The History of Seating Etiquette

“It was a common fiction that the order of precedence mattered more to the women than the men. The idea was that the men were too busy getting on with the work that needed to be done to worry about unintended flights. One suspects this fiction was no more true than the idea that men do not gossip.” From “Forgotten Elegance”

  — Image source, The RSVP Institute of Etiquette

                                     
To the Victorians (and diplomats today), where one sat at the table was very important. Feelings would be hurt, and tempers would flare, if these rules were violated.

In England, the order of precedence was set by one's rank in the tables of Nobility. Dukes ranked above Counts, and so forth. If two people held the same rank, then the order in which the titles were granted was the deciding factor. The holders of the title were men, and women took the precedence of their husbands.

For example, when 19 year old Consuelo Vanderbilt, as the wife of the Duke of Marlborough, went to dinner, she took precedence over women in their fifties and sixties who had not married as well.

In British colonial society this was carried further, and the order of precedence depended on the husband's job. Books of official order of precedence were published to set out the relationship between different jobs and time in those jobs. If one wanted to know the order of precedence of an assistant inspector general of forests, a District Judge in Lower Burma, a Lieutenant with seven years of service, and a sanitary commissioner, one merely looked in the official warrant of precedence.

In the United States, the question of precedence was mostly confined to Washington D.C., where the order among diplomats and politicians' ranks was important. Many hostesses did not use precedence in seating their guests — they placed people to ensure good conversation.

It was a common fiction that the order of precedence mattered more to the women than the men. The idea was that the men were too busy getting on with the work that needed to be done to worry about unintended flights. One suspects this fiction was no more true than the idea that men do not gossip.

In most of the United States there was little order of precedence, there being no nobility, or diplomatic or bureaucratic ranking to go by. What order there was took the form of the oldest woman being first or perhaps an out of town woman being first. If a new bride was present she often took precedence.— From Forgotten Elegance, 2002

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Formal Dinner Seating Arrangements

This diagram shows what was, in the Gilded Age, a reportedly popular French-style, dinner party seating arrangement. This savvy seating arrangement places the host and hostess in seats across from one another, midway to the center of the table on each side. The couple, seated in such close proximity to one another, can direct or control the conversation with their guests, and help the dinner party flow along more easily throughout the evening.

These diagrams above show a popular dinner party seating arrangement for rectangular tables, at which the host sits at one end and the next male “of importance” is seated at the opposite end. At these tables, the hostess sits on that guest’s left, while the woman next in importance sits on his right. Note that “importance” is a relative term. It can refer to rank, seniority, age or even to which guest traveled the furthest distance or who will next be celebrating a birthday.

“When the party numbers 6, 10, 14 and so forth, the more modern way of dispensing with end places entirely, and seating the host and hostess directly in the center of each side, is increasingly used. To make this come out right, the number along each side, as you can see, must be an uneven one such as three, five, seven. This places the host and hostess opposite in the midst of their party, allows them to direct and control the conversation as necessary and look after the general welfare of their guests. At the usual friendly dinner party, there is seldom a special “guest of honor.” If, however, you were giving the dinner party in honor of a particular woman guest, you would seat her at the right of the host. If a man were the one to be so distinguished, you would see him at the right of the hostess.”— From Helen Sprackling, 1960

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia