Gilded Age Opera Hat Etiquette

“Newland, I’m so happy you left your ‘I have an opera-hat’ badge at home!” — Young men might spare themselves considerable trouble, and their friends some annoyance, by pinning on the lapel of their dress-coat a badge marked “opera-hat.” Then everybody will be aware that they have one, and that they have had intelligence enough to leave it with their other things upstairs. Thus, the soul aim they seem to have in view will be quietly and unostentatiously served.

— Photo from “The Age of Innocence” source, Pinterest

One of the follies of would-be fashion, of which, usually, only very young men are guilty, is carrying a crush or opera-hat into a drawing-room at a formal party or reception. It is strange that they do not know any better: that common sense does not tell them that to go into a cloak-room and leave their over shoes, cane, and overcoat, and then carry their hat into company is the essence of absurdity. The name of the hat they appear so anxious to display should give them the proper information as to its disposal. 

It is an opera-hat, and designed for the opera, where it is convenient to retain it after leaving a box to enter the lobby or foyer, as nobody would care to be bareheaded. But to go into a drawing-room with the hat under one's arm, and nurse it all evening, advertises ignorance of society and etiquette with unpleasant conspicuousness. A man might with equal fitness carry around his overshoes or his boot-jack or his toilet articles. The sole object he can have must be to let the company know that he has an opera-hat, not a very valuable or remarkable acquisition, since such a head-covering can be bought anywhere for $5 or $6.

Young men might spare themselves considerable trouble, and their friends some annoyance, by pinning on the lapel of their dress-coat a badge marked “opera-hat.” Then everybody will be aware that they have one, and that they have had intelligence enough to leave it with their other things upstairs. Thus, the soul aim they seem to have in view will be quietly and unostentatiously served. —The New York Times, 1880

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Opera vs Theater Etiquette

As a rule, greater elegance in dress is demanded at the opera.

There is little difference in the etiquette of the opera and the theater, except that the opera season is shorter, and for this reason is usually a fashionable diversion while it lasts, and, as a rule, greater elegance in dress is demanded. There are only a few important rules that need to be observed on ordinary occasions at the theater. Unless a box is to be occupied it is inconvenient to adopt the custom that some people have of coming in after the curtain has arisen, as this disturbs all the people in the vicinity of the late comers. 

During the performance absolute quiet must be maintained, for, although you many be enjoying yourself, the laughing and talking are annoying to those around who would undoubtedly prefer to listen to the play. – Sacramento Union, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Opera Etiquette Humor

Tell those around you how much better the opera was done at the Grand Opera in Paris. You will thus get a reputation as a savant.

Rules of Etiquette for the Opera

Arrive late and take your seat ostentatiously. Calmly survey the house and remark in a ringing voice that there seems to be a very ordinary lot of people present. You will thus impress people with a sense of your importance.

If you see friends in another part of the house, wave your arms gracefully in token of recognition and tell the dress circle how well yon think "Gladys" is looking. It will please the audience if you thus take them into your confidence.

Tell a few sprightly anecdotes about prominent singers who have met you and confide in those within fifity feet of your seat that Caruso doesn't seem to be in as good form as he was three years ago.

Keep up a running fire of comment during the solos, passing blithely from topic to topic until you have exhausted them. If the hoi polloi glare at you simply smile pityingly at them, for they know no better.

Yawn ostentaciously once in a while in order that the common people may infer that you have attended Grand Opera so often, that it has become a bore. Tell those around you how much better the opera was done at the Grand Opera in Paris. You will thus get a reputation as a savant.

By following these simple instructions you will be enabled to create a pleasant diversion for those on the stage and break up the tedium of those who came to hear the music. — John T. McCutcheon, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Opera and Theatre Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen

It is correct for the young man to inquire if the young woman prefers a box, or, if not, he should state in what part of the house he proposes to secure seats. This will enable her to determine how to dress. 

Theatre

A young man may invite a young woman to the theatre or opera, even if he has but a slight acquaintance with her, but of course he should secure the permission of her parents or chaperone.

It is correct for the young man to inquire if the young woman prefers a box, or, if not, he should state in what part of the house he proposes to secure seats. This will enable her to determine how to dress.

If the young woman wears street toilette, her escort may take her in any public conveyance but if she wears evening dress, he should provide a carriage. At the theatre he should precede the woman down the aisle to the seat or box; but if it is the latter, he should open the door and wait for her to pass.

A man may use his judgment as to the aisle seat. If a better view can be had, or seemingly objectionable people are next the inside seat, it is perfectly proper to give the woman the aisle seat.

A man should never leave his companion
between the acts. The custom of both men and women going into the foyer at that time is a growing one, and is a relief to the audience.

Refreshments at some fashionable place may follow after the entertainment.

For a man to call on an acquaintance in an opera box does not relieve one of the duty of
making a formal call in return for social favors.

Bonnets

A woman of any consideration will either wear no bonnet at all or remove it as soon as the curtain is raised.

It would be in place for a man or woman whose view is hampered by a bonnet to politely ask the wearer to remove it, and when it is done, to thank her.

Men —Leaving Cards

After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted or leave his card.

Precedence

In entering a theatre a man precedes the women of his party, but after he has handed his coupons to the ushers he gives the women precedence, and follows them to their seats.

Talking

Conversation during the progress of the play or the opera should be avoided, and confined to the intermissions.

The theatre goer should avoid all noise, gestures or actions tending to annoy others or to render himself conspicuous.

A man would be justified, when annoyed by a person talking loud near him, in asking him politely to speak lower.

Conversation during the progress of the play or the opera should be avoided, and confined to the intermissions. 

Conversation during the progress of the play or the opera should be avoided, and confined to the intermissions.

Theatre and Opera Parties Given by Men

A man giving a theatre or opera party should secure one or more chaperones if women are to be present.

Calls

The host should call upon his guests within three days or a week after the event.

Carriages

The host may, if he choose, send carriages or a stage to collect all the guests. This is a formal and agreeable way to begin the evening's pleasure. 

The chaperone should be called for first. A more informal way is quite popular. The invitations having been given and accepted, the host informs each of his guests as to the others, and leaves a ticket with each one. All then meet
informally at the place of amusement. If a dinner is given before the entertainment,
carriages are provided to convey the guests to the theatre.

Chaperone

A chaperone should always be present if women are to be members of the party. And if a stage or carriage calls for the guests, it should call first for the chaperone.

The chaperone who acts as hostess should decide the hour to close the festivities.

Dinners

If a dinner is given before the performance, it is generally given at six o'clock, the usual customs being followed. If preferred, the dinner may follow the performance, and may be given at any fashionable restaurant or hotel.

If it is given before the play, at its termination the guests are conveyed in carriages or stage to the theatre at the expense of the host.

After the entertainment it is a good plan for the party to return to the banqueting-room to partake of slight refreshments.

A woman should avoid conspicuous manners, loud conversation, laughing, or acting in any way to attract attention. 

A woman should avoid conspicuous manners, loud conversation, laughing, or acting in any way to attract attention.

Dress

Men wear evening dress. Women wear full evening dress.

Invitations

He may invite his guests in person or by note. In either case he should secure the parents' permission to allow the young women to attend, and should be ready to supply all information regarding the men who will be present, and also the chaperones.

Men 

The escorts should see the women home unless they are called for by the male members of their families, in which case they may be accompanied to their conveyances. If a young woman is called for by her maid in a carriage, her escort may take her home.

Intimacy of the parties largely regulates the etiquette of such occasions. They can decide whether evening or street dress shall be worn, and seat themselves accordingly. A carriage should be provided.

When entering an opera or theatre box for a short call, a man should stand and bow, making some pleasant remark to the chaperone.

If there is an empty chair, he may sit and talk a few minutes and retire as others enter.

Women

Between the acts it is perfectly proper to go into the foyer with the escort, who should carry the woman's wraps and see that all her wants are attended to. Should she desire anything, she should call on him first.

The hat or bonnet should be removed.

In a box the women occupy the front row while the men sit or stand in the rear.

A woman should avoid conspicuous manners, loud conversation, laughing, or acting in any way to attract attention.

Given by Women 

This is a popular form of entertainment during the season. They are given by married women, and the guests are invited by note.

A dinner is given at the house or at a restaurant before the departure for the opera or play.

Refreshments may also be given after the
entertainment at either the house or restaurant.

At the dinner the same ceremonies are followed as to arrangements of guests and escorts as at any formal dinner.

After the entertainment it is a good plan for the party to return to the banqueting-room to partake of slight refreshments. —From “The Book of Good Manners”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia