Etiquette in Vietnam

In Vietnamese, ‘khiêm’ means humble or modest behaviour. Be mindful that Vietnamese etiquette does not automatically translate into Western etiquette, nor are they similar. Westerners are taught that using polite language, such as ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcome’, is used when showing respect however, in Vietnamese this may translate to arrogance and is deemed unnecessary. So, don’t be surprised when ‘I’m sorry’ may not be used.

My introduction to Vietnam and the Vietnamese people began in my early teenage years. In Melbourne, two suburbs recreated a shopping scene reminiscent of the energy and bustle of Ho Chi Minh City. These areas were alive with daily commerce, storefronts filled with colour, and restaurants serving traditional foods.

Since the Vietnam War, the influx of Vietnamese into Australia has existed for over 40 or more years. I loved frequently shopping and eating in Little Vietnam in Melbourne and Sydney, absorbing its food and people culture. Eventually, I had the pleasure of traveling to Vietnam, starting from the north and making my way to the south. Here is what I learnt.

What You Will See in Vietnam

As you walk through streets, laneways, and peer through gated houses and step into businesses, you will see mirrors above front doors, below by the door's side, red coloured alters or you might see fresh fruit or fake money, which are symbolic offerings to dead ancestors that will be later burned.

Traditionally, the Vietnamese are superstitious, and you will see each morning many attend altars dedicated to appeasing the gods, and families of long ago, deflecting the devil and bad spirits, praying to bring ‘good luck’ into their lives and their family’s lives. Other items of a religious nature that you need to understand are that there are lucky and unlucky numbers and colours, as well as pregnancy taboos that the Vietnamese take very seriously.

Be mindful of not stepping over or on an altar that lies on the ground or touching items such as incense sticks that don’t belong to you. When entering religious places, follow the directions of the gatekeepers, such as taking your shoes off, wearing appropriate clothing, taking your hat off your head and using silence when watching those worshiping.

‘Khiêm’ Vietnamese for Polite Etiquette

In Vietnamese, ‘khiêm’ means humble or modest behaviour. Be mindful that Vietnamese etiquette does not automatically translate into Western etiquette, nor are they similar. Westerners are taught that using polite language, such as ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcome’, is used when showing respect however, in Vietnamese this may translate to arrogance and is deemed unnecessary. So, don’t be surprised when ‘I’m sorry’ may not be used.

Learn Greetings to Use While Travelling

The Vietnamese language is a complicated one as it’s a tonal language and a tone mispronounced could confuse locals as to understanding you however, using a few Vietnamese words might open doors. Below you will see that greetings are different for those who are elderly, young, or close to your age. Vietnamese people are deeply rooted hierarchical society based on seniority and age.

• Elder Male: Ông, 
• Elder Female: Bà, 
• Older Male: Anh, 
• Older Female: Chị, 
• Younger Person: Em, 
• Younger Service Staff: Em ơi or 
• Older service staff: Anh/Chị ơi, 
• A friend: Bạn ơi.
• How old are you? Bao nhiêu tuổi? 

or similar question…

• Are you healthy?: “Khỏe không?” 
• If you’re not sure about the age of the person you are speaking to, use a pronoun one level higher to address them.

When using the greeting with elders, you should initiate the greeting as the elderly will wait and stare until you do. When you want to display deep respect, you can shake someone’s hand with both hands. Greeting a female, a bow or nod of acknowledgment is used however, before you offer your hand, wait till they extend their hand, or they might not. Men greet each other with a nod or, for business, a handshake.

Eat Like a Native Vietnamese

If you think that you have dined at enough Vietnamese restaurants and, through observation, understand all that you need to know about dining culture, well, you might have missed these unspoken protocols.

Don’t just plonk yourself down anywhere, wait to be escorted to where you will sit, whether it is on the ground or the table. The reason for this is that hierarchy plays a role in who sits where and when. The eldest person sits down first, then the oldest, and then the youngest diners. Another sign of respect is waiting for everyone to arrive at the table, then being seated, the oldest person to proceed eating first and everyone thereafter.

Vietnamese meals are served family style, where all types of dishes are placed in the middle of the table, and everyone is obliged to help themselves with cutlery from each dish to their bowl. Never use your chopsticks or fork to eat directly from the serving dishes. You too can have a part by passing dishes around using both of your hands.

Unlike Western dining, where you eat from dinnerware that is on the table, in the Vietnamese style, you can lift the bowl close to your mouth, leaving it on the table can be interpreted as a sign of laziness. I find it refreshing to hold the bowl to eat from. You may find that your host may serve meat or may offer a vegetarian meal. If your host serves seafood such as fish, once served on your plate, the fish remains on your plate and is never turned over. This may invoke superstitious images of a fisherman’s boat capsizing.

Use chopsticks with respect. From the earliest historical Chinese and Japanese records, chopsticks were used for funerary and religious purposes and eventually migrated to the table, especially during the time of Confucius, curbing violence at the table with daggers. Never wave the chopsticks around while you are talking, point with them, or stick them upright in your bowl. Chopsticks are only for personal eating, use only.

If your host serves seafood such as fish, once served on your plate, the fish remains on your plate and is never turned over. This may invoke superstitious images of a fisherman’s boat capsizing.

A good Vietnamese host will try to ply you with lots of food. To kindly decline, place your hand or lay the chopsticks over your bowl and thank the host and state that you are satisfied. Make sure there is no food left in your bowl, as it may be seen as careless wastage, which could have been consumed by someone else later that day. Please help the host in clearing the table before drinks are served at the end of the dining event.

I hope these tips and tricks from my time in Vietnam help you when visiting the country, joining close friends, or accepting an invitation to dine at a Vietnamese restaurant. It is one of my favourite places to visit as people are kind and respectful, and the food is just amazing.

Happy travels and tạm biệt – goodbye.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth can currently be found in Melbourne Australia and on numerous social media sites.

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Vietnamese Customs and Etiquette for Visiting Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

Women in traditional Vietnamese outfits ~ It is rare for older Vietnamese women to shake hands with each other, or with men. Most physical contact between grown-up relatives or friends (both males and females), or between the same or opposite sexes, is not a commonly seen.  Many greet one another by bowing slightly to each other.  They may join hands.  In fact, members of the same sex often hold hands while walking together. Men and women do not show affection in public. Usually, higher ranking people are greeted first, for example, the head of the family. Touching children on the head is only done by parents, grandparents, etc... There are several titles of respect in the Vietnamese language, but these are not used in English. "Thua" (which means "please") is added in front of the first name as a show of respect. Visitors should use Mr., Ms., or a title, plus someone's first name.

With its curious blend of communist ideology and Confucianism, Vietnam can be a confusing place for first-time visitors. However, an important element of the society is its tolerance, which means you are likely to be forgiven if you show ignorance of Vietnamese ways. Nevertheless, most visitors like to avoid upsetting locals, so it pays to keep a few points of Vietnamese culture in mind while in Saigon in order to make your stay a smooth one.

Few visitors from Western countries, where communism is demonised, will need to be warned to avoid conflicts with the police or soldiers. In fact, such conflicts are unlikely as the presence of such state representatives on the streets of Saigon is minimal.

A view of Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon) at night ~ Watch your body language in Vietnam: To beckon someone, extend your arm with your palm facing downward, and move your fingers in a scratching motion. Only beckon someone who has a "lower" status than you. Summoning someone with a curled index finger, is only done by a person's superior. 

Still, you need to remember that places like military installations are sensitive subjects and if you start taking pictures of such things, you could get yourself in trouble. This does not include places like the Cu Chi Tunnels and the War Remnants Museum, where you are free to photograph war relics that relate to the Vietnamese victory over its oppressors.

One aspect of Confucianism is that it is very conservative, and while the local people may appear to be casually dressed, there are certain places such as temples where visitors are expected to be respectfully attired. This means covering your shoulders and legs (no sleeveless shirts or shorts) and removing your shoes before entering the main building. As with every country, when you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation, it pays to watch carefully how the locals behave and imitate their behaviour to avoid causing offence.

“Women leaders in Vietnam are good at getting a family environment where people feel like they are part of a family or part of a team.  They have high loyalty.” –Bloomberg News

The conservative element in Vietnamese culture also means that it is very uncomfortable with open gay behaviour by men and women. The tolerant element of the culture means that gays are not persecuted, but there are few gay-friendly bars in Saigon and the majority of the city’s inhabitants still consider homosexuals to be as undesirable as prostitutes or drug dealers.

While you may occasionally witness Vietnamese arguing with each other, as with many Southeast Asian countries Vietnam puts a premium on controlling your temper. So if you find yourself getting angry, say with a tour agent for not providing services as advertised, take a deep breath and state your case in a calm, reasonable manner. This is much more likely to bring a satisfactory response than raising your voice and threatening the person concerned.

Vietnamese summer rolls ~ On dining in Vietnam:  Always use both hands when passing something to another person. Don’t be shy about lifting your bowl of rice or noodles to your mouth and shovelling it in with your chopsticks or slurping loudly. Such behaviour is a sign of someone enjoying their food and will probably please the cook.

Though most visitors have no difficulty adapting to Vietnamese culture, one area where many feel uneasy is eating in local restaurants. Don’t be surprised if you see customers discarding bones and tissues on the floor, as this is accepted practice and you’ll probably get a smile if they see you doing the same.

In the same way, don’t be shy about lifting your bowl of rice or noodles to your mouth and shovelling it in with your chopsticks or slurping loudly. Such behaviour is a sign of someone enjoying their food and will probably please the cook.

As for tipping, it’s unheard of in basic hole-in-the-wall places, though staff in restaurants that cater to tourists will appreciate it if you leave a few thousand dong. Likewise, if you are happy with the service given you by a tour guide or driver, any tip you offer will supplement their meagre salary. –Main article source One Stop Saigon

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia