Chinese Etiquette at Home, 1901

“What is considered vulgar in England is considered polite in China, for during the meal the guest must smack her lips to show the meal is appreciated… The older she is the more admirable will she appear in the eyes of her hostess, for youth in China does not gain much respect.” –Photo of a Chinese Dragon at a 4th of July Parade in Marysville, California, 1910 – Image source Etiquipedia private library

VISITING IN CHINA:

CEREMONIALS THAT ARE PROPER ON SUCH OCCASIONS

The Duties of Hostess and Guests Are Intricate, and the Etiquette Smacks of Hypocrisy-The Houses and Their Furnishings

All Chinese houses are hidden from passersby in the street by high, blank walls, while on each side of the entrance are the stables and the apartments set apart for the gatekeeper and other servants. In China, the mule takes the place of the horse, and near the door of the courtyard a well groomed, well fed mule will generally be found hitched to an iron ring in the wall, this being the animal which the master either rides or harnesses to his cart. 

When a visitor is expected after accepting an invitation, if the hostess and her daughter-in-law are not in waiting to receive the guests, there are sure to be half a dozen women servants, while the family will be in waiting in the court beyond. They will be dressed in their finest apparel, rich silks, magnificently embroidered, with the hair elaborately dressed and adorned with jewels, and bearing rich silver and gilt fans, also much decked with jewels. 

On entering, the guest addresses the mother-in-law first and afterward the other ladies. The visitor, if a woman, is welcomed in the Chinese fashion - by placing one closed hand upon the other and moving it up and down. If the children have been brought out for inspection, as is very generally the case, they will be drawn up in line and will greet the visitor with a pretty and graceful courtesy.

As a rule, Chinese children will be found extremely pleasing and attractive, their quaint and fascinating little dresses, jackets and trousers, which suit their dark skins and bright eyes so admirably, lending much to the general, happy effect. A Chinese household is a community in which the parents are the head, over which the mother rules with a rod of iron. 

Each son must bring his wife to his mother's house on his marriage, and he must there remain with his growing family. Until she is fortunate enough to give birth to a son the position of the daughter-in-law is very much like that of an upper servant, her life being frequently one of the greatest misery. 

The best rooms of the houses face the south, and these are occupied by the mother-in-law, she having usually a suite of apartments, with reception, dining and bed rooms, which are separated by handsomely carved screens. The flooring is of brick or stone and uncovered, this being even the case in the Emperor's palaces. What is more, it is seldom clean and is made the repository for all sorts of rubbish, being carefully swept, however, when a visitor is expected.

In the reception room of a well to do Chinese house a handsome table is usually found placed against the wall opposite the door, with a chair on each side, while around are cabinets filled with bronze and porcelain. In the bedroom a k'aug, or “oven bed”, occupies more than half the space, and on this bed the Chinese woman spends more than half her existence, sewing, eating and gossiping thereon, and at each end of this bedstead are carved wardrobes. 

The dining room is separated from the reception room by a solid wall and not by screens, as in the other apartments, while it must be reached by going out of doors, although it is under the same roof. The furniture consists of a high. square table, with two or more polished and none too comfortable looking chairs, side tables for the serving of the many dishes which go to form the meal, and upon the wall inscriptions in Chinese characters.

On the threshold the hostess steps on one side and entreats her guest to enter, which the latter, to be polite, must strenuously refuse, requesting her hostess to precede her. This little bit of Chinese etiquette can be prolonged for some time, when of course the guest enters first, as was originally intended. She is then conducted to the place of honor, this being the chair at the right of the table, which she must at first refuse, repeating the previous meaningless performance, ending by occupying the place. 

Pipes are then brought in, but if the visitor is a foreigner and does not smoke, the hostess foregoes her accustomed puff. Presently tea is brought in, clear as amber, flavored with flowers and served without sugar or cream. With it are served delicate small cakes, sweetmeats, candied fruits, red fruit marmalade pressed into small squares and walnuts browned in hot oil and dipped in sirup. 

What is considered vulgar in England is considered polite in China, for during the meal the guest must smack her lips to show the meal is appreciated. Very few are educated, the great majority being able to neither write nor read. Probably first of all the guest will be asked her age, for the Chinese ask the most pointed and personal questions. The older she is the more admirable will she appear in the eyes of her hostess, for youth in China does not gain much respect. 

The hostess will then want to know if her parents are living, how many brothers and sisters she has, and from these inquiries will pass on to dress, any peculiarities in the visitor's toilet being carefully noted, and the jewelry, lace and ribbons are religiously examined and admired, all that the visitor possesses being extravagantly praised and the belongings of the hostess correspondingly depreciated. 

At the close of the visit the latter will insist upon accompanying her visitor to the outer court, which of course she must be implored not to do, but which she does in the end, all the same, finally shaking hands Chinese fashion, after which the visitor enters her cart and drives away. – London Household Words, 1901

  

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Chinese Ancestors

Animated ancestors in the Disney’s tale of a feisty, Chinese teen heroine, “Mulan.”

Ancestor worship still exists and as this is one of the teachings of Confucius. Shantung China, so near the grave of Confucius, is perhaps one of the places to see it at its best. Every Chinese household has within its doors an ancestral hall, a shrine in which are deposited the tablets of the deceased ancestors. 

Every clan has also an ancestral temple which forms a rallying point for its members who come to join in the ritual as new shrines are to be set up. These tablets are slips of wood about one foot high and three inches wide, placed upright on a pedestal, and having inscribed on each side the name, rank, date of birth and death. They remind one of a tombstone kept in a home instead of being placed at a grave.

After the consecration of the tablet, a dinner is spread for the dead. Then money and clothing are set out. These are left on the table for several days. The eldest son is compelled to go through an elaborate ceremony in carrying food and wine to the burial place for several days, and to say prayers before the tablet when he returns home. For this reason, the Chinese are anxious to have a son. 

If there is no son and no one to perform the ceremony, the ghost, hungry and ill-clothed, is destined to wander about the earth. They are especially particular in the observance of ceremony and have a set etiquette. For instance, the first thing one man does upon meeting another is, to ask what each member of the family is doing, his age, his full name, and if he is married, his wife’s name, and whether they have any sons (for it seems that girls do not count). After that they talk about anything they like. – Los Angeles Hearald, 1919

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Observations of Chinese Etiquette

The queue was a specifically male hairstyle worn from the mid-1600s to the early 20th century and abolished (almost forcibly in many areas) in 1912. The queue started with hair on the front of the head being shaved off above the temples every ten days and the remainder of the hair was braided into one long braid.  Originally worn by the Manchu people from central Manchuria, the queue was later imposed on the Han Chinese during the Qing dynasty. - Photo source Pinterest

“Is this the proper thing to do?”
By Nellie M. Stevenson

Here are some interesting impressions for the newcomer to China: An entire readjustment of self to conditions seems necessary. One is constantly asking, “Is this the proper thing to do?” or “Is this the proper thing to wear?” To meet a gentleman of one’s acquaintance on the street and to pass without speaking, would be an unpardonable breach of etiquette, according to our Western custom, but here even a nod to one’s husband seems a sin. 

To our Western eyes nothing is better suited to street wear than a closely-fitting tailor suit, but such a style must he tabooed here if one is to be quite respected. “Don’t wear thin waists outside of the compound,” for such is not in keeping with Chinese ideas of modesty. “Don’t wear elbow sleeves when your teacher is giving a lesson.” Chinese women do not cross their arms in such fashion. “Don’t wear your hair in braids coiled about your head,” for if the Chinese appear before you with their queues wrapped about their heads, it is a sign of disrespect. “Don’t shake hands with a Chinese man” as it would surely mean loss of reputation. 

Are there any more “Don’ts?” Yes! “Don’t go outside the door without your sun hat,” “Don’t go outside the compound in the evening, for the tigers will be apt to eat you.” "Don’t brush against the cacti growing along the road,” for the lepers brush against them.” “Don’t eat uncooked green things unless they grow in your own garden.” These and many more, but soon one does not really mind them, and takes them largely as a matter of course, just as he does quinine, with a wry face sometimes, but with the consciousness that it will do you good. 

Each day brings some new interesting experience. One cool day I noticed people walking along the street with their sleeves over their noses and mouths. I thought this was because of toothache until, seeing so many doing it, I inquired and found out that they did not like to breathe fresh air. — Published in the Eagle Rock Sentinel, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Modern Etiquette Invaded China

Group of Chinese girls on 1890s. Their feet had obviously been bound, a practice banned in 1911—"Foot-binding is said to have been inspired by a tenth-century court dancer named Yao Niang who bound her feet into the shape of a new moon. She entranced Emperor Li Yu by dancing on her toes inside a six-foot golden lotus festooned with ribbons and precious stones. In addition to altering the shape of the foot, the practice also produced a particular sort of gait that relied on the thigh and buttock muscles for support. From the start, foot-binding was imbued with erotic overtones. Gradually, other court ladies—with money, time and a void to fill—took up foot-binding, making it a status symbol among the elite." - Soure Smithsonian Magazine

Modern Ideas in China

Chinese Women Give a Banquet to Foreign Women

A few weeks ago at Shanghai there was a remarkable invasion of ancient Chinese customs and an event that could not have occurred outside of a fairy tale two years ago. It illustrates more forcibly than that has happened how modern ideas are penetrating Chinese society, and how rapidly the restrictions that have been imposed by the policy of exclusion are being broken down. 

Three native young women, who were educated at the University of Michigan, persuaded ten Chinese ladies, wives of Mandarins of the highest rank, to invite fifty foreign ladies to be their guests at luncheon at a restaurant in public garden in the suburbs of Shanghai, mostly frequented by foreigners, for the purpose of discussing ways and means for the establishment of a school in that city in which the daughters of the nobility may obtain a modern education. 

It is believed to be the first time that noble women of China, in their own country have sat at the same table and eaten from the same dishes with women of a foreign race, and, what is even more remarkable, it was at the expense of their husbands. Hitherto a barrier more formidable than the great Chinese wall has separated the women of the two races, and although the men have mingled in commerce and often in social gatherings, a native woman of rank who voluntarily appeared among foreigners would have been eternally disgraced and condemned to perpetual seclusion, if not to a worse fate. But upon this occasion they sat around a table spread in European style, conversed, so far as their command of the English language would permit, ate French cooking with knives and forks, drank each other's health and even made speeches. 

When a Chinaman gives a dinner to his foreign friends, even when there are ladies in the party, his wife never appears, and it has been a gross violation of etiquette to allude to her. Mrs. Grant is said to be the only woman who ever dined with the wife of a Chinese noble, and she was entertained by Mrs. Li Hung Chang. The wives of all foreign Consuls at Shanghai were asked to this dinner, the ladies who compose the Executive Committee of the Tien Tsu Hsui, or National Feet Society; several members of the missionary and the wives of merchants who are prominent in educational and charitable movements. 

At the close of the luncheon, the wife of the manager, Mr. Sheug, of the telegraphic service, arose and made what is believed to be the first public speech ever delivered by a Chinese woman of rank, in her own country at least, perhaps in the world. She explained in a hesitating manner, and in her own tongue, the desire of herself and her associates to enlist cooperation of the ladies of the foreign colony in the establishment of a school in the native section of Shanghai, similar to the school for peeresses founded by the Empress of Japan, at Tokio, for the education in the modern style of their daughters and other girls of rank. 

Their plans were not formed, and they had very few ideas on the subject because of their ignorance and inexperience, but they were anxious that their daughters should have advantages that had been withheld from them, and hoped that the foreign ladies present who had knowledge of such affairs would aid them. The little speech was translated by one of the Michigan University girls and heartily applauded. Mrs. Archibald Little, an English lady, responded in an apporpriate address, which was also translated, expressing the thanks of the foreign ladies for the hospitality and their sympathy with the movement, and assuring their hosts of their earnest desire to co-operate in every manner possible. 

At this point, all the Chinese ladies arose and bowed several times in acknowledgment of the sentiments offered. A Chinese woman physician then made a speech of some length, giving more in detail the plans for the proposed school, and several foreign women responded. Before the party separated it was arranged that another meeting should be held at a residence in the foreign settlement, at which an organization will be formed and practical steps taken for securing a building and the employment of teachers.— W. E. Curtis in the Chicago Record, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia