Rules for Perfect Guests

Author of “In the Royal Manner,” Paul Burrell is a former footman to the late-Queen Elizabeth II and butler to the late-Princess Diana. Though Diana died over a quarter century ago, her enduring popularity has been a constant. It has fueled worldwide interest and exhibits of her personal belongings and wardrobe, which had been auctioned off for numerous charities. Due to her beauty, charm and service to her country, throughout her time as a member of the British royal family, like the late-Queen Elizabeth II, Diana remains an international icon.– Image from an exhibit of Diana’s items, Diana collectibles and framed news’ accounts from Etiquipedia’s personal library and the Etiquette Sleuth blog

MIND YOUR MANNERS, PLEASE

 OR, 

THE ART OF BEING THE PERFECT GUEST

Imagine now that you are going to a party. I have compiled this guide around common etiquette dos and don'ts. Some are more obvious, but others I'm sure will surprise you.

It is advisable to be punctual at an engagement, although it is acceptable to be 10 minutes late, but no more. Traffic and taxis can delay and hamper anyone's arrival though. If you want to take someone with you to the event, it is common courtesy to check with your host beforehand. (If you are hosting a party, and one of your guests brings a friend, there is nothing you can do about it other than to greet them warmly, then address the situation with your inconsiderate guest at a later date.) 

It is polite to take along a small gift for the host or hostess such as flowers, after dinner chocolates, wine or champagne. I have often found a perfumed candle to be a guaranteed success.

There are a few basic rules which should be observed at any dining table.

• Unfold your napkin once you are seated and place it on your lap, and use it to wipe your mouth and fingers during the meal. At the end of the meal it is polite to leave the napkin tidily on the place setting - not scrunched up on the floor!
• The host will always give you a clear indication of when to start the meal. They may begin with a few words of welcome, or Grace, and traditionally the lady sitting on the right of the host is served first, then the rest of the table in a clockwise direction. 
• A knife and fork should be held with the handles in the palm of the hand, forefinger on top, and thumb underneath. Forks should not be turned over unless tackling peas, rice, sweetcorn kernels, or suchlike, in which case transfer the fork to the right hand. 
• At an informal meal, buffet or barbecue, it is of course perfectly acceptable to eat with just a fork.
• It is unwise to use your bread to mop up sauces, although this is customary in other parts of Europe.
• A sweet can be eaten with a spoon and fork, or just a fork if it is of cake-like consistency.
• Rest your knife and fork in between mouthfuls by leaning the knife and fork on the edge of the plate. Only when you have finished should you place them side by side in the centre of the plate.

Should your host present a completely inedible dish, I would suggest that the best course of action is to at least make some attempt at disguising your disgust. Cut it up and move it around your plate a little - perhaps no one will notice. More obviously slurping, burping, picking teeth and licking fingers are particularly unattractive, although it is acceptable to pick up meat on the bone such as chicken legs and spare ribs. It is the only way to eat them. Have a napkin and finger bowl on standby for messy fingers.

Remember that you haven't been invited to dinner just to eat, the evening would be more enjoyable if you made polite conversation, however small, to those sitting on your right and left, and make sure you give both sides equal attention. Don't talk with your mouth full, or sit with your elbows on the table. – From “In the Royal Manner,” by Paul Burrell, 1999 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How to Eat Difficult Foods

This is a fun read with easy recipes and good tips on dining etiquette — CAVIAR & TOAST Using a small knife, lightly cover the end of the toast with caviar. Sometimes, caviar is served in small pots, in which case it should be eaten with a teaspoon. 

Impress your friends by tackling awkward and difficult food with confidence and professionalism! I have listed below a selection of notoriously difficult foods and suggest how I might tackle them:

ARTICHOKES Take off the leaves one at a time using your fingers, and dip the fleshy base of each leaf into the sauce provided. Strip off the flesh with your teeth and discard the rest on the edge of your plate. The leaves near the heart have no flesh. Eventually, the centre core will be exposed, then scrape away the thistle' at the base and eat the rest with a knife and fork.

ASPARAGUS Pick up each spear spear with your fingers and dip it in the sauce provided. There should be at least two bites before you get to the woody end - do not eat the last 5cm/2in of the stem place the end of the stem on the side of your plate, not the side plate.

CAVIAR & TOAST Using a small knife, lightly cover the end of the toast with caviar. Sometimes, caviar is served in small pots, in which case it should be eaten with a teaspoon.

CHEESE Never cut the tip off a wedge of cheese. Cut along the length, leaving the wedge in a similar shape. Use a hard steel-bladed knife for cutting hard cheese, and a smaller knife for soft cheese.

CORN ON THE COB Not the easiest food to eat in public. Small handles may have been provided at either end of the sweetcorn, thus enabling you to nibble away like a mouse! Otherwise pick up with your fingers. Have a napkin on hand for the dripping butter.

CRAB The meat will have been dressed and replaced in the shell. The claws may be served along with a nutcracker-style tool to crack them open, and a metal pick with which to pull out the meat from within the cavities.

LOBSTER Normally presented to you cut in half lengthways. The most difficult aspect of eating lobster is extracting the flesh from the claw. You will be provided with the correct implement to do this. It is a messy business, you should also be provided with an extra napkin and a finger bowl.

MUSSELS Usually you will be presented with a mountain of mussel shells, gaping open to reveal small orangy pieces of meat. Take a large shell and use it like a pair of tweezers to pull out the mussels from their shells. A separate bowl will be provided for the empty shells. You can use a fork if you prefer. Use a spoon to eat the remaining stock.

OYSTERS Squeeze lemon juice over the raw oyster, then use a small fork to detach it from its anchor and 'drink' the oyster from its shell.

PRAWNS (WHOLE) Pull off the head, detaching it from its shoulders. Turn over and peel away the shell, removing the egg sac and legs. The tail shell will detach easily and you will be left with the body to eat. A finger bowl and napkin will be provided for you to freshen your fingers.

SOUP Push the spoon away from you and sip from the spoon. Always tip the bowl away you, and never put the whole spoon in your from mouth.

SPAGHETTI Spear a fork into the spaghetti, and twist it round until a ball begins to form. As you eat from the fork, bite off all residual strands, letting them fall back on to the plate - you may want to use a spoon as well to help you.

WHITEBAIT These little fish are cooked whole and eaten just as they are - eyeballs included! — From “In the Royal Manner,” by Paul Burrell, 1999 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia