Etiquette and Flirting

“Be advised there are flirtation props. although we seldom use them today. A lady walking past a gentleman who has caught her eye, might drop a lace handkerchief as she passes him, with hopes he will pick it up and run after her.”

Dear Anita Shower: Tell me about flirting. There must be etiquette involved with this favorite pastime. What's proper and what's not proper. —Signed: Need To Know

Dear “Need To Know”: May I tell you first of all, ‘flirting,’ according to the dictionary means: Being playfully romantic; something of little value or importance: speak or act in a playful or flirting way: (to) toy (with). This certainly gives us a place to start. How many people realize romance is attached to flirting, but as such, has little value?

In searching through my library of etiquette books, including books by The First Lady of Etiquette, Emily Post, there is no reference whatsoever to flirting. except in books written by Miss Manners. Judith Martin.

We have been a flirting society for years and years, as documented in novels, poems, art, and drama, yet no one wanted to broach the subject in any etiquette book until 1983. Miss Manners considers flirtation, "a gentle amusement," and is to be harmless and not lead to anything.

To keep flirting as proper as possible, it should be tastefully executed. This means if you are the one doing the flirting, you should have tact and realize flirting is done in small quantities, with consideration and good sense.

You should be aware of the individual preference of the person you are flirting with, because this is a coy game in which you “toy” with someone. It really isn't meant to hold much value or importance. but has no room for rudeness. If you are flirting, you are to be in normal, everyday, ordinary places because you wouldn't want others who are watching you to think, for one moment, you have lost your loyalty to your spouse, while you are going through these displays of meaningless antics towards another person.

Be advised there are flirtation props. although we seldom use them today. A lady walking past a gentleman who has caught her eye, might drop a lace handkerchief as she passes him, with hopes he will pick it up and run after her. 

 A gentleman on an aircraft, sitting next to a young lady, will glance quickly at the book she is reading so he may make conversation with her and in so doing, begin a flirtatious round of remarks.

A young man at a meeting notices a young lady's first name on her name tag and tells her name is his favorite girl's name. As you can see, things as well as remarks fall into the category of flirtation props.

Now we come to the problem of unwanted flirtatious manners. What's a person to do. If you do not want someone to flirt with you, which to some is the same as being courted, tell the person who is flirting with you that you are uncomfortable with the behavior and you would prefer if your relationship remains at a different level. Speak your mind if you are uncomfortable with remarks and gestures made towards you. Do so right away.

Honking your horn, or whistling at a young lady falls into the flirtation category, too. And we all know a young lady does not honk her horn at anyone, nor does she whistle at a man. In the same light, if a young lady is walking down the street and someone honks their horn at her or gives her a whistle, she simply holds her head high, puts her nose up in the air, and continues walking at her normal gait. — Sincerely, Anita Shower, who wrote a column as “Miss Etiquette”, 2000

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Rudeness and Sports’ Fans

Good sportsmanship is just as important on as well as off the field. 

Play Nice or Stay Home

Rude fans at sports stadiums don't stop at heckling. Hell, no. Why should they be satisfied merely yelling trash about a player's mother's STDs (yikes!), when they can step it up to an arrest for disorderly conduct?

These people are jackasses. Plain and simple But come on... we both know it's more than that. I'm going out on a limb here. I'm going to say that I believe these... offensive individuals... may have some special help. And I think it's alcohol.

What?? Get outta town...

These losers are somewhere on the scale between "Buzzed" and "Hammered Off Their Asses." And here's the thing... If you can't hold your alcohol, you should not be at the game. Drinking. That's it right there. You should not be at the game drinking if you cannot hold your liquor.

For the longest time until it was finally stopped, the old Giants Stadium in the Meadowlands had a weekly gathering of about five hundred drunks near the infamous Gate D, harassing women every Sunday football game. It was a total mob mentality. And people would wonder, how did five hundred people get away that for so long?

I know why. It's exactly because there were five hundred of them. Call it vulgarity in numbers. Because if no one gets reported, or nobody gets in trouble, a guy figures, "Well, if I'm with them, I can't get in trouble either. They can't find me in five hundred other people." And when you include alcohol in that, man... Alcohol tends to make people believe that it's OK for them to do or say anything.

Duh.

But, oh, what stunts they pull... Like the fans who like to pack batteries in snowballs and throw them at the football players. That's just dangerous. What gives anybody the right to come in and throw a brick dressed as a snowball at somebody and think it's funny? What if they hit him? That's one player going to the hospital and one fan going to jail.

The hot new summer sport doesn't seem to be baseball. It's fans running out onto the field to be Tasered by cops. Why?... Really, why??

What makes people think they have the right to leave their house and go to some stadium and be obnoxious?

Stay home.

Who decided a stadium is a free pass? I think a lot of people believe it is. It's the "If It Happens in Vegas" mentality... only in the bleachers.

How about when you're sitting there and folks show up with all sorts of crap and start spreading it out on the seats like it was a sale? They spread out like they were in their living rooms or Man Caves at home. If you're one of these people, here's The Big Question: What gives you the right to go to a stadium and pretend you're at home? And if you have a Man Cave? You may already be a lost cause.

I bet you don't pull anything like that at home. I doubt that they would let you. And maybe that's why you're moving around to ball parks and stadiums so much. You think that you're entitled to do it because you paid $490 for a ticket? What about the other people who paid for tickets too? What are they entitled to? What if everybody does it?

It's nuts.

Now, there are some annoyances at sporting events that you can't really do anything about. For instance, some folks complain that they don't like it when people keep getting up and down during the game 'cause they make everybody stand up and move every two minutes. I say, let that one go. It's annoying, but know if they have to go to the bathroom or get food or maybe just walk off a leg cramp from being crowded by that guy you don't who spread his crap out all over the row. That's one we just relax and live with. Choose your battles.

If you want to get angry at someone, save it for the fans who think it's cute to harass or belittle the food and souvenir vendors... giving them demeaning nicknames, or tossing their money so they have to stoop for it. They think it's funny. But every thing's a little more amusing when you're buzzed.

Most people don't know how to drink. I'm going to take a wild guess that these are not the people paying attention to the end of the TV ad where it says, "Enjoy responsibly."

They enjoy being jerks.

Meanwhile, these stadium vendors are working stiffs. They're not enjoying a Sunday afternoon in a reserved seat pounding back a cold brew. They're the ones serving it. Carrying fifty or sixty pounds on their backs, making change while some joker makes fun of them.

I'm a sports fan. I'm supposed to come to this game and enjoy myself and cheer my team. You, however, are not supposed to be throwing things and acting up right next to me. Or leaning over my kid and being rude. You're not supposed to do that.

I have an idea for a new tradition at the stadium. Throwing out the first drunk. From “Is It Just Me? Or is it nuts out there?” by Whoopi Goldberg, 2010

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia