Funeral Floral Etiquette

Flowers may be sent to either the house or the church. Flowers can be carried to the burial place if the family so desires. White flowers like lilies, carnations and chrysanthemums are some of the most popular and traditional funeral flowers for faith-based, religious services. The lily represents the spirit of a deceased loved one and it is said that lilies offer hope. Any flowers which are fragrant and long-lasting flowers are ideal. According to the language of flowers, white carnations mean “Innocence” and “Purity.” While white is the most purchased color in the United States, other colors can hold special significance. For example, pink carnations translate to thoughts of remembrance. A favorite color of the deceased loved one can also be a good choice, especially if the loved one being mourned lived a long, full life. Mums, or Chrysanthemums, symbols for grief, are good choices when the family in mourning is Japanese, Korean or Chinese.

Question: To whom does one address flowers sent to a funeral?

Answer: Either to the head of the family or to the person who may be considered the chief mourner. If there are several sisters or brothers, the flowers may be sent to the one whom one knows best. Flowers may be sent to either the house or the church.

Question: Should all flowers be carried to the burial place?

Answer: Only if the family so desires.

–Imperial Valley Press, May 1931

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

French Floral Etiquette for Fiancés

In France, the lover as a rule endeavors to send his fiancée each day a basket or bouquet of white flowers– In the mid-1800’s, Americans adopted the French terms for those engaged to be married; A fiancé is a man engaged to be married and a fiancée is a woman engaged to be married. These two terms soon became part of American culture. 

Flowers From a Fiancé

Here is a custom of France which it would be well for our American young girls to reflect upon— and to encourage. It is to receive presents of flowers only, even from a fiancé. If the engagement should be broken — as engagements sometimes are, you know there can be no horrible entanglement about the return of gifts. Flowers are perishable. They die with the day, but while they last they are capable of affording exquisite pleasure and gratification. 

In France, the lover as a rule endeavors to send to his fiancée each day a basket or bouquet of white flowers. And as the supply is bound to meet the demand, there are florists who make a business of engagement flowers. There one discovers, a special etiquette about the way in which, the white satin ribbon is tied on to them— a true lover’s knot, of course — and we learn that the present prevailing mode is a basket of white flowers tied with white ribbon and veiled in white tulle. Very sweet and pretty and dainty, no doubt, but to us Americans rather suggestive of a baby’s funeral. We will take our flowers colored, if you please— and never mind the ribbons or the tulle. – San Francisco Call, 1894

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette, Gents and Flowers

A girl under five feet five might prefer a small arrangement to be worn on her back décolletage, rather than one to be crushed at the waist or on the shoulder during dancing or a tiny nosegay to pin to her gloves or bag. Tall girls can stand the big impressive corsages men love to buy, but little girls often abhor them. 

Men... In the sending of flowers, confused, they buy something expensive and therefore, they believe, impressive, but it may be quite unsuitable to the occasion or to the costume the girl is wearing. A corsage of purple orchids looks foolish at a football game, whereas a shaggy chrysanthemum, a bunch of violets, or orange calendula, or even a charmingly arranged spray of bittersweet would be in tune with her sport coat, lap rug, and stadium boots. A woman is much more impressed when her escort makes an effort to find out what kind of flowers she would prefer to wear than if he just leaves it up to the florist. 

If a man can't determine for himself whether a girl is the orchid or gardenia type and can't bring himself to ask her what she plans to wear, he is safe in sending white flowers — lilies of the valley, gardenias, chrysanthemums (for daytime wear), rosebuds (but they are perishable for an evening of dancing), carnations in a tight little round bouquet. But he should be careful not to have so many flowers in the corsage that a delicate gown will be pulled out of place by the weight of it. And for a short girl, never, under any circumstances, should a corsage of more than one or two orchids be sent. A girl with taste and a taste for orchids would prefer one little green, yellow, or white spray orchid to half a dozen ostentatious purple ones. But, orchids or cornflowers, corsages should be free of ribbon trimming, and rose corsages should not have any greenery but their own as background. 

Flowers are worn various ways with evening clothes. (If they are to be worn on the shoulder for dancing, the right shoulder keeps them fresh longer. ) A girl with braids or a chignon might prefer a red or pink camellia or a single gardenia for her hair rather than a corsage. A girl under five feet five might prefer a small arrangement to be worn on her back décolletage, rather than one to be crushed at the waist or on the shoulder during dancing or a tiny nosegay to pin to her gloves or bag. Tall girls can stand the big impressive corsages men love to buy, but little girls often abhor them. 

Flowers should be arranged in corsages so that they will be worn the way they grow, with the heads up. They should be sent with several florist's pins so they can be anchored firmly in place. Bouquets of flowers should always be sent with some thought of where and how they will be arranged. Several dozen towering dahlias, chrysanthemums, or gladiolus, sans container, will not always be welcome in a hotel room, in the compartment of a train, or aboard ship, in anything less than a suite. A potted plant is impractical for a transient. 

Flowers corsages or arm bouquets sent to trains and planes are usually just a burden to the recipient. It is a very nice thing, however, to send flowers for decoration to a girl who is giving a party. I once knew a charming gentleman with imagination enough to do that. He filled my apartment with flowers the afternoon I was giving a large cocktail party and sent along his Filipino butler, too, to help out. 

A man who is laying siege to a girl's heart does well not to systematize his flower-sending. I knew one man who could be counted on to send two dozen long-stemmed red roses every Saturday, rain or shine. And another who might send a gay, red geranium in a simple clay pot or turn up with a single gardenia in a twist of green waxed paper or a new recording or some fresh catnip for the kitten one never knew. Any woman could tell in a minute which was the more interesting man. — The Courier-Journal from Louisville, Kentucky, 1953

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of Sending Flowers

There is a right way to send flowers, just as there is proper etiquette in other forms of social decor. 

How to Send Flowers

Who doesn't like to receive or give flowers? In their natural loveliness, they more fully express love, sympathy, congratulations or other sentiment than words or gifts. However, there is a right way to send flowers, just as there is proper etiquette in other forms of social decor. 

A florist can do much to advise you. Talk to him about the individual or particular occasion, so that he can help you make a perfect choice. There are just a few simple, local rules to follow, according to the Florist's Information Council. —Healdsburg Tribune, Enterprise and Scimitar, 1952

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Floral Faux Pas

When sending flowers for a special occasion, pay attention to the flower type and its color.

Avoiding Floral Faux Pas

Discuss floral meanings and flower colors with your florist to avoid sending any unintended messages along with an arrangement. Giving a hardworking assistant a dozen red roses for helping you meet an important deadline may convey feelings of romance as opposed to a message of gratitude.  Considering some basic etiquette rules before sending flowers helps to ensure that your gift is received in the spirit which you intended.

Culture

Although the use of flowers to convey messages had been used in Persia and the Middle East, it was during the Victorian Era and the publication of flower dictionaries explaining the meaning of plants, flowers and herbs, that the tradition began to spread throughout England. Soon it became popular to use flowers to send secretive messages. Though often portrayed to relay positive messages of interest, affection and love, flowers could also send a negative message and at times, the same flower could have opposite meanings depending on how it was arranged or delivered.

Before sending flowers, consider the cultural background of the recipient. Different cultures have specific rules for gifting flowers. In China, four and the color red are both associated with death. White represents death in Indian culture. Muslims and Jews do not have flowers at funerals, so flowers if sent, should be sent to the family home.

"Get Well Soon"

Be sure to consider the type of flowers in your get-well gift, too. Tulips and gerbera daisies are ideal selections for hospital delivery—they are fragrance-free, bright and cheerful, and extremely easy to maintain.

Avoid sending highly fragrant flowers such as freesia, lilies, or lilacs as get well gifts, especially to someone who is ill as opposed to injured. Instead, choose assorted iris arrangements, daffodils, and sunflowers. These flowers are bright, cheery, and light on scent, which make them great "pick-me-ups" for loved ones, no matter what their symptoms may be.

Sympathy

If a charitable donation is requested, in lieu of flowers, it's best to respect this wish. Mourning is a delicate and emotional time. A breach of etiquette can hurt or offend a grieving friend.

If you still wish to send flowers, send them to the family to express your sympathy well after the funeral. The grieving are many times left alone in the weeks after the funeral. A surprise bouquet can be a welcome gift. Be careful to consider the religion of the family when you choose the flowers to send.

Special Occasion Flowers

When sending flowers for a special occasion, again, pay attention to color and flower type. Red flowers typically convey romantic feelings. White flowers are perfect for family members. Yellow flowers are reserved for close friends.

Avoid sending flowers to the hospital room of a new mother. A beautiful arrangement waiting at home means the family has much less to take from the hospital.

Personal Tastes

It is acceptable to disregard convention if you are aware of an intended recipient's favorite flower or color. Take into consideration any personal tastes of a recipient over the accepted rules of etiquette. – From ProFlowers. com

ProFlowers sells a wide variety of fresh-cut flowers, mixed bouquets and potted plants, shipped fresh from the grower. 

🌹Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Sending Flowers

Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

ProFlowers' Guide for the Etiquette of When to Send Flowers And When Not To...

Flowers are typically appropriate for most occasions, but you have to be careful about treading into taboo areas or sending mixed messages with your thoughtful intentions. By following some basic etiquette rules, you should be able to navigate any landmines commonly associated with flower giving. 

Funerals

Flowers, such as the Sympathy Peace Lily, are appropriate blooms to send to grieving families and bring peace and tranquility to a funeral. Flowers are usually sent to the funeral home, which displays the flowers during the viewing or memorial ceremony and then transfers them to the site of the burial. At times, the families prefer not to have flowers and ask instead for donations to be made to a charity of organization in lieu of flowers. You should honor those requests. 

Workplace Flowers

To be safe, it’s best to send romantic bouquets, such as red roses, to a person’s home instead of her place of business. When flowers are received in the workplace, unwanted gossip sometimes ensues. 

On the other hand, when your intention is to go public with your romantic intentions or show off your feelings toward a spouse or lover, then send the flowers to her workplace. Just be sure they will be welcomed, to avoid any misunderstandings. 

Get Well Flowers

Many hospitals have banned flowers from patients’ room because of the risk of infection, allergic reactions and other side effects that can occur from various blooms. It’s best to check with the hospital before sending a beautiful get-well bouquet to a friend or family member. Proper etiquette dictates the most appropriate time to send flowers to a person recovering from a surgery or illness is after he’s been released from the hospital. A bouquet such as the 100 Blooms of Get Well Wishes from ProFlowers is a thoughtful gesture that will cheer up any recovering friend. 

Flowers for Best Wishes

Always consider the unspoken message when you send flowers. For example, while you may want to send a dozen roses to a co-worker as congratulations on a promotion, the flowers may carry an unintended romantic message. 

Sending flowers to your boss may be misconstrued as looking for favors. Sending flowers to a married friend of the opposite sex may cause problems at home. When you aren’t sure how well your gesture will be taken, it may be more prudent to send a plant or a fruit basket, gifts that cannot be misconstrued with hidden meaning or intentions.– From ProFlowers. com
                                   

"No, no, this will not do."  "Wha... Why? What is wrong with this one?" "The Orange Lily implies extreme hatred. The Begonia and Lavender danger and suspicion, respectively. Every flower has a meaning, Charles. Might I suggest the Amaryllis, which declares the recipient a most splendid beauty. Or the Cabbage Rose." —Hugh Jackman's "Leopold," from the movie, "Kate and Leopold"

The ABCs of the Language of Flowers

"A"

Abecedary Volatility.
Abatina Fickleness.
Acacia Friendship.
Acacia, Rose or White Elegance.
Acacia, Yellow Secret love.
Acanthus The fine arts. Artifice.
Acalia Temperance.
Achillea Millefolia War.
Aconite (Wolfsbane) Misanthropy.
Aconite, Crowfoot Lustre.
Adonis, Flos Painful recollections.
African Marigold Vulgar minds.
Agnus Castus Coldness. Indifference.
Agrimony Thankfulness. Gratitude.
Almond (Common) Stupidity. Indiscretion.
Almond (Flowering) Hope.
Almond, Laurel Perfidy
Allspice Compassion.
Aloe Grief. Religious superstition.
Althaea Frutex (Syrian Mallow) Persuasion.
Alyssum (Sweet) Worth beyond beauty.
Amaranth (Globe) Immortality. Unfading love.
Amaranth (Cockscomb) Foppery. Affectation.
Amaryllis Pride. Timidity. Splendid beauty.
Ambrosia Love returned.
American Cowslip Divine beauty.
American Elm Patriotism.
American Linden Matrimony.
American Starwort Welcome to a stranger. Cheerfulness in old age.
Amethyst Admiration.
Anemone (Zephyr Flower) Sickness. Expectation.
Anemone (Garden) Forsaken.
Angelica Inspiration.
Angrec Royalty.
Apple Temptation.
Apple (Blossom) Preference. Fame speaks him great and good.
Apple, Thorn Deceitful charms.
Apocynum (Dog's Vane) Deceit.
Arbor Vitæ Unchanging Friendship. Live for me.
Arum (Wake Robin) Ardour.
Ash-leaved Trumpet Flower Separation.
Ash Tree Grandeur.
Aspen Tree Lamentation.
Aster (China) Variety. Afterthought.
Asphodel My regrets follow you to the grave.
Auricula Painting.
Auricula, Scarlet Avarice.
Austurtium Splendour.
Azalea Temperance.

"B"
Bachelor's Buttons Celibacy.
Balm Sympathy.
Balm, Gentle Pleasantry.
Balm of Gilead Cure. Relief.
Balsam, Red Touch me not. Impatient resolves.
Balsam, Yellow Impatience.
Barberry Sourness of temper.
Barberry Tree Sharpness.
Basil Hatred.
Bay Leaf I change but in death.
Bay (Rose) Rhododendron Danger. Beware.
Bay Tree Glory.
Bay Wreath Reward of merit.
Bearded Crepis Protection.
Beech Tree Prosperity.
Bee Orchis Industry.
Bee Ophrys Error.
Belladonna Silence
Bell Flower, Pyramidal Constancy.
Bell Flower (small white) Gratitude.
Belvedere I declare against you.
Betony Surprise.
Bilberry Treachery.
Bindweed, Great Insinuation.
Bindweed, Small Humility.
Birch Meekness.
Birdsfoot Trefoil Revenge.
Bittenweet; Nightshade Truth.
Black Poplar Courage.
Blackthorn Difficulty.
Bladder Nut Tree Frivolity. Amusement.
Bluebottle (Centaury) Delicacy.
Bluebell Constancy.
Blue-flowered Greek Valerian Rupture.
Boras Henricus Goodness.
Borage Bluntness.
Box Tree Stoicism.
Bramble Lowliness. Envy. Remorse.
Branch of Currants You please all.
Branch of Thorns Severity. Rigour.
Bridal Rose Happy love.
Broom Humility. Neatness.
Buckbean Calm repose.
Bud of White Rose Heart ignorant of love.
Bugloss Falsehood.
Bulrush Indiscretion. Docility.
Bundle of Reeds, with their Panicles Music.
Burdock Importunity. Touch me not.
Buttercup (Kingcup) Ingratitude. Childishness.
Butterfly Orchis Gaiety.
Butterfly Weed Let me go.

"C"
Cabbage Profit.
Cacalia Adulation.
Cactus Warmth.
Calla Æthiopica Magnificent Beauty.
Calycanthui Benevolence.
Camellia Japonica, Red Unpretending excellence.
Camellia Japonica, White Perfected loveliness.
Camomile Energy in adversity.
Canary Grass Perseverance.
Candytuft Indifference.
Canterbury Bell Acknowledgement.
Cape Jasmine I'm too happy.
Cardamine Paternal error.
Carnation, Deep Red Alas! for my poor heart.
Carnation, Striped Refusal.
Carnation, Yellow Disdain.
Cardinal Flower Dittitutim.
Catchfly Snare.
Catchfly, Red Youthful love.
Catchfly, White Betrayed.
Cedar Strength.
Cedar of Lebanon Incorruptible.
Cedar Leaf I live for thee.
Celandine (Lesser) Joys to come.
Cereus (Creeping) Modest genius.
Centaury Delicacy.
Champignon Suspicion.
Chequered Fritillary Persecution.
Cherry Tree Good education.
Cherry Tree, White Deception.
Chesnut Tree Do me justice. Luxury.
Chickweed Rendezvous.
Chicory Frugality.
China Aster Variety.
China Aster, Double I partake your sentiments.
China Aster, Single I will think of it.
China or Indian Pink Aversion.
China Rose Beauty always new.
Chinese Chrysanthemum Cheerfulness under adversity.
Christmas Rose Relieve my anxiety.
Chrysanthemum, Red I love.
Chrysanthemum, White Truth.
Chrysanthemum, Yellow Slighted love.
Cinquefoil Maternal affection.
Circaa Spell.
Cistus, or Rock Rose Popular favour.
Cistus, Gum I shall die to-morrow.
Citron Ill-natured beauty.
Clematis Mental beauty.
Clematis, Evergreen Poverty.
Clotbur Rudeness. Pertinacity.
Cloves Dignity.
Clover, Four-leaved Be mine.
Clover, Red Industry.
Clover, White Think of me.
Cobæea Gossip.
Cockscomb Amaranth Foppery. Affectation. Singularity.
Colchicum, or Meadow Saffron My best days are past.
Coltsfoot Justice shall be done.
Columbine Folly.
Columbine, Purple Resolved to win.
Columbine, Red Anxious and trembling.
Colchicum, or Meadow Saffron My best days are past.
Coltsfoot Justice shall be done.
Columbine Folly.
Columbine, Purple Resolved to win.
Columbine, Red Anxious and trembling.
Convolvulus Bonds.
Convolvulus, Blue (Minor) Repose. Night.
Convolvulus, Major Extinguished hopes.
Convolvulus, Pink Worth sustained by judicious and tender affection.
Corchorus Impatient of absence.
Coreopsis Always cheerful.
Coreopsis Arkansa Love at first sight.
Coriander Hidden worth.
Corn Riches.
Corn, Broken Quarrel.
Corn Straw Agreement.
Corn Bottle Delicacy.
Corn Cockle Gentility.
Cornel Tree Duration.
Coronella Success crown your wishes.
Cowslip Pensiveness. Winning grace.
Cowslip, American Divine beauty. You are my divinity.
Cranberry Cure for heartache.
Creeping Cereus Horror.
Cress Stability. Power.
Crocus Abuse not.
Crocus, Spring Youthful gladness.
Crocus, Saffron Mirth.
Crown Imperial Majesty. Power.
Crowsbill Envy.
Crowfoot Ingratitude.
Crowfoot (Aconite-leaved) Lustre.
Cuckoo Plant Ardour.
Cudweed, American Unceasing remembrance.
Currant Thy frown will kill me.
Cuscuta Meanness.
Cyclamen Diffidence.
Cypress Death. Mourning. 

From Kate Greenaway's "Language of Flowers"

                                                

                                                 

ProFlowers sells a wide variety of fresh-cut flowers, mixed bouquets and potted plants, shipped fresh from the grower.

🌹Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia