Restaurant Savoir Faire — 10 More Tips

 11. Don't order foods you are unfamiliar with, you don't know how to eat properly, or you have difficulty eating when you are dining and attempting to do business at the same time. These dishes may be tempting; however, you may feel too self-conscious to relax and be yourself, when how you look and conduct yourself will be scrutinized throughout the meal. (It is estimated that a full 1/3 of job applicants hoping to land top jobs in management positions are turned down based solely on their table manners, or lack thereof.)

For example: Pasta dishes, highly popular and tasty, are difficult to get from the plate to the mouth without tremendous dexterity. Regarding spaghetti, fettuccine, linguine and other long strands of pasta, these are the rules I give my clients:

• If you are given a large spoon to twirl the pasta into, keep the spoon down close to the dish, so sauce does not splatter on your clothes or other diners. 
• Hold the spoon at an angle in one hand and with your fork in the other, pull a few strands into the bowl of the spoon and “twirl” the fork until the strands grow into a neat little bundle to transfer to your mouth.
• If you don't feel comfortable using this American-Italian style with a spoon as a helper, or aren't given one, you should attempt to twirl the pasta without it. In proper dining, you are allowed to “cut” the pasta with the side of your fork, but never with a knife.
• If you still are not comfortable with the entire procedure, do what I do and order ravioli, rigatoni or other pastas that are shaped into tubes or pillows. Long strands of noodles, covered with sauce, don't really mix well when doing business.

12. If someone else is picking up the tab and orders for you, make a sincere attempt to eat the food. It is only polite in a few instances to turn the food down. Food allergies and religious dietary restrictions are two valid excuses for requesting a substitution. Other times, if you are quick, you can gracefully get a substitution if you know why the undesired dish is being ordered in the first place. 

While dining with family members one day, the person hosting the luncheon said very matter of factly, “I think you’ll all enjoy the chicken salad. We should all have that,” just as we opened our menus. Knowing she lives on a limited income and that price, not flavor, was the issue, I quickly checked the price of the chicken salad versus that of the Caesar salad. The Caesar salad was a dollar less. I said, “I had chicken yesterday for lunch, but the Caesar salad looks good.” She scanned her menu, looked relieved and said, “Yes, you should have that instead!”

In another instance, the escargot that was ordered for me couldn’t be turned down in the social situation I was in. I was relieved to see that the snails were so small, I realized I could swallow them without chewing them first, which is what I did. I popped them in my mouth, pretended to chew them, and drank lots of water! I have come to enjoy escargot a great deal now, and serve them on a regular basis, but at the time the thought of eating snails made me sick.. which leads me to Tip #13.

13. Bodily functions, recent operations, accidents on the highway, or anything else that might cause someone to lose his or her appetite, are subjects that are “off limits” when dining. Just because you don't feel queasy at the sound of something, doesn't mean everyone else shares your cast-iron stomach.

14. There are only three places for your napkin to be when dining out: 

• On your lap while you are seated. 
• On the seat of your chair when you are temporarily away from the table (in the restroom, for example).
• On the table, to the left of where your plate was originally.

15. Refrain from using toothpicks at the table. They are common in Europe, and offered at many restaurants in the U.S., however, rinsing bowls used to be too. Unfamiliar with mouth rinsing bowls? These were bowls of water that were brought to the table to rinse the mouth. Gargling wasn't acceptable, but after rinsing your mouth out, you had to spit the water back into the bowl and place it back on the table. Thankfully, these bowls fell out of popularity by the mid-1800s, and I wish toothpicks would do the same. If you have to pick your teeth, wait until you are alone and in private.

16. Don't gawk or laugh at other diners, or interrupt other diners that you might be acquainted with, in an effort to do some after-hours “networking,” or to get caught up on business. You could be intruding on a well-deserved evening out, lovebirds with nothing else on their minds but each other, or worse yet, a “Let’s-call-the-whole-thing-off” dinner. Some people feel safer surrounded by others when making changes in relationships, as it gives the whole thing of feeling of non-intimacy. You never know what you might be intruding on. A polite “Hello” is the only conversation you should get engaged in, unless you’re encouraged to stick around. Even then, don’t wear out your welcome.

17. Back to those lovebirds... If you want your sweetie to have a taste of your meal, the correct way to do it is this: have him or her pass the utensil from his or her plate. Use this to select a bite-size piece and carefully pass it back. It is never polite for someone to use his or her utensil to fish pieces of food out of someone else’s plate.

18. Food or utensils accidentally dropped to the floor should be retrieved by your waiter, waitress or a busboy. Ask politely for a replacement. It is too easy to up-end a table while trying to retrieve something for oneself.

19. Obey dress codes. Don't assume your sense of style is above what the management feels is in good taste. If the desire is to have the restaurant represented by a certain type of clothing, and you disagree but love the food, order the food to be taken out.

20. If you have a problem with other diners being too loud, obnoxious or unruly, take your problem to the manager or whoever is in charge. Don't attempt to settle the matter yourself. Consider the restaurant as you would a private home. Good restaurants have the savvy and the staff that will treat you as a guest, and they will look out for you. The words “host” and “hostess” weren't used originally in dining establishments simply for lack of better words. 

                                                         
Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Restaurant Savoir Faire — 10 Tips

Restaurant dining is a two-way street. We customers always expect everything to be right every time we dine out. But there are lots of little things we can do to help the restaurant make it the most enjoyable experience it can be. I know this, as years ago I was a restaurant manager, many years back when I was in college. I put together a list of 10 tips that can smooth out the experience and, at the same time, take into consideration the restaurant's position as well.

1. If you prefer to dine without the presence of small children, dine out later in the evening. Families tend to eat out earlier, so they can get kids bathed and ready for bed on schedule. If you are really serious about this issue, call the restaurant well ahead of time. Politely explain you don't care for the company of small children while you dine, and ask if the manager can please help you.

2. Tip #1 one also works well for food allergies and dietary restrictions, as well as any other special needs. The management usually will do their best to accommodate you. Going to extra trouble for you, ensures a certain customer trust and loyalty while eliminating any surprises later on.

Years ago, when my stepson was in a wheelchair and my son in a highchair, I called ahead to the restaurant at which a surprise family birthday dinner had been planned. They said they did not take reservations and I said that I understood, but would they please keep in mind we would be arriving about 7:00 p.m.? The manager said he would do what he could, but could not promise us anything, as Saturday was their busiest evening. 

I was thrilled when we arrived to find a table waiting for us at 7:00, even though they were running a half-hour wait. It wasn’t in a very scenic part of the restaurant and was quite noisy, next to the kitchen, but they had prepared for a large group party that needed special accommodations, as I had alerted them earlier in the week. We were very pleased and let our friends with kids know!

3. Be on time for reservations. If you will be more than 15 minutes late, call and let the host or hostess know. Even when reservations are not involved, as in the case with Tip #2, if we hadn't been there at 7:00 p.m. as I had said we would, I don't know if they would have held that table for us. A good restaurant manager likes to know if there are going to be any surprises. Especially on a Saturday night.

4. Remember you are “sharing” the place with everyone else dining there, so you are “sharing” the staff as well. The waiter or waitress is not your personal servant and should be treated with respect. Although there are poor examples to be found in every profession, on the whole, any group whose main source of income is derived from tips (as is the case here in the United States) and the generosity of those they serve, tends to care about how they perform their jobs.

As a grandmother and an etiquette teacher, I enjoy eating with small children. But it’s not everyone’s cup of tea... — If you prefer to dine without the presence of small children, dine out later in the evening. Families tend to eat out earlier, so they can get kids bathed and ready for bed on schedule. 

5. If you have a problem with your waiter, waitress or food, do not announce angrily, “I want to see the manager immediately!” Politely, ask the host or hostess if the manager is available, and say you would like to speak with him or her. Managers of chain restaurants, as well as privately owned establishments, are usually given authority to pick up tabs for diners who are having problems with the service or food. They are much more sympathetic to a polite patron than to a rude patron. They ultimately decide whether or not they wish you to return for another visit, based on your behavior.

6. Read the fine print on the menu. It will let you know ahead of time if you will be charged for splitting an order, substitutions, requiring separate checks, or any other special requests you want to make.

7. Most restaurants automatically add a gratuity tip to the check for a large groups. In some places “large” can mean over 6 people, and at others, it means over 15.

8. Try to be attentive when the server introduces himself or herself and lists nightly specials, etc... at your table. If you cannot remember his or her name, “Sir,” “Miss” and “Ma’am” are preferred to “Hey! You!” “Waiter” and “Waitress” are also acceptable.

9. The polite tip is 15% to 20% of the check, or tab. The cost of wine is not supposed to be included when figuring your percentage to tip on; however, I always include it as a rule if the server has been helpful in selecting the wine and quick to refill our glasses. Keep in mind, your server most likely gives a portion of his or her tips to the busboy and bartender.

10. Dine without a lot of showing us and fanfare. Don’t order for everyone else and don’t fight over the check, either. If you want to make sure you are paying for the meal, excuse yourself to the powder room or other area and discreetly talk with the host or manager instead. 

Dining out should be a fun experience for everyone in attendance, not a private stage show or an opportunity for someone to show just how much savoir faire he or she has. Don’t confuse arrogance with class. Just put your best foot forward and keep it out of your mouth. By the way, that's where the food goes.— Maura J. Graber

 
Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia