1930’s Bridegroom’s Financial Duties

The bridegroom of nearly a century ago, needed to buy a wedding present for the bride which was something for her personal use, jewelry if he could afford it…

Question: What expenses are traditionally born by the groom?

Answer: The groom pays for: 

• The engagement ring, 

• A wedding present for the bride which should be something for her personal use, jewelry if he can afford it, 

• The wedding ring, 

• The bachelor supper, 

• The marriage license, gifts to the best man and ushers, 

• The best man and ushers’ wedding ties, gloves and boutonnieres, 

• The bride's bouquet, 

• The clergyman's fee, 

• And all expenses of the wedding trip.–

 –Imperial Valley Press, 1931

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 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Armenian Wedding Etiquette

The young bride... “Her hair was long and thick and braided full of little jingling coins. In ignorance of etiquette, I forgot to look at her feet, when she took the initiative and stuck out one, and then the other, to show that she had velvet slippers worked with gold thread and pearls. Then she showed her solitaire earrings.” 

How They Wed in Armenia – The Bride’s Dowery $100,000 – Bride and Groom Stood One Hour With Foreheads Touching, While Four Priests Performed the Rites

While the Armenians who live in European Turkey, and above all in Constantinople, have adopted foreign dress and modes of living, their religious observances have never undergone any change, and probably never will. Their weddings, their baptisms, and their funerals, as well as their church services, are all to-day exactly the same as when the Armenian Catholic church was founded in the third century by the Apostle Andrew. Those ancient customs fit in to-day with modern ideas very oddly, and for a person of the end of the nineteenth century to find himself alone at one of these ceremonies is to feel as if he were dreaming of times long past. The writer of this was invited to an Armenian wedding in Constantinople not so very long ago. 

The bridegroom was a clerk and was rather taller than is usual for an Armenian to be as they are generally rather under than over the medium height. He was well built and had dark eyes and curling hair and a good fresh color, and in fact was quite a good looking young fellow. His name was Haskas. He, like all the Greeks and Armenians, as well as the majority of Europeans was quite willing to accept a fortune with his bride. In fact, I suspect that the prospective fortune was the prime motive of this young man. A young man of those countries has but few chances of making money for himself, and custom makes it appear quite proper for him to secure a fortune, more or less great, with his bride. Parents begin to lay aside their daughter's dowery from the time a girl is born, and according to the family and social providence of the young man and the demands of his friends. He is allowed no social intercourse with the unmarried ladies of any family, and therefore his affections cannot be said to be engaged. 

When an Armenian family has a young daughter to marry, they look about until they find some young man who suits their ideas and then a messenger is sent to this young man's nearest relatives, telling of the admirable qualities of the girl and naming the sum of her dower. This is promptly refused if the young man's family thinks it is insufficient. The young man's parents want all they can get and they haggle and bid back and forth, until finally thinking they can do no better, they accept. The preliminaries are arranged either by the professional match makers or the relatives of bride and groom. The young man then makes a formal demand for the hand of the young lady through the nearest friend, the groom's mother, if she is living. The match-makers are old women, and they are paid by one family or the other. Often, two sets of matchmakers are employed, and they arrange everything, making the proposal and bearing the shy acceptance. 

In the case of the wedding of which I write, an old woman from the bride's family had gone down to the young man's office and made her proposal there. The offer was accepted on condition that the dowry proved to be all that she said, viz. 30.000 perkits liras, or nearly 8100,000. The bride's family was a very wealthy one and she was was the only daughter. She had seen Haskas in some way and that shortened the preliminaries somewhat as a direct bid could be made. The girl was young and pretty and Haskas was considered very fortunate. The bride, in addition to the money dowry, received the gift of two houses, one in Prinkipo and one in Pera, but those were settled upon her. The furuiture and clothes were all part of the dowery, and Haskas’ mother went to verify the inventory to see if anything was put down that was not there. Haskas’ mother thought he was letting himself go dirt cheap, but as the bride was an only child and the parents lived near Yerimbourgas, and already showed evidences of the insalubrity of that place, she finally consented to the match. 

The day before the wedding the whole amount of the dowry in cash was paid over to Haskas, and from a clerk with a pitiful salary of three liras a week he became in one hour, a partner in the firm he had formerly worked for. Out of this money Haskas bought a diamond necklace and some other jewels for his bride and his own wedding clothes. The wedding was to be at the home of the bride. When I arrived at the house she was just dressed, and I was invited into the bedroom where she stood in her magnificence. She was completely covered from head to foot with a veil of long slips of tinsel like that with which we decorate our Christinas trees. You could see nothing through this but the bottom of her dress. The women lifted the veil to show her face. 

The bride was not over fifteen or sixteen and was quite pretty so far as one could judge. Her cheeks were painted and her eyebrows penciled darkly, to meet in the centre and reach to her hair. The rest of her face was one dead white, made so by lead cosmetic. Her dress was white satin embroidered with silver and pearls. The clothes were clumsily made as are all oriental garments and completely disfigured whatever of grace she had. At a hint from my friends, I took up a fold of her dress to see that the pearls were genuine. Her hair was long and thick and braided full of little jingling coins. In ignorance of etiquette, I forgot to look at her feet, when she took the initiative and stuck out one, and then the other, to show that she had velvet slippers worked with gold thread and pearls. Then she showed her solitaire earrings. 

After the inspection of the little bride we took seats on the divan and sipped black coffee served in egg shell cups standing in gold filagree holders. Sweet meats were handed around in glasses, with spoons. The sweetmeats are of violet rose and anise flavors, and are made very thick. There are glasses of water, and another with spoons and one empty glass. You are expected to take a spoon, dip it into whichever jelly you prefer, eat a spooufnl, and then put your soiled spoon into the empty glass. I succeeded in upsetting a glass of water and both glasses of spoons, which for some reason they appeared to consider a good omen. After this we were taken to see the trousseau. Many of the dresses were of rich and handsome stuffs. Then we went to see the supper table. 

The bride and groom touched foreheads for an hour 

This was spread in a long and icy cold room. There were fowls, cakes, dried fruits, enormous quantities of bread and cheese, and three, immense boiled fish, besides black olives, and confectioners' cakes. Hot dishes were to be served later when the guests were seated. The whole party then went into the parlor to wait the arrival of the bridegroom and the priests, of whom there were to be four. The rest of the company were all assembled, and at nine, Haskas and his mother arrived. The bride was led in and seated on a stool, the tinsel covering her completely. Haskas’ mother looked like a veritable old witch, and she passed her time making invidious remarks and declaring that the amount of dowry they were giving such a noble, beautiful and well connected young man as Haskas was utterly ridiculous. Everybody but the bride talked, smoked and had a good time, and at eleven the priests had not come. The bride's father went to see what had become of them. He soon returned to say that they would be along in a short time. So coffee and more sweetmeats were served, and mastic was offered to the men to sharpen their appetites. 

Finally, at one o'clock in the morning a boy came and spread a piece of carpet in the center of the floor and said the priests were coming. The guests did not mind the delay, but the poor little bride sitting on the stool under her glittering head-gear tottered with sleep two or three times. No one spoke to her or offered her a glass of water, nor did she speak to any one. It must have been a cruel penance. At half past one the priests arrived, preceded by several boys with censors chanting. The priests were dressed in magnificent robes stiff with gold embroidery and jewels. The head priest had a sort of mitre blazing with jewels. The first carpet was now covered with another having jewelled tassels. The chief priest took the center of this with the other three behind him. 

The bride's father led her forward to the bridegroom and they both stepped before the priest, cushions of red velvet were then presented, on which were wreaths of artificial leaves. These were put on the heads of the young couple. The tinsel veil kept that of the bride steady, but Haskas’ did not fit and kept slipping around, to his great discomfort. The bride was short, Haskas tall, and they were obliged to stand one hour with their foreheads touching. The wreaths were changed from head to head three times. The ceremony appeared to resemble the Catholic form closely, but with much more symbolism. When it was over, the newly married pair arose and and the priests went to the supper room, and after they had eaten and departed, the rest went to supper. 

The poor, weary bride was placed on the same stool and the bridegroom came forward with a richly trimmed cushion on which his presents were displayed, a watch with a long, heavy chain, a diamond brooch and necklace and a pair of filagree bracelets, over four inches wide, studded with rubies and a red silk purse filled with gold money. After the presentation of the jewels, Haskas awkwardly unfastened the tinsel veil, handed it to his mother and clasped the jewels on the bride, to whom he then offered his hand and led her to the supper room, followed by all the rest. Hot roast mutton and pilaf and several other very substantial dishes were served, and an abundance of wine. The bride never spoke nor did anyone appear to regard her as other than a lay figure, though she ate a little. 

It was daylight before they had finished eating for every one did full justice to the feast. Then every one went home in the gray light of morning, after one last cup of coffee and a speech congratulatory. Every wedding is carried out in the same general manner allowing for difference in the station and circumstances of the families. The mother-in-law exists in Armenian, as well as in our comic papers. Haskas’ mother never left off belitling the supper, the dowry and the appearance of the bride, but no one appeared to feel hurt or vexed, so I imagine it must be customary. Weddings being so complex, one is usually enough to last a life-time aud divorces are almost unheard of. Olive Harper, 1895 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipediag Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Second-Time Brides

Not proper? “It’s not true that white is improper for a second wedding, say etiquette experts, however a veil symbolizes maidenhood, and is taboo for a second marriage.”

Woman Marrying Second Time Faces Lots Of Ceremony Taboos

The divorcee or widow who marries for the second time, often faces many taboos. Take the matter of the white dress. It’s not true that white is improper for a second wedding, say etiquette experts. The custom of a white dress has its origins in economics. In early Saxon days, the poorer bride dressed in a plain white robe to show that she brought nothing with her to her marriage. This indicated that her husband was not responsible for her debts. 

Although there is no restriction against wearing white, the bride’s choice should be based on comfort. If she feels more comfortable in an off-white shade or pastel she can select beige, pink, blue, green or whatever is most becoming. 

A veil symbolizes maidenhood, and is taboo for a second marriage. So is a formal gown with a train, since a formal wedding with many attendants is not in keeping with a second marriage. 

The gown should be ballerina or street length, and instead of a veil, a small flower hat, a cap or a head dress complimenting the gown may be worn. The style of the gown is determined by the time of day of the wedding, but shoulder and upper arms should be covered. If the bride wears an after-five or dinner dress, the maid of honor and bridesmaids should dress accordingly. It is better to wear a suit or simple street dress if the wedding takes place at the pastor’s home, say the experts. 

The choice of engraved or hand-written invitations is governed by the number of invited guests. Hand-written invitations are correct for weddings of 50 guests or less. If more than 50 guests are invited, engraved invitations may be sent. The invitation should carry the bride’s full name, including her given name, maiden name and name by a previous marriage. 

Guests are not obliged to present a gift to the previously married bride, but most will. If you have been a widow or divorcee for a long time, you may invite to the wedding both families, as well as close friends, on both sides. 

Etiquette does not determine whether children of a first marriage should be present for the second wedding. The choice is up to the engaged couple. –Chicago (UPI) News, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old Albanian Marriage Etiquette

When a damsel arrives at marriageble age, her parents publish the fact among their friends and acquaintances. Should no suitor come forward, it rests with her brothers to find one. A brother thus circumstanced will sometimes come up to a male friend in the street and make the complimentary proposal then and there. “You are just the man I wanted to see.”— thus goes the abrupt formula on these occasions— “my sister is now fourteen years old ; you must marry her.” – Photo Pinterest

Albanian marriage arrangements are very peculiar. When a damsel arrives at marriageble age, her parents publish the fact among their friends and acquaintances. Should no suitor come forward, it rests with her brothers to find one. A brother thus circumstanced will sometimes come up to a male friend in the street and make the complimentary proposal then and there. “You are just the man I wanted to see.”— thus goes the abrupt formula on these occasions— “my sister is now fourteen years old ; you must marry her.” As etiquette forbids a plump refusal, the gentleman thus honored, gives a sort of half acquiescence, and then hurries off to instruct some old lady to act as go-between. 

Should he be satisfied with the report made, after duo inquiry, by this adviser, the wedding is arranged, but not until the very last moment is the expectant bridegroom allowed to see his future spouse, and then it would be contrary to the prescriptions of society for him to draw back, however unprepossessing she might prove to be. After the performance of the ceremony, a very curious piece of etiquette comes into play. Among Asiatic people generally, it is the rule for the bride-elect to feign coyness, but among the Arnauts, the bridegroom has to make this pretense. After the marriage feast is over, and the newly-made wife has withdrawn, her husband lingers behind, and not until he has been subjected to a variety of rough usage by her relatives, are the prescriptions of etiquette considered to be sufficiently complied with, to admit of his following the lady. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Bridal Etiquette, Customs and a "Proposing Chair"

No tossing of the bouquet at the Newhall-Cheseborough wedding ~"It is the habit of the Misses Newhalls when they become brides to establish new rules for nuptials."

A Society Bride Shattered Precedents

Mrs. Arthur Chesebrough (Nee Newhall) Keeps Bouquet Despite Ancient Custom

No fortunate maiden grabbed the exquisite bridal bouquet that Miss Elizabeth Newhall carried at the moment she became Mrs. Arthur Chesebrough Wednesday evening. For Mrs. Chesebrough held to the beautiful shower of white orchids and lilies of the valley and enmeshed in tulle and satin ribbon. Thus she established a precedent, for all the brochures on etiquette have admonished the bride to toss her bouquet among the languishing bridesmaids and let them scramble for it. The attendants at the Chesebrough-Newhall wedding were Miss Marion Newhall, the bride's sister; Miss Julia Langhorne, Miss Martha Calhoun, Miss Helene Irwin, Miss Helen Chesebrough and Miss Alexandra Hamilton.

It is the habit of the Misses Newhalls when they become brides to establish new rules for nuptials. When Mrs. Athole McBean, who was Miss Margaret Newhall, was married, the bride set a pretty fashion of simplicity. Her gown of clinging white satin was cut in long straight lines, there was exquisite lace, but as little of it as the mode of her gown would permit, and the bridal veil was simply confined with a wreath of orange blossoms. She wore no sting of pearls nor tiara of diamonds. Her only ornament was her wedding ring. Mrs. Chesebrough followed the bridal traditions with her wedding cake. The tiny gold wedding ring went to Miss Helen Chesebrough and the coin to Stewart Lowery. The thimble, symbol of spinsterhood, was not found.

Bay Area society matron, Mrs. Athole McBean, circa 1940s, had many years earlier, been proposed to in the "proposing chair"owned by her family, the Newhalls.

If ever there should be an auction sale of the Newhall furniture, every society girl in town would set out to acquire one particular article of the household. It is a chair, known as the "proposing chair." Whether or not it is responsible there've been two brides claimed in the domicile recently —the chair has been reupholstered twice.— San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Emthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor  for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Etiquette for French Weddings, Baptisms

French women depicted in a parlour, c. 1860 ~A young man who solicits a lady in marriage, should be extremely devoted and respectful; he should appear a stranger to all the details of business which the two families discuss...

Etiquette of Marriage

These two subjects (of Marriage and Baptism) have peculiar right to the precepts of politeness; for the first is the closest of the social relations, and both furnish occasions for the most brilliant fêtes. We usually make a profound secret of the preliminaries of marriage, because, in case of its being broken off, we are afraid of malicious interpretations; but, after the first words are exchanged, it is necessary to make it known in confidence to a few intimate friends, and those to whom we are under obligations. Afterwards, we give intelligence of it by letter to our relations.


A young man who solicits a lady in marriage, should be extremely devoted and respectful; he should appear a stranger to all the details of business which the two families discuss; he converses with his intended particularly of their future arrangements, her tastes, the selection of a residence, furniture, bridal presents, &c. Avoiding all misplaced familiarity, he calls her Miss until returning from church, on the day of marriage; he accompanies her in all assemblies, and shows himself a devoted suitor.


When the banns of matrimony have been published, it is customary at Paris for a bouquet-maker to come to adorn the bride, presenting her with a bouquet. This attention requires a remuneration.


The marriage is declared in two ways. We invite three or four days beforehand persons of our acquaintance to assist in the nuptial benediction, and we specify precisely the time and place where the ceremony will be performed. As to the legal act, which is performed by civil authority, we invite only witnesses and near relations.


If a person is invited to assist at the repast or fête which follows the marriage, we make express mention of it at the bottom of the letters of invitation.


We simply communicate the fact of the marriage to those who have been invited neither to the nuptial ceremony, nor to the entertainment. Propriety requires that the person invited to the marriage ceremony should come, or send an excuse if it is impossible to be present. A simple letter of announcement to uninvited persons, requires only a visit or two; the first of which is made by card.


Presents are usually the preliminaries of a marriage: those which the gentleman makes his intended wife, are called wedding presents; they consist of different articles of the toilet, a set of diamonds, etc... Some persons content themselves with sending a purse containing a sum of money in gold, for the purchase of these things: the young lady then spends it as she thinks proper. The married gentleman is moreover to make a present to each of the brothers and sisters of his intended.

At Paris, the married lady must receive a gift from her sisters and cousins, and that in the provincial towns, on the contrary, she must offer them some token.

The young lady, on her part, gives some present to her bridemaid: she often presents her with a dress or some ornament, and she receives in her turn from the other, a girdle, gloves, and a bouquet of orange flowers. Since we have spoken of marriage presents, we will add that at Paris the married lady must receive a gift from her sisters and cousins, and that in the provincial towns, on the contrary, she must offer them some token.

We will now pass to the ceremony: after the celebration of the legal act, which may be some days previous, the married couple, followed by their parents, commonly go to the church in the carriages which conducted them to the office where the legal act was performed; for at Paris, whatever situation in life the parties may be in, they never go on foot. The married lady goes in one carriage with her relations and the bridemaid; the gentleman in another carriage with his father and mother, or his nearest relatives.


The acquaintances of the two married persons, repair to the church at the appointed hour; the friends of the gentleman place themselves on the right, those of the lady on the left hand, on seats prepared beforehand.


The marriage train then advances in the following order; the lady gives her hand to her father, or to one who represents him; then comes the gentleman with his mother, or the lady who represents her, and afterwards the members of the two families follow in couples.


When the couple and their relations approach the altar, each of the persons present bows to them in silence; the relations place themselves in the same order as the acquaintances, and before the latter, in the front row, which should be reserved for them. The couple to be married are placed in the middle. Although it is polite always to present the right hand to the lady whom we conduct, or to give her the right when we are next her, yet the bridegroom takes the right of the bride, because, in this act, which is at once religious and civil, man ought to preserve the prerogative which the law both human and divine have conferred upon him; besides, as the bridegroom is to place the nuptial ring on the finger of the bride, it is more convenient for him to be upon the right hand than the left.


When the clergyman puts the questions to them, each should consult their relations by a respectful sign of the head, before answering the decisive yes.


The veil is held over the head of the bride by two children whose parents we wish to compliment. The business of the bridemaid who has presided at the toilet of the bride, is to designate their places at the religious ceremony in church; and afterwards, at the ball, is to supply the place of the bride, who can take no active part; it is usually one of her sisters or a most intimate friend who is chosen for this purpose.


The groomsman, for there should be one or even more, looks well to the list of those invited to the ceremony, to see what persons are absent, because it is the custom of married persons not to make the marriage visit to any one who has been guilty of this impoliteness.


The married gentleman must give presents to the attendants at the church, the poor, etc... After the nuptial benediction, the married couple again salute the assembly, and then receive the compliments of each one. There are some families in a more humble situation, where the married lady is embraced by all at the marriage ceremony; in those in a higher station in life, she embraces only her father, her mother, and her new relations.


The new husband gives his hand to his wife when returning from the church; nevertheless at dinner he should be placed between his mother and his mother-in-law, while his wife is to be seated between her father and father-in-law.


In case there is a supper, the married couple sit next each other.


The married lady opens the ball with the most distinguished person in the assembly; she retires privately, accompanied by her mother, and one or more near relations whom they wish to compliment.


The newly married couple make marriage visits in the course of a fortnight, in a carriage, and in full dress. They should make these visits alone. They leave their cards for those with whom they do not wish to be intimate.


Such are the received usages in the capital. In the provinces, many of the old and common customs are preserved, as the gift of a laced shirt bosom to the husband by his wife; wedding favors or ribbands for the wife, ribbands of two colors with which they decorate the young persons in the marriage suite, etc...

Baptismal font in Toulouse, France ~ When one has consented to hold the infant at the baptismal font, he should perform this duty in a becoming manner, and according to his own condition and that of the parents of the child.

Etiquette Of Baptism

We must invite several months beforehand the godfather and godmother of the child that is to be baptized. If the ties of blood have given you a right to this onerous duty, you cannot dispense with it. If not, you can seek a specious excuse.


When one has consented to hold the infant at the baptismal font, he should perform this duty in a becoming manner, and according to his own condition and that of the parents of the child.


A present should be given to the mother, and this present usually consists of confectionary. We must also give one to the godmother, a pair of white gloves and comfits; if she is a young person, she commonly receives a bouquet of white flowers in addition. If the godfather wishes to show her any attention, he can add to the presents an elegant and valuable object, such as a fan; but in that case it is good ton for the godmother to send in return some rich and tasteful present. She also has the honor of giving to the child a cap, and often a baptismal robe. To her also belongs the duty of putting the first dress on the child.

Persons of a very high class in order to free their friends from these expenses, send their domestics to present their children at the baptismal font. This is a most unbecoming custom!

The attendant and the nurse have also a present.


The officers of the church, and the poor, should each receive a gratuity proportionate to their condition. We simply put a piece of money into the hands of the humbler persons; but we present the clergyman with a box of presents in which is enclosed a piece of gold or silver.


Persons of a very high class in order to free their friends from these expenses, send their domestics to present their children at the baptismal font. This is a most unbecoming custom; it seems to consider this holy consecration as a slavish ceremony, and destroys at its source the sentiment of respect and affection, that a godson or daughter should inspire in those who have adopted them before God.


At whatever hour the ceremony is appointed, we go to the church in a carriage at the expense of the godfather. He and the godmother pass in first; then comes the infant borne by its nurse or a matron; then the father, who accompanies the other invited persons.


It is the custom in many houses to give, after returning from the baptism, an elegant entertainment, of which the godfather and godmother receive all the honor. Above all, they should give their godchild new year’s gifts while it is a child, and manifest their affection during the whole of its life.

From the 6th Paris Edition of  “The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment, Dedicated to the Youth of Both Sexes.” by Mme. Elisabeth Celnart, 1833 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old Wedding Etiquette Customs

French fashion for the American bride - “Les modes parisiennes: Peterson's magazine. October, 1886.” -“Wedding cakes have played a role in British marriage ceremonies since medieval times. They used to be made of wheat, a symbol of fertility. Stories suggest that they were thrown at brides, or broken up over their heads. Tiered wedding cakes first became popular amongst royalty and nobility in the 1600s. To stop them from drying, they used to be stored in lard, which was scraped off when it was time for them to be eaten. Later, sugar was added to the lard to make it taste better and it was left on the cake. Icing as we know it emerged in Victorian times. The whiter the cake, the richer the bride's family was seen to be. This is because the finely refined sugar needed to make a lighter mixture was more expensive.”- BBCThe Amish continue the tradition of giving brides and grooms a quilt in the 'double ring' or 'bridal' pattern.

Irish brides and grooms were said to be brought good luck if the sun shone on the bride on the day of the wedding, or if they heard a cuckoo, or if they saw three magpies.

Picturesque Holland : newly wedded couples returning from church at Edam.

A Dutch promise of marriage involved a groom-to-be exchanging a pledge with a bride, using a ring or coin.  The Dutch are credited with the invention of bridal showers.  If a Dutch bride's father didn't approve of groom, he gave no dowry.  To compensate, friends showered her with gifts.

1881 depiction of a German wedding procession

German guests at weddings broke special plates. Pieces 'paid' for dances with the bride while the groom swept the pieces up.

Austrian brides avoid white and red flowers for weddings. A superstition exists that the colors mean bandages and blood.  Unlucky was Austrian bride who had to make her own wedding gown and unlucky the groom too, if he saw her in it, prior to nuptials.

1887 depiction of the French Bride and Groom

A prospective Portuguese bride pretended to be a cow who needed to be recognized by its owner, or soon-to-be husband.

Ukranian brides and grooms made a ritual tree, or hiltse, for the wedding table on the Friday night before they wed.

In Lithuania, brides and grooms are given a meal of wine, bread and salt ~ symbolic of joy, sweat and tears.

Mrs. Edsel B. Ford's bridal party, 1916

In Scotland and Wales, a 'love spoon' was carved from wood by a groom for a bride.  Some now give a silver spoon.  Also in Wales, bridal bouquets included symbol of love, myrtle. Bridesmaids each got a cutting to plant for luck in love.  And many a Scottish bride-to-be was blackened with treacle and soot, ensuring she'd look much prettier on the wedding day.

The Princess of Wales, Alexandra of Denmark, and her bridesmaids, in 1863

If a Danish bride is out of the reception room, female guests may kiss the groom on the cheek and vice versa.

Mongolian brides and grooms killed a chicken together and then would inspect the livers for any good omens.

"An International Marriage" from House Beautiful, early 1900's

In Argentina the mother of groom and the father of the bride stand next to them both throughout the ceremony.

Kuwaiti brides and grooms were chosen from relatives and matchmakers were hired if no ideal relative was found.

A Dinka bridegroom from the Sudan, "bargaining for the bridal ornaments" in 1931

A Nigerian groom’s family 'paid' a bride 'price.' Traditionally this consisted of shoes, bags, clothes and jewelry.

 Photograph of a Japanese bride who has been taken to her husband's house followed by her relatives and friends in nuptial procession.

The Japanese bride's furnishings were removed from her home and taken to the groom's home, the day before a wedding.

In Japan a groom gave his bride a kimono to wear on a ceremonial visit to his parents on third day of marriage.

A Korean bride and groom in 1920

For brides and grooms in Korea, blue and red are important colors, symbols of yin and yang uniting in harmony.

As early as 4000BC, Jewish grooms deposited money as a type of escrow for brides, as 'divorce insurance'.

1898 depiction of a Russian peasant bride from 1800's.

Russian brides and grooms traditionally wed in autumn.  Summer work was over, barns were full, and the new couples were prepared for long winter. 

A ceremonial purifying milk bath before ritual henna painting of bride's feet and hands is a a Moroccan custom. 

Spanish brides chose orange blossoms, symbols of happiness and fulfillment. Trees both blossom and bear fruit. Spanish brides wore black silk wedding dresses and black lace veils. Grooms wore embroidered shirts that their brides had made for them.

The Romanian bride and groom were showered with candy and nuts by their guests. This symbolized prosperity.

The queen of the Belgians in her wedding dress, 1832

An Indian bride and groom are showered with flower petals by the groom's brother at the end of the ceremony.

The newly married bride and groom of Bermuda planted a tree, symbolizing their union and their love.

Depiction of an ancient Roman wedding procession and foot washing from 1784

A Roman groom led a procession to a bride's home and she was escorted by her bridesmaids to greet him.  The Roman bride wore a white tunic with a Knot-Of-Hercules belt. Orange wedding shoes and a veil were very fashionable for the elite Roman brides.  The superstition of tripping over the threshold of one's new home comes from the Roman Empire.  Groom's were very cautious not to trip, and they carried their brides over to ensure that their new bride didn't trip either.

Wedding costume at Setesdal, Norway, 1859

Weddings were the most festive occasions in Norwegian country life, and in some parts the feast extended over two or three days.

The Czech bride wore a wreath of rosemary to symbolize wisdom, loyalty and love.

Depiction of an Armenian marriage procession

Depiction of the Armenian bride, 1862

In Armenia a groom's family brought gifts to bride’s family the night before.  These traditionally included a veil, her shoes and more.

In Italy, male guests of the bride and groom were given cigars, female guests were given candied almonds.  In parts of Italy, the groom's tie would be cut up in pieces and auctioned off to all of the guests.

1868 depiction of a Chinese wedding ceremony.

On the third day of marriage, a Chinese bride and groom returned to the bride's parents' home for a dinner party with their relatives.

Wedding in a Swedish church. Painting from mid-1800's.

A Swedish bride's bouquet was made of flowers with strongest scents to ward off trolls and other evil creatures.

A Brazilian bride placed her shoes in the dance floor's center. Guests placed donations in them for the newlyweds.

1881 depiction of the Malay bride on her honeymoon night

Swiss bridesmaids would sell colorful handkerchiefs to guests. All of the money went to the bride and groom.

Maoris of New Zealand still include a powhiri, or welcome, conducted by a tribal elder and the couple is blessed. 

French bridal fashions from 1834 

French couples gave wedding guests 5 dragées (candy), symbolizing health, wealth, happiness, longevity and fertility.

The Turkish bride depicted from behind.

Explanation of the Turkish bride in her wedding dress, and the rituals performed prior to the wedding.

A Filipino groom's family gave the bride and groom the gift of old coins, as symbols of future prosperity.

Pairs of padrinos and madrinos (Godparents), help brides and and grooms with each part of Hispanic weddings.

1863 depiction of a bridal costume from 1770's France

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institure of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Victorian Wedding Etiquette ABCs

The Victorian Bride, from “The Book of Manners” 

BREAKFAST.  See Wedding Reception or Breakfast.

CAKE.  At the conclusion of the wedding breakfast the cake is placed before the bride, who first cuts a piece, and then it is passed to the others. More often it is put up in small white boxes and given to the guests, or the boxes containing the cake are placed on a table in the hallway, and the guests each take one on their departure.

DAY.  The wedding-day is named by the bride, and her mother's approval is asked by the groom.

It is not customary for the bride to see the groom on the wedding-day till she meets him at the altar.

KISS.  The kiss in the ceremony is being done away with, especially at church weddings. Only the bride's parents and her most intimate friends should kiss her, and for others to do so is no longer good form.

RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.  The married couple, on arriving at the house of the bride, place themselves in a convenient location, and, assisted by the best man, maid of honor, and the parents of both parties, receive the invited guests. Congratulations are given to the groom and best wishes to the bride.

A reception is more often given than a breakfast, as it allows more invitations and more freedom, and the refreshments are placed on the tables, so that the guests help themselves or are served by the bridesmaids. The guests wait upon the married couple. 

At a breakfast, when the congratulations are over, the breakfast is announced, and the married couple lead the way to the table reserved for them. Parents of both parties, the best man, and the maid of honor are usually placed at this table.

Guests leave a card for the host and hostess and another for the married couple.

Invitations are sent with the wedding invitations, but only to the nearest relatives and friends.

They should be immediately acknowledged, either by letter of acceptance or declination with regret.

TRIP.  All details should be arranged beforehand by the best man, who knows the destination, and should keep it an inviolate secret, revealing it only in case of accident.  It is becoming the fashion for the married couple to do away with the trip, and instead to begin their married life in their own home.

VEIL. This should be white. While its length depends upon the wishes of the bride, the long veil is more in keeping with the traditions and customs of the wedding ceremony.

WOMEN-CARDS.  When invitations have been received to the church but not to the wedding reception, cards should be sent to the bride's parents and to the bridal couple.

WEDDINGS 

ANNOUNCEMENTS.  Announcement cards are sent the day after the wedding, and need not be acknowledged. They should be prepared beforehand and ready to be mailed. The expense is borne by the family of the bride.

At a home or a private wedding, announcement cards can be sent to friends out of town.

1920s Bride's Maids and Ushers

BEST WISHES.  Best wishes should be given to the bride and  congratulations to the groom.

BOUQUETS.  The bouquet carried by the bride is furnished by the groom, who may also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids if he wishes.

BRIDE.  See Bride.

BRIDESMAIDS.  See Bridesmaids.

CAKE.  See Wedding Cake.

CALLS.  See Weddings-Invitations-Calls.

CARDS OF ADMISSION TO CHURCH. These cards are used at all public weddings held in churches, and when used no one should be admitted to the church without one. They are sent with the wedding invitations. They are kept in stock by the stationer, and are not expensive.

CARDS, VISITING, AFTER MARRIAGE.  Mr. and Mrs. cards are used by the wife only within one year after the marriage, after which separate cards are in order. These Mr. and Mrs. cards are used in sending gifts, congratulations, condolence, and at ceremonious affairs, when both the husband and wife are represented.

CARRIAGES. Carriages should be provided to take the bride and her family to the church and back to the house, and also the guests from the church to the receptions.

The expense is borne by the family of the bride, save for the carriage used by the groom, which takes him and the best man to the church, and later takes the married couple to the house, and after the reception, to the station.

CONGRATULATIONS.  Congratulations may be sent with letter of acceptance or declination of an invitation to a wedding to those sending the invitations. And if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant, a note of congratulations may be sent to them also. 

Guests in personal conversation with the latter give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.  

DANCES.  It is not usual to have dances after the wedding.

EXPENSES.  All the expenses are borne by the bride's family, except the fees for the license, clergyman, organist, and sexton. 

The wedding-ring, the carriages for the groom, ushers, best man, and the carriage which takes away the married couple, are also paid for by the groom.

He also furnishes souvenirs to the maid of honor and bridesmaids, best man and ushers, and all expenses of the wedding trip.

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor dinner, he bears all expenses.

FAREWELL BACHELOR DINNERS.  See Groom-Farewell Dinner.

FAREWELL BRIDAL LUNCHEON.  See Bride-- Farewell Luncheons.

FEES.  The wedding fee, preferably gold or clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the best man to the officiating clergyman. Custom leaves the amount to the groom, who should give at least five dollars or more, in proportion to his income and social position. The clergyman usually gives the fee to his wife.

Nellie Grant married at the White House in 1874. The wedding was on May 21, 1874 in the East Room of the White House. The  newspapers and magazines were buzzing with all of the details, from decorations, the flowers, Nelli Grant's gown, the guests, and foods served.  Harper’s Weekly describing gifts; “… a dessert-service of eighty four pieces [given] by Mr. George W. Childs, and a complete dinner-service by Mr. A.J. Drexel, the combined value of the two being $4500.” It went on to write that the newlyweds received a “little” gift of $10,000 from Mr. Grant along with a silver Tiffany fruit dish that Nellie swooned over. Brides back then were taken to swooning.

FLOWERS. Flowers are in general use. The quantity and quality of floral decorations must depend upon the taste and the wealth of the parties concerned.

BRIDE.  The bride, if she desires, carries at the wedding ceremony a bouquet given by the groom. Flowers are sometimes dispensed with, and a Prayer-Book used.

CHURCH.  In addition to the palms in the chancel, a string of flowers or white ribbons is stretched across the middle aisle, to reserve this place for the immediate family and specially invited guests.

USHERS.  Boutonnieres, provided by the bride's family, should be given to the sexton by the florist on the wedding-day. They may be made of lilies of the valley, white roses, or the like.

Sometimes the ushers call at the house of the bride to have her fix them in the lapel of their coats.

GIFTS.  The nearest members of each family should arrange among themselves what gifts to send, and thus avoid duplicates.

Expensive presents are sent only by most intimate friends, and articles of utility by relatives or near friends. All gifts should be sent within two months of date of marriage, and should have thereon the woman's maiden name, initial cipher, or monogram, and should be acknowledged by the bride at the earliest moment, and not later than ten days after her marriage.

It is not in good taste to make an ostentatious display of the gifts, and if they are exhibited, the cards of the donors should be removed, and only intimate friends invited.

Those sending gifts should have the courtesy of an invitation to the wedding breakfast or reception.

If any gifts are sent to the groom, they should bear his initial.

 A wedding invitation does not necessarily imply that a gift must be sent, as the sending of a gift is optional.

Portrait of a Bride and Her Groom 1900

GUESTS-BREAKFASTS OR RECEPTIONS.  The invited guests leave the church for the bride's residence, and there are introduced by the ushers to the married couple and those standing up with them. If the guests are unknown to the ushers, they should give their names to one of them, who offers his left arm to the woman, while her escort follows and is introduced at the same time.

At the breakfast, guests are usually assigned places, but, if not, may take any seat. Only the specially invited guests await the departure of the married couple, which ends the reception or breakfast.

If boxes of wedding-cake are placed on a table, each guest takes one on his departure.

GUESTS-CALLS.  Invited guests should call at least within ten days and leave their cards.

DRESS.  Broadly speaking, at a morning or afternoon wedding the guest wears afternoon dress, and at an evening wedding evening dress. From the latter rule there are no deviations possible, but in the former there is greater latitude. Thus it would be possible for a man to wear a black cutaway coat at an afternoon wedding.

MEN.  If the wraps are not left in the carriage, they are removed in the vestibule and are carried on the arm into the pew. A man follows the woman, who is escorted to the pew by the usher. At the end of the ceremony the guests should not leave until the immediate family have passed out.

Guests who are not invited to the breakfast or reception should not take offense, as the number present on such occasions is necessarily limited. These guests may seat themselves or are seated by the ushers, but not in the pews reserved for the family and specially invited guests.

WOMEN.  No one should be present at a wedding in mourning, and it should be laid aside temporarily even by the mother, who wears purple velvet or silk.

Women on entering the church take the usher's left arm, and are escorted to the pew, while their escort follows behind.

If they are immediate members of the family or are specially invited guests, they should give their names to the usher that he may seat them in the places reserved for them.

HATS OF GROOM AND OF BEST MAN.  To do away with the possibility of the best man having to take care of the hats of groom and best man during the wedding ceremony, it is a good plan for both groom and best man to leave them in the vestry, and to have them carried out to the front of the church, ready for them at the end of the ceremony.

HOURS.  Any hour from nine in the morning to nine in the evening is appropriate.

The morning hours are usually selected for quiet home affairs; twelve o'clock, or high noon, is still considered as the fashionable hour, while from three to six is the hour most convenient for all concerned.

Evening weddings are not very convenient, chiefly because it is not as easy to handle the details as in the daytime.

INVITATIONS.  The woman's parents, guardians, or others give the wedding, send out the invitations, and bear all the expense of engraving and sending out the same. They are issued in the name of the one giving the wedding, and should be sent to near-by friends about twenty days in advance of the wedding day and earlier to out-of-town friends. With them are sent the invitation to the wedding breakfast or reception, and also the card of admission to the church.

The groom should supply a list of names of such persons as he desires to have present, designating his preference for those to be present at the breakfast or reception.

In addressing wedding invitations, two envelopes are used. The inner one, unsealed, bears the name only of the person addressed, and is enclosed in another envelope, sealed, bearing the address of the person invited.

Parents should, of course, order these invitations of a fashionable dealer in stationery, that good taste may be observed.

If the invitation contains an invitation to the breakfast or reception, it should be accepted or declined at once, and the answer sent to those issuing the invitation. If the invitation does not include a breakfast or reception invitation, no acknowledgment is necessary.

Should the wedding, however, be at home, and the guests limited in number, an acknowledgment should be sent. If the invitations bear the letters R. S. V. P. an acknowledgment is necessary.

BRIDESMAIDS.  At a large church wedding several invitations are usually given to the bridesmaids for their own personal use.

CALLS.  Very intimate friends can call personally. Friends of the groom who have no acquaintance with the bride's family should send their cards to those inviting them. Those who do not receive wedding invitations and announcement "At Home" cards should not call, but consider themselves dropped from the circle of acquaintances of the married couple.

CARDS, LEAVING.  If a person is invited to a wedding at a church, but not to the reception or breakfast, a card should be left or mailed both to the bride's parents and to the married couple.

Those present at the ceremony should leave cards in person for those inviting them, and if this is not possible, they can send them by mail or messenger.

Those invited but not present should send cards to those who invited them.

RECALLED.  When for some good reason a wedding has to be canceled or postponed, the parents of the bride should, as soon as possible, send printed notices, giving the reasons, to all the invited guests.

MARRIED COUPLE.  Immediately after the wedding breakfast or reception, the bride, with her maid of honor, retires to change her clothes for those suitable for travel. The groom, with his best man, does likewise, and waits for his wife at the foot of the stairs. As she comes down the stairs she lets fall her bridal bouquet among the bridesmaids, who strive to secure it, as its possession is deemed a lucky sign of being the next bride.

As the couple pass out of the front door it is customary for the guests to throw after them, for luck, rice, rose leaves, flowers, old shoes, etc.

The form to be used in signing the hotel register is: Mr. and Mrs. John K. Wilson. Good taste and a desire for personal comfort demand that their public acts and words be not of such a character as to attract attention.

AT HOME.  At the end of the wedding trip they proceed to their own home, and immediately send out their "At Home" cards, unless they have followed the better plan of enclosing them with their wedding cards.

They are at perfect liberty to send them to whom they please, and thus to select their friends.  At these "At Homes" light refreshment is served, and the married couple wear full evening dress.

They are generally given a dinner by the bridesmaids, and are entertained by both families in appropriate ways.

MEN-DRESS. At a morning or afternoon wedding the groom, best man, and ushers wear afternoon dress, but at an evening wedding they wear evening dress.

For further details see BEST MAN – Dress.
Groom – Dress. Ushers – Dress.

MOURNING.  Mourning  should not be worn at a wedding, but should be laid aside temporarily, the wearer appearing in purple.   

West African Royalty, Sara Forbes Bonetta, on her wedding day with her Groom, in 1862.  Queen Victoria had raised her as a ‘goddaughter’ in the British middle class. This description is of the wedding; “The wedding party, which arrived from West Hill Lodge, Brighton in ten carriages and pairs of grays, was made up of White ladies with African gentlemen, and African ladies with White gentlemen. There were sixteen bridesmaids.”

MUSIC.  The organist and the music are usually selected by the bride. Before the arrival of the bride the organist plays some bright selection, but on her entering the church and passing up the aisle he plays the Wedding March.

PROCESSION UP THE AISLE.  Many styles are adopted for the procession up the aisle. A good order is for the ushers to come first in pairs, then the bridesmaids, maid of honor, and last the bride on her father's arm.

At the altar the ushers and bridesmaids open ranks to allow the bride to pass through. This order is usually reversed in the procession down the aisle.

REHEARSALS. Rehearsals should be held even for a quiet home wedding, and at a sufficiently early date to insure the presence of all who are to participate.

RING. This may be dispensed with, save in the Roman Catholic and in the Episcopal Church service. It is usually of plain gold, with initials of bride and groom and date of marriage engraved therein.

It is bought by the groom, who should give it to the best man to be kept till it is called for by the clergyman during the ceremony. It is worn on the third finger of the bride's left hand.

SIGNING THE REGISTER.  This is sometimes done by the bride and the groom, and takes place in the vestry, where the best man signs as chief witness and some of the guests as witnesses. 

THROWING OF RICE.  The throwing of rice is to be discouraged, but if it is to be done, the maid of honor should prepare packages of rice and hand them to the guests, who throw it after the bridal couple as they leave the house for their wedding trip.

TOASTS.  Toasts to the bride and groom are customary at the wedding breakfast.

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor dinner, he should propose a toast to the bride.

WOMEN--DRESS. Women wear afternoon or evening dress, as the occasion requires.

WIDOWS CARD.  During the first year of mourning a widow has no cards, as she makes no formal visits. After the first year, cards with border of any desired depth are used.

Either the husband's name or the widow's baptismal name may be used, but if in the immediate family the husband's name is duplicated, she should use her own name to avoid confusion. When her married son has his father's full name, the widow should add SR. to hers, as the son's wife is entitled to the name.

MOURNING.  A widow should wear crepe with a bonnet having a small border of white. The veil should be long and worn over the face for three months, after which a shorter veil may be worn for a year, and then the face may be exposed. Six months later white
and lilac may be used, and colors resumed after two years.

STATIONERY, MOURNING. A widow's stationery should be heavily bordered, and is continued as long as she is in deep mourning. This is gradually decreased, in accordance with her change of mourning.

All embossing or stamping should be done in black.

WEDDINGS. Widows should avoid anything distinctively white, even in flowers – especially white orange blossoms and white veil, these two being distinctively indicative of the first wedding. If she wishes, she can have bridesmaids and ushers. Her wedding-cards should show her maiden name as part of her full name.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institure of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia