Of Money and Manners in 1907

“Garish vulgarity taints what is regarded, commonly at least, as the ‘best society.’ How much richer may we get before degenerating into utter savagery?”      ———— Mark Twain’s and Charles Dudley Warner’s 1873 novel, “The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today,” satirized the era from the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s. It was a period of great division in the United States, between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’ — a period when serious social problems and changes were marked by a thin vermeil gilding, amid great wealth inequalities.

A Gilded Age Lament

We of this blessed country have more money and less manners than any other people on earth. The more money the more neglect of manners. We rush through life in such a hurry these days that there is little time or thought for the refinements and courtesies that, in the good old days of our grandparents, were considered necessary elements of good breeding. We have cut courtesy out of business hours. We have come to regard it as a time-consumer and a waste —an indefinable and rather boresome something in the way of an affectation, which we may put on with our best clothes for weddings, parties and other such affairs, but not to be carried about with us on ordinary occasions.

The man or woman who has really good manners, nowadays, we distinguish as being of the “old school.” Unfortunately, the old school is passing away and there is no new one to take its place. So far have we sunk, that the man of genuine courtesy and polish must balance it with some sort of coarseness or be damned as a “sissy.” Maybe it is ill-mannered to say such things, but the fact, no less than the ill-mannered assertion of it, fits the times. Garish vulgarity taints what is regarded, commonly at least, as the ‘best society.’ How much richer may we get before degenerating into utter savagery?— Indianapolis Sun, 1907

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and the Faux

From the 1935 film of the same name, the social-climbing “Alice Adams,” is doing whatever it takes to promote an appearance of grace, wealth and a lofty social standing to woo the handsome young man, who somehow finds her fascinating. Hiring a maid to serve at their ill-thought out dinner party, and tossing out French bon-mots while putting on airs, Alice’s facade-building is thrown into overdrive with the help of her mother and from the fear she’ll be exposed as a fraud. The charming Arthur Russell, seems to be aware of what’s going on, but only has second thoughts when Alice’s family, including her shady brother, can no longer continue on with the charade.

In 1938, someone had good manners confused with rules promoted by those who talked and wrote about “Best People” and “Best Society” 

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Our Artificial Life

We boast of our modern civilization, and in many respects, it is very wonderful. But it is also cluttered up by a lot of flubdub which reflects no credit upon the courage or intelligence of the average mortal. Out of deference to innumerable foolish customs, conventions and caprices, our lives are largely artificial and restricted. We must make ourselves uncomfortable in ridiculous clothing; we must become identified with enterprises in which we have no interest; we must pretend to enjoy things we loathe; we must submit to being bored stiff by tiresome people; we must bow to the decrees of self-constituted dictators in matters of etiquette or be classed as barbarians. 

Our actions are largely governed by inhibitions. Many of them trivial and without any bearing upon true character or morality, but nevertheless considered binding upon all who would appear civilized. Were these rules and regulations established by leaders possessed of superior morals or intellect, they might be observed with better grace. But if such were the case, the rules would probably be quite different from what they are. In the eyes of some of our arbiters, it appears that a breach of table manners is a more heinous offense than a violation of the moral code, to wear out-of-date clothing is more reprehensible than defrauding a creditor. But most of us lack the courage to rebel, because we must be regular and standardized if we would be classed among the “best people.” – LaHabra Valley Star, 1938

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia