Polite Treatment of Domestic Servants

Servants treated with suitable regard, are attentive, zealous and grateful, and consequently every thing is done with propriety and affection. Who does not know the charm and value of this?

Domestic propriety, which is at once a duty of justice, religion and humanity, is also a source of peace and pleasure. Servants treated with suitable regard, are attentive, zealous and grateful, and consequently every thing is done with propriety and affection. Who does not know the charm and value of this?

Duties of this class require that you should never command your domestics with hauteur and harshness. Every time that they render you a service, it claims an expression, a gesture, or at least a look of thankfulness; it requires that you should be still more affectionate towards the domestics of your acquaintances, and especially towards those of your friends, whom you ought always to treat kindly. 

As to your own domestics, you should carefully beware of addressing to them any confidential or even useless conversation, for fear of rendering them insolent or familiar; but propriety requires you to listen to them with kindness, and give them salutary advice when it is for their interest.

It commands us also to show them indulgence frequently, in order to be able, when there is cause, to reprove them with firmness, without being obliged to have recourse to the false energy of anger.

The ton of domestics ordinarily announces that of their masters. Never suffer them to remain seated while answering distinguished persons who ask for you. Take care that they do it always in a civil and polite manner; let them lose no time, if there is occasion, in relieving your visitors of their over-shoes, umbrellas, cloaks, etc... let them go before, to save your visitors the trouble of opening and shutting the door. 

When an announcement is made, let them inform themselves respectfully of the name of the person, and pronounce it while holding open for them the door of your room. If you are not there, let them offer a seat, requesting the guests to wait a moment while they go to call you.

When visitors take leave, domestics ought to manifest a promptness in opening the outer door; they should hold the door by the handle, while you converse with the person whom you reconduct; they should present them respectfully with whatever garments they may have thrown off, and aid them in again putting them on; and should, if occasion requires, light them to the door, going slowly behind them.

Accustom your domestics never to appear before you too poorly, or too much dressed; never to sit in your presence, especially while waiting upon the table; not to enter into conversation; never to answer by signs, or in coarse terms.

It is only among the badly educated people of the small towns that they say, the 'maid,' the 'boy,' the 'domestic,' the 'servant;' and among the proud, ill-bred fashionables, who ape grandeur; the 'lackey,' the 'valet,' 'my people;' well-bred persons simply say, the 'nurse,' the 'cook,' the 'chamber-maid,' etc... and what is still better, they designate their domestics by their Christian names.— Elisabeth Celnart, 1833

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Conduct for Keeping Good Servants

The proper costumes for a Chambermaid and a Lady’s Maid... It is not just a servant whose conduct needs to be superior. It is important for the mistress of the home to model exemplary behavior to those she employs. – “Let your servant observe in your conduct just the qualities and virtues that you would desire they should possess and practice toward you. Be liberal with food. Housework is a very hungry calling, so don’t grudge your servants a share of the various dainties you press upon your family and visitors.”

How to Secure Good Servants 

Just try to remember that servants have feelings as well as yourself. When their work is done, give them a word of praise, so that they see that you appreciate  their efforts, and see to it that they have time to do their mending and to get out a little for a change of scene. Borne mistresses do not realize how dreary the common round of a domestic servant is. Let your servant observe in your conduct just the qualities and virtues that you would desire they should possess and practice toward you. 

Be liberal with food. Housework is a very hungry calling, so don't grudge your servants a share of the various dainties you press upon your family and visitors. Don’t expect your servant to execute half a dozen errands for you when she is out for her own pleasure. She doesn't like it; neither does her sweetheart. Remember when you engage a maid, that you are making a contract. State clearly the duties which you expect her to perform and in this way avoid contention arising afterward from misunderstandings. 

Show every kindness to your servant, but from the first be firm in correcting things you dislike, then she will see that you are mistress and not attempt that undue liberty which later on is so difficult to check. Give your servant a reasonable stated time “out,” and if you will help her to start out, in good time you will find that she will more readily come in on time. If it is your fault that she is late going out, it is hardly fair to blame her for being late in returning.

Never accept notice from a servant in a huff nor give one notice when you are angry with her. A mistress is often unjust when she is angry. Allow yourself sufficient time to think the matter over calmly before deciding whether notice is to be given or not. A few kind words and a bit of good advice from a mistress, will go ten times further toward making a good maid, than all the grumbling in the world. Remember a servant is not a machine, but that she is a human being with varying moods and failings like her mistress. – San Diego Union, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Manners Help Make a Home

“Have your home, every-day table, just as attractive as the one to which you invite your honored guest. It pays to exert one’s self for one’s family.” 

Courtesy Toward One’s Own Household

One thing do remember, to have your home, every-day table, just as attractive as the one to which you invite your honored guest. It pays to exert one’s self for one’s family. They never lose sight of it. Ten to one if the honored guest, tired with social courtesies, will not forget you in a day or only remember your little affair as a debt to be paid back some time. We do not under-estimate the duty of hospitality, but we do think we are more likely to err in the lack of courtesy toward our own households. Be hospitable to them, we pray, thereby some of you may entertain angels unawares.– Daily Alta, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia