Dining Implements, Etiquette and More

“Here’s something your mother probably never warned you about: sauce knives. Looking like a flattened-out spoon, this tricky little utensil— also called a sauce spoon— sits with other knives on the right side of the plate, in wait to help drizzle sauce on, say, a bite of salmon that you’ve secured on your fish fork.” — Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

The Ware and Tear of Formal Dining

Here’s something your mother probably never warned you about: sauce knives. Looking like a flattened-out spoon, this tricky little utensil— also called a sauce spoon— sits with other knives on the right side of the plate, in wait to help drizzle sauce on, say, a bite of salmon that you’ve secured on your fish fork.

If you can’t tell a fish fork from a pitchfork, take comfort in the fact that even the most cultured among us occasionally get flummoxed by an elegant table setting.

“Escargot clamps can be very challenging,” says Sean Loeffel, director of food and beverage at the Four Seasons Hotel, recalling the scene in “Pretty Woman” in which Julia Roberts accidentally catapults a garlicky mollusk across the room.

“I haven’t used an escargot clamp in probably 15 years,” he admits, “and I suspect there are many diners who would not be familiar with how to use it.”

Fortunately, even if you’re sitting down to a nine-course meal, you’ll probably only have to negotiate three courses’ worth of knives, forks and spoons at a time.

“Nine courses of silverware would be frightening, even for the most educated,” says Loeffel. “It also wouldn’t fit on the table. As a general rule, in order not to confuse the guest, servers never put out more than three courses of tableware at a time.”

Even so, as you sit down for that nine-course fete for, say, the queen mother herself, prepare to work your way through some 19 pieces of silverware over the course of the evening— or afternoon, when, according to the Tiffany sterling flatware catalog, you might come upon the afternoon teaspoon, as distinct from the teaspoon, ice cream spoon or coffee spoon.

But wait, there’s more. Those 19 pieces don’t include all the serving silverware shined up to parade past your table. Tiffany lists knives (cheese, bread, butter, cake), spoons (berry, sugar, salt, jelly, vegetable) and forks (lemon, olive and cold meat). Also making an appearance: ladles (gravy, punch and sauce), tongs (sugar, ice, asparagus), servers (flat, cheese, cake and butter) and possibly scissors (for grapes).

“Some chefs have a cunning sense of humor,” says Loeffel, who learned forks and spoons from his parents, who’d take him and his nine siblings out to breakfast— the least expensive restaurant meal— in order to teach table manners. “You’ll have a course where normally you’d use a knife and fork, and now some chefs are starting to serve a spoon with it as well, so the guest doesn’t miss out on the leftover sauce.”

And how would you know to use a spoon with your sauce? When in doubt, watch your host, says Loeffel. “We just did a luncheon where we served a coupe dish [that’s a sort of football-shaped, high-sided bowl for foods with hot sauces] and a spoon with it,” he says. “Everyone had their eye on the host so they knew what to do.”

In addition to keeping an eye on your host, other rules of culinary propriety include:

Work from the outside in. What your mother did tell you about silverware still applies. Start with the outside utensil and work your way in. The most common mistake is for diners to get rattled by the number of pieces of flatware and reach instinctively for the utensil closest to the plate. Don’t worry about the forks and spoons placed above your plate. They’re for dessert.

Knives and forks dine together. Even those secure in the knowledge that one should work from the outside in may still find it disconcerting to see seven pieces of silverware at their command. Know that for every fork at your place setting, you’ll also have a corresponding knife to your right. The spoon with the round bowl is most likely for soup (there are, however, different kinds of spoons depending on whether you’re served a cream soup [larger spoon] or bouillon). Pasta is often served with a fork and spoon to work that angel hair into a manageable bite.

Although Loeffel was brought up in the American style of putting the knife down and switching the fork to the right hand after cutting a piece of food, he says it is more correct to hold the knife and fork at the same time, one in each hand, as the Europeans do. “It makes more sense,” he says.

When you’re done with a course, place the knife and fork, handles facing out, at the 3 o’clock position on your plate. This will tell the server that you have finished eating.

Covet not thy neighbor’s bread plate. Or water glass. Or coffee cup. The bread plate is always to the left of a place setting. Glassware— water, wine, coffee cups and saucers— is always to the right.

According to Jill Cross, director of catering for the Beverly Hilton Hotel, one of the most common mistakes is for diners at a round table to assume control of the bread plate to their right instead of their rightful bread plate to the left. What happens next might best be termed a dining domino effect as everyone else at the table is forced to take the bread plate to their right. Unless, of course, a diner on the other side of the table has already staked out one to the left, which leaves someone without a bread plate altogether.

Another common dilemma: how to get butter from point A, the butter dish, to point B, your bread. Use the butter knife to retrieve a pat of butter as the dish is passed around the table. Place the butter on your bread plate, return the butter knife to the dish, then use your own knife to spread butter on your bread.

And if you do find yourself drawn into the who’s-got-my-bread-plate controversy, “adjust,” says Loeffel. “It’s not worth anyone getting embarrassed over it. Also, any server worth his weight will notice what’s happening and will adjust for you by bringing new silverware or another bread plate.” At their best, rules of table etiquette are designed for clarity, not one-upmanship. Consider, for example, the story credited to Queen Victoria, who, upon seeing an unsuspecting dinner guest pick up his finger bowl and drink from it, raised her own finger bowl to her lips and also drank. Taking her lead, the rest of the guests joined her.

And they all lived happily, perhaps not ever after, but at least through the dessert course. — By Debra Hotaling, Special to the Times, 1998

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Laying a Correct Gilded Age Table

Next are laid plates large enough to hold the oyster or soup plate which is to contain the first course, and on it, or sometimes beside it, is arranged the napkin... with the dinner roll inserted. 

How to Lay the Table Correctly for Formal Dinner

No matter how many the guests, the proper arrangement for the table for the formal dinner is unchanged. The bare table is always covered with a thickness of cotton flannel —of the sort that comes double width for about 80 cents a yard—before the cloth is laid. This is partly to protect the polished surface of the table from contact with hot dishes, but chiefly to deaden the clatter of china and sliver. The damask cloth, which is always in the best taste for dinner, should have been ironed with a distinct crease down the middle, as a guide in the mathematical arrangement of the places. 

Next are laid plates large enough to hold the oyster or soup plate which is to contain the first course, and on it, or sometimes beside it, is arranged the napkin. This should have been ironed so as to fold over in three rather than four thicknesses, and it should be folded first so that the upper edge is broken at the midline and brought down the crease on either side of the mid-crease. The two protruding ends of the linen are now folded back on themselves so as to leave nearly a right-angled triangle of the napkin. This arrangement is finally turned over so that the foiled ends are underneath, and the dinner roll inserted. 

The two glasses, one for plain water and a more slender one for mineral water, are placed side by side in front of the plate. Care should always be taken that every glass on the table is the same distance from the accompanying plate. The individual salt and pepper shakers are not placed on a line with our two temperance glasses, but a little to the right of the plate. When there are no individual shakers, the salt may be placed midway between every two places, but still on a line with the goblets. It is customary nowadays to lay the table with silverware with every course up to the dessert. The dessert spoon or fork is brought in on the finger bowl and the coffee spoon with the coffee. Table spoons, soup spoons and the carving utensils for the host are likewise brought on with the course for which they are intended. 

The forks, all but the oyster fork, are, of course, arranged on the left side of the plate, and the knives, soup spoon and oyster fork on the right. The oyster fork is placed farthest from the plate, the soup spoon next, then knives for butter and roast respectively—this presupposes a dinner of six courses—and continuing down the line, the fork nearest the plate is for the roast, the next one for the fish, and the third for the salad. This arrangement holds for the meal in which the host does his own carving. But where one wishes the plate be served from the butler's pantry, the carving utensils and the dinner plates are naturally in that place. 

As the plates are removed they should be sent to the kitchen immediately and fresh plates instantly substituted. Even where the roast is carved on the table, it is customary to serve the soup from the pantry. If there are no oysters to precede it, places may be served just an instant before dinner is announced. No one needs to be reminded of the old formula, “Pass to the left; remove from the right.” When the entrees and salads are passed as a final word the servant holds the dish on a folded napkin on the flat of his hand, with a large tablespoon and a fork lying across the dish. Some discretion must be used in passing to see that the dish is held low enough for the guest to help himself easily.—Buffalo Evening Times, 1909

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Finger Bowls

Ready for royalty — Buckingham Palace finger bowls (originally wine glass rinsers) on dessert plates with dessert flatware. 

The Rise and Progress of the Fingerbowl... 

With a Bit About Napkins

“Pray tender some information,” writes A.H., in regard to finger-bowls after dinner. The history of the dinner-table etiquette, as far as the cleansing of the finger goes, has caused a great deal of discussion. In “Notes and Queries” some information was asked about it a number of years ago, but not any very satisfactory responses were received.

Table manners and table equipage have been derived from the French. Strange as it may seem, a great many dinner amenities owe their origin to the East. Bibliophile Jacob says somewhere that the napkins during a repast were possibly brought into use in Europe after the Crusades.

Oriental habits at dinner, where the Turk of the old school to-day, having no knife or fork, plunges his fingers in the pilau, is but a continuation of customs of the time of Saladin. The Oriental is excessively clean in his habits, and between the fingerings of the viands and some of the manipulations of a cook with his dishes, really the difference is only this that the Turk who picks out a peculiar nice titbit to offer to his guest does it in view of everyone, while the cook’s prior actions are not seen.

As fountains were over spurting and gurgling, Harun al Raschid’s banqueting halls, opportunities to cleanse one’s fingers in the flowing waters must have been over at hand. Oriental people retain the habit of hand or finger washing after a dinner.

The method is not, perhaps, adapted to our customs, yet is a very sensible one. A servant, after the repost, makes the round of the table, (the guests are seated on low cushions on the floor) holding a copper vessel, provided with a very long but narrow spout. In the other hand he carries a wide deep copper basin. A tiny stream of water is poured over the fingers of the guests into the basin, while another servant follows with a towel.


 The finger bowl usually arrives with a doily and the dessert plate beneath it. When using the finger bowl, dip only the fingertips of the hands into the bowl. Wipe your fingertips dry with your napkin (never the doily) while your napkin remains on your lap. Carefully lift the finger bowl and doily and place them to your upper left of your place setting.

The first portion of the performance is proper enough; but as one towel usually serves or all guests, a kind of universal sack towel, delicate-minded Europeans rather dislike the custom. It is not necessary to go further back, and refer to the Biblical habits before and after partaking of food.

As to the more modern custom, Brillat Saravin, whose book on the Physiologie du goût (The Physiology of Taste) was written in the early part of this century, inveighs against the fingerbowls. “It was about 40 years ago that some people in good society – they were most always women – commenced to wash out their mouths (rincer la buche) after their meals." Brillat Saravin deprecates the custom, and calls it useless, indecent, and disgusting, rather directing, however, his criticism against the mouth-rinsing than the finger-dipping. It is useless, he writes, “because the mouth is in excellent condition at the end of a repast, when fruit has been partaken of, or a last glass of wine or water has been imbibed”.

Say what one may the cleaning of the mouth after dinner is a disgusting habit, and no screening of this operation, by placing the hand before the mouth, can conceal, its objectionable features. If an after-dinner ablution has to be performed, especially when fruit is eaten, it should be restricted to the use of the finger-bowl alone.

The smaller goblet then introduced in the fingerbowl should be discarded, unless in order to add completeness, a tooth-brush were added to the paraphernalia. No attempt to lay down the laws of etiquette can be attempted in this column, yet if A.H. may have observed the behavior of nay number of well-bred guests at a table, an inquirer must have noticed that not one person in ten to-day makes use of the objectionable mouth-glass. To drive it entirely out of use, it would be only necessary for someone to follow quietly, yet not too markedly, the actions of a pretty woman in the act of cleansing her mouth.

Where she a great lady, armed with a triple cuirass of aplomb, she could not stand even the semblance of a few inquiring looks in which some mute astonishment was mingled. Now, can there be any action at a dinner-table among well-bred people which, when observed, should cause inconvenience? Fingerbowls, then, are not objectionable, but goblets in the fingerbowls for other usages are certainly, as Savarin called them, "Inutile, indecente, et dédégoûtante" or "Useless, indecent and disgusting." –New York Times, 1873

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©. Etiquette Encyclopedia