“Olympic Etiquette” Suggested in 1984

Americans hosting the Olympics were advised to avoid being the “Ugly American stereotype” while appreciating cultural differences. – The 1984 summer Olympic Games were held in Los Angeles and the mascot was the Disney designed, “Sam the Olympic Eagle,” an American eagle, which was featured on numerous posters and souvenirs. Sam also came as a stuffed, plush animal. He was meant to convey friendliness, optimism and patriotism.

A new civic ditty: Mind your manners this summer

Never mind massive traffic jams, the threat of terrorism, or the boycott by the Soviet team. The real foul ups in the XXIIIrd Olympiad coming to Los Angeles this summer could stem from much more harrowing breaches of international relations like going to a party for one of the Arabian teams and showing the bottom of your shoes to the host. No kidding. It's considered highly improper in some Middle Eastern countries to bare your sole like that at a social function. Think about it. How would you like your Hush Puppies to be the cause of the next oil embargo? The point here is that the Olympics is not just a spectacle of athletics, but a grand social occasion where parties will abound and men and women of many different cultures will be rubbing bended elbows. It's going to be important for hosts of these parties to appreciate cultural differences. When it comes to Olympic etiquette, they'd better be on their toes. One company that is trying to help Southern California's Olympic hosts this summer in that area

is Communication Development Associates of Century City. Judi Kaufman, president, has been offering a course for the past 18 months that was originally designed simply to help American businessmen recapture the lost art of proper etiquette, whether they are entertaining foreign or domestic guests. But these days Kaufman says her company is seeing an increase in interest from businesses that will be entertaining visitors here for the Olympic Games. "The Olympics is a time when we'll be hosting an international guest list in the city, and we need to be prepared to give people instructions on the street (or other help), and not be ugly Americans," Kaufman said in a phone interview. 

Etiquette is something that Americans let slide over the last 20 years, Kaufman says. The rule then was "do your own thing," but she now believes "the pendulum has swung back toward manners." Her course, entitled, "Good Taste is Good Business," covers such protocol issues as the guest list, making introductions, the art of conversation, table manners, "being remembered" (sending thank you notes and such), making other people feel important, and letting food be a catalyst for conversation. "It's really breaking ice by breaking bread," she said.

All well and good, but how does this translate into tips for party hosts who will be entertaining guests from many different countries? Let's say you want to exchange gifts with your foreign friends, a common thing to do. Kaufman urges you to remember that Europeans like to exchange gifts "only with really good friends. If Americans tried to give them too many gifts, it might be interpreted as a faux pas." But Japanese are avid gift givers, she says. "But it's important to let the Japanese person feel that his gift is slightly better than yours," she said. "In Arab countries, the gifts are almost ostentatious. They're very generous with gift giving. They almost feel it gains respect." Where do we sign for one of those? 

Feeding visiting guests can be tricky at times too. With the Japanese, Kaufman says you should remember they are just as uncomfortable using forks, knives and spoons as we are using chopsticks. She suggests preparing dinners of just "fork food." In addition, don't think you should provide a menu that would mirror the kind of cuisine the guest would have in his own country. Kaufman says you should serve "All American" fare like hamburgers and apple pie. Keep that same strategy in mind in your gift giving. Something that is peculiarly Californian might be a real treat for visitors. (Just make sure the hot tub will fit in their carry on luggage.) "As a general rule, people are coming here to see what we do," she said. 

One area in which you should make some concessions to the cultural differences, however, is in conversation. If you're talking with someone from Japan where behavior is perhaps more reserved than in other countries, a gregarious host may need to "pull back" some on his own style. "You kind of mold your behavior slightly, not completely," Kaufman said. Then there are those warnings that only take common sense. Let's say you happen to be playing host to Soviet officials; not likely since they say they're not going to come, but just pretend. You should probably stay away from such topics as politics and religion. "I would keep things in a light vein," Kaufman said. 

And whatever the country, try to show some interest in that nation's history. "It's a very good idea," she said. "These people will be ambassadors of good will." And what if you don't know much about the history of the country? "When in doubt, remember, be more reserved and ask a lot of questions," she said. Since the Olympics Is the ultimate athletic event every four years, Kaufman recommends that party hosts read the sports page every day. Keep up with how countries are doing, even if their teams haven't produced many medals. "To avoid something says more about ignorance

and rudeness," Kaufman said. "You better know about the athletes and play up their strengths." And if you're going to be introducing your guests to each other, it would serve you well to spend 15 to 20 minutes before the party practicing the pronunciation of those foreign names, Kaufman said. The point is, Kaufman says, that we are all hosts "every single one of us," so we should do what we can to make the best impression. And that doesn't mean being gracious just when you're at a beautifully catered party at somebody's mansion.

You can leave a good impression on visitors, for instance, when you get into the middle of those traffic jams that are predicted for L.A.'s freeways during the games. "We're all going to have to show the greatest patience," Kaufman said. "If we act like a typical L.A. driver and come out with four-letter words, that doesn't show our best side." If you're off the street and encounter a foreign visitor on a sidewalk who looks like he needs help, Kaufman says, "First of all, be anxious to help in any way you can.

"If you don't know the answer, you might tell them where they can get help. Be clear and quick, but polite. Talk slowly. Smile! If they don't understand the language, they certainly will understand a smile and pointing." It may sound old fashioned, Kaufman said, but just remember to treat people the way you'd like to be treated if you were visiting their country. "The whole Golden Rule can work wonders for you," she said. – By Dennis Kelly, Sun Staff Writer, San Bernardino Sun, 1984

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and “Good Form”

Among the notable guests at the Constitutional Centennial banquet in the Philadelphia Academy of Music, in September were the Chinese envoys who accompanied Count Mitkiewicz to this country...

What is Good Form? Differing Customs In Different Countries—Etiquette Among Various Peoples

That etiquette is sometimes arbitrary and not covered by the definition of common sense set to rule, is shown by the widely varying customs in different parts of the world. An American going up or down stairs in a public hotel  does not feel it incumbent on him to remove his hat if a lady should see him on the stairs. In Europe it would be considered very rude if a man did not uncover under such circumstance. An American, entering a parlor, expects the lady of the house to rise and greet him. 

In Spain, a lady would seem to forfeit her self-respect should she exhibit so much forwardness. No one ever saw a man and a woman arm in arm in the streets of a Spanish city without knowing they were foreigners. A Spanish husband never takes his wife's arm in public. Nor would a Spanish woman receive a male visitor alone. Such is the system of protection exercised over women by Hidalgo, grandee, tradesman and peasant in the sunny land of romance. 

Among the notable guests at the Constitutional Centennial banquet in the Philadelphia Academy of Music, in September were the Chinese envoys who accompanied Count Mitkiewicz to this country in connection with the concessions to a Philadelphia syndicate. During the evening a note was handed to the chief envoy, a grave looking. elderly man. He was troubled for a moment, and then made an elaborate apology in French for the rudeness of which he was compelled to be guilty, namely, the wearing of his spectacles in company long enough to read the note. It is a gross breach of etiquette for a Chinaman to wear eyeglasses or spectacles in company, and it is equally impolite to enter a room with the hat off. A gentleman of the Celestial Kingdom always remains covered to show his respect.

 Another piece of Chinese etiquette noticeable at the banquet was that, although the evening was fine, the envoys wore rubber overshoes until they readied the Academy cloakroom, and removed them prior to entering the amphitheater. Chinese etiquette forbids a man to enter a room with soiled shoes, and consequently, overshoes are worn until arriving at the house. 

An American would never think of removing his hat prior to speaking to any man on the street. In Holland, before speaking in the most humble individual out of doors a male uncovers. In Holland, too, men and women rarely purchase at the same stores, but in case where they do, if a woman discovers that men are assembled inside, she retires until they leave. A live American store-keeper would probably soon change this feature of Dutch etiquette. 

The Americans, English, Germans and Russians shake hands with a man bidding him welcome. An Arab’s greeting is to rub his cheek against that of the person he salutes and kisses him. A Frenchman welcomes a friend by embracing and kissing him, though by slow degrees this custom is being superseded. The Japanese customs are similar to those of China. It is not an unusual sight to see a number of Japanese remove their sandals, cross their hands and cry “Spare me!” when a great man passes, but the custom is rapidly going out of vogue since the leaven of enlightenment has been spreading through the land. 

A peculiar mark of esteem in Burma is to ask permission to smell a person's face, and then declare the perfume to be as sweet as some choice flower. The custom is confined to Burma and is not likely to spread. In America, politeness goes, as it should, before all else. One rule can be laid down for general observance where a person’s ideas of the proper thing to do are unsettled: let him make himself at home. He should do so in a manner to create some respect for home, unlike a young man who called at the office of a noted Philadelphian, somewhat famous for his straightforward utterances. “Make yourself at home for a few minutes,” said the owner of the office to his visitor. The young man, having seated himself somewhat comfortably, but mistaking a table for a footstool, responded cheerfully; “I always make himself at home." “Then I pity the people at home,” was the quick response.   –The Coronado Mercury, 1890

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Curtsey Etiquette and Art

The curtsey is the foundation of drawing room grace, for through its bending and dipping, self-consciousness —which usually creates awkwardness — is eliminated. 

There is more in the art of curtseying than the novice imagines. It is a bow, a graceful exercise and an excellent method of teaching balance. The young girl who early masters the difficult movements need never fear making an awkward or unattractive appearance anywhere.

It might be said that the curtsey is the foundation of drawing room grace, for through its bending and dipping, self-consciousness —which usually creates awkwardness — is eliminated.

The curtsey is taught first as an exercise by itself. The young girl is given certain aesthetic movements to do which are a part of the curtsey, afterward she is told to lift her skirts daintily and bow as she would to some great person. The idea of rank inspires the girl with a sense of the great importance of the curtsey, although it is introduced into simple home affairs quite as much as it is used upon formal occasions.

The foundation principle of the curtsey is balance. No girl can bow and drop almost to the floor without toppling over and looking, as if in another minute, she would do so, unless she is well poised on her feet.

One foot should he placed in advance of the other, usually the right, while the weight of the body is divided between the two, unless a forward or backward movement is to follow, when the body should be so slightly poised that the weight can be shifted from one foot to the other without the shifting becoming noticeable.

With the body thus lightly poised, so that no effort is required to lift it or lower it, it should first be raised by standing on the tips of the toes, when the body should be bent in a long, sweeping, graceful bow.

When making a formal curtsey the body is lowered until it almost touches the floor. Less formal ones are graded according to the depth of the bow or the bending of the body. As the knees are bent, and the body slips toward the floor, the head should be inclined and then lifted again as the standing position is resumed.

When curtseying the old fashioned position of the feet must be assumed, with toes out at an angle from the body. It would be practically impossible to curtsey with any freedom and grace of movement if the feet were held in a straight line. With the feet placed at an angle to the body and one foot slightly advanced there is no danger of swaying or falling when the rules are observed.

And it is important that a step forward or backward be taken immediately preceding or following the act of curtseying. This position is one of the most important in drawing room or ballroom deportment, for upon its mastery and use depends the case with which a young woman passes down a receiving line and does not get out of step or find herself trying to advance with the wrong foot after she has curtseyed to one of the personages in line.

Suppose you have made a quaint old fashloned-bow to the head of the receiving line and you wlah to repeat the formal greeting to the person standing at the leader's left. When there is a large number of guests, a break In the line means confusion to every one and it takes time to get the column of guests under way again. Rather than become the awkward cause of such a disturbance it would be well to rehearse the bowing and resuming one's progress time after time at dancing school or at home until the movements follow each other correctly like clockwork.

The movements soon become more or less automatic and a girl learns to shift herself from one position to another without giving any conscious thought to the act, yet if she made a mistake she would realize It in a minute and might be able, if well versed in deportment rules, to recover herself without interrupting the procedure of others.

Reviving the old fashioned curtsey has suggested that there may be other little features of deportment requiring emphasis, and one of these is the graceful exit from a room. The awkwardness with which the average young girl quits a room has been the subject of much comment, and certain circles are demanding a reformation.

Teachers of etiquette and drawing room deportment are putting their pupils through exercises which are designed to improve the carriage and grace of the debutante.They are teaching her how to open a door and pass out through it while keeping her face toward her hostess or the person in the room. Carelessness has made girls forget that this attention is due the person to whom "good-bye" has been said.

Usually the girls are in a hurry to get to some other place or they are occupied with the next appointment or perhaps they have never had their attention called to the fact that saying "good-bye" is not the final act of departure. Having had this done, girls are now beginning to see that the formal leave-taking is not terminated until the guest has withdrawn from the room, if she is calling or has been summoned before her parents or some older person in authority.

In informal meetings, these details of deportment are not generally observed, but they should be learned as a preparation for more formal occasions, because one never knows at what time they will be valuable assets.

Girls often make the same mistake of entering a room, especially if they shut the door behind them. In entering they face the center of the room or the end where the person visited is seated; then in order to close the door they turn squarely around, back to the room, and gently push the door to. After accomplishing this act successfully they consider themselves ready to go on with the formal entrance, which by this time has lost all its dignity and attractiveness.

For no person can suggest both of these qualities by presenting her back to a gathering. It is easy to close a door after you without moving the body around. The arms and hands do it while the face is turned toward the center of the room. 

Of course these details seem trivial to very young girls, who seldom take all the interest in their manners that they should, but by the time a girl has finished school and is ready to enter society she will be grateful to the parent or teacher who insisted on her learning the little arts which seemed so useless to her before. — San Francisco, 1912

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Curtsey

The curtsey is a traditional gesture of greeting, in which a girl, or a woman, bends her knees while bowing her head. It is the female equivalent of male bowing in Western cultures. Judith Martin, (aka "Miss Manners") explains its knee bend derived from a "traditional gesture of an inferior to a superior."

The Charm of the Curtsey 

A young Englishwoman of title visited this country recently she expressed astonishment at the ignorance of the art of formal social behavior which American girls displayed. They did not know how to bow correctly, the curtsey seemed to have become an obsolete social form here; they had not learned the graceful way to proceed down the length of a receiving line, and there were countless other social manners and customs, held in high esteem by foreigners, which seemed to have been neglected in the early training of American girls, she said.

Then it happened that teachers of social decorum began to consider how to improve the girls' social bearing, and in looking over the field they decided that a touch of quaintness and old fashioned forms would be both charming and suitable. So the curtsey was introduced, and now it is one of the first lessons in etiquette taught the schoolgirl. 

Its revival is expected to have a decided influence on the deportment of the future debutante, for with the development of the curtsey there is gradually growing a more formal attitude among young persons toward older men and women.

The curtsey is a charming greeting from youth to its kind, or from youth to its elders. It is graceful, quaint, has dignity and respect in every movement, and when well executed is as attractive as any form of greeting we have. Young girls master its intricacies of movements readily and after a few lessons are as quick to adapt it to social life as were their grandmothers. 

One grandmother who had not seen her grandchildren since they were in the pinafore stage was surprised the other day to observe one child, aged 15, curtsey to her mother's friends in the drawing room. It was the hour before the serving of the informal dinner to which a few friends had been invited and the children were having 10 minutes' enjoyment with the "company." When the time came for the little group of boys and girls, ranging in aged from 8 to 15, to withdraw while the older persons proceeded to the dining room, each little one curtseyed gravely and gracefully. 

The grandmother was enchanted with the performance and expressed a hope that all children would learn the good old fashioned style of greeting and leave-taking, which is one of the sweetest tributes youth can pay to age, or exalted position. — San Francisco, 1912

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of Bows, Kissing and Handshaking for Ladies and Gentlemen

Salutations

Greetings and salutations are always nicer when flowers are added.

From 1877

A lady of rank, speaking of salutations, makes the following remarks: "It would seem that good manners were originally the expression of submission from the weaker to the stronger. In a rude state of society every salutation is to this day an act of worship. Hence the commonest acts, phrases and signs of courtesy with which we are now familiar date from those earlier stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated his allegiance by studied servility. 

Let us take, for example, the words 'sir' and 'madam.' 'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and originally meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal sense, father. The title of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal families of France, who, as Selden has said, 'affected rather to be styled by the name of sire than baron, as Le Sire de Montmorenci and the like.' 'Madam' or 'madame,' corrupted by servants into 'ma'am,' and by Mrs. Gamp and her tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to 'your exalted,' or 'your highness,' madame originally meaning high-born or stately, and being applied only to ladies of the highest rank.

To turn to our every-day forms of salutation. We take off our hats on visiting an acquaintance. We bow on being introduced to strangers. We rise when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave our hand to our friend as he passes the window or drives away from our door. The Oriental, in like manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he pays a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss the soles of a chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant grovels in the dust before a Russian noble. Each of these acts has a primary, a historical significance. The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived as it is from salutatio, the daily homage paid by a Roman client to his patron, suggests in itself a history of manners.

To bare the head was originally an act of submission to gods and rulers. A bow is a modified prostration. A lady's curtsey is a modified genuflection. Rising and standing are acts of homage; and when we wave our hand to a friend on the opposite side of the street, we are unconsciously imitating the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to stand 'somewhat off before the images of their gods, solemnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting it, as if they had cast kisses.' Again, men remove the glove when they shake hands with a lady—a custom evidently of feudal origin. The knight removed his iron gauntlet, the pressure of which would have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair chatelaine; and the custom, which began in necessity, has traveled down to us as a point of etiquette.

Salutations Of Different Nations

Saying hello with your noses when in Saudi Arabia

A curtsy to the royals

Jacques Chirac clasping and kissing the hand of Laura Bush

Each nation has its own method of salutation. In Southern Africa it is the custom to rub toes. In Lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours. The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very low. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation. They ride at a gallop toward a stranger, as though they would unhorse him, and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol over the person's head. The Egyptian solicitously asks you, "How do you perspire?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Chinese bows low and inquires, "Have you eaten?" The Spaniard says, "God be with you, sir," or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan piously remarks, "Grow in holiness." The German asks, "Wie gehts ?"—How goes it with you? The Frenchman bows profoundly and inquires, "How do you carry yourself?"

Foreigners are given to embracing. In France and Germany the parent kisses his grown-up son on the forehead, men throw their arms around the necks of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. It is a curious sight to Americans, with their natural prejudices against publicity in kissing.

In England and America there are three modes of salutation—the bow, the handshake and the kiss.

The Bow

Customary greeting by bowing in Japan

Kowtow, which comes from kòu tóu in Mandarin Chinese, is an act of deep respect shown by kneeling & bowing so low as to have one's head touching the ground.

The bow is the proper mode of salutation to exchange between acquaintances in public, and, in certain circumstances, in private. The bow should never be a mere nod. A gentleman should raise his hat completely from his head and slightly incline the whole body. Ladies should recognize their gentleman friends with a bow or graceful inclination. It is their place to bow first, although among intimate acquaintances the recognition may be simultaneous.

A young lady should show the same deference to an elderly lady, or one occupying a higher social position, that a gentleman does to a lady.

A well-bred man always removes his cigar from his lips whenever he bows to a lady.

A slight acquaintance should always receive the courtesy of a bow; and it is absurd that you should refuse to recognize a person in the street because you may happen to have a trifling difference with him.

Words Of Salutation

Meeting and greeting others; Martin Luther King, Jr. looks on as Coretta Scott King meets New York City Mayor Robert Wagner

The most common forms of salutation are—"How d'ye do?" "How are you?" "Good-morning," and "Good-evening." The two latter forms seem the most appropriate, as it is most absurd to ask after a person's health and not stop to receive the answer. A respectful bow should always accompany the words of salutation.

Shaking Hands

Among friends the shaking of the hand is the most genuine and cordial expression of good-will. It is not necessary, though in certain cases it is not forbidden, upon introduction; but when acquaintanceship has reached any degree of intimacy, it is perfectly proper.

Etiquette Of Handshaking

Theodore Roosevelt meets a Native-American gent

Says an authority upon this subject: "The etiquette of handshaking is simple. A man has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. He has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two ladies shake hands gently and softly. A young lady gives her hand, but does not shake a gentleman's unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise to give her hand; a gentleman, of course, never dares to do so seated." 

On introduction in a room a married lady generally offers her hand; a young lady, not in a ballroom, where the introduction is to dancing, not to friendship, you never shake hands; and as a general rule, an introduction is not followed by shaking hands, only by a bow. 

It may perhaps be laid down that the more public the place of introduction, the less handshaking takes place. But if the introduction be particular, if it be accompanied by personal recommendation, such as, 'I want you to know my friend Jones,' or if Jones comes with a letter of presentation, then you give Jones your hand, and warmly then, too. 

Lastly, it is the privilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her hand, so that an inferior should never put his forward first."

When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to shake hands at all, she should give her hand with frankness and cordiality. There should be equal frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part, and even more warmth, though a careful avoidance of anything like offensive familiarity or that which might be mistaken as such. A lady who has only two fingers to give in handshaking had better keep them to herself; and a gentleman who rudely presses the hand offered him in salutation, or too violently shakes it, ought never to have an opportunity to repeat his offence.

In shaking hands the right hand should always be offered, unless it be so engaged as to make it impossible, and then an excuse should be offered. The French give the left hand, as nearest the heart.

Strict etiquette requires that a gentleman should remove his glove previous to shaking hands, but common sense and the example of many well-bred people sanction its retention upon the hand if there is any difficulty or inconvenience in removing it.

The mistress of a household should offer her hand to every guest.

The Kiss

Kissing can be memorable when one adds the element of surprise!

The most familiar and affectionate form of salutation is the kiss. It need scarcely be said that this is only proper on special occasions and between special parties.

The Kiss Of Respect

Some cultures kiss upon greeting and it is good manners to follow accepted protocol when world leaders meet.

The kiss of mere respect—almost obsolete, I am «sorry to say, in this country—is made on the hand. This custom is retained in Germany and among gentlemen of the most courtly manners in England.

The Kiss Of Friendship

Friendship

The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the cheeks and forehead. As a general rule, this act of affection is excluded from public eyes in this country—in the case of parents and children unnecessarily so; for there is no more pleasing and touching sight than to see a young man kiss his mother, or a young woman her father, upon meeting or parting.

Women Kissing In Public

Custom seems to give a kind of sanction to women kissing each other in public; but there is, nevertheless, a touch of vulgarity about it, and a lady of really delicate perceptions will avoid it. I think every effort should be made to bring the practice into disuse.

The kiss of mere respect—almost obsolete, I am sorry to say, in this country—is made on the hand. This custom is retained in Germany and among gentlemen of the most courtly manners in England.

The "Lover's Kiss"

The Lover's Kiss

Not to be paraded in public!

It is hardly necessary to say that the lovers' kiss is never paraded in public. —From Eliza B. Duffey, 1877

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia