More Etiquette for 12 Year Olds

Q. Do you think a girl of 12 should go to record hops? The children are from 10 to 16. -K. L., York, Me.
A. If such dances are carefully chaperoned and in acceptable places, I see no objection to a 12-year-old attending with a group. – Amy Vanderbilt

The average 12-year-old is very self-conscious, neither child nor young adult. If a boy, he still may be short and childish in appearance while some of his classmates have begun to shoot a foot or more above him; he is certain he will remain a small boy, that his voice will never change, that girls will never look at him.

The girls, on the other hand, badger their mothers for permission to appear older than their years. They want permanents, longer dresses, lipstick, nylons, high heels and the privileges of their older sisters. When they can't get satisfaction from mothers, they often write me. Here are some letters from 12-year-olds:

Q. Every time my mother buys me clothes I have to take what she wants. I am thankful that she buys my clothes - but I would like to pick them myself! - C. B., Chicago.

A. Stress your gratitude and praise your mother for her good taste. Explain that it has developed yours to the extent that you feel you should have more to say about your clothes so long as you stay within the budget specified. And when you choose your own clothes, make sure you really like them - remember, you have to wear them.

Q. I go to a boy-and-girl dancing party at a high school a block and a half from my home. My mother comes to pick me up, but I would like to walk home with the rest of the kids. We decided to leave this up to you. - M. B., Madison, Wis.

A. The school should have the boys see the girls home in a group. But if your mother knows when you are leaving and is waiting for you, such a short walk should be safe for your group, even without the boys.

Q. Am I old enough to let a boy put his arm around me at a show? - R. L., West Richfield, Ohio.

A. The public display of affection except in very brief fashion is considered vulgar. You are too young under any circumstances to sit this way with a boy.

Q. Do you think a girl of 12 should go to record hops? The children are from 10 to 16. -K. L., York, Me.

A. If such dances are carefully chaperoned and in acceptable places, I see no objection to a 12-year-old attending with a group. – Parade Magazine, 1956

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Advice for 12 Year Olds

The girls badger their mothers for permission to appear older than their years. They want permanents, longer dresses, lipstick, nylons, high heels and the privileges of their older sisters…

The average 12-year-old is very self-conscious, neither child nor young adult. If a boy, he still may be short and childish in appearance while some of his classmates have begun to shoot a foot or more above him; he is certain he will remain a small boy, that his voice will never change, that girls will never look at him.

The girls, on the other hand, badger their mothers for permission to appear older than their years. They want permanents, longer dresses, lipstick, nylons, high heels and the privileges of their older sisters. When they can't get satisfaction from mothers, they often write me. Here are some letters from 12-year-olds:

Q. I may be a little young to be worrying about this, but the young ladies of my school just don't seem to like me - especially at dances. I'm neat, and not bad looking. Would you please help me? J. H., Denver, Colo.

A. One of the nice things about being 12 is that you know you will change. You are not physically what you are sure to become in a few years. Socially and intellectually you are bound to improve remarkably. Try worrying less about yourself and work on how to be agreeable to the girls in your class. Avoid looking bored; people like girls and boys who look alive and make them feel alive. And, of course, work hard on your dancing.

Q. I think you're being unfair to us girls of 12. I believe we should be able to wear lip- stick. I wear coral clear; is that all right? K. D., St. Louis.

A. Once you start using lipstick, you don't feel dressed without it. If a 12-year-old's mother breaks down and says a little lipstick is all right for certain occasions, she will shortly be under pressure to allow it perma- nently. Little-girlhood is a precious thing. I do not like to see 12-year-olds aping older girls. – Parade Magazine, 1956

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia