Etiquette of Dress for a Butler

At the head of the pantry department is the butler who, in very large house holds, has a very important position. In America, where housekeepers are even more rare than butlers, butlers often engage and dismiss all the rest of the staff.

Note: it is a primary rule of appearance that butlers and footmen must be clean-shaven. 

Traditional and Formal Dress

Morning:

1. A dark sack suit.

2. White shirt.

3. Stiff fold collar.

4. Black four-in-hand tie.

5. Black shoes.

6. Black socks.

Luncheon time, afternoon, and teatime: 

(This is not worn in the evening.) 

1. Black dress coat (the same as that worn in the evening; see below). Or, to be most technical, a cutaway coat.

2. Gray-and-black striped trousers

3. A black double-breasted waistcoat, stiff white shirt, stiff white wing collar (or, less formally, a fold collar), and black four-in-hand tie; or black bow tie with wing collar.

4. Low black calf oxford shoes and black socks.

Dinner and the evening:

1. Stiff-bosomed white shirt, wing collar, small gold studs (as small as collar buttons)

2. White bow tie

3. Black waistcoat and tail coat.

4. Black trousers without braid or stripes.

5. Black shoes and socks.

Less formal variations (black calf oxfords and black socks are also standard with all of these):

Afternoon and Evenings: Gray-and-black striped trousers with a short black single-breasted sack coat, black waistcoat, soft white shirt and stiff fold collar, black four-in-hand tie; or

Less formally, a black alpaca coat with striped trousers worn with a soft white shirt, black waistcoat, semi-stiff collar, black four-in-hand tie.

Hot weather: Gray alpaca coat (with three buttons) with black trousers with soft white shirt and collar, black four-in-hand tie; or

White linen or duck double-breasted coat worn with black trousers, white shirt and collar and black four-in-hand tie. (This may be worn both afternoon and evening.) Another very good white coat is white linen or duck with black, or colored, collar and cuffs, which may be solid colors— the “house” color and, for evenings, a wing collar and bow tie; or, for afternoons, a fold collar or striped like a footman’s waistcoat. This coat is worn with black trousers and black four-in-hand tie. — From “Vogue’s Book of Etiquette,” 1948

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for an Informal Dinner

 A Table Set for Eight

In this diagram the large circles around the edges of the table represent the plate at each place. The oblong in the middle of the table is the centerpiece, and the four circles with the black centers are four candlesticks. Salt and pepper are represented by the four pairs of small circles between the candlesticks, with the pepper pot to the left of the saltcellar. This table is set for eight people; if there were four, the places to the right and left of both host and hostess would be removed.

WHAT MAKES A DINNER INFORMAL

These are the hallmarks of an informal dinner:

1. Guests are usually invited verbally, either face to face or by telephone.

2. Guests and hosts may wear either evening dress, or day clothes, depending on local custom or the hostess' decision, but men and women must dress with equal formality. If the women are in evening dresses, the men wear dinner jackets; if the women wear afternoon dresses, the men wear dark blue suits.

3. The table is set more or less simply, depending mostly on the menu.

4. The food consists, as a rule, of not more than two or three courses.

5. The service may vary between one extreme and the other. For the purposes of this book we have called “informal” any service in which the family or their guests co-operate. But although every dinner with informal service must be called informal, not every informal dinner must be served informally.

For example, if six or seven people are dining together before going to a hockey game, and if there are two people waiting on table, the service may be as complete as that of the most formal dinner; but, the dinner is most definitely informal because hosts and guests are in afternoon clothes, the food and table arrangements are simple, and the invitations were given verbally. On the other hand, an elaborate buffet dinner, where there may be twenty guests in evening clothes, is always informal because the service is not handled completely by the staff.

6. The hour might be any time between 6:30 and 8:00 P.M. 

— From “Vogue’s Book of Etiquette,” 1948

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A “Modern Manners” Quiz

   

You meet a comely blonde who was a brunette only the week before. Should you: a) tell her she looks enchanting, but don't mention her hair, b) tell her she's equally lovely as a blonde or brunette, c) tell her frankly how you like the change? 

How modern are your manners?

From 1958, the streamlined manners of the Space Age

Today's social behavior embraces far more than merely knowing which spoon to use for the apricot mousse. Modern etiquette involves everything from highways to self-service elevators, from trousered ladies to TV. This quiz tests how up-to-date you are on the streamlined manners of the space age. 

QUESTIONS 

1.  You're going 55 mph (the legal limit) in the lefthand lane, passing a long line of slow-moving cars in the right-hand lane of a parkway. The car behind blinks its lights. Modern highway manners dictate that you: a) pull over as soon as you find a gap in the right lane, and let him pass, b) stay put, on the ground that you're going at the top legal speed, and the man has no right to pass, c) stay where you are until you've gotten beyond the slower-moving cars, then pull over. 
2. You meet a comely blonde who was a brunette only the week before. Should you: a) tell her she looks enchanting, but don't mention her hair, b) tell her she's equally lovely as a blonde or brunette, c) tell her frankly how you like the change? 
3. At a dinner party your host serves you a delicacy of fried African ants in sauce, flown in for the occasion from Tangier. Modern savoir faire requires you to: a) eat them bravely and praise their flavor, b) give a good excuse such as being allergic to ants in general if you don't like them, c) tell him the truth. 
4. You and your neighbor board the self-service elevator in your apartment house at the same time. He wants to go to the roof, you to the basement. Your first destination should be: a) up, b) down, c) whichever is closer. 
5. It is acceptable for a woman in a downtown city street to do only one of these things: a) wear slacks, b) go without stockings, c) comb her hair. 
6. A famous TV personality walks toward you on the street. He's in your home so often via the living-room screen you think of him almost as a personal friend. Should you: a) rush up and shake his hand, b) pass him by without intruding on his privacy, c) merely nod a greeting? 
7. A female business executive takes a male client to lunch at a plush restaurant. Is it proper for her to: a) let the man pay, b) give him the money to pay, c) pay the check herself? 
8. You're sitting in a public place where there are several large “No Smoking” signs. A young lady asks you to light her cigarette. Proper behavior for you is to: a) point out the signs, b) hand her the matches and let her take her own chances, c) give her the light and politely refrain from comment. 
9. By chance, you bump into a friend coming out of a pawnshop; you know that he's been in financial difficulty of late. Your most mannerly course is to: a) pretend you don't see him at all; b) greet him warmly, but act as though you don't know where he's just come from, c) offer to help him out of his predicament. 
10. At a party, you're chattering with an obviously important guest, but you haven't the foggiest idea who he is. When a friend of yours joins the conversation and introductions are in order, you should: a) frankly tell the VIP you don't know who he is, b) ask the two of them to introduce themselves, c) go on talking without introductions. 

It is acceptable for a woman in a downtown city street to do only one of these things: a) wear slacks, b) go without stockings, c) comb her hair...

ANSWERS 

1. a) Pull over at the earliest possible moment. Blinking lights are a standard passing signal on parkways at night and the proper motorist honors them even when the passer is exceeding the legal speed. 
2. a) is the best manners. The fact that the lady has changed her hair-color indicates that she's dissatisfied with her earlier shade, hence doesn't want to be reminded of it. If she wants to discuss the change, that's her choice, not yours. 
3. The proper answer is b). In today's air age, we get to taste many rare treats imported from far away. We don't have to like all of them. But we still must be polite even if it means a small “white lie.” 
4. c). Other things being equal, it's logical to go to the nearer destination first. 
5. b). Public hair-combing is always in poor taste, and slacks generally are still considered bad form. 
6. The correct course is c). Celebrities like to be recognized, but they also like people to respect the fact that when an entertainer is offstage, he has rights of privacy. 
7. c). The lady should pay the check. Many woman executives bypass the problem by establishing charge accounts at restaurants. 
8. You should follow procedure a). Contemporary manners are based on being kind. It's not kindness to help somebody violate rules and endanger life and property. 
9. b) is right. If you pretend not to notice him at all, he'll probably suspect that you actually did see him; on the other hand, an unsolicited offer of a loan might be most offensive, however well-meant. 
10. The best-mannered move is a). Unless he's a prize stuffed shirt, he'll take your admission in good humor. Of course, you'll always meet some people who are living, etiquette-wise, in the last century. 

SCORING: Eight out of ten correct answers mean your manners are completely up-to-the-minute; five to seven correct answers mean your etiquette needs a bit of brushing-up; less than five correct indicate your social behavior is riding way behind the times. 

— By Alex Addison, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Polite Policing

The manual, “Courteous Selective Enforcement” takes its text from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Life is not so short but that there is always time for courtesy.” Gibbons says he is going to keep drumming at it until his men are as polite as a Bobbie at the gates of Buckingham Palace.

Courtesy Kick Irks Police In Philadelphia 

The city's policemen have given their new etiquette book a whirl and now, many of them say, they feel like a bather who wades ashore and finds that someone has taken his clothes. Issued at the bidding of Police Commissioner, Thomas J. Gibbons, the manual aims to refine police behavior, purify the cops' language: introduce at least a bit more patience; and improve his posture. “Please” and “thank you” are musts in the new vocabulary from have been expurged all coarse phrases, withering insults, juicy hyperbole, and richly elaborate sarcasms addresses to erring motorists.

The manual, “Courteous Selective Enforcement” takes its text from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Life is not so short but that there is always time for courtesy.” Gibbons says he is going to keep drumming at it until his men are as polite as a Bobbie at the gates of Buckingham Palace. The book was thrown at the cops after the commissioner's office got a flock of complaints that many policemen were too quick to make arrests at intersections, grabbing drivers for going ahead on the amber signal; and that “wholesale ticketing” was coupled with insults and rough talk generally. – Philadelphia (UP), 1957

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Golf and Kissing

Since the early days of the genteel game of golf, kissing was not permitted on the golf course. Public displays of affection were frowned upon, even in 1967,  

English Oldsters Ban Kissing

YORK, England (UPl)—Senior golf club members watched aghast from the clubhouse. They said what happened on the first tee “broke the club’s rules of etiquette.” So twenty young golfers, who had been given a reduced rate to play at the club, were banned because two sweethearts kissed on the first tee. – The Dessert Sun, 1967 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette and Attributes of Charm ~ Part 2

The Golden Rule is as important today as ever.

At the Heart of Charm

Spiritual Graciousness

Spiritual graciousness is at the heart of charm. Know and practice the courtesies of daily living. Avoid jokes at the expense of others; avoid gossip and a critical attitude. Forgive those who hurt you. Show tolerance for those who upset you. Generosity of spirit involves giving credit and praise when they are deserved. Respect the opinions and rights of other people.  Treat them the way you would like to be treated regardless of their station in life. The Golden Rule is as important today as ever.

Balanced Emotions

Perhaps the hardest requirement of all is self discipline-control yourself and your emotions. Spontaneously showing happiness, choice, surprise – or even annoyance when you were angered – is to be true to yourself.  But to live happily with others, you must also exercise self-control. It is this balance between spontaneity of feelings and discipline or control that you will want to achieve.

Be Interested in Others

Making Friends

The charming girl is interested in virtually all people in all aspects of life. She knows that almost everyone can contribute something to her life. So meet and make new friends; don't limit your circle of friends to just a few if you really want to grow.


Good Family Relationships 

Because we are so close to our families, we tend to lose sight of the fact that they deserve the same courtesies we give others. Too often we expect parents, brothers or sisters, to give us more than we give to them. There should be a mutual respect and understanding within family groups. If you don't think you're getting it, try giving it. It will probably be returned. 

Believe in Yourself

Self-Confidence 

If you don't like yourself, if you don't feel your actions, habits or appearance can stand competition, or comparison, you lack self-confidence. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. If you do believe in yourself, there's almost nothing in life you won't be able to do. So do everything you can to build solid self-confidence, and it will be reflected in the world. — From 1972, Wendy Ward Charm Book 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Attributes of Charm ~ Part 1

According to the Wendy Ward Charm Book, you can hardly be charming and beautiful, if you can't see and feel beauty; if you don't know and love it.

Here are some of the attributes you should acquire if you do not already have them...

Poise

Cultivate poise. The poised girl maintains calm when she has a difficult situation to handle. She goes about it naturally and easily and avoids nervous movements of the body.

Spirit of Adventure

Since you can always pack your bags and sail to faraway islands, begin to develop the spirit of adventure, by trying new ideas, new thoughts, a new method of study, a new way of wearing your hair or even a new food!

Sense of Humor

A girl may have many good qualities and still lack charm. Often, the missing quality is a sense of humor. You'll find the person you enjoy being with most is the one who finds the things you say witty. More important, the one who enjoys being with you is also someone who's wit you appreciate. Nothing pleases a boy more than discover he can make you laugh. You only have to develop a sense of humor if you lack one. Look for the things in life worth laughing about. 

You'll get extra points for telling a funny story about yourself. Remember, however, to laugh with people, and not at them.

Appreciation of Beauty

You can hardly be charming and beautiful if you can't see and feel beauty; and if you don't know and love it. If you haven't thought about it, try starting now, to appreciate the beautiful. There is beauty all around — in the shape of a leaf, the changing sky, the smell of spring, or the laughter of a friend.

Being Interesting 

You should be interesting to others. That means you must be able to contribute to conversations -— at a party, in groups large or small, even on a one-to-one basis. Learn a new party game especially well, one that doesn't require props, so you'll always be ready to suggest and direct it. Find out what you really like. Learn to talk about interests such as music, books, movies or sports. — From 1972, Wendy Ward Charm Book 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia   

Etiquette, Charm and Smiles

"Why do some girls always look so pretty and act so confident? These girls know how to do the right thing at the right time. They also know how to have fun. Very few of us are born with those characteristics. A lovely appearance, confidence, knowing how to act on every occasion — these attributes are acquired. They have to be learned. Now, you have an opportunity of learning how to bring out the best that is within you, of finding out how to look your prettiest, of gaining the feeling of confidence."

"Most people aren't their natural selves. Rather, they are an accumulation of habits and affectations picked up through life. Inside, they're different. Do you want to learn to be the real you instead of a phony? You can. Are you have to do is learn the techniques and rules that help develop a charming personality."  – From 1972,  Wendy Ward Charm Book

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette and Appropriate Attire

Will I be able to relax and behave with confidence, knowing that I've made a good selection?

Taste — Good, Bad and Indifferent

You've heard the term many times. As applied to fashion it means knowing and wearing those things that are right for the right occasion. What may be in good taste for the beach is probably not so for a shopping trip. What may look right on Sallie Mae not on you, and vice versa. How can you know that an outfit is or isn't in good taste for a certain occasion? Ask yourself:

• Will I feel comfortable physically, and psychologically, wearing this outfit on this occasion?
• Will I be able to relax and behave with confidence, knowing that I've made a good selection?
• Do I feel gaudy, overdressed or underdressed?
• Do I tug at my attire, or do I forget about it and enjoy myself? 

If you can answer yes to the first two questions and know to the last two, your outfit is probably in good taste.

Some Fashion Guidelines

• Keep current — you don't have to be fad happy. Just know what's going on out there in the fashion world. It's the only way you can pick and choose what's right for you.
• Know your strong points and emphasize them. Do you have a long Grecian neck, a wasp waist or shapely gams? Make the most of them! 
• Recognize your weak points, as well. Learn how to disguise them artfully with the illusion of color, fashion shaping and make up.
• Like and care for your clothes. Make good use of your trusty needle before that button falls off or that tiny tear becomes a major repair. Get to know your friendly neighborhood cleaning establishment and your "village cobbler." You'll look well groomed and you'll be surprised how your wardrobe has grown after the torn and soiled prodigals have been returned to the flock. — Wendy Ward Charm Book, 1972

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Getting Into a Car

The Montgomery Ward department stores offered the Wendy Ward Charm School for teenaged girls, in the 1960s and 1970s. Once a week, American girls would meet in a room at the department store and learn to how to walk and sit gracefully, good posture, etiquette, how to dress and personal grooming. A lot of the advice is still applicable today.

 Entering A Car Gracefully

1. After the door is opened, pivot smoothly and lower yourself (back straight, please) to the very edge of the car seat. It's a long stretch from the edge of the seat to the outside of the car.

2.  Place one hand high on the back of the seat and the other on the front edge of the seat.

3. Keep your knees together, lift your legs and swing them into the car, knees leading and feet lifted so you don't bump into the dashboard or door-frame. This will take a little extra exertion, using the muscles in your thighs, but it will be more than worth it, because your skirt will stay in place, and you look like a graceful lady always in command.

4. Place your hands flat on the seat, and lift your body up, and back. Don't wiggle it over into the seat. You then should be comfortably seated with no fuss or embarrassment. It even works in a small sports car.

Getting Out of a Car

Getting out of a car is just the reverse of getting in.

1. Place your hands on the seat and lift your body as close to the door as possible.

2. When a fellow opens the door for you, swing your legs out, just as you did getting in. And there you are. — "Wendy Ward Charm Book," 1972

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Mid-20th C. Etiquette Advice

Question... Due to the fact that I was working during the day and very busy at night getting our new home in order, I was unable to acknowledge all of our wedding gifts. Is it all right to write "thank you” notes now, six months after the wedding? 

Mid-20th Century “Modern Etiquette”

By Advice Columnist, Roberta Lee

From 1941

Q. When a bride is to be married in a traveling suit, what should the bridegroom wear?
A: A business suit.

Q. What is the best way to ask a girl for a dance?
A. "May I have the next dance?"

Q: May one use a lead pencil for writing a social or business letter
A. Not unless one is ill and writing the letter in bed.

From 1951

Q. Is it considered good manners to supply a word which seems to elude another person who is speaking? 

A. It is perhaps a friendly service if the speaker is a foreigner—but it most certainly should never be done with a countryman. 

Q. When a woman has been introduced to you as “Alice Young,” how do you know whether to address her as Mrs. Young or Miss Young? 

A. The only thing to do is to ask her, unless there is someone else nearby whom you can ask.

From 1953

Q. Is it all right for a hostess to mail invitations to a cocktail party on her calling cards? 

A. Yes; on the lower lefthand side, opposite the address may be written: "Saturday, July eighteenth, Cocktails at five o’clock." 

Q. Is it bad manners to eat candy or popcorn in a theater? 

A. Society used to frown upon this practice. However, today’s motion picture theater is just about as much in the popcorn and candy business as in its presentation of films, and the practice is now condoned. Eat as noiselessly and unobtrusively as possible. 

Q. When one is to have a small wedding in the minister's home, is it all right to send out wedding announcements? 
A. Yes.

From 1955

Q. Should the hostess lead the way to the table at a luncheon, or usher her guests into the room and then follow them? 

A. The hostess should lead the way, and then designate the proper seating arrangement. 

Q. Is it proper to write an anonymous letter of protest or criticism to a newspaper or to a columnist. 

A. This is not only considered ill-bred, but it is a cowardly thing to do. One should always have enough courage in one’s convictions to sign the letter. 

Q. Is it proper for a married woman to send a gift in her name only to a bride? A. No; she should always include her husband’s name. 

Q. What kind of decoration should be used for the breakfast party table? 

A. A bowl of fruit is customary, although flowers may be used too. 

Q. Is it now considered good manners to use a toothpick at the table? Lately I have seen this done by people of apparent refinement. 

A. The rules remain unchanged. Toothpicks should never be seen in use, at the table or anywhere else. 

Q. In what manner should friends be invited to a christening? 

A. By telephone or informal note.

From 1956

Q. Where do the relatives of the deceased sit during the funeral service at the church? 

A. The relatives occupy the front pews on the right of the center aisle. 

Q. When one’s partner has unwittingly given information about his hand during the progress of a bridge game, what should one do? 
A. Disregard it. Under no circumstances should one take advantage of such information, as this would not onty be bad manners, but poor sportsmanship. 

Q. Due to the fact that I was working during the day and very busy at night getting our new home in order, I was unable to acknowledge all of our wedding gifts. Is it all right to write "thank you” notes now, six months after the wedding? 

A. Thanks at this time are better than no thanks at all. And it would be nice to state the reason for the delay. —From The Madera Tribune

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Retro 1957 Etiquette for Teen Girls

Watch Your Hostess… and don't be disturbed if you are faced with a row of silver.

Most of these rules of table etiquette you will know, but if you are going out to a meal and want to be sure to do the right thing, it might be well to review them. 

• Remain Standing until your hostess and the other people are seated. If there are no man in the party, help to see the older members in their chairs.
• Start to Eat when your hostess does.
• Watch Your Hostess and don't be disturbed if you are faced with a row of silver. If you question which piece to use, do as she does. The rule, however, is to use the silver in order -- from the outside, working in.
• Ask for things to be passed instead of reaching across the table or in front of other guests.
• Eat Quietly, take small mouthfuls and be careful not to sip noisily. Do not talk with your mouth full. It is also very rude to mash your food or stir it conspicuously.
• At a Crowded Table be considerate of your neighbors and keep your elbows out of their way. 
• When You Have Finished Eating you should leave the silver in this order:
• The Bullion or Soup Spoon: should be left on the plate, not in the cup or bowl.
• Fruit Cup Spoons: should never be left in the glass cup, but on the plate.
• The Butter Knife: across the middle of the butter plate. 
• The Salad Fork: across the salad plate. 
• The Dinner Knife and Fork: parallel together across the plate. 
• The Dessert Spoon: on the plate, not in the sherbet glass.
• The Coffee Spoon: in the saucer, never in the cup. 
• Your Napkin: need not be folded if you are a guest for only one meal. But at home, do fold it neatly and leave it at your place.

  

From Emily R. Dow's 1957 "Brooms, Buttons and Beaux"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Retro Etiquette for 1960's Housewives

Or... How to add to your husband's prestige.

Do you build respect for their father in your children?

Do You Know What Not to Talk About?

In some way nearly everything a wife does adds or detracts from her husband's stature.  When she drives him to the station in the morning looking happy and casually well-groomed, a contribution is being made to what he accomplishes that day. The grace and dignity with which she goes about her daily errands add to the dignity of his reputation. The ease and charm with which she entertains their guests makes their home seem a very special place. When she takes part in community activities, it adds to his prestige, and business organizations have long been aware that a man's wife is an important factor in his work. The image she presents of him to her friends and neighbors in conversation often has much to do with the opinion they form of him.

A wife who refrains from discussing certain subjects often contributes to her husbands prestige in subtle ways. Even when other women in your group are indiscrete in revealing intimate facts about their married life, remain tactfully silent. Information that should not be revealed even to close friends include any lacks in your husband's background or education, any business ambition or disappointments, and, of course, any personal limitations or idiosyncrasies. To mention these is poor taste as well as disloyal. You should not, on the other hand, boast about your husband to outsiders. To do so embarrasses the listener.

Personal financial matters are never a good subject for conversation. A wife should not reveal her husband's salary or other sources of income. To suggest that a husband's salary is inadequate makes him seem unsuccessful. Confidences about debt, loans, or mortgages are also taboo. The working wife should never say that she has to work because they need the money (even if this is true) or reveal the amount of her salary or mention what she buys or contributes to household expenses.

A wife who refrains from discussing certain subjects often contributes to her husbands prestige in subtle ways.

It is unwise to mention that your husband expects a promotion in his work or that he has failed to get a promotion he sought. It would also be unwise to confide that your husband has a chronic illness or to give detailed information about any acute illness. Anything that suggests emotional stress should not be mentioned. And his age or your own or any great difference between them is better not discussed.

The tactful wife, even if she shares her husband's beliefs on religious, philosophical, or political matters, should not become his spokesman in conversation. She should preface her remarks with "I believe ..." or "I think..." Not, "We believe..." and so forth.

The subtle way to let others know that a life goal has been reached, is to invite intimates to share an informal celebration.

A man's personal ambitions also should be revealed only by the man himself. Women too often reveal their husband's confidences in these matters with the thought of indicating that he is ambitious. The time for others to know about such hopes is after they are realized. The subtle way to let others know that a life goal has been reached, is to invite intimates to share an informal celebration. A loyal wife will also be on guard to protect her husband when prying questions are asked. Usually the light touch is helpful in warding these off.

  

Do You Know How to Talk with Business Associates?  

When she drives him to the station in the morning looking happy and casually well-groomed, a contribution is being made to what he accomplishes that day.

In talking with her husband's business associates, a wife should not quote her husband too often -- and then never about business matters. She shows intelligence and individuality by sticking to impersonal topics of conversation that nearly everyone finds interesting. When asked what her husband thinks about a certain subject, she would smile and say: "Perhaps you should let Rod answer that question himself." This suggests her husband has a mind of his own.

In meeting her husband's employees or subordinates, she should be cordial, impeccably courteous, and interested in what they have to say, without seeming curious or familiar. She should avoid talking about her husband or other personal matters and she should give the impression that she knows nothing personal about those with whom she talks. By seeming innocent of even small matters, she conveys that important matters -- illness, family problems -- are also unknown.

Before social encounters with business associates, clients, customers, and so forth, a wife should check with her husband about certain topics and find out whether they should be mentioned or not. The wife who uses personal diplomacy to protect her husband in even the smallest matters makes him seem discreet.

Do You Build Respect for Their Father in Your Children?

When a wife shows respect and consideration for her husband, she sets an example that their children will usually follow. She should be careful with what she teases her husband about in the presence of their children, because often the children do not understand such levity. The children should often hear their father lauded in terms of attractive personality traits and accomplishments that are not related to money.

A wife should never derogate or criticize her husband in front of their children.  Building their father up to your children is one of the best ways of instilling pride in their family name. It also gives the child a feeling that he is someone special to have such a father. The mother who confides her husband's limitations to her children is filling their minds with uncertainty about their family status.

The children should often hear their father lauded in terms of attractive personality traits and accomplishments that are not related to money.

The wife who fully accepts her responsibilities as a homemaker will want to do her job as well as her husband does his.  If you know that it is disruptive to call him often at work about household problems, refrain from doing so.  A wife who jeopardizes her husband's credit by running up bills or by spending money unwisely reflects upon him as well as herself. On the other hand, paying bills promptly and exercising good judgment in spending money will make her admired by those with whom she does business and will improve her husband's community standing.

From 1963's "Social Awareness -- Your Guide to Today's Manners," by Luella Cumming

Etiquette Hints and Advice for Early to Mid-20th Century Australians

"Etiquette in the true sense of the word has been submerged by the pace of modern times, but the possession of good manners will always remain the most important asset to anyone who wishes to be considered socially by their friends." From "Etiquette ; A Handbook for All Occasions to Suit Australian Conditions" circa late 1920s to 1930s

Hints for All

This chapter has been devoted to hints for the various sections of the community in the hope that they may prove assistance to the individuals concerned.

Etiquette in the true sense of the word has been submerged by the pace of modern times, but the possession of good manners will always remain the most important asset to anyone who wishes to be considered socially by their friends.

It is always advisable not to overcrowd the room nor to invite people together who have not the same social standing.

The Hostess 

In order to achieve even moderate success as a hostess it is necessary to be self-possessed and efficient in planning the details of an entertainment. Each guest should be afforded a cordial welcome, and a good hostess will endeavour to place her guests at their ease and give them an opportunity to enjoy themselves.

Should a guest be asked to sing or play, then a hostess should ask for a further performance later on in the evening so that their effort will not appear unappreciated. It is always advisable not to overcrowd the room nor to invite people together who have not the same social standing.

A gentleman never boasts about his conquests with the opposite sex, and always makes sure that his collar and handkerchief are immaculate.

Hints for Gentlemen

A gentleman will never push in front of women when entering a public conveyance, or enter a public room where ladies are present without removing his hat.

It is not good manners to be constantly correcting people or boring them with stale jokes and stories. A gentleman never boasts about his conquests with the opposite sex, and always makes sure that his collar and handkerchief are immaculate. A lady has the privilege of recognizing a man, therefore, he should not raise his hand to her in the street until he has been acknowledged.

A lady is never to be found at a disadvantage.

Hints for Ladies

A lady may be described as one who is kind and considerate to everyone and considers no task beneath her should the need arise. Assuming affectations either in speech or mannerisms, using strong perfume or making-up in public, are acts which are avoided by ladies.

A lady is never to be found at a disadvantage. Should an unexpected visitor call, she does not keep them waiting, as her appearance is invariably trim and neat and she does not apologize for the state of her house or the refreshments offered.

Society frowns upon a girl if she does not keep her clothes clean and in good repair.

Hints for Girls

Society frowns upon a girl if she does not keep her clothes clean and in good repair. Slang expressions are better omitted from a girl's conversation, as they become a habit which is hard to break, also the practice of continually whispering and giggling.

Girls will always be teased by their brothers so take it in good part. Even after school-days are ended, continue to take an active interest in sport and improve upon education by reading recommended literature.

Treat all women folk with respect and draw up a chair for them at the dinner table.

Hints for Young Men

A determined effort should be make to overcome any feeling of self- consciousness, and to walk easily with an upright bearing. Treat all women folk with respect and draw up a chair for them at the dinner table.

When are young man is paying for his first call at the home of the young lady in whom he is interested, the visit should be a general one. Overcoats are removed before entering the drawing-room.

Never neglect to assist a lady from a vehicle by alighting first and always allow her the inside of the pavement.

A wife also will appreciate a husband who keeps his appearance trim and neat and who shows an interest in the affairs of the household.

Hints for Husbands

Many husbands do not show their affection for their wives but this is a mistake, as women generally wish to know if they are still cherished and appreciated.

A man should not forget to extend the ordinary little courtesies to his wife such as crossing the room to open a door, and raising his hat to her in the street. A wife also will appreciate a husband who keeps his appearance trim and neat and who shows an interest in the affairs of the household.

Such occasions as birthdays and wedding anniversaries are important, so do not forget to bring home a gift or suggest some celebration to mark the occasion.

It is important that a wife endeavours to retain a well-groomed appearance at all times.

Hints for Wives

It is important that a wife finds time from her many tasks to enjoy an occasional outing with her husband, and that she endeavours to retain a well-groomed appearance at all times. A good husband will feel rewarded if you received punctual and well-cooked meals, and who has a wife who does not fail to show her love and appreciation of him.

A woman will prove more of a companion if she keeps herself informed about current affairs and refrains from worrying about her husband with small upsets, which occurred during the day.

A wife should not criticize her husband in company, nor should she remind him continually of his faults.

Teach them to think and act wisely for themselves, so that they will grow up useful and independent members of the community.

Hints for Parents


It is well to remember that children will follow the example set them by their parents to some extent. Impress upon them the importance of cleanliness and health, and try is far as possible to have suitable replies to their many questions.

Never threaten children unless the threat is carried out, and teach them to think and act wisely for themselves, so that they will grow up useful and independent members of the community.

A businessman will remove his hat before entering a private office for an interview, and will raise his hat on encountering his senior outside the office.

Hints for Business Men

An employee does not discuss with his friends any confidential correspondence relating to the firm by whom he is employed, nor does he receive personal calls during business hours.

A businessman will remove his hat before entering a private office for an interview, and will raise his hat on encountering his senior outside the office. Should an employer desire an interview with a member of his staff, the employee should remain standing until he is asked to be seated.

Cards used by businessmen never include the prefix "Mr."

When being entertained, never display any signs of boredom, but appear appreciative at all times.

Hints on Conduct

A well mannered person will always show deference to the wishes of others, and never boast about their worldly goods or extensive travels.

Reading a newspaper over somebody else's shoulder is bad form, also addressing comparative strangers by their Christian names. Personal illness or other people's should not be discussed in public. On receipt of a letter, it is considerate to reply promptly. When being entertained, never display any signs of boredom, but appear appreciative at all times.

It is customary to send flowers to a debutante on the evening of her presentation, a bride on her wedding day, and to a mother on the birth of her baby.

Flowers

Gifts of flowers are always welcome, and by giving them one very rarely makes a social error. The atmosphere of a home is not complete without some form of floral decoration and an artistic arrangement transforms the appearance of a room. Flowers also play an important part in the success of any social function, and it is a thoughtful gesture on the part of friends of the hostess to send along offerings from their own gardens.

It is customary to send flowers to a debutante on the evening of her presentation, a bride on her wedding day, and to a mother on the birth of her baby. Flowers are also used to express sympathy and for many other occasions.

Society permits a young girl to attend a luncheon or afternoon tea engagement without a chaperone, but never a dinner or theatre.

Chaperones

At certain functions where a young girl should be chaperoned, a mother, married lady, or brother over the age of 18 act in this capacity.

However, a hostess at a private dance or a similar occasion, often takes over the obligations of chaperone to her young lady guests.

Society permits a young girl to attend a luncheon or afternoon tea engagement without a chaperone, but never a dinner or theatre.

Debutantes must be punctual so that all is in readiness before the official party arrive.

Preparation of a Debutante

When debutante are to be presented, the married lady who undertakes the responsibility of presenting them is called the Matron of Honour. Her duties include those of chaperone until after the presentation, and advising the ball committee regarding such matters as arrangements of the dais and floral decorations. In order that each debutante will know the correct procedure for the evening, their asked to attend tuition classes prior to the ball.

Presentation

Debutantes must be punctual so that all is in readiness before the official party arrive.

When the Matron of Honour makes the presentations, each debutante is expected to make a graceful full courtsey. This presentation marks the official entry of a young lady into society, therefore she is expected to remain dignified throughout the evening and not indulge in smoking.

Dress

Conventions states that a debutante should wear either white or cream. However, pale pastel shades of pink or blue are sometimes worn. The style of frocks are not elaborate, and jewelry is not considered correct.

The bouquet and flowers worn in the hair are white with perhaps a hint of pink. Gloves are essential, and shoes should be of white satin.

Flowers are generously employed for the decoration of the dais, and the lady who received the debutante and the Matron of Honour, each receive a bouquet. — From "Etiquette ; A Handbook for All Occasions to Suit Australian Conditions" circa late 1920s to 1930s

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