Etiquette and Invitations by Phone

After well over 100 years, the verdict is still out with many people, Violet! – It is not good form to reply to a written invitation with a telephone message, both because the manner of invitations should always be duplicated and also that it is by no means certain that a hostess will receive a verbal message if it is sent. through a maid.

Invitation by Telephone

CUSTOM is rapidly removing prejudice against the use of a telephone for inviting persons to formal as well as informal gatherings. The fact that a refusal or acceptance is given definitely on the instant is decidedly relieving to the nerves of a hostess, which are strained when she is kept waiting several days or a week for a written, response.

Yet, correct though it is to employ a telephone for social purposes, there have been established certain rules in regard to it, and to offend against them is to show ignorance of etiquette. It is not good form to reply to a written invitation with a telephone message, both because the manner of invitations should always be duplicated and also that it is by no means certain that a hostess will receive a verbal message if it is sent. through a maid.

A recent instance of the truth of this latter fact was shown at a large dinner given last week. The hostess had not heard from the only single woman whom she had invited and the invitations were sent through the mail. Up to the morning of the dinner no answer had come and the hostess telephoned the delinquent. To her amazement she was told by her friend that the latter had telephoned her refusal the day the invitation was received. The message had been given to the maid, the mistress not being at home, and the servant had forgotten to tell it.

The hostess scurried around to fill the vacant place, and at the last minute could ask only an old friend, a married woman, the hostess being obliged to say that there was no seat for the husband and that he was not being asked. The same hostess had on her list several other single women whom she was obliged to entertain through the winter, but none could she bring in at the twentieth hour, and so the seat was wasted. When accepting an invitation over the telephone it is the part of wisdom to follow it with a written acceptance, in which the day, date and hour are repeated. Only in this way can a woman be certain that no error is made in the time, and the sense of security given is worth the effort.

Telephonic invitations will always appear to be informal, and sometimes are, but a woman will have no difficulty in deciding the point if she gives heed to the hour appointed. A luncheon at half-past one o'clock, to play bridge afterward, may be regarded as formal; dinner at any time after a quarter to séven is also formal. Earlier than those hours is considered to be informal. – San Diego Union and Daily Bee, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Phone Etiquette for Teens

Back in the mid-1960’s, Sally Field’s boy-crazy, surfer-girl “Gidget,” seemed to spend more time on her pink Princess phone, than she did in the ocean. If memory serves, Gidget’s phone manners could teach teens a thing or two today.

Miss Debb Gives Sound Advice to Teens in 1964 

Q. How do you handle a phone call gracefully, if a boy calls when you're entertaining another date? What if you like the guy on the phone better than the one in the living room? 

A. No matter who you like best, it’s a matter of basic dating manners not to chat on the phone when you have a guest. When the phone rings, be brief. Tell him you have a guest and can talk only a minute. 

And remember—the same principle holds if that guest is a girl friend. – Madera Tribune, 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Japanese Telephone Etiquette

In a world where good manners and decorum are vanishing almost as fast as the polar icecap, Japan is one country where proper telephone courtesy is still practiced, especially in the business environment.

Dial up a Good Impression 

with Denwa Echiketto

“Moshi-moshi. Kochira wa Japan Taimuzu no Shuraibaa to moshimasu. Itsumo wo sewa ni natte orimasu” (“Hello, this is Schreiber of the Japan Times. Thanks as always for your kind support.”)


In a world where good manners and decorum are vanishing almost as fast as the polar icecap, Japan is one country where proper telephone courtesy is still practiced, especially in the business environment. Business-related calls generally demand the use of honorifics, and this requires some rote memorization and probably pronunciation drills. Fortunately, however, learning a dozen or so standard phrases will get you through most situations.


First, obviously, identify yourself and state the purpose of your call. If you’re calling a company’s 0120 furi daiyaru (toll-free) number, have your reason rehearsed in advance, e.g., “I am calling from Maebashi City, where I just purchased a box of your Krunchy Kornflakes and it’s crawling with mealworms.”


If you wish to speak to a certain Mr. Sato that works in a big office, it’s better to add his first name — say Hiroshi — so you would ask, “Sato Hiroshi-sama irasshaimasu ka? (Is Mr. Hiroshi Sato there?).”


Perhaps the section or person you’re calling has a chokutsu bango (direct dial number). If you go through the main switchboard the operator might ask, “Okyakusama wa?” or “Dochira sama desho ka? (May I ask who’s calling?).” You reply with your affiliation and surname, followed by to moshimasu(speaking). The response is likely to be, “Ima omawashi itashimasu node, shosho omachi kudasai (Please wait, I’ll transfer you).”


If you are asked “Goyoken wa nan desho ka? (What is the purpose of your call?),” you can explain, or simply say, “Kojinteki no koto desu (It’s a personal matter).”


Say you get put right through, only to be told, “Taihen osoreirimasu ga . . . (I’m very sorry but . . .)” followed by explanations like:


* “Chotto mada kaisha ni dete orimasen (He hasn’t come in yet).”


* “Taidaima denwachu desu . . . (He’s on the other line).”


* “Ima chotto seki wo hazushite orimasu ga. . . (He’s not at his desk now).” This means he’s come to work but not visible to the speaker.


* “Honjitsu wa oyasumi wo totte orimasu (He’s off today).”


* “Ima dete orimashite, honjitsu wa modoranai yotei desu (He’s left and probably won’t be coming back to the office).”


* “Honjitsu wa mo kaerimashita (He’s already left for the day).”


A helpful colleague might offer, “Orikashi denwa wo sasemasho ka? (Shall I have him call you back?)” to which you can respond, “Iie, nochi hodo aratamete denwa itashimasu (No, I’ll call back later).”


Or you can request that you be called by saying, “Daiji na yoken desu node, daishikyu denwa wo itadakitai no desu ga (It’s an important matter, so I’d like him to return my call urgently).” When you give your number, note that zero should be pronounced as either “rei” or “zero,” and never as “oh.” Four is always pronounced “yon” since its other reading, “shi,” can easily be mistaken for shichi (seven).


If you didn’t get through the first time and are calling back, you can say, “Tabi-tabi sumimasen (Sorry to keep bothering you),” and then take it from there. If the person has been transferred to a new department and you’re informed of his or her new number, read it back to confirm you’ve heard correctly, by saying, “Kurikashimasu or fukusho shimasu (let me repeat that),” followed by the number. A few old-fashioned people might still use the words shigai bango (city code, e.g., Tokyo zero san) or kyoku (exchange).


Finally, it is very important to also end the conversation politely. You might say, “Sore dewa, yoroshiku (Please remember me),” and when you hear the other party say “Shitsurei itashimasu” (which in this particular case means, “I’m going to hang up now”), That’s your cue to repeat the same.


Proper telephone etiquette will win favor with the denwa toban, the person delegated to answer the phone and relay calls. This in turn can help you cut through red tape to get things done faster — and with less confusion and frustration. — Japan Times, 2007

"Phone Voice" Etiquette

Though the telephone has become an integral part of our daily lives, many people do not realize that voices are transmitted at a higher pitch over phone lines, than if one was speaking with someone face to face. Business professionals in particular, can benefit from speaking in a lower tone of voice than normal, when on business phone calls, in order for those on the other ends to hear them more clearly. 

Improve Your Phone Voice! 

Despite the fact that the telephone has become so commonplace as to be taken for granted in our daily living, many women have never learned to talk on the instrument. Technically adept at putting their calls through, and well versed in the rules of telephone etiquette, they still create an unfavorable impression upon their listeners because of their voices. Women who claim they don't like to talk on the telephone are usually admitting their discomfort. Their point that the facial expressions observed in personal chats add much to any conversation, is a valid one. Be that as it may, if they plan to use the telephone as a medium of communication, they should accept its limitations and set about correcting their own failings. 

One particularly unfortunate telephone voice is the meek, mild one that makes listeners yell, “What's that?” and “Louder, please.” No matter how competent a person you may really be, the person at the other end of the wire is likely to conclude that you are ineffectual and without self-confidence. This is a handicap in both business and social relationships. Equally unattractive is the telephone-shouter who attempts to convey her message by vocal power alone. Not only is such a voice unpleasant to the unfortunate ear at the other end of the line, but it also marks the shouter as being unsure both of herself and of the instrument. - San Bernardino Sun, 1950

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Early Telephone Etiquette

"Telephone etiquette prescribes that the person making a telephone call should be the one to terminate the conversation."

People are gradually being educated up to the etiquette of the telephone. When the bicycle and the automobile first made their appearances, people did not know how to receive them. They did not know what rights of way to assign to them on the public streets. But as the public became accustomed to these modern improvements in locomotion, we learned the proper way to treat them. So it will be with the telephone.

The time will come when a patron will not think of making a poor telephone girl's life miserable because she happens to make a mistake in a switch. He will treat her as politely as he would a girl who serves him in a store. In Chicago we make 600,000 switches in a day and only about 500 mistakes are made. Considering the vast number of switches that are made I think that it is marvelous that so few mistakes are made. The record is about as near perfection as man can make it. – John Sabin, quoted in the San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the

Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia