Showing posts with label Gilded Age Etiquette for Servants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gilded Age Etiquette for Servants. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Gilded Age Etiquette of Bachelors and Servants

Many bachelors hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and general factotum, and others again, with larger establishments, a man and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. 


A Bachelor’s Servants

As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. The general servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. 

Many bachelors hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and general factotum, and others again, with larger establishments, a man and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. 

There are quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large cities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. One is appointed treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a stated price and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of this kind are found they are treasures.

All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers—à la mutton chop—is allowed; but under no circumstances should they have bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should be faultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron will. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend to dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiar terms with one’s servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity.

Discharge a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his duties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessity of forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on your deportment to utter a civil “thank you” for a service performed. All servants should address you as “Sir,” and when called should reply “Yes, sir,” and certainly not “All right.” Your menservants touch their hats to you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and upon your appearance. 

Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word, and see that they have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortable quarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash remembrance at Christmas, and from time to time, some part of your wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must be treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses toward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless and as automatic as possible in their actions.

And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:

The groom is, with the exception of the general servant, the first domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too particular about his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in the city or at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries—one for dress occasions and the other for what is known as a “stable suit.” The latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutaway coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country, where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derby is worn with this suit, brown English driving gloves, and a white plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of distinction between the house and stable servant. 

No tie pin nor trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. 

Besides the care of your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. 

When he brings your trap to the door he holds the animals’ heads until you are seated, when he touches his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap he must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately the trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until the drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his master when the latter rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. He follows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. 

Should you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act as second man on the box. A coachman’s dress livery consists of a double-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches, white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves. When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the coachman as regards the stable work.

The Valet— Of course, a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himself very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Care of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think that you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained to valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill this position. 

If you live at a club the club valet will attend to your clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are “valeting companies” organized in many large cities, which take entire charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by several men clubbing together, and who are very capable servants. The individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great deal in society. 

A valet’s duties are first and principally the entire charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him as his workshop.

At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly, and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. The bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers, mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders. Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simply intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform that operation themselves. 

The valet assists his master in dressing, and, when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches the stick, gloves, and hat. During the day he may be employed on errands, in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupations of that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only be steward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he should write them in the third person, and also sign them “Respectfully yours, John Smith, valet.”

A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master retires. 

In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room car with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. Should he be required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.

The Butler– The butler is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment, only the wealthiest being able to afford him. The valet or general servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always have a black coat on when answering the bell.

I have used the terms throughout this chapter of “master” and “servant.” Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the two persons are not of a domestic character.

The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch, or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Colored coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but they are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have been employed, and those at Newport. — 
The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain, 1896


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, August 28, 2021

Gilded Age Chafing Dish Party Etiquette


The etiquette of these parties is tacit but pronounced. A butler must not appear, or other servant, after the merest preliminaries of the supper, and a chafing-dish story or confidence, is one that would have been impossible in the formality of a dinner.
–Image Source, Pinterest


Chafing-dish parties have never been more fashionable than this season. Many of the thẹatre parties finish off in one of these informal feasts, in modish preference to a restaurant supper. The utensils from which the affairs take their name grow in elegance, naturally with the demand for them. Exquisite gold chafing dishes are by no means rare, and silver ones are on every side. And their use has extended from the swell artist set where it originated to the heart of the old Dutch aristocracy.
 

Receipts for rum omelet, oyster stews with a dash of old Madeira, creamed oysters, terrapin, and dozens of other chafing dish receipts, are carefully treasured in the amateur cook's handwriting... and followed to the letter. The etiquette of these parties is tacit but pronounced. A butler must not appear, or other servant, after the merest preliminaries of the supper, and a chafing-dish story or confidence, is one that would have been impossible in the formality of a dinner. – New York Times, 1893

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Meeting Servants Outside the Home

American cooking expert and teacher, Fannie Farmer, was the first cookbook author to use strict standardized measurements. Called “the mother of level measurements,” Fannie helped popularize a more scientific approach to cooking and housekeeping, and inspired doctors and nurses with her innovative teachings on convalescent diet and nutrition. Her legacy is the renowned, late 19th century, “Fannie Farmer Cookbook.” – Photo source, Pinterest



“A suburban bachelor” writes to a London periodical begging to be informed on a question of etiquette — “How to greet one’s irreproachable maid servant on meeting her as occasionally happens on the highway.” “I smile suavely,” he confesses; “so does Ann or Ellen. But they no more than myself are reconciled to an incongruous position. How do you manage, my brethren?” This question seems absurdly simple. Why not smile and nod, with or without a civil, “How d’ye do?” or “Well, ‘Ann.’ or ‘Ellen.’” as one’s amiability or temperament dictates. That salutation ought not to be too friendly, not yet too incongruous.

The discussion gives point to a recent little experience of a New Yorker. He is a suburban householder from May to November, and the other day, a week’s unpleasantness on the part of the cook of his domain terminated in an intolerable impertinence one morning, just as he was leaving the house to catch a train for the city. He stopped long enough to interfere on his wife’s behalf, and sternly dismissed the delinquent maid coming in, telling her as a final word on no account to let him find her in his house when he should come home at night. Then he caught his train, and in the press of office affairs forgot all about the mornings moil. 

As he was leaving the car in the evening, however, he saw a woman of genteel appearance, whose face was strangely familiar, waiting at the station to board an inbound train which had just arrived. As their eyes met there came over her countenance the peculiar expression, which means, ‘I don’t believe you’re going to recognize me!’ and thinking it was someone whom he knew, but could not place, he hurried forward with a cordial salutation. 

He was about to take her satchel and assist her on the train when the curious familiarity of her appearance resolved itself into identity, and he saw that she was his late-cook. “Which gave me,” he said telling about it, “the comfortable sensation one has, to be left facing the onlookers after a run down a ferry bridge, to catch a retreating boat and finding the jump too wide.” — The New York Times, 1892


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia