Victorian Era Church Etiquette

“When the minister is dull, and you cannot listen — this happens often enough to make a rule — study phrenology; examining the bumps of heads before you. An hour maybe passed thus politely and pleasantly...” – “Phrenology” enjoyed great mass appeal from the late 1700’s, the Victorian era and well into the 20th century. It has been wholly discredited by scientific research, however. Phrenology is the study of the conformation and bumps of the human skull, as indicative of mental faculties and traits of character, especially according to the hypotheses of 18th century German doctor, Franz Joseph Gall, and 19th-century adherents George Combe and Johann Kaspar Spurzheim

As to-morrow is Sunday, and many we know of are not quite as perfect in church etiquette as they might be, we give the following rules which should guide them in attending divine worship. We may remark first, that there is no etiquette for any place like the etiquette of common sense; it avails when the rules of the Chesterfields and the Hickmans often make one ridiculous. In entering church, then, with a lady, precede her when ascending and descending stairs, as also in seeking a seat. In one case it is especially polite; you act a sort of shield to her modesty, and then you save her the confusion of selecting a pew. 

It is proper, if you arc a believer, to kneel or stand at prayer, according to the custom of the church. To disregard these is vulgar — at least, it shows too much false pride, or too little reverence for the requirements of Christianity. Excessive whispering during service is decidedly vulgar. It is sometimes necessary to address an undertone remark to your companion or companions, but seldom. Listen to the service— especially the sermon. 

In this age of church opera, called music, you cannot help bearing that part of the ceremony. It would wake up a Van Winkle, but the sermon you may sleep over or disregard. It is wrong. Appear to hear, if you do not. A good way, is when the minister is dull, and you cannot listen — this happens often enough to make a rule — study phrenology; examining the bumps of heads before you. An hour maybe passed thus politely and pleasantly. 

If you chew tobacco, do not use it in church. It is annoying to those around you, and then the Sexton gives you jessie. 

Never leave church during service, unless it is absolutely necessary — as in sickness, a house on fire, or a professional call. It is vulgar to come late. Sometimes it is unavoidable; a person wishes to display it new dress, watch-chain, or perhaps a beau. It will occur sometimes that a poor goose wants to be driven from his seat — then it is proper enough also. These causes and the like excuse late coming, and the congregation endure them. Any other delay is unendurable. 

Dress as plainly as possible. We don't mean that a lady should appear in her morning wrapper, nor a gentleman in his shirt-sleeves. A nice medium is the thing in all matters—ladies should not be taken for milliners’ showcases. nor gentlemen for be-jewelled and neck-tied monkeys. A plebian goes to church to show fine clothes, an aristocrat to show respect to God. 

In entering and leaving the house, don't walk too slow like the shoddies, nor too fast like the bashfuls. In the one case, people ridicule yon for affectation; in the other, there is danger of knocking down the pews or of running over somebody, “Hasten slowly.” 

When you look around too much in church, people think you want to show your profits, or that you want to attract attention to your style, or that you want to marry, or that, like poor wheat, there is not enough weight about your head to keep it still. Don't look too pious In church, either— it is as suspicious as too much levity. Religious worship is neither a joke nor an emetic. 

If you feel extraordinarily devotional, begin to think about putting something into the treasury, and it willl shorten your face quickly, and spread over it the pleasant look of duty. – Lynchburg Virginia News, 1870

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Pipes and Proposal Etiquette

The pipe, considered as a matrimonial embassador, has at least this to recommend it— that it may be relied upon to commit no breach of confidence if its mission proves successful.

                 
               Tobacco as a Matchmaker


All the nervousness, embarrassment and febrile excitement attendant upon "popping the question" in highly civilized countries are avoided by the young men of the Tchultau Tatar variety desirous to marry, whose simple and discreet custom it is to ascertain their chances of successor failure in matrimonial enterprise by the following proceeding: The Tchulian Calebs in search of a wife, having filled a brand new pipe with fragrant tobacco, stealthily enters the dwelling of the fair one upon whom he has bestowed his affections, deposits the pipe upon a conspicuous article of furniture, and retires on tiptoe to some convenient hiding place in the neighborhood. 

Local etiquette requires that he should execute this strategic movement apparently undetected by the damsel of his choice or any member of her family. Presently he returns without further affectation of secrecy, and looks into the apartment in a casual sort of way. A single glance at the pipe he left behind him enables him to learn the fate of his proposal. If it has been smoked, he goes forth, an accepted and exulted bridegroom; if not, the offer of his hand and heart has been irrevocably rejected as not even worth a puff of tobacco. 

By this ingenious expedient, the pain and humiliation of verbal refusal and fruitless pleadings are spared to luckless wooers, and Tatar maidens are saved from importunities justly regarded as peculiarly trying to female sensibility. The pipe, considered as a matrimonial embassador, has at least this to recommend it— that it may be relied upon to commit no breach of confidence if its mission proves successful. – 1881

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Etiquette of Snuff

A nobleman with his fingers in his snuff box — Snuff is powdered tobacco, usually blended with aromatic herbs or spices. The habit of snuff-taking spread to China from the West during the 17th century and became established in the 18th century. People generally carried snuff in a small bottle. By the 20th century these bottles had become collectors' items, owing to the great variety of materials, precious stones, rock crystal, etc.... and decorative techniques used in their production.

More Snuff Etiquette

Traditionally gentlemen should never take snuff when ladies are present. However if you are in a situation where modern interaction would usually allow both sexes to smoke, for example a public house, then it is acceptable. 

Formal etiquette dictates that women abstain from tobacco until at least fifty years of age. (Wife of King George III, "Snuffy Charlotte," could have avoided that nick-name, had she heeded this advice).

The best of the Viennese tradition of gold box-making is shown in this superbly enameled snuff box, which forms part of a set. Catering for the necessities of elegant life, it comprises an étui or small case with a knife, snuff spoon, toothpick and ear pick, watch and châtelaine (from which one's watch hung) and a matching snuff-box. 

Snuff-boxes should be chosen for each varying occasion. For a formal event, a silver, ivory or mother-of-pearl snuff-box, is appropriate. A brass or teak snuff-box is much more appropriate for watching rugby, or 'rugger.' Pewter should not be used, as the metal is too soft, and a leather or cloth snuff-pouch is not considered suitable, because the snuff will often become too moist.

Take the snuff-box from your pocket and pass it into your left hand. Your inner left jacket pocket should be used to store all tobacco products.

Tap the snuff-box with your middle and fore-finger, so that the powdered tobacco gathers at one side. This will also alert your acquaintances that snuff is about to be passed around.              

Open the snuff-box and inspect the contents. Check that the tobacco is not damp and that it is finely powdered. If one finds it is unusable, or if there is insufficient snuff to provide for the group, there is no shame in returning the snuff-box to one's pocket at this point.


If one finds there is enough snuff for the present company, the proper etiquette is to present the snuff-box with a courteous bow. 

The snuff-box travels in a clockwise manner, (the opposite of food at a table) and should only be held in the left hand. It is very reminiscent of the way port is passed.

Receive the snuff-box back with the left hand.          

Above– A selection of Chinese snuff holders. French Emporer Napoleon was once given a fragile mother-of-pearl snuff-box by Empress Josephine. When it broke through his overuse, Napoleon was distraught until Josephine presented him with another.     

Gather the snuff by striking the side with the middle and forefinger. Take a pinch with the right hand, between the thumb and fore-finger. Hold the snuff for a second or two between the fingers before taking. This not only allows sufficient time to pass the snuff-box forward without keeping people waiting, but also displays that you are not greedy, nor are you hoarding the snuff-box.

Carry the pinch to the nose. Never lean towards your hand. If anything snuff should be taken with your head tilted slightly backwards. 

A fashionable, mustachioed gent's snuff holder ··· "Edward Wortley Montagu, the eccentric son of Lady Mary, is said to have possessed more snuff- boxes than would suffice a Chinese idol with a hundred noses— a collection which, perhaps, was never equaled, unless by that of King George IV, who was not less extravagant and recherche in snuff and snuff-boxes than in other things."— San Francisco Call, 1896

Snuff can also be taken from an indentation formed at the base of the thumb. If you place your hand flat on the table with your fingers spread. Then as you raise the thumb this will reveal what is known as 'The Anatomical Snuff-box' or what is sometimes known colloquially as 'The Poorman's Snuff-box.' This method is not recommended because the valuable snuff is far more likely to spill. 

One should attempt to snuff with precision by both nostrils and without grimaces or distortion of the features.                     

Above- An ornate, wooden snuff-box, in the shape of a boot. – According to Betty Boyd Caroli, Dolly Madison, the wife of US President James Madison, used snuff. Caroli writes, "Stained fingers left little doubt that she used snuff, not an acceptable habit for 19th C. ladies, but one that was excused in her." One woman supposedly mused that in Mrs. Madison's hands, "... the snuff-box seems only a gracious implement with which to charm" according to the author. It is also said that Mrs. Madison requested a closed casket at her funeral, as snuff-taking had falllen out of vogue for women and she did not want anyone to see her stained fingers. 

A very important point of differentiation between the etiquette of British and European snuff-takers, is that in European countries it is acceptable to let out a large sneeze after taking snuff. However, in Britain, doing so is considered quite rude. 

It is also very important that you sniff but do not snort. The snuff should not enter deeply into the sinuses. (Contrary to this advice in 1820 the "double barreled snuff pistol" was invented; it was capable of packing a day's worth of snuff into the nose using an explosive charge. This kind of behavior would be considered vulgar by anyone's standards.)          

"PARDON MY SNEEZE! —Dating from days when it was customary for gentlemen to take snuff, the two delicately, colored snuff-boxes at the entrance to the Senate chamber in Washington are kept filled while the Senate is in session. Here is Dick Oyster, in charge of stationery, filling them. Originally placed to prevent head colds, the snuff is still used liberally by the solons." — The Madera Tribune, 1937

Close your snuff-box with a flourish. Then, return it to your jacket pocket.

Always wipe your nose and collar with a handkerchief. Specialist handkerchiefs are available for this purpose. Usually found to be colorful, patterned and silken, they are made to be thrown away, as they will rapidly become soiled and a dark brown, whenever the nose runs.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Snuff

Offering a pinch of snuff —Throughout the 17th Century, the use of snuff was growing in Europe, however it was Louis XV of France who banned the use of snuff from the French Court, during his reign.

On Snuff Etiquette 

The art of snuff taking has historically had a variety of etiquette rules and hidden references of significance in one's social status. There has been wide use amongst noblemen and the common man alike, but the more elegant the manner in which snuff was stored and taken, the higher the social status of the snuffer. 

The French historian Henri d'Allemagne aptly describes this: “To take snuff, people of noble birth were meant to tap on the lid, take a few grains with the tip of their slender fingers, to make a slight gesture and to inhale the powder with ecstasy. 

On the contrary, the countryman digged his thumb and forefinger inside the snuff box in order to take out a large pinch of tobacco, putting it on the back of his left hand and snorted it in a noisy way while rubbing his nose.”          

According to the book, “Drugs in Society,” snuffing first became fashionable in the court of France during King Louis XIII’s reign, though he actually would not permit it in his presence.  It was considered daintier and more elegant than inhaling smoke.

“As snuff-taking is merely an idle, dirty habit, practised by stupid people in the unavailing endeavor to clear their stolid intellect, and is not a custom particularly offensive to their neighbors, it may be left to each individual taste as to whether it be continued or not. An ‘Elegant’ cannot take much snuff without decidedly  ‘losing caste.’ 

‘Doctor,’ said an old gentleman, who was an inveterate snuff-taker, to a physician, ‘is it true that snuff destroys the olfactory nerves, clogs, and otherwise injures the brain?’ ‘It cannot be true,’ was the caustic reply, ‘since those who have any brains never take snuff at all.’” — George Stewart Rippey, 1895   

“Snuffing, hawking and expectorating must never be done in society.”– John H. Young, 1881 

“Never refuse with disdain a pinch of snuff, and rather than disoblige people, take one, even if you throw it away, after having pretended to take it. Beware of presenting to ladies, in balls or assemblies, a box of sweet things, under penalty of having the air of a caricature.” –Elisabeth Celnart, 1833 

“Never take the chair usually occupied by the lady or gentleman of the house, even though they be absent, nor use the snuff-box of another, unless he offers it.” –Arthur Martine, 1866

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Victorian Etiquette of Tobacco Use

You have the same right to smoke, take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people by their exhibition in society. 

Victorian Etiquette Advice on Tobacco

If you use tobacco, in any forth, allow us to whisper a useful hint or two in your ear...

Smoking, snuff-taking, and especially chewing, are bad habits at best, and in their coarser forms highly disgusting to pure and refined people, and especially to ladies. You have the same right to smoke, take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people by their exhibition in society. 

Smoke if you will, chew, take snuff (against our earnest advice, however), make yourself generally and particularly disagreeable, but you must suffer the consequences — the social outlawry which must result.

Shall we convert our parlors into tobacco shops, risk the ruin of our carpets and furniture from the random shots of your disgusting saliva, and fill the whole atmosphere of our house with a pungent stench, to the discomfort and disgust of everybody else, merely for the pleasure of your company? We have rights as well as you, one of which is to exclude from our circle all persons whose manners or habits are distasteful to us. You talk of rights. You can not blame others for exercising theirs.

There are degrees here as everywhere else. One may chew a little, smoke an occasional cigar, and take a pinch of snuff now and then, and if he never indulges in these habits in the presence of others, and is very careful to purify his person before going into company, he may confine the bad effects, which he can not escape, mostly to his own person. But he must not smoke in any parlor, or sitting-room, or dining room, or sleeping chamber, or in the street, and particularly not in the presence of ladies, anywhere. – From 1887's "How to Behave"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Editor and Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia