Peter Post on Hygiene Etiquette

The easiest way to deal with the problem is to wash regularly-once a day—and use a deodorant, preferably one with little or no scent. Fresh clothes each day are another must. At the very least, give your shirt or other clothes the "sniff" test-and be honest with yourself about the results.

Hygiene in the Workplace

People who don't wash often enough, or who don't use a deodorant and consequently smell unpleasant, are hurting their opportunity to have good relationships with colleagues and negatively impacting their chances for promotion. 

The easiest way to deal with the problem is to wash regularly-once a day—and use a deodorant, preferably one with little or no scent. Fresh clothes each day are another must. At the very least, give your shirt or other clothes the “sniff” test-and be honest with yourself about the results.

The other big problem area involves scents-cologne, perfume, or scented deodorants. Splashing on the cologne or perfume might make heads turn when you walk by-but maybe for the wrong reason. In fact, many organizations now have “no-scent” policies. –Peter Post in “Essential Manners for Men,” 2003

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Contagious Diseases

They are kind of cute! — “Why don’t the contagious among us stay home or wear those cute little paper nose and mouth covers or at least feel bad about putting the rest of us at risk of sharing their misery? More people died in the post-World War I influenza epidemic than died in the war. Garden variety flu germs can be life-threatening to the elderly or those with vulnerable respiratory systems.”
— Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

In 1998, the State of California banned indoor smoking in many public places, much to the delight of non-smokers and those suffering from respiratory problems. A law professor from UC Berkley wrote the following article, which appeared in the Los Angeles Times. The importance of respiratory etiquette that the professor outlined is timely, considering the world continues to deal with Covid-19 and our normal “cold and flu season” is nearly upon us.

Thank You for Not Sneezing

California’s assault on secondhand smoke reached its historic high this New Year’s, when even indoor areas in bars and casinos became smoke-free by force of law. The rules on smoke exposure have taken a 180-degree turn in less than a generation. In the United States of my youth, every citizen was hostage to other people’s cigarettes in airplanes, in offices and in almost every other public space. Now the indoor areas of public life are all nonsmoking zones— an inconvenience for the 25% of adults who smoke, but a benefit of large proportions to the respiratory systems of the 75% who do not.

But even smoke-free California is not a safe place to take your lungs to the office, on a bus or anywhere else in public. In this the season of cold and flu, the greatest hazard of appearing in public is not tobacco smoke, but rather contagious disease. And strangers who would not dream of blowing smoke in your face seem happy enough about coughing and sneezing whenever they see you coming.

Isn’t there a double standard here, when the same folks prohibited from smoking in my office building can sneeze me home for a week of hell with the reigning bacterium of the season? Why don’t the contagious among us stay home or wear those cute little paper nose and mouth covers or at least feel bad about putting the rest of us at risk of sharing their misery?

Could it be that the analogy between secondhand smoke and free-flying germs is farfetched because tobacco is deadly while colds are merely inconvenient? Nonsense. More people died in the post-World War I influenza epidemic than died in the war. Garden variety flu germs can be life-threatening to the elderly or those with vulnerable respiratory systems, a much quicker and much clearer threat than the statistical associations and 30-year time lags that constitute the case against environmental tobacco smoke. And anyone who thinks that this year’s killer colds are merely inconvenient does not have one. The only larger harm a stranger can inflict requires a deadly weapon.

Is the difference between environmental smoke and environmental germs the fact that there is no way to protect against disease contagion that is as simple as not smoking? But what if sick people stay home or cover their mouths? I am sure it is a burden to take such precautions, but isn’t the whole point of our smoking restrictions to impose the inconvenience on those who would otherwise cause harm?

Perhaps the difference is that potential victims can defend themselves more easily from public germs than from secondhand smoke. There are, after all, flu shots to be had every fall. But not all flu bugs respond to the shots available. And if anybody ever finds a vaccine that protects against colds, the financial rewards will make Bill Gates seem middle class. The only way to avoid the urban germ highway is to live alone and stay home all winter.

I’m not advocating passing a law that requires germ-free public spaces. But two smaller lessons do come from the contrasting treatment of germs and cigarettes. The first lesson is that what we tolerate in public is much more a matter of particular social expectation than scientific studies. The French read scientific journals just as assiduously as do Americans, yet the average French café contains more smoke than a forest fire. You are more likely to encounter a face full of tobacco smoke if you go to Japan this year than you would in Los Angeles. But you will also notice hundreds of people on the subway in Japan who wear paper masks to avoid spreading contagious disease that they carry. Which culture is more considerate depends on the particular subject of the inquiry. The standard for what is polite in public varies tremendously from one social setting to another.

Now for the optimistic lesson. If the social customs concerning secondhand smoke can change over time, maybe there is hope for some controls on germs as well. What we need is not a law, but an etiquette of contagious disease. Perhaps the near future can bring us to a standard where we expect more effort from ourselves and one another to avoid multiplying the bacterial miseries of our winters. — Franklin E. Zimring, U.C. Berkley, 1998

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

What is Covid-Etiquette?

Recently I surveyed a number of people to ascertain their views on Covid-19. Some weren't so concerned, feeling that it is just one virus amongst many that will eventually go away. Others are, understandably, on high alert, concerned and taking all necessary precautions. However, everyone understood the need for respiratory etiquette and social distancing at this time.  Many are wearing gloves to add an extra layer of protection, as well as a reminder not to touch their faces. 

What is Covid-Etiquette?

Covid-19 is a coronavirus that can cause significant respiratory illness especially in the aged and those with chronic disease. As a pandemic, its effects have touched every corner of the globe, and our lives have been changed. We can't work, go to school, play and interact in the same ways as before - we must distance ourselves socially in order to protect ourselves and others. Thus, we've needed to adapt to a new set of social etiquette rules:

The Delayed Greeting:

Recently I surveyed a number of people to ascertain their views on Covid-19. Some weren't so concerned, feeling that it is just one virus amongst many that will eventually go away. Others are, understandably, on high alert, concerned and taking all necessary precautions. However, everyone understood the need for respiratory etiquette and social distancing at this time.  Many are wearing gloves to add an extra layer of protection, as well as a reminder not to touch their faces. 

With this in mind, handshakes are on pause everywhere. When making an introduction, wait for a few seconds and observe the person you are greeting and allow how they want to greet you. You may be the person who will initiate the introduction. If so, use open body language, smile your acknowledgement, wave and promptly make an introduction, perhaps a small nod. The other person may want to just say a verbal greeting or an elbow bump or foot tap. (Tip or side of each elbow/tapping on someone shoe side on).

‘The Elbow Bump or Foot Tap’:

For those who do not mind very minimal contact, then the elbow bump may be in order. When doing so, you can have your face positioned to the side to minimise being in their personal space.

Personal Space:

Most cultures have ideals about personal space. In many western cultures personal space is estimated to be the space approximately 70cm around a person. Governmental authorities are advising today to keep at least 1.5m away. So when a person is talking to you, or positioned close to you, take note and move yourself to ensure a greater personal space.

You may be the one enclosed by a few people and feel uncomfortable. If you do, don't hesitate to politely speak up and remind others gently about the need to be distanced from each other. You may choose to quietly remove yourself from the situation.

Use Good Hygiene:

This will help prevent spread of the virus and other microbes.  Use soap and alcohol gel extensively. If you feel you are about to sneeze and there are no tissues available in that moment, use the inner side of your elbow to “catch” the sneeze. Then go to wash your hands and wipe your face. Most local governments have websites with helpful health procedures that one can follow as directed.

Wearing a Face Mask:

Given that Covid-19 is passed primarily through droplets (when breathing, talking, coughing, sneezing), wearing a face mask has become de rigueur worldwide. It has been enforced by regulations in many enclosed and non-enclosed public spaces, depending on what country or city you are in. Therefore, protect your community and yourself by keeping a few face masks handy at home, in the car, your bag or back pocket. For example, in his latest media release, Daniel Andrews, State Premier for Victoria, Australia, stated that from 22nd July 2020, face masks are mandatory and anyone caught not wearing a face covering will be fined $200.

Simply put, etiquette demonstrates care, concern and kindness for yourself and others. It has never been more important on a personal, and global scale. By using the gestures listed here, you can help stop the spread of Covid-19.

Personal Information:

Revealing whether or not you have tested positive for Covid-19 is a personal choice, but only to a certain extent. If you have been advised by your physician to tell those you have been in contact with, of your positive test result, you have an obligation to do so in order for them to seek out medical assistance. But what if it is a friend or family member who has tested positive? Do you have the right or the obligation to tell others who may come into contact with them? 

There is a very fine line between personal privacy and public safety. If someone is sick and knowingly goes out in public, exposing everyone to something like Covid-19, which is so highly contagious, they need to extend the courtesy to others of letting them know. If they do not extend this simple courtesy, and you know the person who is contagious actually has tested positive for Covid-19, others may be furious with you for not letting them know. In this case, the law may require you to disclose this information. 

If it is not a legal requirement to say that you, or someone you know, has or has not tested positive for Covid-19, use your common sense and discretionary powers to decide how much information you wish to give. Keep in mind, however, your obligations in the workplace versus those in your family or social circles, are considerably different. 

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette in a Covid-19 World

Etiquette-fully Doing What's Best for Your Health and Safety

Our accustomed work availabilities, personal services, shopping routines, opportunities, schedules, deliveries, get-togethers, savings accounts, parties, eating out, routine health visits . . . the list goes on -- all but disappeared within a month.  As society is adjusting, we’re observing angst in simple communication of needs regarding individual and family health concerns.

Today’s health and safety issues loom large, reflecting widespread fear and concern about public policies and outcomes.  Disconcertingly, civil conversation can seem reserved only for those holding similar views.  Deeply-held beliefs about our safety and health loom large, and can affect our civility towards others, obstructing or interfering with constructive discourse or simple statements and requests regarding one's health needs.

Asking for What You Need

We're hearing a lot of un-etiquette-ful comments these days outside the margins of expressing one's personal needs.  Do any of the following comments sound familiar to you?

Stating a health need, but prefacing or adding an opinion or belief about reality.

• “The virus is real, not a national conspiracy, so I want some social distancing if you don’t mind!” 
• “I want my deliveries placed on the bottom step not close to my front door, as delivery people are sources of infection.”
• “Get a proper mask or stand further away from me.”

Demands and accusations.

• “I don’t care what the store manager says, you don’t have the right not to wear mask and serve the public.  Fact is, you’re breathing on my food as you’re ringing it up!”   
• “You have no right to open your restaurant, as someone is bound to get sick with the virus.” 
• “I don’t wear a mask, and you’re nutty to be pushing all this fear.”

Blurt-outs 

• “You’re crazy going to a restaurant and risking infection.  Do you really think that is wise?”  
• “Isn’t it now a bit of over-reaction to stick to quarantine rules and refuse to go out until there is a vaccine?”
• “You can’t make me come to work until you prove that I am safe.”

There is no better time than now to ask Etiquette to come to our rescue!  After all, you should be able to state what you believe is best for you or a family member in your charge, directly and respectfully.  

Asking directly, clearly and kindly for what you need is etiquette-ful.

• “John, you’re a little close for me.  Let’s stand further apart.”
• “Family, I want to develop a TV use schedule, as I need one half hour for myself for some exercise video time.”
• “I hear your apology for standing too close.  I will stand back a little and help out, too.”
• “Ginny, I’m so grateful you can babysit for me again.  I hope you don’t mind my asking, for your reassurance that there be frequent hand-washing.”
• “Hey guys, if we’re going to get together, just know my boundaries include social distancing—with love, of course!” 
• “I know you and friends don’t wear masks, but I know you will honor my request that when we’re together, we all do.”

Civility Self-checks

“Etiquette can be at the same time a means of approaching people and of staying clear of them.”

~ David Riesman

Is the issue at hand a matter of “live and let live?”
Whether vendors are wearing face masks is not a confrontational issue.  Instead of arguing with those who aren’t wearing face masks, simply choose to shop elsewhere.

Ask yourself, “Am I being ‘recognizably respectful’ to others?” 
For example: Assume you are sheltering at home, and your washing machine has gone out.  You notify the company of your health safety expectations, instructing that anyone who enters your home must wear a mask, put on fresh gloves in front of you, and wear the shoe covers that you’re providing.  Acknowledge you are adding burden and that you appreciate their care and concern for your health.  Your gratitude might extend to a hand-written note.

Am I being cool, calm, and collected?
If you sense that emotion is involved, take a pause and think through what you want to convey.  Active listening and an encouraging statement may be just the right thing to do.

The person with whom you are speaking may have a completely different perspective and mindset on what the situation at hand is.  That person may be in the same position as you, trying to figure out how to ask for something regarding her own health and safety or needing to be respected for a different view on what’s being called for.

For all of us, things can seem a bit too much.  It may be helpful to remember that though our current generation has not dealt with a pandemic, humans have dealt with them before.  Then, as now, everyone did the best they could to get through it.  The most important thing is, they got through it.  And we will, too.

                                           

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sneezing Etiquette

“If you are around other people, then the acceptable thing to do is to sneeze into your arm. More specifically, do it into the inside crook of your elbow or into your bicep. That way, the particles get trapped into your clothing and not ejected into the air.” – photo source, Irish Times.com                

Please Don’t Use Your Hands

The standard American greeting comes with a handshake. We open doors with our hands. We eat with our hands, touch our faces, and share everything from pens to computer keyboards. That's why I'm so grossed out when people sneeze into their hands. This is not just a distant memory from elementary school or an observation while riding on Muni. I've seen it happen all around me on campus: sniffling faces and knuckles dragging across noses. Then there's the inevitable sneeze - a loud and forceful eruption of saliva and mucus droplets - usually followed by a chorus of “bless yous.” Some of us need a refresher on sneezing etiquette. 

First, if you are really sick, stay at home! That way, in the safety of your own abode, you can sneeze any way you want to. You can get creative and do a 360-degree sneeze and not pose a risk of infecting anyone else (unless you have roommates, of course). If you are around other people, then the acceptable thing to do is to sneeze into your arm. More specifically, do it into the inside crook of your elbow or into your bicep. That way, the particles get trapped into your clothing and not ejected into the air. 

I've seen variations of this technique, including sneezing into the inside of your shirt or armpit... whatever acts as a convenient barrier is fine. If you forget and end up sneezing into your hands, that's OK, but don't pretend as if everything you just unleashed into your hands magically disappeared. Wash your hands right away! And if that is not feasible, then use a squeeze of some hand sanitizer. With these quick tips, not only will you help stop the spread of germs, but you'll look classy doing it. –From an article by M. Mandap, Synapse, UCFS, 2011

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia