Etiquette and Asking a Woman’s Age

There are two schools of thought on the subject of asking a woman her age. One group thinks it is too personal a question to ask a woman, but not too personal a question to ask a man. It’s also considered an impolite question in countries and among cultures where women work hard to maintain a certain level of modesty, compared to women in modern day, Western society. This thinking, now considered “old school” by many, was prevalent in the gilded age when this article was originally written.
Now another group thinks it is one of those etiquette rules which went out the window when the Women’s Liberation movement of the 1960’s blew in. They will tell you it is not too personal a question to ask, and most of these people are women themselves. One woman in her 60’s put it this way, “I don’t mind telling my age. I’m proud to have gotten this far in life and equally proud of my accomplishments. I celebrate every milestone birthday with cake, ice cream, and relish!”
As site editor for Etiquipedia, and at 68 years old myself, I personally agree with the second group. But as an etiquette professional, I still advise along the lines of the old-school of thought or the first group. It’s safer not to ask unless the information is pertinent to one’s line of work, or otherwise necessary, than to mistakenly insult or offend someone by asking.

Two friends of the New York Sun have had a dispute as to whether it is polite to ask a lady her age, and whether that question will be treated by one addressed as an insult, and not coming to an agreement, have referred this knotty problem to the Editor of that paper. 

This gentleman says that it is both “impertinent and unnecessary” adding, as a solace to these seekers for the rules that govern etiquette, remarks that “charming women are always young.” – Russian River Flag, 1883

 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia