Manners Make the World Nicer

 

In his fantasy, whenever someone did something rude he changed into a muscular man in a Superman-like outfit with a big “M” on his chest. In his fantasy, people would look up into the sky and say, “Look, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Manners Man!” He was Manners Man. 

In 1983, He wanted to make the world nicer

WASHINGTON I have a fantasy. (Okay, I have several, but this cne I can write about.) In my fantasy, whenever someone does something rude I change into a muscular man in a Superman-like outfit with a big “M” on my chest. In my fantasy, people will look up into the sky and say, "Look, it's a bird, it's a plane, it’s Manners Man!” I am Manners Man. 

When a group of really tough-looking kids blast one of those monster portable radios. I go up to them and ask politely that they either turn it off or play a soft Bach piece say the Goldberg Variations, preferably the Glenn Gould rendition. The kids give me a look of utter contempt, offer some comments on my ancestry, and offer to engage me in fisticuffs. It is then that I dart into a phone booth and return as Manners Man. I swoop down on them, take the radio in my hands of steel, and reduce the thing to a lump of plastic. Then I tell the kids that never, under pain of being heaved into outer space, will they play the radio loudly again. 

Back in civilian clothes and looking like the mildmannered columnist that I am, I scour the city, searching for breaches of manners. I pay particular attention to rest rooms, appearing as Manners Man whenever I catch somebody throwing paper towels on the floor. I offer my usual speech about good manners and then go on my way, leaving everyone openmouthed and, of course, wiser. Next, I sit by the phone, waiting for a call. In due course, it comes and a voice says, “Is Chuck there?” Very politely I say, "I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number. There is no Chuck here.” The caller merely hangs up. No sorry. No thank you. Just a click. Whoosh! I become Manners Man. 

Through powers I will not bother to explain, I fly to the house of the caller. I find him, big, powerful, insolent, sitting by the phone. I come right through the window. “It is bad manners to get a wrong number and hang up without apologizing.” He looks at me in dismay. “You are rude,” I say, and with that, I grab the phone, yank it from the wall and heave it in the general direction of Krypton. 

Being Manners Man keeps me very busy. I have to straighten out cab drivers who give passengers anxiety attacks by not acknowledging that they heard the destination. 1 also have to do something when cab drivers don’t say thank you after being tipped. I deal with people in supermarkets who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle, drivers who empty their ashtrays out the window and kids who cut into movie lines. 

In fact, Manners Man spends a lot of time in the movies. He has to straighten out people who talk too loudly, put their feet up on the seat, read subtitles out loud. Outside the movies, Manners Man contends with people who stop in their tracks when getting off an escalator, not caring that the people behind them have no place to go but up their backs. He wrecks the cars of drivers who do not signal when turning and he deals ruthlessly with sales clerks everywhere who ignore a customer to take a telephone call. Manners Man throws them clear into the lingerie department. 

A psychiatrist might think that Manners Man is just another name for my super ego, that I am frustrated, thwarted and full of hostility. Manners Man, though, does not care what they think. Manners Man’s only concern is to make the world nicer, for it to be less rude and cleaner and not as loud. To this end, like Captain Midnight (or was it someone else?), Manners Man asks no quarter and gives no quarter. Soon, Manners Man becomes the scourge of motorcyclists. He hunts down those with the loudest machines and wraps their cycles around telephone poles. 

Manners Man demolishes garbage trucks that grind away early in the morning and it goes without saying that Manners Man does not, for a second, put up with Billy Martin or George Steinbrenner. Manners Man washes out their mouths with soap. Unlike Superman, Manners Man is not fazed by Kryptonite. The only thing that can stop him is good manners, and with John McEnroe setting an example for the world, Manners Man’s future is assured. Up, up and away. —By Richard Cohen, The Washington Post, 1983

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The 1980’s Etiquette Elegance Revival

Elegance in entertaining returned to the White House in the 1980’s - State dinners had become so large by Ronald Reagan's presidency that none of the china  sets could accommodate the number of guests. First Lady Nancy Reagan ordered 4,370 pieces of Lenox china, enough place settings of 19 pieces each, for 220 people. This was nearly twice as many placesettings as other recent services. The Reagans wanted a design that would display a strong presence for the subtly colored State Dining Room, now painted white. Nancy Reagan worked closely with Lenox designers to create a pattern with bands in a striking scarlet red, which was her favorite color. The pattern was bordered on each side with etched gold, which created a sparkling contrast with the soft ivory china. The presidential seal was in raised gold in the center, partially overlaying the red border. On pieces such as the service and dessert plates, fine gold crosshatching overlays the red. The Reagans were often criticized for the $209,508 cost, but the china was not funded by taxpayers. It was paid for by the J.P. Knapp Foundation.

Fashions In Etiquette Swing Back To Elegance

A whole new generation harkens to the age-old admonition. “Mind your manners.”

“Certainly there has been a big upswing of interest in manners. courtesy, etiquette, call it what you will, these last few years,” said Elizabeth Post, social arbiter. “Just as in fashion apparel, the pendulum swings. Now the direction in manners is back to elegance.”

Mrs. Post is the granddaughter-in-law of Emily Post, whose name was synonymous with proper behavior and the rules of etiquette.

“Oh, I don't mean we will go back to the Victorian era,” said Elizabeth Post, who became an authority on decorum in her own right. “Many of the old rules are impractical now. We seem to be seeking a happy medium.”

Young parents, who saw or perhaps were part of the rebellion against everything traditional in the 1960s, want to teach their children about manners almost forgotten during that period, and after.

“I see the swing in many ways,” Mrs. Post said. “Schools again hold proms. Twenty years ago, the prom was a no-no. I see it in my mail. my telephone calls, articles in magazines, just in the general interest.”

Mrs. Post could have added that she saw the change, too, in the proliferation of etiquette advisers catering to the young. Several now conduct workshops for young people, to teach manners of dress, meeting people. manners at the table, on the telephone, on the dance floor.

She is among those in the act, holding “summer camps” during August at The Breakers, a luxury hotel in Palm Beach, Fla. There are two age groups - 8 to 10, and 11 to 14.

“The Breakers approached me about the workshops,” she said. The hotel, built by Henry Flagler during his heyday as a Florida real estate developer, dreamed up a vacation package that included parents and children.

The manners sessions are an hour each day and embrace personal appearance, the art of conversation, mealtime manners, behavior in public (theater, travel, sports), dress, telephone manners and such details as writing thank-you notes.

The swing back to being proper, but not prissy, is caused by many factors, Mrs. Post said. There is just the natural move away from the extremes of the 1960s, the gradual uplifting of the economy, and specifically the example set by the current White House occupants.

“The president and his family set a standard,” said Mrs. Post. “There is more entertaining at the White House, more formal occasions.”

One reason for workshops is the fact that parents want their children to know the rules of the road, as it were, but don't have the time to drill them constantly. “Working mothers simply can't be there all the time.” she said. “And children take instruction better from someone other than parents anyway. I would hope that parents teach the basics of ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ but by the age of 8, most children are ready for manners in public.”

Elizabeth Post and her husband, William, are directors of the Emily Post Institute, an umbrella title for all the projects in which they are active.

Periodically, they revise the various etiquette books. She also is a contributing editor for Good Housekeeping magazine, is busy on the lecture circuit, does promotion, and also serves as an etiquette consultant.

The Posts live on an old farm at Waterbury Center, Vt. They have four children. all married, and eight grandchildren. She's an avid golfer and both are expert scuba divers. They planned to get in some diving while in Florida for opening of The Breakers' workshops.

Mrs. Post said etiquette really doesn’t change; it's a basic code of behavior. Manners, as the means of etiquette, do change. They are “a practical or attractive way of doing something.” she said, in a telephone interview. “They smooth the path among people. They make you more attractive to others.” - By Gay Pauley, UPI Senior Editor, 1983

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia