Etiquette Blunders Spoil Vacation

Miss Careless haven't you forgotten something?
You’re the guest, you know, of the frowning young man. How delighted you were when he invited you to this “Saturday night” at the resort’s nicest hotel. But now, when another asks for a dance, you float off without a word!

Here Are Tips for Vacation

Before you dance away, Miss Careless haven't you forgotten something? Your etiquette?

You're the guest, you know, of the frowning young man. How delighted you were when he invited you to this “Saturday night” at the resort’s nicest hotel. But now, when another asks for a dance, you float off without a word.

Mend your manners if you want to be invited again! Introduce the two men graciously. If the newcomer doesn’t say to your escort, “Do you mind” you say it. Then your escort waits with a smile instead of a frown

Indeed you can’t be too careful when you meet a new crowdJust the way you enter the supper room counts. Precede your escort if there's a headwaiter, follow him if there isn't. And it’s up to you – not your escort –to say when to leave any party.

Simple but so important!— Santa Ana Journal Home Service, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Café Etiquette in France

Quaint French café image in art— Don't move chairs or tables around to suit you. If you are in a large group, don't just pile in and start moving everything around to suit your needs. Stand nicely and quietly tell the waiter or waitress of your needs. “We're six and there are only four seats,” for example, and they will generally do what they can to sort you out.
— photo source, Pinterest

Rules of etiquette for café-going:

1. French cafes have certain tables for drinking and certain others for eating. The cutlery gives it away. Don’t sit down at tables set with cutlery and napkins unless you plan to eat a meal. They’re reserved for diners. If you’re just drinking or snacking, pick a bare table.
2. Don’t spread out: Taking side-by-side banquette seats, each with its own table, is no fair if there are only two of you. And in crowded cafes, purses, coats, etc., don’t get a chair of their own.
3. Know what you want before you sit down. A Parisian would no more ask for a menu at a cafe than you would ask for one when you belly up to a crowded bar. (Menus are often posted outside, though, if you must look at one.)
4. Don't move chairs or tables around to suit you. If you are in a large group, don't just pile in and start moving everything around to suit your needs. Stand nicely and quietly tell the waiter or waitress of your needs. “We're six and there are only four seats,” for example, and they will generally do what they can to sort you out.
5. The lack of leg and elbow room can often cause problems for foreign visitors. Keep your elbows in and your knees bent so as to avoid tripping waiters and others coming or going. 
6. Pay when asked. Although you can usually take your time at a cafe, you’ll sometimes be asked for money rather abruptly. The waiter isn’t hassling (or hustling) you; he’s just going off duty and is required to settle up first.
7. Take your time. Expect to take your time. It has been calculated unofficially that the minimum period required to get a waiter’s attention, order, receive and consume your refreshment and then get said waiter to take your money is about 30 minutes. If you’re in a hurry and just want a quick shot of coffee or thirst-quenching beer, stand at the counter (it’ll be cheaper, too).
8. Don’t try to pay with a credit card. Only the tourist traps take them, and they’re quite out of the true cafe spirit. (And don’t complain about the price. You’re not paying “three bucks for a tiny cup of coffee”; you’re paying three bucks for the privilege of sitting in a presumably pleasant environment for as long as you want.)
9. Expect to inhale secondhand smoke. You might deplore them, and the French government might be trying to curtail their use, but cigarettes remain a fact of life in Paris— above all in cafes.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Showing Courtesy to Wheelchair Users

If conversation lasts more than a few minutes, consider sitting down or kneeling to get yourself on the same level as the wheelchair user. 

The Schoitz Medical Center in Waterloo, lowa, prepared a pamphlet titled, “What do I do when I meet a person in a wheelchair?” It offers suggestions for non-wheelchair users who encounter wheelchair users. Below are the 12 guidelines from that booklet: 

1. Always ask the wheelchair user if he or she would like assistance before you help. Your help may not be needed or wanted. 

2. Don’t hang or lean on a person’s wheelchair because it is part of the wheelchair user’s personal body space. 

3. Speak directly to the person in the wheelchair, not to someone nearby as if the wheelchair user did not exist. 

4. If conversation lasts more than a few minutes, consider sitting down or kneeling to get yourself on the same level as the wheelchair user. 

5. Don’t demean or patronize the wheelchair user by patting him or her on the head. 

6. Give clear directions, including distance, weather conditions and physical obstacles that may hinder the wheelchair user’s travel. 

7. Don’t discourage children from asking questions about the wheelchair. Open communication helps overcome fearful or misleading attitudes.

8. When a wheelchair user “transfers” out of the wheelchair to a chair, toilet, car or bed, do not move the wheelchair out of reaching distance. 

9. It is OK to use expressions like “running along” when speaking to the wheelchair user. It is likely the wheelchair user expresses things the same way. 

10. Be aware of a wheelchair user’s capabilities. Some users can walk with aid and use wheelchairs because they can conserve energy and move about quickly. 

11. Don’t classify persons who use wheelchairs as “sick.” Wheelchairs are used for a variety of non-contagious disabilities. 

12. Don’t assume that using a wheelchair is in itself a tragedy. It is a means of freedom that allows the user to move about independently.      – From the Schoitz Medical Center in Waterloo, lowa, 1984

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Edwardian Etiquette Wisdom

“Yes, I toy with men's affections. I don't see how it is any of your concern!”

From “The Morning Chit-Chat”

The Very Pretty Girl, being in a bad mood, had been treating the Very Devoted Young Man with the most studied arrogance during the whole evening. She had ordered him hither and yon with almost insulting tyranny. She had refused an invitation of his with a shortness that was decidedly rude.

She had contradicted him flatly several times and laughed at him again and again with the unpleasant laughter that savors of mockery rather than friendly fun.

When he had finally taken his leave, the sandy haired, plain little girl who shared the Very Pretty Girl's apartment with her, cried reproachfully: "How could you treat him so? I think you were perfectly horrid to him."

The Very Pretty Girl sank down in the most comfortable chair—which she habitually arrogated to herself—and laughed with evident delight. "He seems to like it pretty well, doesn't he?" she responded. "While you were out in the kitchen he just begged to come again day after tomorrow, and I told him I thought that he was simply ridiculous, and that if he thought I had nothing else to do than sit around with him every evening, he was very much mistaken."

The sandy haired little girl looked at the Very Pretty Girl a moment, just about the way any one who knew the value of jewels would look if he saw a child throwing a very wonderful pearl or diamond into the water—only much more so—opened her mouth as if to say something and then shut it again and walked out into the kitchen and started to wash the chafing dish— a part of apartment bliss which the Very Pretty Girl most decidedly did not arrogate to herself.

Whereupon the Very Pretty Girl sat back in the most comfy chair and laughed aloud to herself, enjoying at the same time the silveriness of the laugh and the recollection of the Very Devoted Man's discomfiture.

Altogether, she felt that she had been most clever and brilliant in walking over a human being just because he was chained down by an infatuation into a position where she could walk upon him. You see she was forgetting several little facts. She was forgetting that no matter how willing the victim, walking on people is not good form.

She was forgetting that no matter how willing to endure rudeness and arrogance a foolish man may be, rudeness is just as much rudeness and just as ugly and undesirable a quality. She was forgetting that even if a man is willing to stand for being contradicted and laughed at, that does not make contradiction and mockery pretty things.

She was forgetting that no matter how generous and ready to give everything and receive almost nothing in return a man in love may be, it is just as selfish and soul killing for a woman to get in the habit of taking everything and making no proper return.

The Very Pretty Girl—and her hundreds and thousands of sisters, incidentally—who forget all these things, always think that their attitude is fascinating and attractive. Some day, perhaps, they will find out the contrary. And then for a time they will be very unhappy. But it will be a blessed unhappiness, for it will bring vastly greater and truer happiness in its train. — By Ruth Cameron, 1911

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia