Gilded Age Meals and Etiquette

The diagram above was for the placement of silver at a regular, family breakfast in the Gilded Age. A “Breakfast Party” was another type of breakfast altogether — “… a breakfast party was an enormous meal with six or seven courses, various kinds of meats and fish, a variety of breads and pastries, and at least one or two different wines.” 

On the Gilded Age Cookbook by Mrs. Mary F. Henderson, “Practical Cooking and Dinner Giving,” of 1877

Based on her sample menus, a breakfast party was an enormous meal with six or seven courses, various kinds of meats and fish, a variety of breads and pastries, and at least one or two different wines. Lunches were even more elaborate and alcohol-soaked. For example, one of Henderson’s lunch menus — a twelve-course ladies’ lunch — had three different alcoholic drinks (milk punch, claret, and champagne), and such disconcerting details as a course of chocolate (probably hot chocolate) with whipped cream, served in between courses of beef fillet and spinach on tongue. Even while describing such abundance, Henderson found ways to make clear that nothing was terribly grand by her standards. 

For instance, after outlining the intricate steps involved in making preparations for a formal, multi-course dinner, she wrote offhandedly, “one can see that it requires very little trouble to serve the dinner . . . It is a simple routine.” She went on to refer blandly to the possibility of stamping personalized menu cards with a family crest and to entertaining “foreign embassadors.” In calling such advice “practical” and such elaborate preparations “simple,” Henderson emphasized her own privilege by making it clear that, for her, having vast resources, sophisticated connections, and a staff of servants to command was absolutely ordinary. — From “Food in the American Gilded Age,” Edited by Helen Zoe Veit

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Country House Breakfast Etiquette

It is not so necessary to try and make conversation at breakfast as at other meals, as so early in the day people are less inclined to conversation,—more occupied with their letters and newspapers than they are later on. Letters are either placed on the sideboard, so that each person on entering can appropriate those that belong to them, or the host opens the post-bag and distributes the contents to his guests.
— photo source, Pinterest 

In some country houses breakfast is a meal which may be enjoyed any time between nine forty-five and eleven o'clock. Where ‘family prayers’ are held, it usually follows immediately after they are over.

Etiquette demands that either host or hostess should be present at breakfast, certainly both when the party comprises any Royal or celebrated personage, or where those assembled are of very high rank. When the guests are only relations or very intimate friends, then it would be permissible for the hostess to breakfast in her own room if she wished. When breakfast becomes the most agreeable meal, is when people drop in just when it pleases them, and can talk or be silent just as the humour takes them.

Tea and coffee are both necessities at breakfast, and often chocolate and cocoa, brown and white bread, cream, milk (hot and cold), butter, jam, honey, marmalade, fancy bread and cakes, with muffins in the winter, are the usual viands provided in large country houses.

Where the means of the host are more limited, a more simple style of entertainment would be correct. A few flowers carefully disposed upon the table always look well.

Tea and coffee are either dispensed by the host at one end of the table and the hostess at the other, or else by the butler at a side table, and handed to the guests on a silver salver, the servant saying,— ‘Tea or coffee, ma’am?’

In some houses the tables are arranged for two people only, and then each have a small teapot and one of coffee, and people help themselves. This is an excellent plan.

On the other hand, in some houses breakfast is laid upon a large table, as dinner or luncheon would be served, and then it becomes a very stiff proceeding. A side table, well laden with cold meat, game (when in season), potted fish, ham, tongue, etc., should always be provided, and plenty of hot dishes, such as kedgeree, devilled-chicken, kidneys, eggs and bacon, broiled ham, cutlets, sausages, etc...

The most agreeable way is for the gentlemen present to wait upon the rest of the guests, but sometimes a row of powdered footmen, marshalled by butler, groom of the chambers, etc..., form an imposing phalanx, who quite destroy, by their well-trained solemnity, all freedom and comfort as far as breakfast is concerned.

There is less etiquette observed at breakfast than at any other meal. Everyone sits wherever they like, without reference to rank or precedence. The gentlemen do not give their arm to the ladies to conduct them to breakfast; each person as they arrive takes the seat they prefer.

It is not so necessary to try and make conversation at breakfast as at other meals, as so early in the day people are less inclined to conversation,—more occupied with their letters and newspapers than they are later on.

Letters are either placed on the sideboard, so that each person on entering can appropriate those that belong to them, or the host opens the post-bag and distributes the contents to his guests. When all have finished, one of the gentlemen would open the door for the ladies, who would leave the room without any order of precedence; or etiquette allows that each person, when they have finished breakfast, may leave the room without reference to the rest—whether they are still eating or not.

At breakfast the hostess would inquire of her guests in what manner they would like to pass the morning until luncheon time, as a country house, to fulfill its mission, should emphatically be ‘Liberty Hall.’ When such is not the case, the hosts are seldom favoured with a second visit from those who have once been their guests.

At breakfast most of the good things are placed upon the table, which enables those present to help themselves, and then pass the dishes on to the rest of the company. — From “Etiquette: What to Do, and How to Do It,” By Lady Constance Eleanora C. Howard, 1885

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Table Manners

Gilded Age patent and design from 1878 for an ornamental goblet cover, with a cherub poised atop, to pull back a cover revealing the area to drink from on the glass – Etiquette below is from “Decorum; A Practical Treatise on Etiquette and Dress of the Best American Society” from 1883

Table Etiquette:

Breakfast is the least ceremonious meal of the day. Where the corps of servants is large, so that the arrangements of the day are not disturbed thereby, it is customary to let the members of the family breakfast at their own proper hour. Each one comes in without ceremony whenever it pleases him or her to do so. In smaller households a good deal of inconvenience would attend such a course, and it is well to insist upon punctuality at a reasonable hour. Nevertheless, at this first meal of the day a certain amount of freedom is allowed which would be unjustifiable at any other time. The head of the house may read his morning paper and the other members of the family may look over their correspondence if they choose. And each may rise and leave the table when business or pleasure dictates, without waiting for a general signal.

The Breakfast-Table:

The breakfast-table should be simply decorated, yet it may be made extremely attractive, with its snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its ornamentation of flowers and fruit.

Queen Victoria has set the fashion of placing the whole loaf of bread upon the table with a knife by its side, leaving the bread to be cut as it is desired. However, the old style of having the bread already cut when it is placed upon the table will still recommend itself to many. In eating, bread must always be broken, never cut, and certainly not bitten.

Fruit should be served in abundance at the breakfast-table. There is an old adage which declares that "fruit is golden in the morning, silver at noon and leaden at night."

General Rules for Behavior at Table: 

Tea and coffee should never be poured into a saucer.

If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place his spoon in the saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup.

If anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Though your own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to spoil that of others.

Never if possible, cough or sneeze at the table. If you feel the paroxysm coming on, leave the room. It may be worth while to know that a sneeze may be stifled by placing the finger firmly upon the upper lip.

Fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your ring, when at home. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate.

Never hold your knife and fork upright on each side of your plate while you are talking.

Do not cross your knife and fork upon your plate until you have finished.

When you send your plate to be refilled, place your knife and fork upon one side of it or put them upon your piece of bread.

Eat neither too fast nor too slow.

Never lean back in your chair nor sit too near or too far from the table.

Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your neighbors. Do not find fault with the food.

The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon the plate is no longer observed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be supplied if necessary.

If a plate is handed you at table, keep it yourself instead of passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass it. 

Luncheon:

Luncheon is a recognized institution in our large cities, where business forbids the heads of families returning to dinner until a late hour.

There is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner. Whether it consists of one or more courses, it is all set upon the table at once. When only one or two are to lunch, the repast is ordinarily served upon a tray.

Dinner:

We have already spoken at some length of ceremonious dinners, so that all we need speak of in this place is the private family dinner. This should always be the social hour of the day. Then parents and children meet together, and the meal should be of such length as to allow of the greatest sociality. Remember the old proverb that "chatted food is half digested."

It may not be out of place to quote here an anecdote from the French, which will illustrate, in most respects, the correct etiquette of the dining-table.

The abbe Casson, a professor in the College Mazarin, and an accomplished literateur, dined one day at Versailles with the abbe de Radonvilliers, in company with several courtiers and marshals of France. After dinner, when the talk ran upon the etiquette and customs of the table, the abbe Casson boasted of his intimate acquaintance with the best dining out usages of society.

The abbe Delille listened to his account of his own good manners for a while, but then interrupted him and offered to wager that at the dinner just served he had committed numberless errors or improprieties.

"How is it possible!" demanded the abbe. "I did exactly like the rest of the company."

"Nonsense!" exclaimed the other. "You did a hundred things which no one else did. First, when you sat down at the table, what did you do with your napkin?"

"My napkin? Why, just what everybody else did: I unfolded it and fastened it to my buttonhole."

"Ah, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the only one of the party who did that. No one hangs his napkin up in that style. They content themselves with placing it across their knees. And what did you do when you were served to soup?"

"Like the others, surely. I took my spoon in my right hand and my fork in the left—"

"Your fork! Who ever saw any one eat bread out of a soup-plate with a fork before? After your soup what did you eat?"

"A fresh egg."

"And what did you do with the shell? "Handed it to the servant." "Without breaking it?"

"Yes, without breaking it up, of course." "Ah, my dear abbe, nobody ever eats an egg with out breaking the shell afterward," exclaimed Abbe Delille. "And after your egg?"

"I asked the abbe Radonvilliers to send me a piece of the hen near him."

"Bless my soul! A piece of the hen. One should never speak of hens out of the hennery. You should have asked for a piece of fowl or chicken. But you say nothing about your manner of asking for wine."

"Like the others, I asked for claret and champagne."

"Let me inform you that one should always ask for claret wine and champagne wine. But how did you eat your bread?"

"Surely I did that properly. I cut it with my knife into small mouthfuls and ate it with my fingers."

"Bread should never be cut, but always broken with the fingers. But the coffee—how did you manage that?"

"It was rather too hot, so I poured a little of it into my saucer and drank it."

"Well, then, you committed the greatest error. You should never pour either coffee or tea into your saucer, but always let it cool and drink it from the cup."

It is unnecessary to say that the abbe was deeply mortified at his evident ignorance of the usages of polite society.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia