Check Your Etiquette Breach

Campus Etiquette Humor for Young Men

There came into our possession the other evening, a handy little folder which any man about town should appreciate. Anyone having a supply of these on hand would always be sure to do the right thing in a social way.

On the first page is inscribed the following: 

Mr. _________ regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your dinner party on __________, and humbly craves your pardon for the breach of etiquette checked in the adjoining column or columns (there follows a list to be checked.) — November 1931's, "Pony Express" 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Learning Etiquette of Esteemed Gents

“Listen here... It serves a good purpose to keep a little mental notebook of the things which annoy us in others.”

Learning Courtesy and Avoiding Rudeness in Manners is Quite as Essential in One Who Desires to Be Esteemed a Gentleman

A High School boy has made a request for a series of articles on good manners. The boy may acquire good manners if he will indulge every day in a little self-analysis until he finds that the fundamental principle of good manners is kindness of heart.

Next comes consideration of others. Never to indulge in any habit of conduct or speech which can annoy, wound or displease without good cause those with whom we associate—that is the platform on which we can easily build a structure of good manners. 

While it is an excellent rule to pass lightly over the faults ot others and to dwell upon their worthy qualities and virtues, it serves a good purpose to keep a little mental notebook of the things which annoy us in others, but to keep these notes only as reminders of the things we do not wish ourselves to do or say. 

A man who was eager for an education and who had acquired the principles of correct grammatical expression was thrown much with illiterate people in his dally association. After some years he became notable for his elegance of language, and his fine powers of conversation. He was asked how he managed to avoid acquiring the slip-shod expressions and grammatical mistakes of his companions.

The man answered, "Whenever one of my comrades or acquaintances uses an expression which I know to be incorrect I mentally say the phrase as it should be said. "For instance, when I hear a man say, ‘I done it,’ or ‘I seen a feller do that,’ ‘I hadn’t got it,’ or similar phrases, I repeat mentally, 'I did it,’ 'I saw a man do that,' ‘I haven't it,’ etc... I never permit one of those expressions to pass by without my mental correction. “In that way my mental notebook is filled with the right expressions, and the wrong ones do not come to me when I wish to speak.” This is an excellent rule for the acquiring of good language. The same rule can be applied to manners.

Whoever wounds us by rudeness, vulgarity, loud talking in public places, or other disagreeable habits, should be observed and remembered only as a guard to better manners for ourselves in these matters. Any bright, intelligent youth, ambitious to acquire a pleasing deportment, needs only to watch and listen to the well-bred people of his acquaintance to obtain a foundation for good manners, and a knowledge of the right things to do. Then by reading out of his mental notebook the things which he has found displeasing to himself in others, he can soon acquire a long list of the things not to do. —Ella Wheeler Wilcox, 1915

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J Graber is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Etiquette for Young Men

A Society Woman Tells Young Men How to Get Into Society and the Secret of Social Success

No lassoing required! A young woman and young man of society mugging for the camera on the beach at the turn of the century. "If this lady takes him up and introduces him and he makes himself agreeable his social fortune is made." 

Pictures and Works of Art Offer Topics for Conversation- What it is to be a Gentleman

There's no sitting on the fence about it; He should never push or transcend the delicate outlines of social sufferance; he must remember Thackeray's noble description: "What is it to be a gentleman? Is it to be honest, brave, to be gentle, generous, to be wise, and possessing all these qualities to exercise them in the most graceful manner..."

The young men of our free country, no matter how humble their station, should study manners and proper dress and proper courtesy, for there is no knowing where they will land as they climb the hill of life. Their tailors and their observation will tell them how to dress. Neatness should be their first and firmest ally then —no matter how plain their clothes.

A young man should never be too fine for his work — heavy shoes for walking, plain clothes for morning, and always a change for dinner and evening. Fresh stockings and neat-looking feet are indispensable, and clean lines are the very alphabet of good dressing.  A gentleman's dress should always be so quiet as not to excite attention. Thackeray was very funny about a too-new hat, and spoke of taking a watering-spot to it. The suspicion of being " dressed up " defeats any toilet. 

A young man coming to a great city unknown, may experience some difficulty in getting into society.  He should try to bring letters from some one who knows him well in his own sphere to some prominent social leader. If this lady takes him up and introduces him and he makes himself agreeable his social fortune is made. But such social good fortune cannot always be commanded. Young men often pass a lonely youth in a great city without meeting with the desired opportunity. To many it comes through college intimacies, on the cricket ground, at the clubs, in places of business, and so on.

It is hardly creditable for a young man to pass his life in a great city without trying to know the best ladies' society. He should seek to do so, and ask a friend to introduce him. He should never push or transcend the delicate outlines of social sufferance; he must remember Thackeray's noble description: "What is it to be a gentleman? Is it to be honest, brave, to be gentle, generous, to be wise, and possessing all these qualities to exercise them in the most graceful manner. Ought a gentleman to be a loyal son, a true husband, and honest father fought his life to be decent, his bills to be paid, his tastes to be high and decadent. Yes. A thousand times yes." 

Young men with all these virtues are sometimes led astray, in coming to New York, by the sight of certain gaudy adventurers, who get into society and unaccountably succeed by means of manners, impudence, self-assurance, audacity and plausible ways. They also see a set of men succeed, and get to be leaders of the german, and they observe fashionable men whom they despised, whom they looked upon as cowards and snobs in college or at school. This success (not of the fittest) is apt to disgust manly young man, and keep them out of society —a great loss to society. But this is a side issue. If the manly young man waits a few years he will see these men sink into obscurity. No success is so ephemeral.—New York Sun, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia