Manners Due Equally to Family

Oh, these “company manners!” They are the ruination of a household. They cannot always be put on and off at will. Traces of the every day discord and lack of harmony will manifest themselves through the affectation of all the mere “company manners” one can assume. Habitual politeness and kindness and gentleness should be the unwavering rule in every house, even on “Blue Mondays.”
— photo source, Pinterest 

Good Manners at Home

I know a woman who is always harping about “culture” and “refinement” and “etiquette,” and who does not this minute know the meaning of that old fashioned term, “good manners.” She is always regretting the lack of culture among her neighbors, and there is not one of them who is more polite than she is. I have heard her actually yell at her servants, and storm at her children, and I do not think her husband is the happiest man in the world. In society, she is a charming woman. She knows always just what to say and how to say it. I never saw a woman who could excel her in gliding across a room and sinking gracefully into a chair. 

Her little boys can tip their hats so prettily to ladies on the street; her little girls can enter a room with toes properly turned out and with the grace of little queens; and, alas! both the little boys and the little girls can be as impertinent and display the worst manners of any children I ever saw. And they literally fight among themselves. They are not taught to be polite to each other. Their mother seldom favors them with her own properly chosen words and graceful manners when they are alone with her. Discord reigns until the door bell rings and then the entire household must put on good manners. “If we don’t,” one of the children said, “we catch it when the company’s gone!” 

This is an extreme case, but do we not all have our “company manners?” Do we speak just as gently and sweetly to our children, to our husbands and wives, when we are alone with them as when in the presence of the chance caller? Do we say to a transgressing Johnnie or Katie, “Don’t do that, dear,” or, “Stop that this minute, I tell you!” Which is it? Do we say “please” and “thank you” to each other and to our servants at all times, or are these pleasing little words held in reserve with the rest of our “company manners?” Is it only in the presence of strangers that we smilingly overlook or gently chide the trifling faults of our children? 

Oh, these “company manners!” They are the ruination of a household. They cannot always be put on and off at will. Traces of the every day discord and lack of harmony will manifest themselves through the affectation of all the mere “company manners” one can assume. Habitual politeness and kindness and gentleness should be the unwavering rule in every house, even on “Blue Mondays.” — -Zenas Dane in Good Housekeeping, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Manners Help Make a Home

“Have your home, every-day table, just as attractive as the one to which you invite your honored guest. It pays to exert one’s self for one’s family.” 

Courtesy Toward One’s Own Household

One thing do remember, to have your home, every-day table, just as attractive as the one to which you invite your honored guest. It pays to exert one’s self for one’s family. They never lose sight of it. Ten to one if the honored guest, tired with social courtesies, will not forget you in a day or only remember your little affair as a debt to be paid back some time. We do not under-estimate the duty of hospitality, but we do think we are more likely to err in the lack of courtesy toward our own households. Be hospitable to them, we pray, thereby some of you may entertain angels unawares.– Daily Alta, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Edwardian Etiquette Poem

At home ’tis very different, though,
Our elbows on the table rest;
If hot, our tea we always blow,
And eat the way that pleases best. 

Etiquette When at Home, and Abroad

Abroad we always try to be Polite;
We study etiquette;
The tricks of high society,
We never have forgotten yet.

We stand upon our dignity,
At least, as far as we are able;
While waiting, you will never see
Our hands above the dining table.

Our soup we never, never blow,
We never start right in on cake;
We modulate our voices low,
We seldom ever make a break.

We never josh the maid who serves,
Nor look to see if she is pretty;
In fact, we’re on to all the curves
Of high life in a modern city.

To think of asking for dessert,
Before the solid course is through,
Is something, I may here assert,
That we would never, never do.

All proper customs we obey.
On celery we never munch.
We dine in quite the proper way,
And then go out and buy a lunch.

At home ’tis very different, though,
Our elbows on the table rest;
If hot, our tea we always blow,
And eat the way that pleases best.

We josh the maid and roast the cook,
We call for things we do not see;
And sometimes father reads a book,
Which may not be propriety.

We even in our shirt sleeves dine.
While mother wears a dressing gown.
The customs, gladly we resign
Of all best families In town.

Abroad our etiquette’s displayed,
Our manners perfect, I repeat;
At home behavior’s not our trade.
But here we get enough to eat. – Red Bluff Daily News, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia