreciative of slender grace and languorous ease in others.

The Queen is a lover of beauty, and a keen judge of it, both in form and face. The débutante whose appearance evokes a word of pleased comment from Her Majesty is always safe to be one of the beauties of her first season. And the Royal memory for faces is an excellent one. Any one who has had an opportunity of seeing the Queen walk through the lane of guests at a Royal garden party, Royal concert, or at any public function, will remember the glances cast from side to side, noting every face, keenly alive and discerning, awake to every circumstance and incident.

When listening to addresses or long speeches an expression of weariness, sometimes amounting to indifference and even apathy, occasionally settles down on the Royal countenance. Oh, those long addresses! How many years of Her Majesty’s life would be totaled up if the bad quarters of an hour spent in hearing addresses were laid end to end and make up into one huge sum of patient endurance? But when face to face with her people the Queen is full of quick perception. So beauty and grace do not go unrecognised at our Court of England. Nor do less agreeable characteristics.

The lady who favoured our Queen and her family with affable little nods and warmly shook hands with the Sovereign at one famous Drawing-Room is not yet forgotten, and has been the cause of many a hearty laugh. Another, the heel of whose shoe caught in her skirts, and who could not get up after her curtsey, and had to be carried from the Presence Chamber after the fashion of the old game of “Honey pots,” caused etiquette to be forgotten at the strictest Court in the world, a broad smile appearing on the Queen's own face, while the young Princesses tittered irrepressibly, and the Princess of Wales bit her pretty lips. The Prince looked as if he longed to give one of his great guffaws. Another memorable lady lost part of her bodice, and had to retire hastily in much confusion, wrapping herself in her train. All these incidents are remembered and credited to the correct names by one whose mind is not so much “ta’en up wi’ the things o’ the State,” as not to reserve a shelf for minor matters.

The Royal disapprobation of cosmetics, hair-dyes, and other forms of insincerity in personal appearance is not veiled in any way. To the application, or misapplication, of rouge society has become hardened, but when it is plastered on in quantities that defeat the very object of deception, for which it is used, a little open for which it is used, a little open comment from those in high places has worked wonders in reducing the evil. The cosmetic epidemic comes and goes like Bob Acres’ courage, but, unlike it, will never wholly disappear. — Manners for Women, by Mrs. Humphry, “Madge of Truth”, 1897

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia