Early 20th C. Correspondence Etiquette

Out of every hundred successful men and women, ninety-nine are punctilious letter writers — A late 19th century lady’s lap- desk or travel writing desk, disguised as a book of Shakespeare’s Complete Works.

Answer All Letters Promptly

“A man may write any time if he set himself doggedly to do it.” —Samuel Johnson

I have found that out of every hundred successful men and women, ninety-nine are punctilious letter writers. One of the first things the man who wants to win in politics does, is to establish strict rules for answering letters. It would be safe to say that no man who has been elected to a high political office has ever done so without the aid of careful habits in regard to letter writing.

Surely no man has ever become President of the United States within late years, who has not early formed the habit of attention to answering letters. If you doubt this, read the biographies of Roosevelt, of Lincoln, of Cleveland, of any of the other men who have lived in the White House. And if big men like that haven't been able to win out without writing letters, how can you hope to do so?

The social leader whether she leads society with a capital “S” or is president of the woman’s club in a town of 10,000 or the most popular member of the Ladies’ Aid in a village with one church, a store and the post-office is, in nine cases out of ten, punctilious about answering letters. Let her become careless in this regard and see how soon her popularity wanes.

Are you aware of the fact that strict etiquette requires that any formal dinner invitation that is received by a note requires a definite acceptance or regret by the return post, – surely on the day that it is received?

Do you know that gifts from friends whom you cannot thank in person at once, should always be acknowledged within a week? This applies to Christmas gifts and wedding gifts. It is a careless bride who waits till after she is married to write “thank you” notes for her wedding presents. To be on the safe side make a rule that any personal or social letter that is not an answer to a letter of your own deserves an answer and that answer should be dispatched within ten days.

If keeping up what one calls a correspondence with a friend out of town, a longer interval may intervene. Remember that it would be better for you never to carry on any of these correspondences at all, than to neglect the imperative letters of social obligation and courtesy.

Etiquette requires that any invitation on which R. S. V. P. is written, should be answered within a day or two of receipt, that any invitation save that for a church wedding or tea – when R. S. V. P. is not engraved on the invitation – requires a prompt answer. Etiquette requires that the announcement by letter of an engagement, a birth, death, marriage or illnes requires a prompt reply. So much for the strict requirements of good form. 

Remember besides that courtesy prompts the well bred man or woman to write notes of congratulation on the occasion of wedding or birthday anniversaries of friends or near relatives, when it has been impossible to call for an unusual length of time, when there is illness in the family or on the occasion af any misfortune or good fortune.

But remember that promptness is the first requisite of good form in letter writing. The best way to make sure of promptness is to have suitable writing materials at hand – and if you have good black or dark blue ink, a pen and plain white paper of conventional shape and size, you have all that etiquette demands in the way of writing equipment. – By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Elements of Great First Impressions

 

5 Elements of a Positive 
First Impression

A first impression will many times be a lasting impression.  How do you ensure yours will be a great one?

Whether you're attempting to land the job of your dreams or be accepted in a new circle of acquaintances, practice and planning will help put you at ease so that you present yourself with confidence.

To make a positive first impression, there are five things you should strive to perfect: promptness, appearance, handshake, smile, and conversation.  You have ample opportunity to practice these every time you leave your home - wherever and whenever you are with other people.

Promptness

One way to show respect for someone is to be on time and, in fact, early.  Your punctuality says to the person you're meeting that you understand the value of his time and are responsible enough not to take it for granted.  

Showing up late, particularly for a first-time meeting, says to the other person, "I don't care that you made time to see me.  You're not very important."  This type of subliminal message does not bode well for those seeking employment.

Resolve to arrive in physical proximity to the occasion early enough to be ready to enter precisely on time whether you are meeting someone for a business or social occasion.  It's proper not to ring your dinner host's doorbell prior to the time invited, as greeting you might take her away from important last-minute preparations.  Nonetheless, punctuality is a lasting show of respect, first time or otherwise. 

Neat Appearance

Like it or not, the first time someone sees you, judgements are made.  What do you think the internal dialogue of the person seeing you is like?

• "She certainly likes to be seen in a crowd."
• "Did he just roll out of bed and land here?"
• "She looks polished and professional.  A perfect fit for our company."

We all want to be noticed, but for the right reasons.  Consider the long-term effects of your appearance.  Individuality is a wonderful thing, but not if it keeps you from getting where you want to be.  

Practice giving some thought to your appearance.  Is your clothing is clean, wrinkle-free, and coordinated well?  Your hair, facial expression, posture and stance all factor into your overall appearance and the impression you make.

A Good Handshake

When you first meet someone and shake her hand, do you remember how it went?  If you do, it likely was a bad handshake.  

Getting it just right is an important part of a good first impression.  Make eye contact, extend your right hand vertically and as the hands meet at the web junctures between thumb and first finger, clasp the other person's hand, and shake. 

A handshake that is too firm says you may be nervous, even anxious, or that you are making a power move.  And a handshake that is too loose and soft says you don't know what you're doing or that you have no interest in properly greeting this person.

It's important that you practice shaking hands and remember what the perfect one feels like.  Practice as often as possible so that handshaking is a natural part of saying hello. 

A Warm Smile

Many times your smile is what stands out as making a first meeting most memorable.

A warm smile makes you seem open to engaging with other people.  It can comfort frayed nerves, ease tension, and is highly contagious (in a good way).

But the best of smiles are not just formed by your mouth.  It shows in your eyes, too.  The eyes are the windows to the soul, and if they are smiling, you appear happy, trustworthy, and confident.

Look in a mirror and smile.  What do you think?

Engaging conversation

Once you get someone's attention, you'll want to keep it.  Conversation is the way to do this, and it usually begins with "hello."  A kind, friendly tone of voice will engage almost anyone in conversation.

Practice conversing with people on the phone, while shopping, at the office, anywhere.  Be pleasant, but be discrete.  You don't want to overshare, and you also don't want to come across as a gossip.  The objective here is to become adept at beginning conversations.

More First Impression Preparations

Practicing the five elements of a positive first impression is a good start to actually making one.  You can also do some "behind the scenes" preparations.

• If you're attending an event where you'll meet many new people, know the purpose of the event, who is hosting and/or sponsoring the event, and who is attending.  Find out as much information (discretely, of course) as you can so you know what to anticipate.

• RSVP appropriately.  This will make an immediate impression on your host.

• Have a list of conversation topics in mind for the event you are attending before you arrive.  You'll never run out of things to talk about and will always keep yourself and others at ease with good conversation.  (And keep that positive impression going by following up with a thank-you note.)

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

R.S.V.P.s and Good Manners

“To use them (R.S.V.P.) is, of course, the equivalent for suggesting to one whom you invite to be your guest, that some doubt exists as to whether he knows enough of good society to answer an invitation.”
——————
In other words, putting R.S.V.P. on an invitation, is tantamount to saying, “As you have no manners and normally won’t respond, please do respond this time. Okay?” Because receiving most invitations should be seen as an honor. A simple, “Thank you! I would love to attend.” or an, “I’m sorry, but I will have to miss your event. I hope it is a great success.” are both easy to say and don’t leave hosts or hostesses in the lurch, waiting for replies. To not reply when invited exhibits poor manners. Many snubbed hosts will drop those who don’t reply from future guest lists.

“R.S.V.P.,” “Rsvp” or “RSVP?” 

They are all correct ways of asking for a reply 

The initials R.S.V.P. are still seen upon many invitations, but by no means as often as was once the case. To use them is, of course, the equivalent for suggesting to one whom you invite to be your guest, that some doubt exists as to whether he knows enough of good society to answer an invitation. That they are falling into something of disfavor augurs well for our growing good manners and familiarity with the customs of polite society.— San Francisco Call, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia