Madame Chic on Table Manners

It's much more fun to lead by example. When toddler my tries to eat her spaghetti with her hands, I pick up my fork and say, “We eat with our forks.” This works so much better than “Don't eat with your hands,” which is a negative command and doesn't provide an alternative.

One of the ways to make your weeknight dinner a formal affair is to observe proper table manners. Pretend you are dining at the Four Seasons and not in your kitchen on a hot summer day. How would you act? How would you expect your family to act? Keep this secret for now. Sit up straight with good posture, eating slowly and enjoying your food. Say please and thank you. After a while your family will just be attracted to the way you eat. If they tend to slump over their food and eat without looking up, rather than asking them not to, just be the change you want to see in them.

It's much more fun to lead by example. When toddler my tries to eat her spaghetti with her hands, I pick up my fork and say, “We eat with our forks.” This works so much better than “Don't eat with your hands,” which is a negative command and doesn't provide an alternative. Also, I try to say it in a lighthearted way. I try to make it intriguing. What is all this about eating with a fork? I want her to think. When she wipes her mouth on her sleeve, I say, "We use our napkins to wipe our mouths," and then I demonstrate. Using positive statements really works well with kids. They won't get it right away, but eventually they will, and there won't be any negative connotations associated with the family meal.

Dinnertime, this marvelous grand finale to your day, is about connection. It is about ritual. It is about tradition. Dinner is about so much more than food. It is a great opportunity to bond with your family and create lasting memories.

Chic Reminders

• Clear the table of any non-dinner-related material. You don't want to dine with any bills, toys, pens, or pencils.

• Set the table as simply or as elaborately as you wish. You can choose to use place mats or tablecloths, candles or a simple arrangement of flowers. You might not have any centerpiece at all. The most important thing is that the table is cleared for the meal. Have the children help you set the table. My older daughter loves to do this. She calls it "decorating" the table, even though she's simply laying down the knives and forks. I like her thinking! It is decorating the table. And doing so, even on a busy weeknight, is treating dinnertime with the respect it deserves.

• Present your food thoughtfully. Even if you are having pizza and carrots, plate it nicely. We often eat what is normally thought of as casual food (our beloved tacos, for example) but it doesn't mean they have to be eaten with sloppy presentation. We will eat them on our nice plates. I'll arrange the tacos (three for my husband, two for me) and decorate them with their toppings so that they look enticing.

• Lead by example and use positive statements to get your family to observe polite table manners. Think of it as a challenge.

• If you want to take your time while eating, do so! Don't let anyone rush you. Enjoy yourself. You worked hard for this.

 

When she arrived at Madame Chic’s Parisian apartment as a foreign exchange student, Jennifer Scott was a casual California girl who thought sweatpants were appropriate street attire. Madame Chic took Jennifer under her wing and tutored her in the secrets of how the French elevate the little things in life to the art of living. Years later, Jennifer was back in California with a husband, two young daughters, a dog, and her first home. Every day she confronted mundane duties like folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and she began to think about Madame Chic’s home—how the breakfast table was set beautifully the night before, the music that always played in the background, the calm of Madame and Monsieur Chic’s ritual cocktail hour together. Jennifer wanted that life. She decided to see what would happen if she didn’t perform her chores impatiently or mindlessly, if, instead, she could live like Madame Chic… This is just one of the books from her marvelous series.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of a Very “Chic Lunch”

This post comes from Jennifer L. Scott’s wonderful book, “At Home with Madame Chic: Becoming a Connoisseur of Daily Life” – When she arrived at Madame Chic’s Parisian apartment as a foreign exchange student, Jennifer Scott was a casual California girl who thought sweatpants were appropriate street attire. Madame Chic took Jennifer under her wing and tutored her in the secrets of how the French elevate the little things in life to the art of living. Years later, Jennifer was back in California with a husband, two young daughters, a dog, and her first home. Every day she confronted mundane duties like folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and she began to think about Madame Chic’s home—how the breakfast table was set beautifully the night before, the music that always played in the background, the calm of Madame and Monsieur Chic’s ritual cocktail hour together. Jennifer wanted that life. She decided to see what would happen if she didn’t perform her chores impatiently or mindlessly, if, instead, she could live like Madame Chic…

Want a real mini vacation? Even if you only have five minutes to yourself, sit down at a clear table with good posture, silverware, a plate, and a cloth napkin and slowly enjoy your lunch. We are so rushed and wired the entire day – constantly checking our iPhones, reading the news, texting our friends, checking our Facebook status, and multitasking in our heads, that it is divine bliss to tune all of that out, even for a few minutes, and focus on replenishing our energy, nourishing our bodies, and feeding our souls. You could listen to music while you do this, if you want, but sometimes silence is the most coveted thing.

If you cannot sit at a clear table and must take lunch at your desk, turn your iPhone facedown, put your computer on sleep mode, and clear a small space for yourself. Just focus on eating your food. Eat slowly. Notice how you feel. Check in with yourself. If any problems from the day threaten to rush into your head, just send them right out. There are no problems right now. You are eating lunch. If your phone buzzes, just ignore it. If you have an impulse to go online, notice the impulse and its intensity. Don't give in. Finish your lunch completely. Take a sip of your beverage. Use your napkin. Sit for a few seconds and center yourself. Give yourself that moment. Then you can go back into the fray. Check to see who texted you. Check the latest celebrity scandal online. Send that email that's been gnawing at the back of your mind. You are back into it, but at least for those blissful few moments, you were completely out of it, in your own magical world. The world of now.

Initially this might feel uncomfortable. But I implore you, of all the concepts in this book, take this one very seriously. Have your lunch with no distractions. No TV, no cell phone, no computer. The only exception is music. Even if you haven't had a chance to check your email all day. Even if there's an article online that you've been dying to read. Don't do it while eating lunch. Try not to think about any problems. Having lunch this way will charge your battery. It will awaken you. Otherwise you will continue to dwell in the rat race of the mind. Eating lunch this way is positively decadent and very chic. – From “At Home with Madame Chic: Becoming a Connoisseur of Daily Life,” by Jennifer L. Scott, 2014

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia