Afternoon Tea Etiquette of 1917

A tea set for easy serving that is comprised of a set of 6 cups and saucers, spoons, a sugar bowl and a creamer on a stand.

“And while the bubbling and loud-hissing

Throws up a steamy column, and the cups 

That cheer but not inebriate, wait on each,

So let us welcome peaceful evening in.” — Cowper

A question that readers frequently ask is whether or not napkins should be served with afternoon tea. And the answer is: you may do as you choose. If you do serve napkins don't make the mistake of serving dinner napkins. 

Small napkins about twelve inches square are most appropriate. The Madeira napkins are suitable but rather expensive. Squares of white linen neatly hem- stitched and marked, perhaps, with an initial or monogram at the corner are less expensive for the hostess who has time for needlework.

A popular book on etiquette makes the statement that it is the fashion nowadays to drink weak tea. Perhaps so, though, personally, it seems as if the drinking of strong afternoon tea was a transgression of the question is sometimes raised as to whether it is “smarter to drink tea with milk, cream or lemon.” 

Readers also want to be informed as to the amount of sugar that good form the permits in sugaring tea. Concerning seems as if Commissioner Hoover had more to say than Dame Fashion and since it is our patriotic duty to give up unnecessary lavishness in sugar, I venture to say that during the period of the war one lump is the correct amount of sugar to use. 

If you wish less than a lump it is awkward to attempt to break or bite a lump in two. Rather put in in in in your cup and do not stir your tea with your spoon after you have gained the desired amount of sweetness. 

A complete tea service includes a pitcher of light cream or leman. There is no good or bad form about lemon or milk— it is simply a matter of individual taste.

Nowadays tea is usually brought in the drawing room or sitting room on a large tray on which the complete tea service is arranged. A muffin stand may be brought in also bearing wafers or bread and butter sandwiches or small cakes or crackers. Sometimes a tea wagon holding the entire service is rolled in from the kitchen or pantry instead.

If you have a satisfactory alcohol tea kettle it is very nice to have this on the tea tray with the kettle full of hot water and proceed to bring the water to a boil and then make the tea, taking the tea leaves from a small tea caddy on the tea tray. But it is just as well, and sometimes more convenient, to have a teapot of freshly made tea and a jug of boiling water brought in from the kitchen. 

If you have no maid it is a simple matter to bring in the tea tray for yourself and drink tea in your living room, and that is in much better form than to take afternoon tea in the dining room. —By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

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“No, Thank You” to Tea Custom

Afternoon tea in New York business houses is not desired, and if it were, it’s introduction would be impossible. We are all hard at work at the British tea time, except our few men of leisure who are frequently hard put to find playmates.– 1912

Whoever suggested the adoption and our embracing of the English custom of 4:00 tea in business offices deserves rebuke. No New Yorkers, no Americans in this degree of latitude or here about, need to stop work and the busiest hours of the day to drink tea. If we are wise, we breakfast lightly, lunch moderately and briefly, and in the evening, dine intelligently and without excess. We need nothing more to eat. 

The London atmosphere is oppressive. Along in the afternoon one who is working there feels the need of some sort of stimulative substance, and tea is better than whiskey and soda. Sensible Americans, we like to think, have got over the habit of drinking whiskey in the daytime, most Americans drink very little at any time. The increased internal revenue receipts indicate the larger wealth of the vastly increased population.

Afternoon tea in New York business houses is not desired, and if it were, it’s introduction would be impossible. We are all hard at work at the British tea time, except our few men of leisure who are frequently hard put to find playmates. If we like, we take it at breakfast instead of coffee. It is a good substitute, but probably the American who uses either or both very moderately is wise. 

We may continue to ape the British fashions in men's dress, but let us avoid the British custom of mixing up tea and business. “Concentration” for the few hours of the working day, as one of our readers declared in a letter printed in this page yesterday, is essential. The lunch “hour” takes an hour and a half of the day. The tea would take another hour. We're not rich enough yet for that sort of wastefulness. — The New York Times, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

American Tea Etiquette in 1980

In the 1880’s, the Meriden Britannia Company of Connecticut came out with a “self-pouring pots” for American tea and coffee drinkers. They were designed to “turn drudgery into pleasure,” “relieve aching arms” and avoid “soiled clothes.” Is it just me? I had always thought 19th century women were made of stronger stock than these silly two illustrated young women, who found pouring tea to be such the “drudgery.” 

Tea drinking was a fast growing American passion in 1980

Americans are not the greatest tea drinkers in the world. The British Isles, where six pounds of tea a person are consumed each year, has that distinction. But tea drinking is a fast growing passion in the United States, according to Sam Twining, export director for R. Twining & Co. Ltd of England. As ambassador-at-large for England's oldest tea company (1706 is the founding date) and the ninth generation of his family to join the business, Twining has acquired a large store of knowledge about his favorite beverage. And the thing he would most like to tell Americans, he said in a recent interview over a cup of tea, is that to make a proper cup of tea it is very important to have a proper tea pot. 

An examination of the pots on sale in American outlets has convinced him that Americans are as likely as not to end up with a perfectly dreadful pot, regardless of the cost, unless they learn a few things beforehand. A proper tea pot is one which pours without dripping. Its handle is designed so that the fingers go round it without touching the pot which is certain to be hot. The handle should be made separately and put on afterward so that it stays cool to the touch. 

The lid should have a little lug so it doesn't fall off when you pour the tea. Or, the lid may be hinged onto the pot itself to accomplish the same purpose. So that air can get in when tea is poured, there should be a tiny pinhole in the spout. If it isn’t there, a full teapot will create a kind of vacuum so that it is difficult to pour. A built-in strainer at the base of the spout is necessary to catch the tea leaves before they reach your cup. 

A tea pot may be made of earthenware, silver, stainless steel, glass or porcelain. All are excellent materials and impart no aftertaste to the liquid. Aluminum and enamelled cast iron, which chips easily, are not good teapot material. Aluminum turns tea blue and contact with iron turns it bitter and black, says Twining. Most English families have at least two tea pots, a small one with enough for two or three cups and a large pot, holding enough for at least six. “The brown earthenware pot, which we English call a ‘brown betty,’ makes a great cup of tea. It’s excellent for morning tea. But if I were giving an afternoon tea party, I think I’d prefer to pour from a delicate porcelain pot or a silver one that is more graceful,” said Twining. 

Regardless of the type of pot used, make sure it is clean. “The idea that a layer of built-up tannin in the pot contributes to the taste of the tea is disastrous,” he added. “The best tea is made in a pristine tea pot.” For Twining that does not mean that a pot has to be scrubbed to a fare-thee-well with soap or detergent. He advocates a brief rinse in clean water after each use and a regular, four-hour soaking with water and about a teaspoonful of bicarbonate of soda once a month. 

The English regulate the strength of their tea by the addition of more, or less, hot water. A tea pot and a companion jug of boiled water appear together on the tea tray. Unlike coffee, which tends to get more bitter through the day as it sits, tea stops brewing when the water turns cool. In most pots, this means after about seven minutes. Since the tea is not going to get bitter, unless it is reheated with the leaves, an individual does not have to remove the tea leaves from the pot before serving.

As a nation of coffee drinkers, Americans may not know that coffee cups and tea cups have classically different shapes. The tea cup is narrow at the bottom and wider at the top to emit the bouquet of the tea and to permit rapid cooling, A coffee cup is taller and narrower, said Twining. 

As for accessories for the tea-drinking ritual, Twining is for some, against others. He is against tea cosies, those fabric covers designed to keep the tea pot hot. Why? Tea is supposed to stop brewing when the water cools down. By keeping the water hotter longer, the cosy leads to stewed tea, he said. He does like a new filter pot that accommodates a filter paper and in effect allows the tea brewer to make his own giant tea bag. A lemon squeezer that works like a garlic press is another item of which he approves. 

English tea the meal taken about 5 p.m. each day varies from season to season. In summer, a thin tea such as Lapsong Souchong might be served with cucumber sandwiches or lettuce sandwiches and a light sponge cake. In winter, a strong tea such as Earl Grey would accompany toasted crumpets, hot toast, jam and honey, tea sandwiches, fruit cake and scones. 

Special among famous English teas are cream or Devonshire cream teas and strawberry teas. A cream tea consists of scones, butter, Devonshire or clotted cream, and strawberry jam plus tea. A strawberry tea includes fresh strawberries and Devonshire cream plus tea. Strawberry and cream teas are often taken in small country inns and tea shops, added Twining. — By Barbara Mayer AP Newsfeatures 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tea and Dining in Early America

This Steiff sterling, Williamsburg Virginia, reproduction of a “sucket” fork and spoon which features a “rat tail” on top of the back of the spoon’s bowl. Early American Silver had a style all its own. A “rat tail” was a design component which reinforced the bowl of the spoon to the handle.– “Teaspoons were not of a standard size. Often, they were small and of a proportion which allowed them to be laid across the tops of the small handleless cup, as an indication that no more tea was desired. That used to be the etiquette.”

The “Nancy Page” club was almost ready to close its season. They still had some of the fittings of the early American home to study. Today they were interested in silver. First they noted the exquisite texture of the old silver. This came from the fact that it was worked entirely by hand. The hand process kept in a certain life of the silver which heavy rollers of modern usage take out. The spoons made before 1730 or thereabouts had the characteristic “rat tail” a short distance down the back of the bowl, but this extended down further in later years, say 1750. 

The crest or initials were usually engraved on the back of the handle. The bowl of the spoon became less elliptical in the later years. Teaspoons were not of a standard size. Often, they were small and of a proportion which allowed them to be laid across the tops of the small handleless cup, as an indication that no more tea was desired. That used to be the etiquette.

Cream pitchers changed their shapes according to the contours of the other furnishings of the home. Just as the present angular age with its flat surfaces and planes has brought in new silver as well as furniture, so that age with its swelling bulbous contour in decoration, affected the silver. Sometimes the cream pitchers were danity, three-legged affairs like the one shown. This dates back to about 1790. Earlier in point of time when contours were more substantial, we get a tea pot similar to the one shown. These dated back about 1700. It has the domed top of the period and used an ebony handle to make it easier for a hostess to handle the pot filled with hot tea. – Florence LaGanke as “Nancy Page” for the San Pedro Pilot, 1929

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Georgian Tea and Beverage Etiquette

A copy of Marie Antoinette’s “trembleuse” for drinking hot chocolate. The wealthy could afford to drink chocolate and have the proper accoutrements for drinking it. – “By about mid-17th century the new beverages were being drunk in England, and by the 1690’s were being sold in New England. At first chocolate was. preferred, but coffee, being somewhat cheaper, soon replaced it and in England gave rise to a number of public places of refreshment known as coffee houses. Coffee was, of course, the primary drink of these establishments, but that tea also was available is indicated by an advertisement that appeared in an English newspaper in 1658.”

In 18th-century America, the pleasant practice of taking tea at home was an established social custom with a recognized code of manners and distinctive furnishings. Pride was taken in a correct and fashionable tea table whose equipage included much more than teapot, cups, and saucers. It was usually the duty of the mistress to make and pour the tea; and it was the duty of the guests to be adept at handling a teacup and saucer and to provide social “chitchat.” Because of the expense and time involved, the tea party was limited to the upper classes; consequently, such an affair was a status symbol. The cocktail party of the 20th century has, perhaps, replaced the tea party of the 18th century as a social custom, reflecting the contrast between the relaxed atmosphere of yesterday with the hurried pace of today.

The Americans “use much tea,” noted the Abbé Robin during his visit to this country in 1781. “The greatest mark of civility and welcome they can show you, is to invite you to drink it with them.” Tea was the social beverage of the 18th century; serving it was a sign of politeness and hospitality, and drinking it was a custom with distinctive manners and specific equipment. Most discussions of the commodity have dealt only with its political, historical, or economic importance; however, in order to understand the place tea holds in this country’s past, it also is important to consider the beverage in terms of the social life and traditions of the Americans. As the Abbé Robin pointed out, not only was tea an important commodity on this side of the Atlantic, but the imbibing of it was an established social practice.

An examination of teatime behavior and a consideration of what utensils were used or thought appropriate for tea drinking are of help in reconstructing and interpreting American history as well as in furnishing and re-creating interiors of the period, thus bringing into clearer focus the picture of daily life in 18th-century America. For these reasons, and because the subject has received little attention, the present study has been undertaken.

Tea had long been known and used in the Orient before it was introduced into Europe in the early part of the 17th century. At about the same time two other new beverages appeared, chocolate from the Americas and coffee from the Near East. The presence of these commodities in European markets is indicative of the vigorous exploration and active trade of that century, which also witnessed the successful settlement of colonies in North America. By about mid-17th century the new beverages were being drunk in England, and by the 1690’s were being sold in New England. At first chocolate was preferred, but coffee, being somewhat cheaper, soon replaced it and in England gave rise to a number of public places of refreshment known as coffee houses. Coffee was, of course, the primary drink of these establishments, but that tea also was available is indicated by an advertisement that appeared in an English newspaper in 1658. One of the earliest advertisements for tea, it announced:

“That Excellent, and by all Physitians approved, China Drink, called by the Chineans, Tcha, by other nations Tay alias Tee, is sold at the Sultaness-head, a Cophee-house in Sweetings Rents by The Royal Exchange, London.”

For a time tea was esteemed mainly for its curative powers, which explains why it was “by all Physitians approved.” According to an English broadside published in 1660, the numerous contemporary ailments which tea “helpeth” included “the headaches, giddiness, and heaviness.” It was also considered “good for colds, dropsies and scurvies and [it] expelleth infection. It prevents and cures agues, surfeits and fevers.” By the end of the 17th century, however, tea’s medicinal qualities had become secondary to its fashionableness as a unique drink. Tea along with the other exotic and novel imports from the Orient such as fragile porcelains, lustrous silks, and painted wallpapers had captured the European imagination. Though the beverage was served in public pleasure gardens as well as coffee houses during the early 1700’s in England, social tea drinking in the home was gradually coming into favor.  

The coffee houses continued as centers of political, social, and literary influence as well as of commercial life into the first half of the 19th century, for apparently Englishmen preferred to drink their coffee in public rather than private houses and among male rather than mixed company. This was in contrast to tea, which was drunk in the home with breakfast or as a morning beverage and socially at afternoon gatherings of both sexes, as we see in the painting ‘An English Family at Tea’. As tea drinking in the home became fashionable, both host and hostess took pride in a well-appointed tea table, for a teapot of silver or fragile blue-and-white Oriental porcelain with matching cups and saucers and other equipage added prestige as well as elegance to the teatime ritual.

At first the scarcity and expense of the tea, the costly paraphernalia used to serve it, and the leisure considered necessary to consume it, limited the use of this commodity to the upper classes. For these reasons, social tea drinking was, understandably, a prestige custom. One becomes increasingly aware of this when looking at English paintings and prints of the early 18th century, such as Family Group, painted by Gawen Hamilton about 1730. Family members are portrayed in the familiar setting of their own parlor with its paneled walls and comfortable furnishings. Their pet, a small dog, surveys the scene from a resting place on a corner of the carpet. Teatime appears to have just begun, for cups are still being passed around and others on the table await filling from the nearby porcelain teapot. It seems reasonable to assume, since the painting is portraiture, that the family is engaged in an activity which, although familiar, is considered suitable to the group’s social position and worthy of being recorded in oil. That tea drinking was a status symbol also is indicated by the fact that the artist has used the tea ceremony as the theme of the picture and the tea table as the focal point. 

Eighteenth-century pictures and writings are basic source materials for information about Anglo-American tea drinking. A number of the pictures are small-scale group or conversation piece paintings of English origin in which family and friends are assembled at tea, similar to Family Group, and they provide pictorial information on teatime modes and manners. The surroundings in which the partakers of tea are depicted also reveal information about the period and about the gracious living enjoyed in the better homes.Paneled walls and comfortable chairs, handsome chests and decorative curtains, objects of ceramic and silver and glass, all were set down on canvas or paper with painstaking care, and sometimes with a certain amount of artistic license. A careful study of these paintings provides an excellent guide for furnishing and reconstructing period rooms and exhibits, even to the small details such as objects on mantels, tables, and chests, thus further documenting data from newspapers, journals, publications, and writings of the same period.

In America, as in England, tea had a rather limited use as a social beverage during the early 1700’s. Judge Samuel Sewall, the recorder-extraordinary of Boston life at the turn of the 17th century, seems to have mentioned tea only once in his copious diary. In the entry for April 15, 1709, Sewall wrote that he had attended a meeting at the residence of Madam Winthrop where the guests “drunk Ale, Tea, Wine.” At this time ale and wine, in contrast to tea, were fairly common drinks. Since tea and the equipment used to serve it were costly, social tea drinking was restricted to the prosperous and governing classes who could afford the luxury. The portrayal of the rotund silver teapot and other tea-drinking equipment in such an American painting as Susanna Truax, done by an unknown painter in 1730, indicates that in this country as in England not only was the tea ceremony of social importance but also that a certain amount of prestige was associated with the equipage. And, the very fact that an artist was commissioned for a portrait of this young girl is suggestive of a more than ordinary social status of the sitter and activity depicted.

In Susanna Truax, an American painting dates 1730, on a beige, marble-like table top beside Susanna – who wears a dress of red, black, and white stripes– are a fashionable silver teapot and white ceramic cup, saucer and sugar dish. 

English customs were generally imitated in this country, particularly in the urban centers. Of Boston, where he visited in 1740, Joseph Bennett observed that “the ladies here visit, drink tea and indulge every little piece of gentility to the height of the mode and neglect the affairs of their families with as good grace as the finest ladies in London.” English modes and manners remained a part of the social behavior after the colonies became an independent nation. Visitors to the newly formed United States were apt to remark about such habits as tea drinking, as did Brissot de Warville in 1788, that “in this, as in their whole manner of living, the Americans in general resemble the English.” Therefore, it is not surprising to find that during the 18th century the serving of tea privately in the morning and socially in the afternoon or early evening was an established custom in many households. 

The naturalist Peter Kalm, during his visit to North America in the mid-18th century, noted that tea was a breakfast beverage in both Pennsylvania and New York. From the predominantly Dutch town of Albany in 1749 he wrote that “their breakfast is tea, commonly without milk.” At another time, Kalm stated: With the tea was eaten bread and butter or buttered bread toasted over the coals so that the butter penetrated the whole slice of bread. In the afternoon about three o’clock tea was drunk again in the same fashion, except that bread and butter was not served with it. This tea-drinking schedule was followed throughout the colonies. In Boston the people “take a great deal of tea in the morning,” have dinner at two o’clock, and “about five o’clock they take more tea, some wine, madeira [and] punch," reported the Baron Cromot du Bourg during his visit in 1781. The Marquis de Chastellux confirms his countryman’s statement about teatime, mentioning that the Americans take “tea and punch in the afternoon.”

During the first half of the 18th century the limited amount of tea available at prohibitively high prices restricted its use to a proportionately small segment of the total population of the colonies. About mid-century, however, tea was beginning to be drunk by more and more people, as supplies increased and costs decreased, due in part to the propaganda and merchandising efforts of the East India Company. According to Peter Kalm, tea, chocolate, and coffee had been “wholly unknown” to the Swedish population of Pennsylvania and the surrounding area before the English arrived, but in 1748 these beverages “at present constitute even the country people’s daily breakfast.” A similar observation was made a few years later by Israel Acrelius: Tea, coffee, and chocolate are so general as to be found in the most remote cabins, if not for daily use, yet for visitors, mixed with Muscovado, or raw sugar. America was becoming a country of tea drinkers. Then, in 1767, the Townshend Act imposed a duty  on tea, among other imported commodities. Merchants and citizens in opposition to the act urged a boycott of the taxed articles. A Virginia woman, in a letter to friends in England, wrote in 1769: ... I have given up the Article of Tea, but some are not quite so tractable; however if wee can convince the good folks on your side the Water of their Error, wee may hope to see happier times.

In spite of the tax many colonists continued to indulge in tea drinking. By 1773 the general public, according to one Philadelphia merchant, “can afford to come at this piece of luxury” while one-third of the population “at a moderate computation, drink tea twice a day.” It was at this time, however, that efforts were made to enforce the English tea tax and the result was that most famous of tea parties, the “Boston Tea Party.” Thereafter, an increasing number of colonists abstained from tea drinking as a patriotic gesture. Philip Fithian, a tutor at Nomini Hall, the Virginia plantation of Col. Robert Carter, wrote in his journal on Sunday, May 29, 1774: 

After dinner we had a Grand & agreeable Walk in & through the Gardens—There is great plenty of Strawberries, some Cherries, Goose berries &c.—Drank Coffee at four, they are now too patriotic to use tea. And indeed they were patriotic, for by September the taste of tea almost had been forgotten at Nomini Hall, as Fithian vividly recounted in his journal: Something in our palace this Evening, very merry happened—Mrs. Carter made a dish of Tea. At Coffee, she sent me a dish—& the Colonel both ignorant—He smelt, sipt—look’d—At last with great gravity he asks what’s this?—Do you ask Sir—Poh!—And out he throws it splash a sacrifice to Vulcan. Other colonists, in their own way, also showed their distaste for tea. Shortly before the outbreak of the American Revolution there appeared in several newspapers an expression of renouncement in rhyme, “A Lady’s Adieu to Her Tea-Table” (below), which provides a picture of contemporary teatime etiquette and equipage.

A Lady’s Adieu to Her Tea-Table

FAREWELL the Tea-board with your gaudy attire, 

Ye cups and ye saucers that I did admire; 

To my cream pot and tongs I now bid adieu; 

That pleasure’s all fled that I once found in you. 

Farewell pretty chest that so lately did shine, 

With hyson and congo and best double fine; 

Many a sweet moment by you I have sat, 

Hearing girls and old maids to tattle and chat; 

And the spruce coxcomb laugh at nothing at all, 

Only some silly work that might happen to fall. 

No more shall my teapot so generous be 

In filling the cups with this pernicious tea, 

For I’ll fill it with water and drink out the same, 

Before I’ll lose LIBERTY that dearest name, Because I am taught (and believe it is fact) That our ruin is aimed at in the late act, 

Of imposing a duty on all foreign Teas, 

Which detestable stuff we can quit when we please. 

LIBERTY’S The Goddess that I do adore, 

And I’ll maintain her right until my last hour, Before she shall part I will die in the cause, For I’ll never be govern’d by tyranny’s laws.

From “Tea Drinking in America: Its Etiquette and Equipage” 

By Rodris Roth

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Miss Manners on Tea Etiquette

“Tea is made in the drawing room in full view of the guests, so get it right. The proper method is this: Rinse the teapot with boiling water. Give your teaspoons a chance to do the job for which they were trained by putting in one teaspoon of loose tea (tea is claustrophobic and hates being stuffed into little bags) for each tea drinker, plus one. Now pour on the rapidly boiling water. There are few things worse than tepid tea.” 

Tea for Two or 3,000 

Dear Miss Manners: I should like to begin having tea on a daily schedule with friends stopping in, with or without invitations. A couple of questions do require answering: At what time is “teatime,” and should coffee be offered or placed on the table? 

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners adores afternoon tea, from “oh-do-join-me-for-a-cup” to royal receptions for 3,000 people. She would advise you to get some practice in the former before attempting the latter. There are few more charming ways to spend an afternoon than to sit, surrounded by fine china and friends, wolfing down scones and bringing up epigrams. 

If you wish to test the water before jumping in even on a weekly basis water for tea should always be boiling invite people for a specific day writing: Tea Tuesday the Seventeenth. Four to Six o’clock. All should be written in the lower left corner of your visiting cards. Later it may be “Tuesdays 4 to 6 p.m.” Place on a tray a large silver or copper kettle over an alcohol burner and tea caddy, with a teapot, cups (which have been warmed with boiling water), teaspoons, a slops bowl, a tea strainer, a milk pitcher (cream overpowers a dainty cup of tea), a bowl of lump sugar, little plates and napkins. 

Tea is made in the drawing room in full view of the guests, so get it right. The proper method is this: Rinse the teapot with boiling water. Give your teaspoons a chance to do the job for which they were trained by putting in one teaspoon of loose tea (tea is claustrophobic and hates being stuffed into little bags) for each tea drinker, plus one. Now pour on the rapidly boiling water. There are few things worse than tepid tea. 

When the tea has steeped for about four minutes, ask your guest of honor how she takes it. Using the strainer, pour straight from the pot for strong tea and dilute it from the kettle for weak. Then add sugar (the reason for using lump sugar is so you may ask the traditional “One lump or two?”) and milk, according to the taste. Some troublemakers prefer lemon to milk and you may put slices in a glass dish on the tray, but you are only encouraging them. 

When this ritual is performed, the guest takes her tea from the hostess or if there is a gentleman present, he takes it to her. She then takes a plate, napkins and a modest selection from your platters of hot breads, tiny sandwiches, cookies and a slice of whatever luscious cake your cook has baked that day. If you become addicted to this form of entertaining, you may need to to move on to stronger doses, such as the reception, which is tea served in the dining room.

The tea service is placed at one end of the table, and the teacups napkins, plates, forks if needed, and a larger supply of tea food (at least two of each kind mentioned above) go in the middle. At the other end stands an urn of chocolate, boullion, or more often lately to Miss Manners' dismay, coffee. You may ask friends “to pour,” that is to serve the tea and chocolate for you as you move among your guests. Being asked to pour is an honor just short of knighthood.

The traditional time for tea is four o'clock, which is perfect if you have your afternoons free. However, coffee is only one of the sad things that has happened to tea over the years. Some people have the idea that there is something more important to do in the afternoon than sip tea and eat buttered bread, such as earning a living. If you have friends who work, Miss Manners suggests that you schedule your tea on a weekend or at a time convenient to them on their way home when you could give them yet another variation, “high tea,” so as to replace, rather than interfere with, their supper. 

High tea is more substantial in all matters of food and drink than afternoon tea. It could include a whiskey and soda tray. Along with the dainty foods traditional to afternoon tea, there are soft boiled eggs, sausages, sardines on toast, kippers, chicken livers and such. While some unscrupulous restaurants try to make afternoon tea sound more “high society” by calling it “high tea,” the word “high” is actually related to “it's high time we had something to eat.” As social events go, high tea is lower on the scale than afternoon tea, because the chances of being fed dinner are small on a day you are given high tea. In that respect it is like the “cocktail-buffet,” than which there are few lower social events. – From Judith Martin’s, “Miss Manners’ "Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior,” 1985

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Tea Tables

Mrs. Beeton's Lovely Tea Table

To return to the tea-table ...

Unless you are positively sure, when you have a visiter, that she drinks the same tea that is used in your own family, you should have both black and green on the table. Either sort is often extremely disagreeable to persons who take the other.

Drinkers of green tea, for instance, have generally an unconquerable aversion to black, as tasting like hay, herbs, etc., and they find in it no refreshing or exhilarating property. In some, it produces nausea. Few, on the other hand, dislike the taste of good green tea, but they assign as a reason for not drinking it, that it is supposed from its enlivening qualities to affect the nerves.

Judge Bushrod Washington, who always drank green, and avoided black, said that, “he took tea as a beverage, not as a medicine.” And there are a vast number of sensible people in the same category. If your guest is a votary of green tea, have it made for her, in time for the essence of the leaves to be well drawn forth. It is no compliment to give her green tea that is weak and washy. 

And do not, at your own table, be so rude as to lecture her upon the superior wholesomeness of black tea. For more than a century, green tea was universally drunk in every house, and there was then less talk of nervous diseases than during the reign of Souchong,—which, by-the-bye, is nearly exploded in the best European society.

In pouring out, do not fill the cups to the brim. Always send the cream and sugar round, that each person may use those articles according to their own taste. Also, send round a small pot of hot water, that those who like their tea weak may conveniently dilute it. If tea is handed, a servant should, at the last, carry round a water-pitcher and glasses.

Whether at dinner or tea, if yourself and family are in the habit of eating fast, (which, by the way, is a very bad and unwholesome one, and justly cited against us by our English cousins,) and you see that your visiter takes her food deliberately, endeavour (for that time at least) to check the rapidity of your own mastication, so as not to finish before she has done, and thus compel her to hurry herself uncomfortably, or be left alone while every one round her is sitting unoccupied and impatient. Or rather, let the family eat a little more than usual, or seem to do so, out of politeness to their guest.

When refreshments are brought in after tea, let them be placed on the centre-table, and handed round from thence by the gentlemen to the ladies. If there are only four or five persons present, it may be more convenient for all to sit round the table—which should not be cleared till after all the visiters have gone, that the things may again be offered before the departure of the guests.

If a friend makes an afternoon call, and you wish her to stay and take tea, invite her to do so at once, as soon as she has sat down; and do not wait till she has risen to depart. If she consents to stay, there will then be ample time to make any additional preparation for tea that may be expedient; and she will also know, at once, that you have no engagement for the evening, and that she is not intruding on your time, or preventing you from going out. If you are intimate friends, and your guest is disposed to have a long chat, she will do well to ask you, at the beginning, if you are disengaged, or design going out that afternoon.

We knew a very sensible and agreeable lady in Philadelphia, who liking better to have company at home than to go out herself, made a rule of inviting every day, half a dozen friends (not more) to take tea with her—just as many as could sit round the table, "with ample room and verge enough." These friends she assorted judiciously. And therefore she never asked a whole family at once; those who were left out understanding that they would be invited another time.

In pouring out, do not fill the cups to the brim. Always send the cream and sugar round, that each person may use those articles according to their own taste. Also, send round a small pot of hot water, that those who like their tea weak may conveniently dilute it. 

For instance, she would send a note for the father and mother only—to meet another father and mother or two. A few weeks after, a billet would come for the young people only. But if there were several young people, some were delayed—thus—"I wish James and Eliza to take tea with me this evening, to meet so-and-so. Another time I promise myself the pleasure of Edward's company, and Mary's."

This distribution of invitations never gave offence. Those who were honoured with the acquaintance of such a lady were not likely to be displeased at so sensible a mode of receiving them. These little tea-drinkings were always pleasant, and often delightful. The hostess was well qualified to make them so.

Though the refreshments were of the best kind, and in sufficient abundance, and the fires, lights, etc. all as they should be, there was no ostentatious display, and the ladies were dressed no more than if they were spending a quiet evening at home—party-finery being interdicted—also, such needle-work as required constant attention to every stitch.

If you have a friend who is in somewhat precarious health, and who is afraid of being out in the night air, or who lives in a distant part of the town, invite her to dinner, or to pass the day, rather than to tea. She will then be able to get home before twilight.

There is in Boston a very fashionable and very distinguished lady, who, since her return from Europe, has relinquished the custom of giving large parties; and now entertains her friends by, almost every day, having two or three to dine with her,—by invitation. These dinners are charming. The hour is according to the season—earlier in winter, later in summer—the guests departing before dark, and the lady always having the evening to herself.

We know a gentleman in Philadelphia, who every Monday has a family-dinner at his house, for all his children and grandchildren, who there meet and enjoy themselves before the eyes of the father and mother—a friend or two being also invited. Nothing can be more pleasant than to see them all there together, none staying away,—for parents, children, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, are all at peace, and all meeting in friendship—unhappily, a rare case, where there is a large connection, and considerable wealth.

We wish that social intercourse was more frequently conducted on the plan of the few examples above cited.

Should chance-visiters come in before the family have gone to tea, let them at once be invited to partake of that repast; which they will of course decline, if they have had tea already. In a well-provided house, there can be no difficulty in adding something to the family tea-table, which, in genteel life, should never be discreditably parsimonious.

It is a very mean practice, for the members of the family to slip out of the parlour, one by one at a time, and steal away into the eating-room, to avoid inviting their visiter to accompany them. The truth is always suspected by these separate exits, and the length of absence from the parlour—and is frequently betrayed by the rattle of china, and the pervading fumes of hot cakes. How much better to meet the inconvenience (and it cannot be a great one) by decently conducting your accidental guest to the table, unless he says he has already taken tea, and will amuse himself with a book while the family are at theirs.

Casual evening visiters should avoid staying too late. Ten o'clock, in our country, is the usual time to depart, or at least to begin departing. If the visit is unduly prolonged, there may be evident signs of irrepressible drowsiness in the heads of the family, which, when perceived, will annoy the guest, who must then feel that he has stayed too long—and without being able to excuse himself with any approach to the elegance of William Spencer's apology to the charming Lady Anne Hamilton.

Too late I stay'd—forgive the crime; Unheeded flew the hours,For noiseless falls the foot of Time That only treads on flowers. Ah! who with clear account remarksThe ebbing of the glass,When all its sands are diamond sparks,That dazzle as they pass!– From The Ladies Guide to True Politeness and Perfect Manners, by Miss Leslie, 1864

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Common Sense and Defiance

One who does not wish to wait till the meal is over before drinking coffee, must either cool it in his saucer or drink it hot, or wait and drink it after breakfast, and all because of the absurd notion that it is not a good manners to pour coffee into your saucer!

Liberty Versus Custom 

Found Under "Household"

Among all the declarations of liberty which American mankind is so fond of making, it seems strange that there is no league, association, party, or other combination to defend honest man against worn-out or absurd customs. For example, will any man tell me why I am forbidden by what is called "good manners" to pour my tea into a saucer, and cool it there? Much reproach has been heaped upon "strong" tea and coffee which properly belongs to "hot" tea and coffee. Everyone knows how much the efficient action of chemical agents is intensified by heat. Scalding tea is far worse than strong tea; but to be both scalding and strong is an attack upon the human body which no man ought to venture who has any regard for health. But etiquette forbids me to cool my coffee in any other manner than by waiting.


Coffee cups, in houses where the secret of making good coffee is known, should be like the human heart, large and deep, and in such cases the beverage will, like true affection, cool very slowly. Hence, one who does not wish to wait till the meal is over before drinking coffee, must either cool it in his saucer or drink it hot, or wait and drink it after breakfast, and all because of the absurd notion that it is not a good manners to pour coffee into your saucer!
                                    

I rejoice in pouring forth the fragrant liquid into a capacious saucer, and, before the wondering eyes, to raise the beverage to my lips. Superstition is rebuked! Health is justified of her children!

The spirit of "Seventy-six" ought to rise with every afflicting gulp of hot coffee! The custom is wanton and cruel. It is tyranny over the inner man, carried on by force, if not by the sword. I count it, therefore a duty to humanity to set at defiance the edicts of this liquid despot— hot drink. For the welfare of mankind I refuse to burn my mouth, or scold my stomach! In behalf of mute devotees of etiquette, I raise a plea for relief! Meantime, endowed with courage, and armed with principle, I rejoice in pouring forth the fragrant liquid into a capacious saucer, and, before the wondering eyes, to raise the beverage to my lips. Superstition is rebuked! Health is justified of her children!

Scalding tea is far worse than strong tea; but to be both scalding and strong is an attack upon the human body which no man ought to venture who has any regard for health. But etiquette forbids me to cool my coffee in any other manner than by waiting.

Even more will be shocked, when I avow myself as an advocate of the rights of the KNIFE. Now, custom has it reduced to the mere function of cutting up one's food. That done, it is laid down and a fork serves every other purpose. By practice, one gains unexpected dexterity in using a fork for purposes to which it is ill adapted. The Chinese, in like manner, make awkward chopsticks rarely serviceable, by practice little short of legerdemain; but is that a good reason for the use of chop-sticks?
                                   

Selection of 19th C. fork designs

A fork, as now made, is unfitted to pierce any morsel upon its times, and yet they are sharp enough to afflict the tongue if carelessly used. They are split so as to be useless for liquids, and yet they are used as if they were spoons. The fork compels the manipulator to poke and push and pile up the food material, which tends to fall back and apart; it is made to peruse the dainty tidbits, in which often the very core of flavor resides, around the plate in a hopeless chase, and at length, a bit of bread is called in as an auxiliary, and thus, while the slim-legged fork, in one hand, is chasing a slim liquid mouthful, wad of bread in the other goes mopping and sopping around to form a corner, and between the two is at length accomplished what is called genteel feeding! 


Meanwhile, a broad knife is fitted for the very function which the fork refuses, and the wad of bread ill performs. The reasons for refusing that knife as an active feeding implement are worthy of the awkward practice. "It is liable to cut the mouth," no more than a fork is to stick into lip and tongue.


If men ate with razors, there would be some reason for avoidance. But table-knives are blunt-edged. It is even difficult to make them cut when one tries, and if they are properly used, the back of the blade will be turned into the mouth. We do not object to the fork; but we demand a restoration of the knife from banishment. We do not desire to enforce its use, but such a liberation as shall leave one free to use the knife for conveying food to the mouth when that is most convenient, and the fork, when that is preferred. Equal rights we demand for black and white, for home-born or emigrant, for rich and poor, for men and women, and for forks and knives. 
—H.W. Beecher in The Elevator Weekly Journal ~ "Equality Before the Law"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Tea Time for Men

The Brighton, England, Swim Club enjoyed an "Aquatic Tea Party" in the 1880s. They were much more accustomed to tea drinking than the young gents in San Francisco 30 years later. It's doubtful anyone would see them bobbing and sipping tea in the San Francisco Bay in 1913.

Tea Hour in the Hotels ~ 
A Fashionable Function 
for Men in 1913

"Lemon or cream?" "Must I take it?" JLJ "Certainly. No young man can afford to be ignorant of the correct thing in tea nowadays." "That's why you lured me into this den of insipidity, then?" "Of course' but tea is not insipid, although it may be insidious. It shows that you have been unspeakably dull and behind the times that you don't take kindly to tea. Why, if you stay in San Francisco a few weeks you will gravitate to the tearoom without compulsion." 

"If that's the case, I'm precious glad that my vacation's up tomorrow. I'd be ashamed to have the fellows know that I'd been caught in a mess like this." "Hello, there's Binks! I'd never have expected to see him here." "Another proof of your ignorance of the fascinations of the tea hour. Oh, how nice! 'Binks'—Mr. Billington—is coming over here." The big college athlete, the hero of thousands, balanced his big body in a gilded chair. "Yes, thank you, tea for mine. No trimmings, just tea." The girl beamed upon him and called the attention of the other young man to this. There's proof that tea drinking is a manly pastime; whereupon the youth dutifully asked for a second cup.

Every table in the gray tearoom of the big hotel was taken. Young people whose holidays were about to end predominated, and chatter about the dances of the last fortnight and the call of the various schools and colleges to which they were about to return floated on the air and passed from table to table, for there were so many of the same set in the place that it seemed like a social affair rather than a gathering in a public dining room. 
                                           

"Tea? No, thank you; I will have a highball, if you don't mind," is the formula of many men who are willing enough to go to the tea room for a pleasant hour, but draw the line at succumbing to the gentle stimulus of the tea cup. 

Not every one in the big tearooms drinks tea. Some keen observer has said of men that they have to be very fashionable, indeed, to take their afternoon teas if they liked it. American men have been slowly led into participation in this habit, which they long regarded as exotic and therefore to be considered with suspicion. Even men who liked the taste of tea at home were shy of exhibiting the weakness in public places. 

Slowly but surely the influence of women, who hailed the tea hour not only as a pleasant one for themselves, but as a time when they might win men to additional relaxation, has had its effect. The number of men who are willing to seek the tea room not only for the sake of its social pleasures, but because they want to be refreshed by a cup of tea, is constantly increasing. 

However, there are still those uncaught by the lure of tea, even when prepared à la Russe, or otherwise doctored to virilize it by the addition of spice or liquors. "Tea? No, thank you; I will have a highball, if you don't mind," is the formula of many men who are willing enough to go to the tea room for a pleasant hour, but draw the line at succumbing to the gentle stimulus of the tea cup. 

Sickening sweet pastries? These look really good. I wonder what Binks was having...

"I wouldn't mind the tea so much if it wasn't for that sickening sweet pastry that you are supposed to eat with it," objected one man. "How about toasted muffins or thin slices of bread and butter?" "Oh, they are even more degenerate. I couldn't be seen eating them outside the privacy of my own house. I haven't yet quite gotten over the feeling that tea is a nice lady like drink and that I make concession enough in sitting by while some pretty girl makes eyes at me over her cup while I take my man's drink or smoke my cigarette. A girl looks as pretty as a man does foolish drinking tea in a beflowered tearoom, in my opinion." Those are terribly old fashioned sentiments. 

Looks like this young man has decided on bread with his tea! "While the winning of the men is a triumphant achievement, the tearoom remains sacred to many demonstrations of the peculiarly feminine."

The line between tea drinkers and those who partake of other beverages is not marked solely by sex. As more men come to drinking tea so many a woman prefers a more stimulating drink than that which comes out of a teapot, and may be seen sharing a bottle of champagne with a man or partaking of a cocktail or a highball. This passes without comment, but upon the still infrequent appearance of a girl who has lighted her cigarette in the tearoom the gaze and criticism turned upon her have given expression to the conservatism that still prevails in the tearoom, informal as it is in many ways. 

While the winning of the men is a triumphant achievement, the tearoom remains sacred to many demonstrations of the peculiarly feminine. It is a most convenient and delightful hour for dropping in from a shopping tour or to talk over arrangements for entertainments and all sorts of social and personal affairs. Above all, however, it offers excellent vantage ground for showing and observing the latest fashions at close range and with abundant leisure. 

"Don't you love the music here ?" one sweet young girl inquired of another. "No, indeed; I come here to talk, not to enter into competition with a foreign orchestra." "Well, I don't think the music is loud enough for that; I find that it is just enough to protect me from being overheard; also it gives one an excuse for leaning closer together when one is conversing with a friend." In the big hotels of the large cities the rooms devoted to the service of tea are seldom empty during the late afternoon, yet in all the pleasant throng there are few who pursue tea as do their English cousins because they can not do without it. For most of them the teapot is still the emblem of a pleasant hour and causerie. - News From San Francisco, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia