College Classroom Etiquette

“College classes build off of each other, each assuming a base set of knowledge has been acquired before it is taken. Handing out a passing grade to a student who has not learned anything from the class sets them up for an even greater failure in their next one. The only people responsible for our successes or failures is ourselves.” 

——————— 

College classroom behavior has changed tremendously over the past 65 - 75 years. Not only have all of the technological advances achieved created a different learning atmosphere, societal changes have created waves of change on their own. Still, the need for classroom etiquette, respect for teachers, and respect for other students has always been, and remains now, extremely important.

Classes need more etiquette To my right, two people are talking excitedly about their weekend. To my left, someone absent-mindedly flips through their Facebook comments on their iPhone. Just in front of me, another person is listening to music with one ear bud in, all but hidden from view in her hair. A cell phone goes off, with a top-40 song clamoring out not too long before being silenced by its owner. Can you guess what’s wrong with this picture? 

We aren’t in a cafe, or sitting on a bus, we are sitting in the middle of a college class. Somewhere at the front, the teacher talks about the subject at hand, though I couldn’t tell you what it is. Sifting through all the other noise its difficult, and I can only catch so much with the murmuring all around. The instructor pauses from time to time, leveling dagger eyes in the direction of the loudest offender; waiting for the noise to subside before continuing. But this affords only a brief respite before the conversation creeps back in from the corners of the classroom, and the lesson is lost in the clamor once more. 

One would hope this kind of behavior would die out after graduating high school. College isn’t mandatory. Remember, we sign up for these classes, hand selected to fill our learning objectives and set us on the path toward a lucrative future. And students have to pay far too much in the eyes of many to attend. One would imagine the hefty price tag might lend a certain gravity and prompt students to take their classes seriously, as failing a class represents a monumental waste of money and time.

So why do so many students roll into class in the last fifteen minutes, or show up to pay absolutely no attention to the teacher? This is no time to be trying to be cool. Few employers will care about how popular you are perceived to be. Few employers will look beyond whether you have the qualifications they are seeking, and those who don’t give their classes the attention they deserve put getting those at risk. And yet, classrooms are plagued by disrespectful students who insist on disrupting the class, robbing not only themselves of quality education, but stealing it from others who show up with a serious desire to learn. At least, some realize the the jig is up, but there’s another group who think that although they have attended only a fraction of the classes, they will get a good grade.

They pile around the instructor after class, armed to the teeth with excuses and plea bargains that they will get a good grade, asking for extra credit, extra time, for a grade they don’t deserve, because they “really need an A in this class!” Often it is too late, and they loudly decree how the teacher doesn’t like them, it’s personal, it’s racist, it’s because they’re just mean or don’t care. Teachers do care. They care enough to work in a thankless job where disinterested students pay them little to no heed. And they care enough to fail those students, making sure they only move forward when they are finally armed with the knowledge they need to succeed. 

Teachers want to help others reach their goals, but those goals must be earned. Giving out grades to students who don’t deserve them is not only unfair to the ones who give their all in the classroom, it hurts the ones pleading for them too. College classes build off of each other, each assuming a base set of knowledge has been acquired before it is taken. Handing out a passing grade to a student who has not learned anything from the class sets them up for an even greater failure in their next one. The only people responsible for our successes or failures is ourselves. Give each class your all, and you may be surprised how much it gives back to you. — Phillip Khun, Experience Perspectives, 2013

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Restaurant Mobile Phone Manners

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If you must have your mobile with you in a restaurant...

• Please keep it on silent mode.

• Please keep it off of the table — it’s not part of a place setting.

• Keep it in your handbag, briefcase or a pocket.

• If you must respond to someone, do it via text. 

• If you absolutely must take a call, excuse yourself from the table and go to the lobby or outside. 

• Take every caution to avoid “phubbing” others around you.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Telephoning

When there are several different persons using the same line, two or three of them may mistake the call for theirs, and all rush to the telephone at once. If at all stupid, or lacking in politeness, they will make it quite unpleasant for each other. - From "Practical Etiquette," 1899  

While it is fun to read retro-etiquette or vintage etiquette posts, which preceded our carrying our phones everywhere with us,  they rarely need much modification to suit today's needs.  Keep this in mind when reading. With mobile phones, or cell phones, fewer people are making actual phone calls. Texting and engagement through social media sites are far more prevalent. 

The amount of text, email and social media app data usage, surpassed the amount of voice data used in cell phone calls in less than a decade. One 40-year-old marketing consultant from Canton Massachusetts, said that she probably only spoke to someone verbally on her cell phone, once a week, when interviewed by the New York Times in 2010. To get, and keep jobs, in which conversation skills are highly valued, proper telephone manners may have to be learned, or refreshed, as the current trends continue.

Telephoning

For the benefit of those who but seldom make use of the telephone, and consequently feel more or less ill at ease when attempting to use one, and also for those who, from ignorance of the first laws of politeness, or who, from thoughtlessness, ignore them, a few hints upon the subject may not come amiss. It is after having called up “Central,” and been given the number requested, that one often stands in need of no small amount of tact and good breeding, as well as of some idea of the best method of procedure. 

When there are several different persons using the same line, two or three of them may mistake the call for theirs, and all rush to the telephone at once. If at all stupid, or lacking in politeness, they will make it quite unpleasant for each other. The one entitled to speak should politely inquire for the one for whom she has called at the telephone, also giving her own name as the one delivering the message. If this does not suffice to enlighten those who sometimes keep calling “hello,” “hello,” without waiting to learn if they are the ones desired, the one talking should again announce herself, and the name of the one to whom she wishes to speak. Then, occasionally, even while in the midst of a conversation, some one will break in with a “Hello!” “Who is it?” “What do you want?” etc., which is quite distracting. If one can gain a hearing in no other way, it is well to say: “Excuse me, I hold the line.” If this does not bring order out of chaos, one should ring off and call again.

One should be careful not to call up friends at inconvenient hours, and when one is notified by a servant, or otherwise, that someone, the name being given, is at the telephone wishing to speak with her, she should certainly be as expeditious as possible in replying; for, by holding the wire, she is inconveniencing others, as well as the one who is waiting for her. No lady needs to be warned against speaking discourteously under any circumstances to the telephone assistants at the central office. It is in these little things that one shows herself to be well-bred or not.

None, of course, but the most informal of invitations can be delivered by telephone.

Servants should be taught always to answer the telephone politely and intelligently. When answering, a servant should say whose residence it is, if asked, not by giving the family name, as “Smith,” but as “Mr. Smith,” and then, if asked who is at the instrument, she should reply, “Mrs. Smith’s cook” or “maid.”

One’s individual manners, and ordinary polite or impolite forms of address, are very noticeable when accentuated by the telephone. — From Practical Etiquette 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

"Phone Voice" Etiquette

Though the telephone has become an integral part of our daily lives, many people do not realize that voices are transmitted at a higher pitch over phone lines, than if one was speaking with someone face to face. Business professionals in particular, can benefit from speaking in a lower tone of voice than normal, when on business phone calls, in order for those on the other ends to hear them more clearly. 

Improve Your Phone Voice! 

Despite the fact that the telephone has become so commonplace as to be taken for granted in our daily living, many women have never learned to talk on the instrument. Technically adept at putting their calls through, and well versed in the rules of telephone etiquette, they still create an unfavorable impression upon their listeners because of their voices. Women who claim they don't like to talk on the telephone are usually admitting their discomfort. Their point that the facial expressions observed in personal chats add much to any conversation, is a valid one. Be that as it may, if they plan to use the telephone as a medium of communication, they should accept its limitations and set about correcting their own failings. 

One particularly unfortunate telephone voice is the meek, mild one that makes listeners yell, “What's that?” and “Louder, please.” No matter how competent a person you may really be, the person at the other end of the wire is likely to conclude that you are ineffectual and without self-confidence. This is a handicap in both business and social relationships. Equally unattractive is the telephone-shouter who attempts to convey her message by vocal power alone. Not only is such a voice unpleasant to the unfortunate ear at the other end of the line, but it also marks the shouter as being unsure both of herself and of the instrument. - San Bernardino Sun, 1950

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Evolving Social Customs

On Technology – "While I counsel conservatism in these changes, I am convinced that the new dynasty of wire and wireless is destined to dominate us; and as discovery continues and inventions multiply, the time is near when immediate communication will be had at long range..."  
On Invitations – "It is still considered better to adhere to the more respectful written form if there is any doubt about the new way being acceptable to the party of the second part." 

“The universal use of the telephone is another factor in the modification of social customs. Among familiar friends, the little chat over the 'phone largely takes the place of the informal call. Also, invitations to any but strictly formal functions are now sent by telephone, if agreeable to both parties; though it is still considered better to adhere to the more respectful written form if there is any doubt about the new way being acceptable to the party of the second part. 

While I counsel conservatism in these changes, I am convinced that the new dynasty of wire and wireless is destined to dominate us; and as discovery continues and inventions multiply, the time is near when immediate communication will be had at long range; possibly telepathy—who knows? Or, possibly tele-photography with it—why not? Then, the slow, laborious writing of messages will be as much out of date as the super-annuated stage-coach.

But—not yet; we are still in the process of evolution. It is still safe to heed Pope's famous advice:

"Be not the first by whom the new is tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.”

– From Agnes H. Morton's, 1919 book, “Etiquette.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mobile Manners Issued for No. Koreans

North Korea is now stressing etiquette in use of mobile phones. "Korean citizens are generally kind and accepting of tourists, but in a culture that is far more conservative than America's, following etiquette is crucial. Respect is paramount, and Koreans may take offense at behavior that you wouldn't blink twice at witnessing at home. Tourists generally visit only South Korea; private American citizens aren't allowed into North Korea on their own. In any case, the same basic manners apply in either place." USA Today 
Photo from http://americaninnorthkorea.com/

North Korea keeps tight controls on the flow of information within, and even across, its borders. Even so, approximately 2.5 million people are estimated to be subscribed to the country's mobile operator Koryolink, a joint venture with Egypt's Orascom Telecom. With this increasingly growing mobile phone use in North Korea, the strict communist country has published a set of etiquette guidelines on how to treat others with respect through the new medium.

A quarterly North Korean magazine on culture has been obtained by the Yonhap News Agency, and it includes an article entitled “Language etiquette in phone conversations.” The article stresses the importance of proper manners in one's mobile phone usage.

“As mobile phones are being used increasingly in today's society, there has been a tendency among some people to neglect proper phone etiquette,” reads the article in the August 2014 issue of the magazine.

In an apparent reference to the fact that the caller's number appears on mobile phones, the article states that, “On mobile phones, unlike on land lines, conversations usually take place with knowledge of the other person. However, even in such cases, one must not neglect to introduce oneself or offer greetings.” 

In one such example, the magazine states that if the recipient does not introduce himself or herself upon answering a call, the caller must go through the time-consuming process of enquiring, “Hello? Is it you, comrade Yeong-cheol?”

It stresses too, that it is more polite for the recipient of the call, to not only introduce himself but to also acknowledge that he is aware of who the caller is, as well. If not, the caller must go through the aforementioned, time-consuming inconvenience of identifying himself, according to the magazine article.

In an attempt to nip in the bud the irritating phenomena known as “cell yell” and “TMI,” the article also offers the etiquette tip that, “Speaking loudly or arguing over the phone in public places where many people are gathered is thoughtless and impolite behavior.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Cellfishness Eradication

Eliminate cellfishness with these tips below. Why? More and more workplace and school cell phone bans are being instituted with over a third of companies contacted saying they've already put in place policies to address the issue. The biggest reason for the limits include the noise and distraction, along with a loss in productivity. Many companies are complaining that some people seem to require surgical removal of cell phones in order to put them down. 

Like it or not, the world is not your personal phone booth. No one wants to hear about your colonoscopy. We don't care about how much you hate your job. And we certainly don't want to hear you dish out every last detail of your sex life or lack thereof. According to one survey, more than half of employees said they get impatient or angry when a coworker stops a conversation because of an incoming wireless call. 

You can't walk down the hallway in some offices, without hearing things you don't want to be hearing.  People are fed up with the constant interruptions of cell phone calls throughout the day, that have nothing to do with them.  It's pretty appalling, the subjects of conversations that people, especially teens and millennials, are having on the cell phones in public. When they get on the phone, it's apparent they think the rest of the world becomes invisible. Or maybe, it actually does for them.  But it is time for a reality check.  Talking about whatever you feel like over your phone in public, is an invasion of everyone's space and it's also a form of air pollution. It is ear pollution.

More than half of employees surveyed said they get impatient or angry when a coworker stops a conversation because of an incoming wireless call. Stop the ear pollution!

Are you being 'cellfish' with your cell or mobile phone? You can stop being cellfish by using these 12 tips:

1. Wait until lunch or a break to have personal conversations on your cell or mobile at work. 
2. Don't talk on the cell or mobile when others are trapped into hearing your conversation, such as in lines or elevators. 
3. Take calls from those who might have unpleasant or upsetting news in a place where you'll have privacy. We all have that one person that baits us into arguments. Save your calls with that person, for when you are away from others.
4. Don't give out personal information such as credit card numbers when others can hear. This can cause undo paranoia and suspicion in you, when it is your own fault. 
5. Use the phone for essential purposes when in public, but be brief and to the point. 
6. Lower your voice. No cell yell in the supermarket. 
7. Use your phone discreetly. It is not supposed to be an extra appendage.
8. Don't take, or worse yet make, a personal call during a business meeting. 
9. Maintain a 10-foot zone of body space, from anyone who has to listen in, while you're chatting. 
10. When you're in earshot of others, keep it short. 
11. Treat people in the same manner you would want to be treated. It's called the "Golden Rule" for a reason.
12. Let those around you know if you have to make a call, then excuse yourself to a more private area. 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Concert Etiquette

Good concert etiquette helps an audience have a wonderful musical experience and enables the musicians perform to the best of their ability.

Artists from all over the world have always considered Argentine audiences to be the most appreciative, warm, knowleadgeable, thankful and enthusiastic in their response to a remarkable performance.

Alas, another adjective may soon be added to the list. “Noisy” may be a gallant way to describe it.

Money has changed hands, patrons with little experience fill the halls, younger generations have invaded the auditoriums (that’s good if they are duly prepared) and a new set of jet-setters and upper executives seeking fame as patrons and pictures in glossy magazines have taken over. Unfortunately, they are yet unaware that there is a set of rules to be respected and have thus altered the religious atmosphere that used to prevail in olden times.

Welcome, newcomers. Here is a list of some of the obligations you may find useful in trying to blend with veterans.

Theatres were built in order for people to listen. Additions to the sounds emanating from the stage are not welcome.

Enemy Number One: The mobile phone. It should be left at home, set in vibration mode or entrusted to the ladies in the wardrobe section. A thorough investigation has determined that calls usually deal with the childrens’ homework or the status of the roastbeef in the oven. Never a “Transfuse immediately,” “Administer Alphabetazone in the carotide” or “Call the fire brigade urgently.”

What all the messages have in common is a disruption of all the neighbours’ attention and enjoyment of whatever they are hearing.

I remember a performance by the exceptional Yo-Yo Ma. He was playing Dvorak’s cello concerto. Just before the concluding cadenza the orchestra stops at an ominuous chord, and after a silence loaded with suspense and anticipation the soloist begins his meditation of all that has been going on. Then the orchestra renews its attack and the first movement ends.

Nightmares of cell phones ringing?

This was years ago, but I am sure Maestro Ma still wakes up screaming remembering the silly beeps (in a wrong key) that intruded in the wonderful silence and totally destroyed what is one of the great moments in music. 

There are counterexamples, though. In the middle of an opera a man from Galería (one of the higher and cheaper locations at the theatre) shouted “Please, a doctor!” The lady next to me reacted compassionately with a loud “Shhhh!” I grabbed my chance asking “What if it were your son?”

Silence reigned once more and the performance continued. I can only hope that the ailing spectator in Galería found a good doctor. And that the lady was duly punished by whoever is in charge of torture. 

Also at the Colón, when James King was declaring his passionate love for Sieglinde in Walküre, some (quite loud) backstage noises preparing the explosive arrival of spring so upset Jeannine Altmeyer that she lost it, left a kneeling Sigmund about to embrace a reluctant lover, and ran out of the stage screaming “Non si può cantare con questo rumore tremendo!”

After some minutes, which I suppose were spent making Altmeyer drink a heavy-duty sedative, the performance was eventually resumed  and ended in triumph.  Am sure we all celebrated that Siglinde was doomed to endure a painful pregnancy next to a ferocious dragon.

I later asked Maestro King what he thought of the fiasco and he answered “No comment.” But added “In the US we say ‘The show must go on’.” 

On another occasion, I was in Bayreuth watching an exceptional performance of Walküre. In my most adored part, when Brünnhilde tells Siglinde she is pregnant, the mother-to-be utters one of Wagner’s most magnificent phrases. Just then, a neighbour of mine’s mobile phone required his attention. The criminal stood up, searched vainly for the weapon, and gave up, thus ruining beyond recovery our involvement with the drama.

The next week, I asked my friends at the press office what they did about mobile phones. 

“Walküre July 22, row 22, seat 12?  He is forever banned from Bayreuth.” A lesson to be learned.

Enemy Number Two: Coughing. Why here? Would you cough as well and as loud if you were being proposed to?

Are you medicated? Is it possible that a huge delegation from a lung hospital coincides at the same theatre? Or that an army of aliens are communicating in their weird language? Have you noticed that an artist never coughs or sneezes (or answers his mobile) while performing?

I shall not elaborate on this subject, because an understandably irate Keith Jarrett has spoken for us all, but still… I have seen great pianists walk away, and all for the same reason.

It is seldom a question of health. It is more often a matter of indifference and bad manners. We can do much better and regain our position as wonderful audience. And yet… there is more we can do to alienate the artist.

How about shouting “Salud” or “Jesus” or even “Gesundheit” every time someone coughs? At least it might prove that we may be noisy but well-mannered.

And... What about whispering, applauding at the wrong time, sporting alergy provoking perfumes, opening and closing hand-bags with resonant clicks, arriving late, humming along with the tenor, etc?

Surely a good opportunity for a second Concert Etiquette?

This article by Jaime Botana originally ran in the Buenos Aires Herald, May 2011

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

10 Commandments of Mobile Etiquette

In a 2011 survey, 13% of people polled said that they had pretended to be talking to someone on their cell phones, to avoid talking to other people around them. Etiquipedia's guess is the actual percentage is much higher.

1. Thou shalt give your phone a rest. Smartphones, mobile phones, cell phones... Whatever you call them, they are not personal appendages. At least they are not supposed to be. They are a way of facilitating communication with others more easily. Yours does not need to be in your hand 24/7, as one needs to be sleeping at some point out of those 24 hours a day.

2. Thou shalt turn off your ringer in public places and not set your phone down in front of you at a restaurant table or any other place where you are meeting with others face to face. Nothing is more annoying than being mid-sentence in a conversation, and having someone's phone light up, buzz or ring. It can stop genial and productive flows of conversation, only so others can ask, "Do you need to take that?"

3. Thou shalt not indulge in "Cell Yell." If the person that you're talking to can't hear you, don't yell. Unless you are whispering, you probably just have a lousy connection. "Cell yell" puts others around you in cell hell, and does not help the situation anymore than it does to yell in your native tongue at people who do not speak your language.

4. Thou shalt not text or talk while holding on to your device if you are driving or operating any other machinery. There have been too many fatalities and fender-benders caused by cell phone distraction. If a call or text is that important to you, pull off the road and send your text, tweet, or make your call.

5. Thou shalt not "phub." "Phubbing" is the act of snubbing someone in a social setting by looking at your phone instead of paying attention to the person or people you are with. In other words, don't talk or text when you are in the company of anyone else, unless you have an emergency of some sort, or the person with you is in on what is being said or texted. 

Smartphones shouldn't be barriers between you and your child's, or grandchild's activities. Letting them be a part of your phone's use helps reduce iGuilt.

 iGuilt- Do you suffer from this dreaded affliction? 

They call it iGuilt. It's become an increasingly common sight at Saturday morning sport as parents tap away at their phones, missing little Jimmy's goal. Some parents don't even realise what they're doing while others readily admit they devote more attention to their iPhone than to their child. The modern world is filled with technological distractions, from smartphones to laptops to iPads, which are increasingly hard to switch off. Netsafe director and father of a 4 and 8-year-old, Martin Cocker admitted smartphones sometimes interfered with his parenting. His job means he needs to always be contactable by media and colleagues and so he always has his phone on and with him. "If I get messages, I check them and if my phone rings, I answer it because it might be work-related. But the bulk of the time, of course, it's not." Mr. Cocker said smartphone technologies were deliberately designed to keep people engaged. "It's designed to get you using it and to keep you using, making it harder to pull away." They do that because they don't make money in a traditional way. You don't pay to use a lot of the services that people are constantly using on their smartphones, but the more you use it the more the companies who own the apps can sell the advertising for," he said. As well, new technologies have removed the ability to stop working when you leave the office, meaning work inevitably creeps into home life. Mother of two and iPhone user Rochelle Gribble admitted she's fallen victim to iGuilt after seeing the behaviour of 3-year-old Caitlin deteriorate when she devotes too much time to her iPhone. "I've become increasingly mindful that I need to not have my iPhone out when my kids are around," she said. "When my daughter wants my attention but I'm on my phone she does something which she knows is naughty and she's basically trying to get my attention. So it's at that moment when I know I need to put down my phone, put away the computer and engage with her." Mrs Gribble works from home and runs parenting advice website."One of the reason I work from home is so I can spend time with my kids and I want to enjoy their childhood and here I am checking my email at the park." She frequently sees parents getting distracted by their phones while pushing their children on the swings at the park. "There's lots of little fun distractions on the internet, like Facebook, and sometimes it's a heck of a lot more interesting than talking to your children, let's be honest. And it's also a lot less demanding." Professor Alan France, head of the Sociology department at the University of Auckland, said the positive impact of technology should be noted as well. Gadgets like PlayStation's Wii had the ability to draw families together to play games while children having increased access to mobile phones meant parents could worry less." ... mobiles have improved parents' connection to their children and I don't see that as a bad thing." Mr. Cocker suggested "technology-free weekends" to help improve family-time, or even just a technology-free day or afternoon. ~ Source New Zealand Herald News, 2012

6. Thou shalt not make a call or take a call of a highly personal nature in a public place. If others can hear your conversation, maintain a distance of at least 10 feet from the closest person next to you, so that they do not have to hear your half of a conversation about your sex life, or lack thereof.

The selfie seen 'round the world. Digital diplomacy or international embarrassment?

7. Thou shalt not take selfies at funerals, mortuaries or memorial services. And while we're on the subject of photos, don't take pictures or video of anyone without their permission first. That handy availability of a camera on your phone? It doesn't give you the right to photograph someone.

8. Thou shalt not use your cell phone at the theater, opera, symphony, lecture or a play, unless you need to call for emergency services.

9. Thou shalt not call or text someone in anger. Anger makes people say things they regret later on. If you are angry, wait 12 to 24 hours to cool off, then make your call or text.

10. If your call is dropped, call the person back out of courtesy, regardless of which phone you suspect dropped the call. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Respect should not be a one-way street.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia