New French Etiquette Manuel of 1906

Women and children walking in Paris, at Tuileries Gardens, 4th June 1906 – Image source, Pinterest

Bits of Paris Etiquette

Manual Has Been Issued in France to Guide Both Men and Women

How one ought to behave in polite society is always an interesting topic, and even if we know all about it it is worth while to hear what the latest mentor has to say on this score. “The Etiquette of Politeness and the Usages of Modern Society in all the Circumstances of Life” is the ponderous title of a bulky volume issued in Paris on this entertaining subject.

As an index to the behavior of French women and French men it is significant to note that young wives are counseled to banish from their dwelling the “dangerous visitor,” giving him to understand that “you can never be anything more to him than a stranger.” Young men who think they look well on horseback should meditate this sage advice: “If you are not an experienced equestrian, do not accompany the ladies to hounds.”

Men who have attained a certain age are told that they may “embrace little girls on the fore-head before their confirmation. Up till that period it is a paternal caress, but after that it is wise to abstain.” Presumably after confirmation the little girls begin to develop a a preference for other than paternal caresses. One would have thought that in a country where men were so proverbially gallant it would not have been necessary to warn them that it is not “correct to stand with their back to the fire, leaning on the mantelpiece.”

But the counsel is there, and it is gravely added: “By so doing you deprive others of the comfort- ing heat which you monopolize.” “The husband,” we learn, “in speaking of his wife says: ‘My wife,’ but he must not say to her: ‘Is it not so, my wife?’ Neither must the wife address her husband in this fashion.” – Adin Argus, 1906

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Tact in French Entertaining of 1907

Instead of sitting at the ends of the table, where they are far apart, the host and the hostess sit opposite one another in the middle, where the table is narrowed and where they are able at once to keep in touch with each other and easily to talk with the guests on either side of each.

The Tact With Which Guests Are Brought Into a Social Group

Every one knows his position and his cue, and every hostess knows that part of her duty is to indicate and to give them, says Professor Barrett Wendell in Scribner’s. Perhaps the most characteristic instance of the way in which this affects social conduct is what generally happens at a dinner party. Instead of sitting at the ends of the table, where they are far apart, the host and the hostess sit opposite one another in the middle, where the table is narrowed and where they are able at once to keep in touch with each other and easily to talk with the guests on either side of each. Thus a company of twelve is at once brought into a single social group, and the outlying members of a larger party are not so far away that they cannot readily listen to the general talk or even take part in it. And the talk is always general, addressed no doubt to one or another of the company, as the tact of the hosts happens to find pleasantest, but never broken into a system of separate confidential dialogues, as is generally the case at home. 

A French dinner is not noisy any more than is a French drawing room. But in either case the deeply subdued tone of voice prevalent in England and among the better sort of Americans would be almost a breach of polite manners. Every social function in France, even to the most informal, has a social character far more pronounced than ours. The individual is there to enjoy himself. But he is also there to play his part. In consequence, all social intercourse in France has a quality less personal, less confidential, somewhat more reserved, than an American is used to. Whoever, even in private places, finds himself in the presence of his fellow beings conducts himself in many ways as if he were in public. The French are in no way conscious of this phase of their manners. It is as normal to them as it is novel to an American visitor. And it results in a general and cheerful, though not quite intimate, conviviality which makes our own manners seem in contrast somewhat melancholy in their dual isolation. —Morning Tribune, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

French Sealing Wax Etiquette

“Chocolate Brown” is for dinner invitations – whether or not Caroline Bingley’s brother “will be dining elsewhere.”

The Parisian Sealing Wax Code

Paris stationers are selling boxes of colored sealing wax with instructions in the etiquette of the use of all of the different shades. Black is for mourning, White for marriage invitations or announcements, Violet for condolence, Chocolate for dinner invitations. Ox Blood, although that might be unsuitable for dinner notes, is for business. Young girls are to use Light Pink, and love letters are to be sealed with Ruby. They say that it’s the fashionable Parisians who use the colors according to this code. – Inyo Independent, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Of French Manners and Customs

Professor Barrett Wendell‘s scholarship has been shown in his college lectures and in noteworthy books– “English Composition,” “Life of Cotton Mather” and “Shakespeare, a Study in Elizabethan Literature.” It may be added that Professor Wendell will deliver two courses of lectures at the University of California, one on Elizabethan literature and the other on English composition.

Society in France

Professor Barrett Wendell, who was the first American lecturer at the French Universities, will have in the April Scribner, a discussion of “The Structure of Society in France.” It gives an account of French manners and customs, and the reasons for them. Professor Wendell’s point of view is that of a sympathetic admirer of the French people. 

He says: “The more you see of the French, the more deeply you are impressed not only with the general regularity of their lives, but with the surprising fact that this general regularity seems to have a very strong hold on their affections.” – San Francisco Call, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1914 French Mourning Etiquette

French mourning dress for women, teens and children... According to historical fiction author, Evangeline Holland, the elaborate rituals of public mourning were in decline by 1917. This was mainly because WWI had given people too many reasons to mourn. It was also impractical for women to wear mourning clothes and retreat into the full mourning customs of the past, just as they were just beginning to enter the workforce en masse. 

Guide to Mourning is Latest Weekly Paris Publication

PARIS, June 15.—The first number of a weekly publication with the cheerful title of Guide To Mourning, has appeared in Paris. Its editor claims that the paper will appeal to all classes. It will deal with everything relating to funerals and give details as to proper periods of mourning, correct costume and etiquette In the matter of bereavement. Prices of church decoration and other burial rites will be quoted. – Los Angeles Herald, 1914

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of French Railways, 1902

The following hints on points of railway customs and etiquette in connection with which trouble often ensues, may not, perhaps, be superfluous. 

French Railway Customs 

A Seat May Be Held By Leaving a Coat in It

It is to be feared that many English and American travelers in France expect to find the same laws and regulations obtaining on French railways as they are accustomed to at home: and when they find that they are very different they are apt to resent it—an attitude which occasionally results in collision with the officials. The following hints on points of railway customs and etiquette in connection with which trouble often ensues, may not, perhaps, be superfluous. 

Claims to a seat —The right to a seat, which has been engaged by placing upon it a coat or some other article, has actually been legalized by a recent test case in the French law courts, while the right in England depends, of course, solely upon custom, and cannot be enforced. Not only this, but in France each passenger is legally entitled to the use of that portion of the rack and floor imemdiately above or below his seat.

Control of windows—English travelers often complain of the tendency of French travelers to keep the windows closed unnecessarily. It is the best policy to put up with this annoyance, as an appeal to the guard will not as a rule be successful. His sympathies are likely to be with his compatriots, who regard the love of English people for open windows as a foolish fad, and one, too, which is dangerous to health. 

Smoking carriages—The rule for smoking on French railways is the reverse of that which obtains in England. Though carriages for fumeurs are provided, smoking is permitted in any carriage with the consent of the occupant, and in practice almost every compartment except those labeled dames seules is a smoking one. 

Tips to porters—English travelers are apt to inveigh against the greed and rapacity of French porters, especially at Paris stations. This is probabiy due to ignorance of the fact that at Paris termini the facteur who fetches a cab from outside the station—and this is usually necessary—is entitled to a gratuity. And in Paris one franc is customary. This being the case, the traveler who presents him with a few coppers (which would be civilly accepted at a London station) must not be surprised if he is confronted with black looks. 

Customs examination —At Calais, Boulogne or Dieppe the traveler should be on i his guard against accepting the services of a man in semi-uniform (not a porter), who will offer to see the traveler's luggage through the customs. His services will cost you a fee of 2s. 6d. —London Travel, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and French Tea Customs

"le 5 o'clock," has by this time become thoroughly domesticated in Paris

French Tea Drinking

The afternoon tea habit, or as it is known to our French cousins, "le 5 o'clock," has by this time become thoroughly domesticated in Paris. It is not so long ago that the name was greeted with an indulgently superior smile as "so English you know," and therefore hardly worth the serious consideration of the Parisienne, whose duty was not to follow fashions, but to set them. Yet gradually the tea table began to make its appearance in Paris salons. 

Those who had been in the habit of paying calls where mere words were exchanged found it pleasant also to receive a dainty cup of tea. The visitor, when her turn as hostess came about, repeated the refreshment, and the fashion spread. But the foreign custom in passing into Parisian life is always, to a certain extent, transformed and Parisianised.

Tea gown, circa 1902

The case of afternoon tea was to transplant the little function from the home circle, making it a feature of more public life. Between 4 and 6 o'clock every afternoon, French society now betakes itself to certain well known tea rooms.

Visits must, of course, be paid at this season, but they are cut short so as not to interfere with the tea. A Parisian now says, "Come and have tea with me at Ritz's," whereas not so long ago she would have said. "Come and see me at home." 
                 – From The Los Angeles Herald, 1904

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia