Gilded Age Tips on Finger Bowls

Did your waiter bring a bowl of strong yellow or bronze tinged, coarse-colored water, and no napkin? Yikes! 

The style of serving finger bowls almost always accords with the prices charged for the dinner. This waiter brings you a bowl of strong yellow or bronze tinged, coarse-colored water, and no napkin. He will bring you a check then at least twenty-five cents less than you expected; but another waiter, who prepares the finger bowls in your sight with ostentation and sprays the perfumes in them with a lavish hand, will charge you at least fifty cents more than you figured it in your mind when giving the order, and he is sure to bring back nothing less than a quarter in change, that you may fee him liberally. 

It is peculiar to finger bowl New York restaurants that they never have any five cent pieces. The smallest piece of change a waiter ever brings is a dime. That is only with plain glass finger bowls. If the bowl is cut glass, the change is in quarter or halves. The only man who ever escaped giving a fee is said to be the one who told the waiter that the place was run much better under the former proprietor. The waiter was so dazed that he broke two finger bowls, and in the confusion the man got away. -New York Star, March 1887

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Formal Lunch Etiquette

If a lady gives a more formal lunch, and has it served à la Russe, the first entrée– let us say chops and green pease– is handed by the waiter, commencing with the lady who sits on the right hand of the master of the house. This is followed by vegetables. Plates having been renewed, a salad and some cold ham can be offered. The waiter fills the glasses with sherry, or offers claret. When champagne is served at lunch, it is immediately after the first dish has been served, and claret and sherry are not then given unless asked for.

If a hot luncheon is served, it is not etiquette to put the vegetables on the table as at dinner; they should be handed by the waiter. The luncheon-table is already full of the articles for dessert, and there is no place for the vegetables. The hot entrées or cold entrées are placed before the master or mistress, and each guest is asked what he prefers. The whole aspect of luncheon is thus made perfectly informal.

If a lady gives a more formal lunch, and has it served à la Russe, the first entrée– let us say chops and green pease– is handed by the waiter, commencing with the lady who sits on the right hand of the master of the house. This is followed by vegetables. Plates having been renewed, a salad and some cold ham can be offered. The waiter fills the glasses with sherry, or offers claret. When champagne is served at lunch, it is immediately after the first dish has been served, and claret and sherry are not then given unless asked for.

After the salad a fresh plate, with a dessert-spoon and small fork upon it, is placed before each person. The ice-cream, pie, or pudding is then placed in front of the hostess, who cuts it, and puts a portion on each plate. After these dainties have been dis- cussed, a glass plate, serviette, and finger-bowl are placed before each guest for fruit. The servant takes the plate from his mistress after she has filled it, and hands it to the lady of first consideration, and so on. When only members of the family are present at luncheon, the mistress of the house is helped first by the servants.

Fruit tarts, pudding, sweet omelette, jellies, blanc- mange, and ice-cream are proper desserts for luncheon; also luncheon cake, or the plainer sorts of loaf-cake.–From “Manners and Social Usages,” by Mrs. John Sherwood, 1884

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Do’s, Dont’s, and the Sexes

 

“Don't forget to adorn your table with pretty finger bowls; they are a commodity that cannot be readily dispensed with.” “Don't use finger bowls; they are out of sight this year-laid upon the shelf.”

In a Wilderness of “Don’ts,”

Now and Then a “Do” 

One cannot pick up a paper or magazine without that ominous word “Don’t” confronting them. Some one will say “Why, I never found it so.” Well, perhaps not in just so many letters, but in some guise or other it will surely be found. My favorite house hold journal comes out and says one can’t keep the skin clear and pure without the aid of soap and water, and plenty of it. 

“As you value your precious hide, do not touch soap and water,” says some one else. “Rub the skin vigorously,” says one. “Massage the face very, very gently,” says another, “you are not supposed to be scouring a buffalo hide, and you will ruin the delicate cuticle.”

“Take a cold water bath before breakfast,” says one. “Take a tepid bath,” “take a scalding hot bath”; then after we have thought seriously about trying them all at once, some one throws us into fits by telling us not to bathe at all; dry rubbing is all-sufficient.

“To avoid corns wear a loose shoe.” “To avoid corns wear a tight shoe; not too tight, but just tight enough.” “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” is an old saw. “Never show yourself a coward by flying into a temper and beating a helpless child; rule by love.”

“Don't tell your old friends, though, particularly if they are of the opposite sex, that you love them and that your heartaches for their sorrows and disappointments, and that their happiness is your happiness; don’t, for mercies’ sake, do anything as horribly unconventional as that; just offer them two reluctant fingers and either study their patent leather shoes or the ceiling with profound interest; they will think then that you are au fait with the usages of good society and quite recherche.”

“Don't have little globules of grease floating on your soup; ‘tis a gastronomic indiscretion that would turn a well-regulated Frenchman green with horror.” “Do make your soup rich; boarding-house soup is an abomination in the sight of man.”

“Don't forget to adorn your table with pretty finger bowls; they are a commodity that cannot be readily dispensed with.” “Don't use finger bowls; they are out of sight this year-laid upon the shelf.”

With the can’ts and don’ts and shan’ts and musts and cans, what is a poor woman with just an ordinary everyday sort of brain going to do? Everybody knows that most every one of the sterner sex can easily shave one side of his face, but what woman ever rushed to write a long article suggesting that if he stand on his head he could easily accomplish the other half? Who ever worries about whether a man puts water on his head or not? It is generally supposed that he knew enough to go to his barber when necessary.

The truth is every other man in journalism thinks he has a special call to print a woman's magazine, and the fact is he don't know much about us; more than likely he is a crabbed old bachelor, and still he insists upon telling us how to dress, bathe, walk, smirk, spank the children and make soup.

Suppose every other woman was positive that she was elected to preach to the other sex through the columns of the finest magazines ever edited, for the benefit of poor, misguided man; well, they just wouldn’t be geese enough to read them, and who will blame them? – Virginia Bryant, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia