Etiquette Ignorance and Finger Bowls

 

Another patented design for a new finger bowl, from Christmas of 1900 — “ Like most Americans, he hesitated to own that he did not know everything, but while counting his change he said shyly: “Two is enough, I think.”  He was not the first who had failed in understanding the finger-bowl mystery.”

Ignorance Cleared Up in the Finger Bowl Section of the Shop 

A man who had heard either of the Oriental fashion of pouring rose water on the fingers after a meal, or else of the French style, not very generally, adopted in this country, of passing around a large bowl of rose water, into which each guest dips his napkin and wipes his fingers therewith, went into a well-known china shop the other day and selected, and paid for, two finger-bowls.Like most Americans, he hesitated to own that he did not know everything, but while counting his change he said shyly: “Two is enough, I think.” 

“Certainly,” said the saleswoman, “if you have but one person beside yourself at the table.” “But I want these for a dinner party,” he said, “one at each end of the table!” “And one tumbler at each end of the table, too?” she asked, not pertly, but gently. “Why, no,” he said, light breaking in upon him. “I want —well, I only want four or five more, but I'll take a dozen. What a fool I am!” Before he went out he heard enough stories of queer blunders to convince him that he was not the first who had failed in understanding the finger-bowl mystery. — Boston Transcript, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette for Family Dining

“Serviette Complete” — Popular publications like Godey's Lady's Book often included tips on etiquette and entertaining, including instructions like these on elaborate napkin folding. From "Dinner Serviettes," Godey's Lady's Book (Philadelphia) 88, no. 525 (March 1874), Special Collections, Michigan State University Libraries.

Finger bowls are not a general institution, and they seem to be quite as needful as the napkin, for the fingers are also liable to become a little soiled in eating. They can be had quite cheaply, and should be half filled with water and placed upon the side table, or butler's tray, with the dessert, bread and cheese, etc. They are passed to each person when the dessert is placed upon the table. A leaf or two of sweet verbena, an orange flower, or a small slice of lemon, is usually put into each bowl, to rub upon the fingers. The slice of lemon is most commonly used. The finger tips are slightly dipped into the bowl, the lemon juice is squeezed upon them, and then they are dried softly upon the napkin. At dinner parties and luncheons, they are indispensable.

In many families there is no waitress, then everything should be placed upon the table before the family are called, and the dessert can be put on a little table at your right. Always make your eldest daughter set the table, and do it neatly. Lay the cloth straight, and put the salt cellar and the butter plate, with the tumbler or cup, at the right hand of each person. Have crocheted macramé twine mats to keep the table cloth from being soiled, and at the head and foot of the table place a napkin cornerwise to the centre, or straight as one prefers. This will prove a great saving of table cloths, and the napkins can be retrieved often. 

Then tell her to look carefully over the table to see that not one thing is omitted. Look at your place, and see that there are enough cups and saucers placed neatly at the left hand, for breakfast or tea, and that the sugar bowl is well filled, and the cream and milk pitcher are prepared for use. Have a stand of metal at the right hand, to hold the coffee or tea pots, and the water pot, and a spoon cup should be placed beside the sugar bowl, with the tea spoons and sugar spoon in it. Also see that the carving knife, fork and steel are laid beyond the plates at your husband's seat. And have these plates well heated, and all the food as hot as possible. It is a decided annoyance to have this child, or that one, asked to leave the table to procure needed appliances, that ought to have been upon it.— From “Hints Upon Etiquette and Good Manners,” In Ladies Home Journal, by Mrs. S.O. Johnston, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Tale of One Society Belle of 1878

Bridal costumes and dress of the era. — “She rarely breakfasted away from her apartments, but unless dining out she always came to the 6 o’clock dinner. I well remember the sensation which attended her entrance to the dining room. She was always dressed most richly, but never showily. A handsome horse is best displayed in a simple harness. Being a horsewoman, she followed the motto in her own trappings. As I recall it, I do not remember ever to have seen a finer form than Mrs. Hicks’. She was unusually tall and straight—a beautiful neck and a well poised head. At this time she wore little jewelry—occasionally a necklace of diamonds and emeralds, and occasionally solitaire earrings as big as her thumb nail. Her dresses were singularly plain, but the fitting of them was a work of art. She was very graceful and self-possessed; her manners were not haughty in the least, but they possessed that quiet reserve and self consciousness that kept all at a distance.” 

Mrs. Hicks is remembered in Washington

The marriage of Mrs. Hicks in New York a few days ago is generally spoken of here, where she was well known, as very eccentric, to say the least. It recalls to the minds of those who were living at the Arlington Hotel, in this city, in the winter of 1872, the star boarder of that fashionable house. Mrs. Hicks came to Washington in regal style. She had the best rooms in the hotel. She was accompanied by Mrs. Hills, an old lady of white hair and aristocratic bearing, who was unable, as was noticed, to be out much at night. She came in the capacity of friend and companion to Mrs. Hicks. She had her separate suite of rooms, as well as Mrs. Hicks. They each had their private servant, and Mrs. Hicks had a maid besides and her coachman and footman. Her rooms were the same which Secretary and Mrs. Hamilton Fish occupied one winter, and the same which King Kalakaua and suite were assigned during his stay in Washington. These consisted of sleeping chambers, bath rooms, breakfast rooms, two parlors, and servants’ quarters. For these Mrs. Hicks paid $50 a day. 

She rarely breakfasted away from her apartments, but unless dining out she always came to the 6 o’clock dinner. I well remember the sensation which attended her entrance to the dining room. She was always dressed most richly, but never showily. A handsome horse is best displayed in a simple harness. Being a horsewoman, she followed the motto in her own trappings. As I recall it, I do not remember ever to have seen a finer form than Mrs. Hicks’. She was unusually tall and straight—a beautiful neck and a well poised head. At this time she wore little jewelry—occasionally a necklace of diamonds and emeralds, and occasionally solitaire earrings as big as her thumb nail. Her dresses were singularly plain, but the fitting of them was a work of art. She was very graceful and self-possessed; her manners were not haughty in the least, but they possessed that quiet reserve and self consciousness that kept all at a distance. Side by side with her walked her chaperone, Mrs. Hills, both in immaculate white kids—a new pair (as a friend of hers told me) every day. 

Before the ladies strutted their major domo, who never left their side at the table. Other waiters might bring Mrs. Hicks her food, but only their own servant might place it before her. Her dinner over, the whitest of hands were dipped in the finger-bowl, dried on the softest of napkins and drawn again into the whitest of kids, and, Mrs. Hicks and her companion marched out of the dining room, preceded by her servant and followed by the eyes of the common mortals. She had little company, but it was of the best. None of the common herd ever dried their fleece at her fire. She went out a good deal in her own carriages—driving a big team of banged steppers to a fine coupe and Victoria. She also find her saddle horse, and when she trotted along the avenue or through the park, followed by her groom in mulberry coat, cocked hat, striped waistcoat, and knee breeches, she was the personification of grace and beauty. 

She was, if I remember rightly, on intimate terms at the house of George Bancroft, the historian, and with the families of several of the foreign Ministers. Gen. Banks was frequently in her company, and also Gen. Butler. There was, I believe, a report current at one time that she and Gen. Butler were to be married. This is not extraordinary, as her name has been connected with a good many desirable widowers, including Gen. Schenck and the brother of the Duke of Richmond. Her departure from Washington  regretted by her landlord, at least.—Philadelphia Times, 1878

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Sights and Styles

 

Patterns for girls’ fashions of 1887 in Godey’s Lady’s Book or Godey’s Magazine 

The Latest Wrinkles in Society

Among the ridiculous sights of the hour are the little girls in short dresses whose parents are quite willing they should wear bustles. 

Liquor decanters now come in glass of a color to “match the liquor they are to contain,” absinthe, chartreuse, kümmel liqueur and all the rest. 

Brass teapots on a tripod are new, and as far as can be learned, are admirably adapted for upsetting and saturating the family table cloth.

Photograph stands or easels on “cattails” are having an extraordinary run. Introduced a year ago, they appear to have been neglected until now. There is a fashionable preference now for small photographs of the visiting-card size, but they are as good a cure for vanity as the large ones.

They make finger-bowl mats now of bolting cloth, hand-painted, and edged with lace, which, of course, one’s country cousins are warned never to use. 

Jeweled hairpins are fancy in Paris, and put in the hair hap-hazard, according to a correspondent, have a very charming effect at night. 

For all full-dress and ceremonious occasions this coming season, ladies will wear feathers in their hair, or on their head, in Mrs. J. Bull fashion.

In fall hats for women, masculine styles prevail, much to the disappointment of people who hoped the Tom-boy fashions and styles were dying out. Basques are a mass of the most elaborate and bewildering trimming or embroidery down the front, and we are told, as winter advances, will become more so.

Some new umbrella handles have in them a match box, but what is wanted more is a magnetic umbrella that will get it back to its owner when borrowed or purloined. 

A Swiss alarm clock produces at the hour for which it is set a rooster who crows loud and shrill enough to quickly awaken even the man who retired very late.—New York Mail, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Stupidity and Etiquette

The objectionable features of the after-dinner finger-bowl arise principally in the stupid idea that they add to the elegance of the table, as much as does an épergne, and from the other fact that those using them, in order to do homage to the host, who has provided them with much récherché utensils, deem it incumbent on themselves to perform an elaborate after-dinner toilet. —The New York Times, February 1880

FINGER-BOWLS

The objectionable features of an after-dinner toilet

The subjects of finger-bowls, and mouth-cleansers are apparently again agitating the minds of the diners-out. Quite a long time ago, in the Household columns, an opinion was advanced in regard to after-dinner ablutions. Considered as a matter of dinner etiquette, it may be roundly asserted that finger washing after dinner is really an over refinement, and rather disagreeably suggestive than otherwise. If this system of cleansing the hands were pushed a l’outrance, we might require that the servants between the different courses, should go through the same operation, for a good many doubtful thumbs concealed under dingy cotton gloves might be the better for it. Practically considered, however, finger-bowls after dinner are rather useful than ornamental. 

Possibly it is too much for the latter cause that they are used. There are certain fruits which cannot be eaten without sticking the fingers. Confectionery — marron glacé and such things — when partaking of, does make the fingers feel uncomfortably. It is, then, perfectly legitimate to use a finger-bowl and small napkin; even further use may be made of the bowl by dipping the end of the napkin in the water and applying it to the lips. Such as are masculine, with mustaches, find such use of the finger-bowl is comforting to a degree.

All the trouble about it is in the display. Why do people who give dinners, insist on having such highly decorative small-sized hand basins at their tables? The simpler, the less obtrusive they are, the better. In fact, when introduced, they should be brought in last, just as the curtain falls on the dinner, not advanced while the play is going on. Those who use these finger-bowls are often at fault in the way they employ them. They make too much of a business of it. They repeat, on a minor scale, the tubbing process. 

The best table manners are those which are the most quiet. If there is any one thing more uncomfortable than any other, it is to hear your neighbor at the table swishing away, scrubbing his hands, and flicking his napkin around as if it were a jack-towel on a kitchen door. All you have to do is dip your fingers in the water, but you must be a very clumsy feeder if the palms of your hand are sullied; then the business is over. You may, before you begin, dip your napkin in the water and wipe your mouth. But the use of that extra cup inside of the bowl is to be inveighed against as a disgusting thing. No screen made with the hands avails to hide this repulsive act. 

There is something horrible in the idea of one’s rinsing out their mouth at dinner, which recalls the toothbrush or the dentist’s chair. The act of gurgling, and the final expulsion of the fluid, is simply nauseating. This filthiness was never intended, as the usage of the smaller glass. What it was put there for was to wash the outside of the mouth only. The nasty use of it may be called one of the false developments of civilization, and should be held up to scorn. As it is a temptation in the way of the ignorant, it would be wiser to abandon the small glass entirely, and then no mistakes could be made. 

Unusual things at a dinner table are not to be recommended to be recommended; nevertheless there is an Eastern custom, sometimes used in the south of France and in Spain, derived undoubtedly, from the Moors, which is not so much out of the way. At the conclusion of a dinner a servant presents to each guest a large copper basin, which he holds in one hand while with the other he pours from a large metal vessel, which has a spout with a small aperture, a thin stream of water. A very little water, without splashing falls on the fingers of the guest, who then uses his napkin, or takes one from another servant who follows. It is the parade of the thing, however, which renders it objectionable, though it is sensible enough. 

The objectionable features of the after-dinner finger-bowl arise principally in the stupid idea that they add to the elegance of the table, as much as does an épergne, and from the other fact that those using them, in order to do homage to the host, who has provided them with much récherché utensils, deem it incumbent on themselves to perform an elaborate after-dinner toilet. —The New York Times, February 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia