Of Etiquette, Olives and Sugar Tongs

In the 1600’s, fork and other flatware usage, could show “the difference between a man of the world,” and a man who did not have “the tune of the time.” A sterling combination fork and spoon for serving olives, circa 1880’s, by Gorham. Over the years, forks and combination utensils were only designed for the serving of olives. They were never designed for the eating of olives. 

And the Fork’s Acceptance 
in 17th Century Europe

“It is a piece of refined coarseness to employ the fingers instead of the fork to effect certain operations at the dinner table, and on some other similar occasions. To know how and when to follow the fashion of Eden, and when that of more civilized life, is one of the many points which distinguish a gentleman from one not a gentleman; or rather, in this case, which shows the difference between a man of the world, and one who has not ‘the tune of the time.’ 

Cardinal Richelieu detected an adventurer who passed himself off for a nobleman, by his helping himself to olives with a fork. He might have applied the test to a vast many other things. Yet, on the other hand, a gentleman would lose his reputation, if he were to take up a piece of sugar with his fingers and not with the sugar-tongs.” – The Laws of Etiquette; or, Short Rules and Reflections for Conduct in Society, 1836 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette at Versailles ~A Victorian View

Men's high heeled shoes, tights and garters, all helped to show off their muscular calves which was very fashionable for the day ~ Louis XIV, also known as the "Sun King", (reigning from 1643–1715, one of the longest reigning monarchs in history), decreed, among other oddities, that only nobility could wear heels that were coloured red, and that no one’s heels could be higher than his own.

A Victorian Era Take on the French Royal Court: In the First Quarter of the 18th Century

The tension of the struggle which the previous century had witnessed was withdrawn, and society sprang back with the recoil to a light-hearted gayety, unlike our national earnestness.

The nation took its ease from grave pursuits. Life retained a little of the adventurous. Men had wealth to gratify and leisure to cultivate new tastes; they acquired literary reputations as amateurs or critics. The club and coffee house, the newspaper, the bookseller and publisher, proclaimed the rise of an idle class and a reading public, and heralded the time when plebeian genius no longer needed a patrician Maecenas.

Moral and metaphysical inquiry was the chief stimulus to thought, as faction was to energy. A new premium was set on the acts of society when women became a power, and when the difference between the tie-wig and the full-bottom or the upset of a teacup was fraught with the fate of an empire. The romance of life was concentrated on the pursuit of gallantry.

At Versailles, artificial manners and strict etiquette were combined with loose conduct.

Pope was never more truly the mirror of his own times than when he threw all the passion of which he was capable into the love epistle of Eloisa. Moral refinement fell hopelessly behind advancing civilization. As at Versailles, artificial manners and strict etiquette were combined with loose conduct. It was not 'til decorum was outraged that the moral law was considered. Unless misconduct sinned against taste it was hardly regarded as an offense but at Versailles vice was draped with all the grace and painted with every allurement which civilization could supply.

At St. James's she was sufficiently brazen to move without a blush for her nakedness, and society imitated the coarseness of the Court. Over the social and political memoirs of the day is shed the charm of that class of French literature; there is the same incongruous juxtaposition of serious and gay, politics and scandal, combined with something of the same neatness and finish of mind that touches lightly the light things of society, and something of the same sprightly wit and sparkling epigrams to temper the despotism of the Whig aristocracy. 

                                    

The Dog Barber~ For sport hunting, specially designed enclosures for accomodating dogs (according to the type of game they hunted), kennels at Chantilly also housed not only all of the various valets needed, but a bakery too.

Poetry shared in the same lack of enthusiasm. It was the poetical age of reason. It was still the fashion for men of letters to appear before the public in verse, but prose was usurping the place of poetry. Artistic elegance and scholarly form replaced the varied fancy, the exuberant imagination of the older English school. Poetry subsided into an argumentative, didactic, useful character. It grew classical and courtly, embellished familiar objects and every-day events. But it ceased to be "intellectual opium eating." It was kept in touch with all the movements of the day, scientific, political, religious, social.

And this picture of contemporary life was not conveyed through any literary medium. The generation which placed Roman heroes on the stage in perruques and buckles, or adorned the hand that wrote upon the wall at Belshazzar's feast with ring and ruffle, did not seek the disguise of classical or mediaeval costume. Its active interests were represented in a simple straightforward style in the ordinary dress of the day. The sublimity and greatness of poetry disappeared, but it was instinct with natural life. 

The Edinburgh Review, 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Efitor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Understanding Etiquette's History

A few thoughts on etiquette from various authors ...

“Freeze or get stabbed, mate. It's your choice.”

“Politeness is a signal of readiness to meet someone half-way; the question of whether politeness makes society cohere, or keeps other people safely at arms length, is actually a false opposition. Politeness does both, and that is why it's so frightening to contemplate losing it. Suddenly, the world seems both alien and threatening and all because someone’s mother never taught him to say, ‘Excuse me’ or ‘Please.’ There is an old German fable about porcupines who need to huddle together for warmth, but are in danger of hurting each other with their spines. When they find the optimum distance to share each other's warmth without putting each other’s eyes out, their state of contrived cooperation is called good manners. Well, those old German fableists certainly knew a thing or two. When you acknowledge other people politely, the signal goes out, 'I'm here. You're there. I'm staying here. You’re staying there. Aren’t we both glad we sorted that out?’ When people don't acknowledge each other politely, the lesson from the porcupine fable is unmistakeable. ‘Freeze or get stabbed, mate. It's your choice.’” From Lynne Truss’, 2005’s “Talk to the Hand”

Distancing of oneself from others was its consummate expression?

“To enact their existence, to demonstrate their prestige, to distance themselves from lower-ranking people and have this distance recognized by the higher-ranking – all this was purpose enough in itself. But in etiquette this distancing of oneself from others as an end in itself  finds its consummate expression.” From Norbert Elias, 1983 “The Court Society”

Etiquette in these cases is merely current usage -- doing things in a way that is generally accepted today.

“What is Etiquette? It is often and glibly said that etiquette is merely a matter of innate consideration and kindness. This is, to my mind, a misleading oversimplification. One part of etiquette – manners – could certainly be so defined.

“Manners, however, are just one part of etiquette. Etiquette is also form – the specific and rigid form established by tradition for answering a wedding invitation, for instance, for introducing a church official, or for having your name engraved on a visiting card. These are all matters of form, and your innate consideration and kindness won't give you the answer to a single one of your questions about them.

“Nor are manners and form all there is to etiquette. As you will see, a great deal of the information in this book does not come under the heading of either form or manners. How to act in a business office, how to serve a buffet meal, and how to get along with your baby sitter are not determined by manners alone, and have certainly not solidified into rigid manners of form. Etiquette in these cases is merely current usage – doing things in a way that is generally accepted today.

“This book, therefore, covers etiquette in its most complete sense – in the sense of manners (our relations with other people), of form (our respect for convention), and of usage (our knowledge of how things are done today).  I hope that this book, either as a reference book for answering a specific question, or as a description of social customs of contemporary Americans, will help you fit comfortably, smoothly, and with confidence into any group of people you will find yourself among, in any part of America.” – From Frances Benton's 1956, “Etiquette - The Complete Modern Guide for Day-to-Day Living the Correct Way”

A knight receiving accolades for his success ~ “The original etiquette manuals of Western civilization were in fact success manuals.” 

“‘It is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilization is built upon a renunciation of instinct,’ Sigmund Freud said.

“There’s always a tension between how much we should follow our instincts and how much we should yield to social conventions. But at times like ours, the tendency is to tilt too far toward our instincts, since the conventions are changing fast and there’s no consensus about them anyway. There’s a risk in that. You don’t know whom you might be offending or how you might be sabotaging your own success.

“The original etiquette manuals of Western civilization were in fact success manuals. As author Steven Pinker notes, they taught knights and nobles how to conduct themselves in the court of the king—which is where we get the concepts of ‘courtly’ and ‘courtesy.’” Rob Asghar, 2014, Forbes.com Contributor

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia